How to Survive in a Good Small Guild — Episode 25: The Résumé and the "Home Protector"

"Good morning, Guild Master!"

"Morning, Christine."

Instead of telling her I'd caught on to her gossiping, I plotted a different strategy.

Christine was the type to spread rumors freely, so if I threw her out, there was every chance she'd hold a grudge and start peddling nasty stories about our guild.

Which meant I couldn't be the one driving her out. She had to believe she was leaving of her own accord. Then she'd have no reason to badmouth us at all.

"Christine, you did wonderful work yesterday. I was genuinely moved."

"Oh, it's all thanks to you, Guild ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Master! Thank you so much for helping me settle in!"

"Which means, starting today, I can put you to some real work!"

I shot Cedric a look, and he rose from his seat and held out a single sheet of paper to Christine.

"You're a true guild member now, Christine, so let's start with your seal, please."

"I'm sorry... my signature?"

"A confidentiality oath. Information guilds live and die by security, as I'm sure you know."

"Ah, right, of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠course."

Christine accepted the confidentiality agreement without a second thought and opened her bag, presumably fishing for her stamp.

But Cedric extended a finger, gesturing toward the wall.

"That is not the kind of seal we use in this guild. Kindly refer to the wall."

"The... AAH!"

Christine shrieked the moment she spotted the papers that hadn't been there yesterday, now pinned to the wall.

Each bore a thumbprint in its own owner's blood — a savage, gruesome shade that would make anyone think of blood at a glance.

"Naturally, a confidentiality oath must be sworn in blood. Whenever you're ready."

"Th-that's, um..."

"Well, you have until end of day, so take your time. No rush — though if you're short on blood, you might get dizzy before your shift's even over."

"Ah... yes..."

Christine's pupils were trembling.

"Let's get started on today's work. Susanna, Cedric — you both know your assignments?"

"Yes'm, Guild Master! Today I'm infiltrating the household of Duke Heindel, staying in the capital, as one of his maids to extract information, yessir!"

"You remember Duke Heindel runs a tight ship, right? The last person got caught by him and lost their head. Be careful, Susanna."

"You know I'm one of the skilled ones, yessir!"

"Y-you do your own infiltrations too...?"

Christine cut in with a shaking voice.

"Weren't we... office ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠workers...?"

"As stated in the job posting, we are a Workplace with Fewer than 5 Employees, which means we do 'a little extra work.'"

"Ah... ah..."

"By the way, Christine, why are you still standing? Your legs must hurt! Sit down, sit!"

At Susanna's bright chirping, Christine sank into her seat wearing the expression of someone lowering herself onto a bed of nails.

"And Cedric?"

"Yes, Guild Master. Today I will be 'handling' the individual we interrogated last time."

"Do be careful not to get tracked by the Imperial household. Security's gotten tight lately."

"Of course. The Imperial guards normally rotate at six in the evening, but to catch complacent criminals they switch at eight on the third Thursday of every month. I also know they keep personnel hidden in the western watchtower. I will not be seen."

Wait, is he doing a comedy bit right now? That intel he just rattled off isn't actually real... is it?

I nodded along with my best impassioned-by-nothing face, and Christine shot up out of her seat again.

"Wh-what exactly does 'handling' mean?"

"Ah, you'll find out soon enough. Once you sign the confidentiality oath."

"Uh, um..."

Still half-risen and awkward, she asked,

"Then what should I mainly be doing? I'm still an office worker, at least... right?"

"Oh, come on, even our office workers do 'a little extra work' around here. By any chance, Christine — are you good at driving wedges between people?"

"I'm sorry... what?"

"As it happens, I've got two targets lined up, but they trust each other and neither will talk. If you sow discord between them and just get their mouths open—"

"Oh, I see how it is..."

Suddenly, Christine's face took on the look of someone who had made a decision.

"I'll, ah, just pop to the restroom!"

"Sure — just so you know, the third stall in our restroom has something other than a toilet in it, so watch out."

Christine clutched her bag suspiciously and vanished toward the restroom.

And she never came back.

"...Guild Master, did you really have to go that farrr?"

Susanna muttered in a disgruntled voice.

"Couldn't you just fire herrr..."

"We can't have our guild's reputation smeared. And honestly, Susanna, you enjoyed it too."

"Well, yeah."

Separate from all that, once our guild actually grows, I really will need to hire genuine informants someday. Hmm, how should I handle that...

I shelved the far-off worry and plunged back into the problem at hand.

The plain truth was that we were short-staffed, and we needed to hire at least one person, right now.

But I had no confidence left to welcome another villain through our doors, and not a single sane applicant remained in the pile we'd already received...

"Guild Master, may I take a look?"

"Go ahead."

I gladly nodded at Cedric's offer. It wasn't as though anything would get worse with him looking.

Just then, he drew a single sheet from the stack and began reading it with great care.

"This person seems remarkably capable, wouldn't you say? Looks promising to me."

"Doesn't this feel a bit... over-packaged?"

This wasn't a cover letter. This was cover-letter fanfiction. Honestly, the real motivation was obviously "I want money," but even so, all that packaging was going too far.

Barista for six months — I'd bet anything that was a café part-time job. Hotel Communication Manager was probably just working the front desk. Freelance stenographer was plainly a typing gig. And Small Market-District Analyst? I couldn't even begin to guess what that one was!

"In any case, this is the only person who stayed at a single guild for a steady two years."

"Hmm, that's a fair point."

He at least seemed better than Garrick or Christine.

"No way around it, I suppose. If this one's a dud too, then we really will just have to do everything ourselves..."

Clutching my last shred of hope, I resolved to call in Morian Krauser.

"Hello there, Mr. Morian Krauser."

Morian Krauser was a man in his mid-to-late twenties. The glasses gave him a fairly intellectual air — but I had resolved never to trust appearances again.

"Why did you leave your last position?"

"Hmm. I wished to grow together with a guild preparing new development, and to find fulfillment in that work."

Fulfillment. So he just wants a bigger paycheck.

"What exactly is a 'Small Market-District Analyst,' if I may ask?"

"I handled management and data analysis at a fruit shop in a neighborhood market district being crowded out by the large commercial zones, overseeing all interpersonal operations. In the process, I pondered how to revitalize small market districts and thereby contributed to the nation's economy."

Ah. So it was a fruit stand part-time job. This guy's packaging skills are terrifying.

And yet somehow, that cover-letter-fanfiction of his felt ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a little like the person I'd been in my previous world, which stung just a bit...

"There will be a probationary period. Is that all right with you?"

"And how long is the probationary period?"

"One month — though depending on circumstances, it may be extended."

"Might I ask whether only 80% of annual salary is paid during the probationary period?"

"No? Your salary is paid in full."

"Then there is no problem."

No matter how hard I played the villain, I couldn't bring myself to touch the salary.

"Anything you'd like out of the job change?"

"Given my background, I was wondering whether I might transfer in at an Assistant Manager grade."

"That's possible."

Once we'd negotiated to a reasonable degree, I asked him to start work the next day.

"Thank you. As it happens, I left my position a little while ago, and I've been doing other work while preparing for the job search."

"Oh? What kind of work?"

"Home protector."

"......"

This was... fine, right? Right?