4
## Chapter 4
The staff member lowered her camera a beat late, looking flustered.
I instinctively closed the door first. At least when it came to Kang I-yul, I absolutely didn't want him to see me like this.
“……Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, I roughly wiped the corners of my eyes with the back of my hand. I didn't even need to look in the mirror to know.
‘They're probably all swollen.’
An awkward silence filled the hallway.
“Seong-woo.”
The staff member carefully spoke up.
“Why were you crying?”
My mind began racing.
I couldn't tell her the truth.
‘Kang I-yul died because of me.’
Who would believe something like that?
“Did something happen?”
The staff member took a step closer.
I took a short breath.
“……Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“I just…… wasn't doing well during practice.”
The staff member's eyes widened slightly.
The moment I said it out loud, my face burned.
“I want to do well, but—”
After choosing my words for a moment, I finally managed to continue.
“My body…… just won't cooperate.”
At that moment, the staff member's expression changed.
She glanced toward the inside of the practice room before looking back at me.
“So that's why you stayed behind to practice even after everyone else went home?”
I carefully nodded.
I had practiced, after all, so I could ignore the little pangs of guilt.
“……I just wanted to keep watching someone who's good.”
Of course, that part was completely sincere.
“You're an unusual one.”
The staff member smiled faintly.
“Kids who are desperate enough to cry because they can't practice well aren't very common these days.”
Then she added,
“You really wanted to become an idol, didn't you?”
...I broke out in a cold sweat inside.
‘No. The truth is, I just want to save that kid.’
But the words wouldn't come out.
[SP 1 (+1)]
‘What's that?’
A new category had appeared on the status window, separate from the Danger Level.
The number remained even when I blinked.
“Yeah. Practicing isn't easy.”
While I was staring blankly into empty space, the staff member lightly patted my shoulder.
“But you'll be fine.”
Her voice was filled with certainty.
“Kids as desperate as you always end up surviving.”
At the time, I didn't know.
I had no idea that this one number would become the standard by which I measured every action I took from then on.
---
The next morning.
The moment I opened the practice room door, everyone's eyes turned toward me.
“Hey, that's him.”
“Who?”
“The guy who cried.”
I started stretching as though nothing had happened, but the ears of a former producer were unnecessarily sharp.
“I heard he cried because he couldn't practice properly.”
“Wow.”
“That's dedication, seriously.”
“Are you secretly crying somewhere too?”
“Fuck off.”
Every time I moved, I felt their eyes following me.
‘Ha…… This is seriously embarrassing.’
I hadn't expected yesterday's incident to spread this far.
I'd only cried once, but I'd already been branded with an image.
The kid who cries while practicing.
The kid who keeps going until he succeeds.
……And the crazy guy who wants to become an idol so badly he's lost his mind.
“That's surprising, seriously.”
“Yeah.”
I took a sip of water and avoided their gazes.
‘This is…… happening too fast.’
It was actually the image I'd intended to create.
‘A trainee who hasn't trained for long but is more serious about becoming an idol than anyone else.’
A street casting and a short training period.
They were keywords that clearly suggested a lack of skill.
I planned to turn that around by showing an intense determination that nobody expected, becoming the “growth character” who improved with every round.
It was the only weapon available to someone as hopeless at dancing as me.
But the stage had already been set before the survival show even began.
The rumor spread quickly among not only the trainees but also the staff.
“He apparently stays in the practice room until he closes it every day.”
“Wow, so there was another kid like I-yul.”
“But I don't think even I-yul cried while practicing—”
Every time someone said something like that, the mysterious number went up a little.
[SP 15 (+1)]
[SP 17 (+2)]
Whenever people whispered about me—
[SP 29 (+4)]
“It would've been nice if he'd joined a little earlier.”
“Yeah. The survival show is right around the corner.”
“Such a shame.”
Whenever someone's gaze lingered on me—
[SP 30 (+1)]
At some point, I couldn't help but realize it naturally.
The more attention people paid to me, the more something was accumulating.
Whether it was good or bad, whenever someone showed “interest” in me, the number increased.
I stood in front of the mirror.
Braces that revealed their presence whenever I smiled widely.
Natural black hair that had never been dyed.
A pale face from barely sleeping and constantly practicing, contrasted by slightly darkened circles beneath my eyes.
It was the exact face of a “completely unpolished trainee.”
‘Good.’
The corners of my mouth slowly lifted.
Embarrassing was embarrassing, but if I could use it, I had to use it.
I put down my water bottle.
Then I deliberately moved my body as though I were even more diligent, as though I were trying even harder.
[SP 31 (+1)]
‘Attention.’
This was my weapon.
---
“Jae-seong, convenience store right after practice?”
“Didn't you say you were on a diet?”
Loud voices could be heard from outside the door.
I didn't even need to look.
‘Go Jae-seong and his lackeys.’
I continued stretching.
There was nothing good that could come from getting involved with them.
But—
“You're Seong-woo, right?”
In the end, I couldn't avoid it.
‘Damn it—’
I quickly composed my expression and greeted him.
“Yes. I just joined recently.”
“Drop the formalities. We're the same age, aren't we?”
“Ah…… yeah.”
A friendly tone and gently curved eyes.
Even before my regression, I'd noticed it.
On the surface, this bastard genuinely looked like he had absolutely nothing wrong with him.
It was the same throughout the survival show.
A cheerful, sociable image.
‘That's why what happened after his debut was even more shocking.’
Go Jae-seong's fans had even come up with the astonishing argument that everything was “the fault of the evil agency and the other members.”
“You're seriously impressive.”
His sudden comment made me look at him in confusion.
“Everyone's already expecting a lot from you. They say your star quality is no joke.”
Laughter broke out around us.
