A World Still Worth Living In (3)
Zeta and I walked forward, leaving Seongmo Jaeae Dream Hill behind us. Behind us, the children and Mother Maria were still waving their hands in our direction.
The thought that I was finally leaving my third home filled me with a strange emotion that made my steps feel heavy, but I forced myself to keep walking.
“Aren’t you sad?”
“What’s there to be sad about? It’s not like we’re parting forever. We’re just moving somewhere nearby.”
It was a bit of a distance, sure, but we were still inside Seoul.
“You are sad, though.”
Zeta had stolen a sideways glance at my face and now smiled playfully. There was nothing I could hide from her. After spending so much time together, we could read each other’s moods with a single look.
Even so, I stubbornly denied it.
“I’m not.”
“Not what?”
“Ugh, never mind. By the way, you didn’t bring that bag today?”
“My tomato juice bag? The kids took everything. I barely managed to save yours.”
Zeta asked if I wanted one while she was at it. She pulled a paper pack of tomato juice from the small bag she always carried with her.
“No, not that one. You know—the big bag you always lug around. The one that looks like an instrument case.”
I usually didn’t turn down anything she offered, but my hands were full, so I told her I’d drink it later. Instead I studied Zeta, who looked unusually light today.
She had always carried a bag nearly as big as she was. That bag had caused all sorts of unnecessary misunderstandings, and back in middle and high school there were kids who tried to force it open.
Those incidents happened more than once, and even as the strange rumors grew, Zeta kept carrying the bag. In all that time, I had never once seen it open.
What on earth is inside that she treasures it so much?
I was honestly curious, but I never asked. Every time I brought it up, her face would cloud with discomfort. The line I could safely cross was only up to the bag’s current location. Anything beyond that was off-limits.
“Oh, I dropped it off at your room earlier.”
“What? My room? How did you know the passcode?”
“Why wouldn’t I know it? We looked for the place together.”
Zeta sipped her tomato juice through a straw and answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It was true we had searched for a room together after getting accepted to the same university.
Still, I couldn’t quite believe her. The girl who usually groaned the moment she stepped into direct sunlight was claiming she had gone ahead to the room.
Look at her now. Just stepping out of the shade of the trees made her frown. To think she had already visited a room that might as well be at the top of a hill. Did that even make sense?
“I went last night because I didn’t want to be seen. So stop looking at me like that.”
“How exactly am I looking at you?”
“With eyes full of worry and obsession. Though the obsession is getting stronger now.”
Hearing her say such things without blinking once, my gaze turned icy. I had looked at her with worry, yes, but there was absolutely no obsession involved.
Who was supposed to be obsessing over whom? If anyone followed the other around like a shadow, it was her. I hardly ever trailed after her.
I gave Zeta a gentle push back into the shade and told her to stop projecting her own wishes onto me.
Nowon Civic Center ◀ Jungye Station ◀ Sanggye Jugong Complex 1
We kept bickering as we walked until we reached a bus stop. Seeing the notice that the bus had already arrived at the previous stop, we sat down on the bench to wait.
“…It’s hot.”
“Yeah. Summer’s still a long way off, but the sun is brutal today.”
“I want to get to the room quickly… When we arrive, let’s order jajangmyeon. As a housewarming. I saw online that you’re supposed to have jajangmyeon for housewarmings.”
Even though Zeta said that, she didn’t look excited at all. She simply wanted to hurry to any place with shade and cool air, housewarming be damned.
“If it’s too hot, should I call a taxi right now? I feel bad—like I’ve only been thinking about myself.”
“No. The driver’s human too, so I’m sure the air conditioning is blasting. That’ll be enough for me… But if it isn’t on, the driver dies.”
“That’s pretty brutal. You wouldn’t even be able to speak to him in person. Stop imagining tormenting the poor innocent driver and take this instead.”
She would definitely hesitate and shoot me a pleading look to speak up for her. I rummaged through the box, found the portable fan, and handed it over.
When I pressed the button, a faint motor whir started and a breeze that was half lukewarm, half cool washed over us.
That alone seemed to make her feel a little better. Zeta let her body go limp and dropped her head onto my shoulder with a soft thud. Her skin felt surprisingly cool for someone who suffered so badly from the heat. Ever since we were little, she had always been especially weak to hot weather.
Before long, bus number 111 pulled up in front of us. Zeta and I ended our short break and climbed aboard.
The moment the cool air enveloped her entire body, Zeta murmured,
“We got lucky.”
The bus driver’s life had been spared.
