Chapter 41
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter: 41
Chapter Title: The First Sense (2)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Some days are like that.
Days when you miss someone so terribly.
Days when you thought you'd grown numb, yet the longing pierces your heart.
Today wasn't Rasen’s death anniversary.
Even so, Illein couldn’t resist the impulse surging in her chest and ended up standing before her big brother’s grave like this.
"..."
Smaller than the tombs of other royals.
She quietly read the inscription on the tombstone.
[The prince beloved by all, Rasen Castor, rests here]
'Big brother.'
My one and only brother, the man I killed.
Rasen Castor.
Calling his name in her heart made it throb with pain once more.
'What should I say?'
I don’t know.
She'd already heard too many words, sealing her lips shut.
Even this morning, she'd endured cursed screams from the woman who called herself her mother.
- The sin you committed is an unforgivable atrocity! Never forget it for the rest of your life. Don’t you dare forget, you murderer!
Sobs like shrieks swirled in her mind.
She'd heard them for so long, yet they still stabbed her heart like daggers.
'If Mother knew I was here at big brother’s grave right now, she’d lose her mind even more.'
Illein clenched the hem of her dress tightly.
The black dress she wore for minimal courtesy, and the black veil covering her face.
That was the best she could do for her brother.
If she’d brought anything else, Mother might have unleashed more venom.
That’s why she’d rushed here the moment she learned Mother would attend the trial.
'Big brother, I miss you...'
Her time was still frozen fifteen years ago.
The warm boy with the same green eyes as hers.
His image was still vivid before her eyes.
Her brother’s bright smile.
The warmth of his hand gripping hers in worry.
And the name he barely gasped out, crushed by her rampaging power.
- I-, Illein... Big brother... is... okay...
Her chest ached.
'If I hadn’t been a Talent Manifestor, would Rasen have grown into a fine man by now and ascended the throne like Father?'
If my power hadn’t twisted him like that back then, or if I’d died in his place.
Dark thoughts deepened.
She replayed countless hypotheticals and "what ifs."
What could she have done differently?
Should she have thrown herself in front of Rasen to protect him?
'If I couldn’t do that because I was lacking, and that’s why I suffer now...'
Just as guilt toward herself turned into another dagger, carving at her heart,
- Step.
Footsteps sounded right behind her.
"!!!"
Illein yanked her veil lower and whipped around.
"Ah."
A man with black eyes stood there.
"My apologies. I didn’t mean to startle you—"
Before he could finish, Illein’s hand pointed right in front of his feet.
- Gruunch. Crack!
With a grotesque sound, nearby tombstones ripped from the ground and slammed down between Illein and the man.
Telekinesis.
The ability to interfere with objects using invisible force.
Her blessed—and cursed—power sent a clear warning to the man.
'Don’t come closer.'
But her words didn’t escape her lips.
'If you don’t want to get hurt.'
They couldn’t.
Since the moment she killed her brother, her mouth had never uttered language.
"..."
But the man showed no surprise.
Instead, he calmly stared at her from where he stood.
"I didn’t mean to startle you. I simply... wished to pay respects to the prince."
Seeing this, Illein peeked at his face through her veil and was startled.
The man’s expression mirrored hers exactly.
Regret and longing.
And dried tear tracks.
It was the face of someone who’d lost a precious person.
Silently, I gazed down at the tombstones that had torn free to block my path.
'The princess?'
I’d heard the rumors.
Someone in the royal family who manipulates objects with invisible force.
A Talent Manifestor.
In this country, there was only one besides me.
'Princess Illein Castor.'
No one else.
Which meant the woman before me was the princess.
But there were contradictions.
'Princess Illein is supposedly confined by the Queen.'
The Queen wouldn’t allow the princess who killed her son to visit Rasen’s grave alone. She wasn’t that merciful.
Her actions so far proved it.
'And it doesn’t make sense for the princess to come here alone.'
Even a countess’s daughter always has escorts.
For a princess of a nation? At least a dozen should be trailing her here.
The clearest proof—her eye color—would reveal it, but unfortunately, the black veil hid her face.
Still, her intense reaction made her seem unstable.
Maybe someone who loved Rasen.
Or perhaps his magic tutor.
I glanced at the inscription on the tombstone.
[Beloved by all]
A wise and kind prince from childhood might still have one person cherishing his grace.
It could be the princess—or not.
'Better not dig too deep.'
The veil was probably for that reason.
I had no desire to tangle with the royals again.
So I cleared my throat and spoke.
"You’ve come to pray for Prince Rasen’s peace. As I said, I meant no interruption."
No real connection between us, so let’s respect each other’s time and space.
I’ll drop any interest in you, so ignore me too.
"..."
The woman didn’t reply.
Instead, she stared at me for a while before turning her head away.
Action enough to take as assent.
I turned my gaze as well.
Rasen Castor.
King Rio’s most cherished son, the Castor royal family’s tragedy.
I silently regarded his grave.
'If a tragedy begins with a son, what can end it?'
Must one sever their own obsession?
Or overcome it through another child?
If not, live in tragedy until breath fails.
Thoughts grew tangled.
The woman kept her distance, watching the grave as I did.
Silence.
No sound but breathing disturbed the space between us.
Ten steps apart, the woman and I quietly mourned in our own ways.
And as she finally turned to leave the prince’s grave,
"...I had someone precious to me."
I said softly.
The woman’s face turned slowly.
"But due to my own mistake, that person died. It was unequivocally my fault."
She looked at me.
Her wordless gaze conveyed, Why tell me this?
But I continued undeterred.
"Today isn’t her death anniversary, but I wondered if I’d ever miss her more than today."
