47
Chapter 47
The warm sunlight streaming in through the window.
My eyes naturally open.
I definitely got plenty of sleep. Yet, instead of feeling refreshed, I feel a strange sense of relief for some reason.
A relief that I had unknowingly avoided a massive crisis, a relief that I simply couldn't comprehend.
'Did I have some weird dream last night?'
I think I had a dream where someone was tickling me.
And I think I had a dream where someone was staring intently at me.
But as dreams usually go, the memories fade rapidly once you wake up. By now, it is impossible to recall.
The faint memories remaining are slowly fading away as well.
Well, seeing as I can't remember it, it must not be that important.
Thinking that, I calmly straightened out the blankets.
Habits are truly terrifying things.
Once you start making your bed, you naturally end up doing this tedious chore every morning.
I was discharged from the military ages ago, but this habit still remains.
I'm just going to use them again when I go to sleep anyway.
I have no idea what the point of making the bed is, yet I still do it.
I straightened the blankets with razor-sharp precision.
Perfectly folded blankets.
Even the pillows arranged nicely.
And lastly, Ciel, who is lying in my bed.......
"......?"
For a moment, my mind goes blank.
I rub my eyes with a bewildered expression.
...Still the same.
Even after rubbing my eyes, the sight remains the same. Ciel is sleeping soundly in my bed.
I pinch my cheek, but only feel pain.
Therefore, this is reality.
I can feel cold sweat running down my back.
Even without looking in a mirror, I know my face must have turned as pale as a corpse.
'I didn't do anything yesterday, right? I didn't drink any alcohol, after all.'
I am so confused that I feel like I am going to lose my mind at any moment.
However, I cannot just ignore this bizarre situation forever.
Tap, tap. I nudge Ciel.
The extraordinary circumstance of her lying in my bed.
For some reason, I can't casually touch her like usual. Poking her cheek with my index finger as if handling a dangerous object, I feel the soft texture of her cheek.
As I poke her cheek, Ciel stirs slightly.
Ciel rubs her eyes with her usual vacant expression and then sits up.
"What in the world happened yesterday?"
I asked urgently, but Ciel's expression remained completely unfazed.
"What?"
A blunt answer, just like old times.
Clutching my dizzy head, I tried to keep the conversation calm.
"Why were you suddenly sleeping in my bed?"
"Just because."
But the answer I got was even more absurd.
What do you mean, just because?
Does it make any sense for the motive to sneak into the opposite sex's bed to be simply because she wanted to?
I was about to give this common-sense-deficient girl a piece of my mind... but then I stopped.
Because I already knew.
Exactly how this conversation would go.
If I asked whether this even made sense,
Ciel would probably ask if it didn't.
And if I gave the common-sense answer that it obviously didn't,
she would likely follow up with a very innocent question as to why.
Since explaining that in detail would basically be sexual harassment, I'd awkwardly mention that it's a bit concerning since we're different genders.
Then Ciel would innocently ask if I was concerned about her.
...In the end, Ciel is the one who committed the bizarre perversion of sneaking into someone's bed, yet I'm the one who ends up looking like the crazy pervert.
I've been traveling with her for quite a while now.
I've learned my lesson. In most cases, if I let these things get to me, I lose.
Ciel might seem lacking in social skills, but she's surprisingly good at arguing.
Whether it's her sipping the black tea I was drinking, or petting me every time I sigh.
If I point out every single one of those things, I'm the one who loses.
"Right... I see."
In the end, just accepting it is the best answer.
Instead of demanding to know what kind of logic leads someone to conclude they should sleep in my bed in the middle of the night.
I see.
She wanted to be in my bed.
The correct answer is to empathize and think that it's just how it is.
Once the commotion settled, Ciel and I stared blankly at each other.
...It's awkward.
Even though we've spent so much time together, it's awkward. It would be weirder if it weren't.
I mean, what man could stay calm with a woman lying in his bed?