Vroom…
Maybe because he saw I was carrying luggage, the driver waited until we had taken our seats before pulling away.
The scenery that had been standing still began to slide backward, revealing new views one after another.
The long row of trees lining the road.
A lady leisurely walking her dog.
A person crossing the crosswalk in an electric wheelchair.
A man weaving along the sidewalk on an electric kickboard without a helmet.
The exhaust notes of cars racing down the street.
All those sights and sounds blended together to paint the portrait of a city.
People who paid no mind to anyone else and simply did their own thing. It wasn’t necessarily the “correct” way to live, but there was something undeniably Seoul-like about that natural indifference.
I pulled my gaze from the window and spoke to Zeta, who was squeezing the very last drop out of her tomato juice.
“If you’re tired, you can sleep. It’ll take about forty minutes.”
“I’m not tired. This is perfect just the way it is.”
“Whatever’s comfortable for you. You should rest well now. We’ll have to walk again once we get off.”
“…Ah.”
Remembering she would have to trudge up sloped alleyways in this weather, the corners of Zeta’s eyes drooped miserably.
Seeing that, I regretted not choosing a place that didn’t require climbing a hill, even if it cost a little more. It had been the best option within our budget, but the lingering disappointment was unavoidable.
Still… 800,000 won a month is a bit much…
We had originally planned to stay in a dormitory, but after Zeta’s fierce opposition we had settled on a one-room as the next best choice.
Since it was Seoul and right by the university, even the baseline prices were high. The cheapest we saw started at 300,000 won, while the most expensive went over 800,000.
The difference between 300,000 and 800,000 was like heaven and earth. The buildings themselves were split between old and brand-new. Naturally the locations varied wildly too.
The room I picked was the 300,000-won option. It required climbing a hill and the space was tiny, but there was no helping it. That was the cheapest room we could find near campus.
I would’ve been fine with something a little farther from school.
But Zeta had stubbornly insisted the room had to be near the university, so there was nothing I could do.
After a brief hesitation, she spoke again.
“I can walk that much… But if I collapse halfway, you have to carry me. We’re friends, so you can at least do that much, right?”
“Then if I collapse first, you’ll carry me? We’re friends, after all.”
“Say something that makes sense, Hyunwoo. That would be friend abuse.”
Zeta drooped her eyes even further, pretending to look pitiful. Her antics were often annoying, yet I could never bring myself to hate her for them.
I wished she would show that range of expressions in front of other people too, but around anyone except me she seemed to grow tense and wore an almost blank face.
On one hand, it made the insignificant me feel special, which was nice. On the other hand, it left me a little sad.
Friends, huh…
I didn’t know how long our current relationship would last. We had already spent fifteen years together, so I assumed it would continue, but there was no real guarantee.
Every time the bus stopped or turned a corner, our bodies swayed from side to side.
The weather was good, I had been accepted to a university that would help me stand on my own two feet—everything was going well. So why did I feel so uneasy?
The route this bus took, one I had ridden several times before, suddenly felt unfamiliar. Strangely, ever since leaving the orphanage, my eyes kept drifting up toward the sky.
It was the first time my nerves had ever been this raw, and I felt a quiet panic. Zeta, who had noticed long ago, stopped talking to me and simply stayed close in silence.
That ominous feeling stayed with us even after we got off the bus, walked through the alleys, and finally reached the one-room we had signed the contract for.
“Hyunwoo! Hurry and turn on the air conditioner…! I’ll order the jajangmyeon!”
“They only take phone orders right now, apparently.”
“Th-then order some jajangmyeon for me too…”
“Ugh, stop rolling around and move. What are you, a hamster?”
“…I’m not just any hamster!”
“Of course you’re not. You’re a human being. Hey, Zeta. Enough nonsense—clean the vent before you turn the AC on. If you switch it on now we might choke on dust.”
Even while we prepared to eat the delivered jajangmyeon as a token housewarming,
“What are you doing?”
“Praying.”
“To who? You’re not even religious.”
“I’m praying to the anonymous sponsor who has supported me all this time. Thanks to them we were able to get this room. Sponsor, thank you for letting me eat virtuously again today… Sponsor, my love. Sponsor, my light. Sponsor, my life. Sponsor, me.”
“You really are consistent… Both that prayer that doesn’t sound like a prayer at all and the person who keeps reciting it.”
“Are you insulting my sponsor right now? That’s it. Your tomato juice is confiscated for five minutes.”
“Nooo…!”
The feeling didn’t disappear even after we cleared away the disposable bowls and finished cleaning each room.
If anything, it only grew stronger.