There’s sincerity only a stranger can show.
Words only an unknown can speak.
A counterpart truer than lifelong friends.
'A stranger.'
I won’t ask who she is.
Our paths cross once and end.
Sharing pain changes nothing.
So I murmured quietly.
"I... pity Princess Illein Castor as much as Prince Rasen."
The woman’s body jolted sharply.
I knew that statement was dangerous.
Defending a royal who killed another royal.
Something no public official should say.
But I ignored it and pressed on.
I stared straight at the face hidden by the black veil.
"To condemn her as a family killer... she must have been the most shocked."
I pity you.
You, who lost someone precious like I did.
So I didn’t stop.
"She had to endure the world’s scorn with no one to lean on."
I don’t know why.
Nosy meddling, pointless sympathy.
Or because she reminded me of my broken self.
"But someday, I believe she’ll rise again."
Someday, she must forgive herself.
Forgive, but never forget, and rise.
Not awakening in kingly rage.
Not descending into madness, clinging to something like the Queen.
"For the one who fell first, at least, she must rise."
Like Rene reached out to me.
I reach out to her.
The princess looked at me.
In shock, Illein stood frozen in place for a long while.
"..."
Even after the man finished speaking, he waited for her response.
For the first time, curiosity stirred.
'Who are you, exactly?'
A man like me.
A man with the same expression.
He’d said it too.
That he’d driven someone precious to death.
Illein met his eyes through her veil.
Black eyes steeped in sorrow, yet glinting in the sunset glow.
He wore the same expression as her.
Sorrow, regret, longing.
But his gaze was different.
A look of resolve and determination.
No tremor in those deep eyes.
'How did he overcome that sorrow?'
How could he have those eyes after conquering it?
Slowly, she raised her hand.
- Gruunch.
The tombstones returned to their places.
Now, nothing stood between the man and her.
Illein took a very slow step forward.
'Who are you to say such things to me?'
Words she’d never heard before.
- I pity Princess Illein Castor as much as Prince Rasen.
Words unheard from Father, Mother, or anyone.
Pity for her.
No—more precisely.
Understanding her.
A feeling she’d never known drew her one step closer.
'I want to know.'
How you overcame it.
'I want to hear.'
What you went through.
She slowly extended her hand toward the man.
Because if this wasn’t an illusion, she wanted to talk to him for real.
And just as her fingers brushed his collar,
- Step, step.
"There you are."
People from the Queen’s side entered the royal cemetery.
Servants who reported Illein’s every move to the Queen in detail.
"!!!"
The princess quickly stepped back.
They saw the man and scowled.
"...Central Officer Nathan Kell."
The man called Nathan Kell nodded slightly.
"Good day."
"You haven’t returned to the southern border yet."
"I had time, so I came to visit an old friend."
One servant snorted.
"Didn’t know you were friends with Prince Rasen Castor."
"Not quite. I just suddenly felt like seeing the prince’s grave."
"A prince with no connection to you, Central Officer?"
"As subject and royal, there is a connection."
Sharp words flew back and forth.
Discomfort oozed from every exchange.
Illein watched blankly, then flinched as Nathan Kell bowed toward her.
"Then I’ll take my leave. Lady of unknown name. Though brief, thank you for listening to my story like a friend."
Staying longer would trouble us both, so I’ll go first.
'Wait.'
Startled, she opened her mouth.
"Ah..."
But only meaningless breaths escaped.
Thus, her sole understanding departed without hesitation.
That night.
After enduring more abuse and curses from the Queen, Illein returned to her bedroom and sat blankly.
Her mother’s words still hurt, but something else now preoccupied her more.
'Central Officer Nathan Kell...'
The understanding soul who vanished before she could grasp him.
'Why did he say those things to me?'
She wanted to ask.
But now she couldn’t.
He was gone.
Besides, she couldn’t speak.
Illein mustered courage and tried to make a sound.
"Ah... uh..."
Only meaningless groans emerged.
'Central Officer Nathan Kell.'
No matter how she strained, words stuck like against an invisible wall.
"Cen... Ke..."
She gave up and slumped again.
Familiar helplessness crept in.
"Princess, it’s time to sleep."
Hanna, the sole maid always by her side, approached cautiously.
Illein stared at her quietly, then a spark of inspiration flashed.
She grabbed the maid and scribbled on her palm.
'Letter.'
If she couldn’t speak, write a letter.
Her mouth was sealed, but her hands were free.
If normal talk failed, use writing.
'Why didn’t I think of that?'
Hanna nodded, bewildered.
"Ah, a letter? I’ll fetch some right away."
Less than a minute later, Hanna returned with a stack of stationery.
"Hoo..."
Illein calmed herself, gripped the pen, and wrote at the top.
[To: Central Officer Nathan Kell]
She didn’t know his position or origin, but the name was etched clearly.
Then, at the bottom of the page, she moved the pen.
[From: Illei- ]
Illein paused while writing her name.
A sudden uneasy thought.
'If he knows I’m the princess...'
Would Nathan Kell condemn her like the others?
She didn’t know.
He was the only one who’d shown her true sincerity.
A brave soul who bared his darkest past upon first meeting.
She didn’t want scorn from her sole understanding.
'Send it anonymously?'
Then his final words resurfaced.
- Though brief, thank you for listening to my story like a friend.
After a brief hesitation, she added one short word.
[From: Friend]
An awkward word.
A word that didn’t suit her at all stared back.
"..."
For the first time in ages, her lips twitched upward.
That night, Illein clutched the letter, writing and erasing until dawn.
Feeling a new emotion spread across her face for the first time.