I wondered for a long while how to handle the awkward atmosphere... before finally thinking of a good topic.
"So... are you feeling any better?"
It hadn't been long since she collapsed from overexertion. Until yesterday, she had been bedridden and recovering.
Ciel thought about it for a moment and then nodded.
Seeing that, I couldn't help but feel frustrated.
Even after being that sick, she's so unfazed. It's as if she has absolutely no sense of crisis.
"If it hurts, you should say so. Why didn't you say anything?"
Frustrated and feeling sorry for her, those words slipped out naturally.
Even back at the mining site when others had stolen her bread and bullied her, she had just blankly taken it, and she was doing the exact same thing now.
"Just because."
Ciel gave that same vacant answer this time as well.
It was an incredibly frustrating situation.
...However.
No more scolding words left my mouth. They couldn't.
That was only natural.
"Because you asked. I wanted to do whatever you asked of me."
How could I possibly scold a girl who said something like that?
"Still. Next time, tell me beforehand if you feel like you're going to collapse."
In the end, I just awkwardly scratched the back of my neck and left it at that clumsy remark.
But at my words, Ciel stared at me blankly before throwing out another random question.
"Are you worried about me?"
"Of course... I am."
No matter how embarrassing it was. I couldn't possibly lie to the girl who had suffered so much just for my sake.
So I gave her a completely honest answer.
"I see."
Ciel's expression became somewhat subtle.
......Strange.
She must have asked simply because she was curious, without any deeper meaning.
Maybe it was because of the situation.
Something felt a bit off.
Should I say my chest was ticklish? Or that I couldn't look her in the eye?
'What the hell am I doing?'
I couldn't help but think that naturally.
At my age, I was feeling like the protagonist of some teenage rom-com movie.
Are humans really just creatures dominated by their hormones?
Or was I influenced by the age of the body I possessed, becoming this childish?
Thinking such thoughts, I let out a deep sigh.
*****
Ian lets out a sigh, clutching his forehead as if suffering from a headache.
In this kind of situation, there was only one thing she could do.
Ciel got out of bed and approached Ian. Then, just like always, she stroked him.
The feel of his hair was pleasant.
That slightly embarrassed reaction of his was nice, too.
"Right... thanks."
Ian spoke as if he had completely resigned himself to his fate.
Normally, she would have ended it here, but.
Ciel stepped a little closer to Ian.
And then, she rested her face against his chest.
She could feel his heartbeat.
It was a strange sensation, as if she could sense him entirely.
"......What are you doing?"
Ian asked.
However, Ciel wasn't flustered. Because there was nothing she didn't know about that man. If she pushed hard like this, Ian wouldn't refuse her most of the time.
"It's not fair. You're always the only one petting me."
Saying that, Ciel locked eyes with Ian.
Ian's face flushed red.
As expected, it was a good thing she stopped earlier.
Because Ciel loved that purity of his.
Ian hesitated for a moment... but eventually stroked her.
"Can you grant me just one favor?"
Focusing on that pleasant sensation for a while. Ciel opened her mouth to ask again.
Ian seemed flustered by this sudden situation, but Ciel didn't care and continued speaking.
"You gave that kid a reward for working hard. I worked hard too. Much harder than that kid."
"T-That's true. What's the favor?"
What was the favor.
What on earth should she ask for.
What she wanted to ask for was already set in stone.
She wanted that man to look only at her.
To care only for her and love only her.
But.
'I shouldn't do that.'
The man she loved was that very Ian.
Someone who had a pure side, yet sometimes went to extremes.
A person kinder than anyone else in the world, even if he didn't realize it himself.
Therefore.
She couldn't stand in his way.
Because he would have so much to do.
Because he would have an ideal he wanted to achieve.
Because it was the sight of him looking toward that ideal that she had fallen in love with.
But.
If she just allowed herself to be a little greedy.
"That's... I'll tell you later."
Someday, when everything is over.
I want him to look at me.
I want him to love me.