“What star quality? Just because he cried once?”
“I might start squeezing out some tears too.”
Go Jae-seong laughed and waved his hand.
“Hey, don't be like that. It's not easy to cry in front of other people.”
“Is that so?”
He lightly patted me on the shoulder.
“Sorry. You know how guys like to joke around.”
He casually covered everything with a laugh.
Then he naturally took control of the atmosphere.
“Let's get along from now on. You guys should take good care of Seong-woo too.”
His smile never wavered.
‘Just as I thought.’
This was Go Jae-seong.
He was the one who had started the conversation, yet he was also the one who wrapped it up by making himself look like the good guy.
Anyone who reacted negatively would be the one who looked strange.
But I didn't give a shit.
‘I have no intention of debuting with you either, asshole.’
I had only one goal.
Knock Go Jae-seong out of the survival show.
I had no time to worry about the other small fry.
Then I heard the sound of dress shoes coming from the hallway.
Click.
Click.
Steady footsteps.
As the sound drew closer, some people hurriedly stood up while others fixed their hair.
A moment later, the practice room door opened.
A face I'd never seen before.
‘Who is that?’
But I didn't need to ask.
“Everyone, focus.”
‘Holy shit.’
I knew who he was from that one sentence alone.
A voice so deep it sounded like it came from a cave.
He was the “Tiger Manager” the members of Impactor had been so terrified of.
He'd appeared frequently throughout the survival show and even in Impactor's self-produced content, making him a familiar figure to fans.
‘So that's what he looks like.’
Of course, his face had always been blurred.
“There will be no classes this afternoon.”
He continued speaking while holding a tablet.
“Instead, everyone will be getting a makeover.”
“A make……over?”
The practice room began buzzing.
“Wow, can we finally cut our hair?”
“Are perms allowed?”
“I'm definitely bleaching mine first.”
Everyone was more or less the same.
They'd had to let their hair grow out because they didn't know what style they'd eventually be given, and they couldn't casually do anything to it themselves.
Finally, the day they'd been waiting for had come.
“But—”
The manager looked over the trainees.
Every time his gaze passed over someone, their back straightened.
“You'll decide for yourselves how you want to change.”
Several eyes immediately lit up.
“Today, you decide what kind of idol you want to look like.”
My grip tightened slightly around my water bottle.
‘A makeover, huh?’
First impressions for the survival show.
A face that would be captured by the cameras.
The moment when a “trainee” transformed into an “idol.”
“We'll move in groups of half.”
The moment the door closed, the practice room became noisy again.
I took a moment to catch my breath and thought.
‘This is where the real thing begins.’
The camera would film my face, but what viewers remembered in the end would be my character.
I pictured the version of myself that would be captured on camera.
---
After moving to the salon, I quietly looked around amid the excited trainees.
Several of them already looked like they'd made up their minds.
Eye-catching colors.
Intense styles.
Their desire to get in front of the cameras before anyone else was obvious.
Then—
“What are you going to do?”
Judging by the fact that I couldn't even remember his name, he was probably one of the early eliminations.
“Black hair.”
“It's already black, though.”
“Yes. I'm keeping it as it is.”
Snickers erupted from his group.
“Why'd you even ask him that, Ho-jun?”
“Figures. So old-fashioned.”
“Jeez, he's even going to keep those braces on, isn't he?”
“Of course. You can't style yourself if you don't know anything.”
“Whatever. We're starting by eliminating one guy anyway—”
I didn't bother answering.
Instead, I looked in the mirror and fixed my hair.
‘Yeah. Eliminating someone is exactly what we're doing.’
Who would be the one getting eliminated, though, would become clear soon enough.
Once I sat down, the stylist asked,
“How would you like it?”
“Just trim my bangs a little. Enough so they won't cover my face when I dance.”
The stylist tilted her head.
“Are you not getting your hair dyed?”
“No. But I'd like the best possible treatment. I want my hair to look healthy on camera.”
She smiled and quietly said,
“You have a good eye.”
Of course, someone next to me immediately scoffed.
“What does he think he's going to win with? His hair?”
To me, they were just three more nobodies.
“Maybe he's aiming for a shampoo commercial instead of debuting.”
“What an idiot.”
Nobody 1, Nobody 2, and Nobody 3 were having a grand old time snickering amongst themselves.
‘Who's the idiot?’
The public didn't want to see someone who looked perfectly manufactured from the very beginning.
Especially when it came to survival shows featuring male contestants.
-What's with the blond hair and piercing;;
-Wow, he's fucking greasy
-Why does he look like a male idol with ten years of experience?
-Seriously, it's too much;;
If you looked too obviously styled, people would become put off instead.
As a fan, I'd seen those reactions far too many times.
The thing you needed in a survival show wasn't artificial flashiness.
It was natural likability.
“You finished first. Are you really sure you don't want anything else done?”
The person reflected in the mirror looked almost exactly the same.
Neatly trimmed bangs.
Glossy black hair.
“It's perfect. Thank you!”
And I really liked how I looked.
Then—
“Ha…….”
A familiar voice reached my ears.
Kang I-yul, who had arrived with the later group, was looking at himself in the mirror.
His expression wasn't very good.
‘What's wrong?’
I couldn't help but feel concerned.
“Should I…… dye it?”
‘What did you say?’
In an instant, a fluorescent Maltese sprinted through my head.
“No!”
The salon instantly fell silent.
Everyone's gaze turned toward me.
Kang I-yul looked at me in surprise.
“……Yes?”
Shit.
I'd shouted much louder than I'd intended.
I hurriedly continued.
“Absolutely not.”
“……Why?”
His bewildered expression seemed to be asking one thing.
Who are you to decide?
:::