Another Villain Walks Through the Door

Cedric, wearing a grim expression, had to write up a new recruitment posting. This time, one line had been added.

The line "no disqualifying grounds for receiving government subsidies" was, in plain terms, corporate-speak for: must not have ever been reported for workplace harassment or anything of the sort.

Before long, we'd collected a few more applications, and the candidate we decided to interview looked like this:

"Hmm, she seems like someone who communicates well?"

"Right? She looks perfectly normal."

Susanna tilted her head, though her face still looked suspicious as ever.

"But then again, no perfectly normal person would apply to a dumpster-fire guild like this one…."

"Assistant Manager Susanna, are you taking a roundabout jab at us right now?"

"Haha, of course not~"

Truthfully, I'd already factored in a certain amount of defects. Just as Susanna said, anyone with a spotless résumé and real experience wouldn't bother applying to our guild unless something was wrong.

Still, if it was within tolerable limits, I wanted to manage around it and have her on board….

"Let's do the interview with this one."

And so Christine, a woman in her early thirties, came to our guild for an interview. I seated her across from me and began.

"Hello, Ms. Billman. Let's get started."

"Yes! Thank you so much for having me!"

"First of all, the guild you worked for is better known than ours. What made you decide to apply here?"

"Hmm. Would you like the honest answer?"

"Yes."

"To be frank, I was already considering a change because of salary issues at my previous guild, and when I saw your posted terms, I applied. I'd also heard that this guild has been growing lately, with a string of successfully completed requests."

"Ah, the salary…."

It was true that her old guild paid notoriously poorly and had awful work-life balance. I'd deliberately inflated the listed pay a bit to attract experienced candidates.

If that was what tipped her decision, it was perfectly understandable. If anything, I found myself liking how candid Christine was.

"And what would you say your strengths are?"

"I'm confident in managing interpersonal relationships. Even at ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my previous guild, I can proudly say that I contributed to improving the atmosphere in what was a rather dry, bureaucratic environment!"

"Quite the confident answer."

"Well, excessive modesty does no one any good!"

Hmm. Her personality didn't seem bad, either.

"You're older than most of our guild members. Are you confident you'll fit in?"

"Of course! I'm constantly told I get along great with everyone, young or old, man or woman!"

As the interview went on, I found myself nodding along. At this level, I figured we could go ahead ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and hire Christine.

"Wonderful, Ms. Billman. You can start tomorrow."

"Thank you so much!"

After Christine had left, Cedric carefully broached the subject.

"Will she also be joining as a Senior Associate?"

"Yes, she has proper experience."

"Ah… I see."

His disappointed look made me feel a little guilty, but then again, Cedric had been handed the Senior Associate title despite his thin résumé — what could I possibly say?

"What do you think of Christine, Assistant Manager Susanna?"

"From what I saw, she seems great! Except…."

Susanna's face soured.

"She gives off the same vibe as me, so I don't like it!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Our character types might overlap, you know? And people with a face like mine are the type to stab you in the back someday, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠aren't they?"

"Are you dissing yourself right now?"

"Hmph. Regardless, I'm ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sure I'll be proven right."

Apparently Susanna simply disliked the idea of another energetic, bubbly employee joining the ranks. Well, even so, this one had to be better than Gerric, who'd spent the whole time playing the victim….

"Welcome, Senior Associate Christine. This will be your desk."

After closely observing Cedric as he once again walked Christine through the guild, I resolved not to let a repeat of the Gerric disaster happen. I'd keep a careful eye on her for the next few days and find out whether she had any fatal flaws hiding under that polished surface.

"Good morning, Assistant Manager Susanna! Doing your calculations by hand? It's so impressive how you don't rely on machines!"

"…Is that a compliment?"

"Pardon?"

"Nothing at all~"

For what it was worth, Susanna had at least graduated from trash-emptying and tearoom-duty since the new hire arrived — yet there she still was, crunching numbers by hand. She shot me a sidelong, resentful glance.

Fortunately, half a day of watching her work confirmed that Christine's professional competence was genuinely solid. She filled out paperwork without a hitch and could hold a normal conversation with people. Of course, Gerric had looked fine on paper too….

But this time her interpersonal skills seem fine too!

She warmly told Susanna that the little gramophone suited her, and complimented Cedric's beautiful penmanship — by all appearances, her personality matched her self-introduction. Who knew? The atmosphere around here might actually keep improving.

"Great work today, Christine."

"Thank you, Guildmaster!"

"You can head home now. I live close by."

"Then I'll be leaving first! Thank you!"

I waved Christine off — and noticed that, unusually, Susanna and Cedric were still sitting at their desks instead of bolt-ing for the door at quitting time. What was this? Susanna normally shot out of the building the second the clock hit six without so much as a goodbye, and Cedric — whatever his reason — had apparently somewhere to be too, because he was never this late to vanish.

I looked at them in confusion, and found the two of them glaring daggers at each other.

"Is something wrong?"

"Well, Guildmaster! How could this happen?!"

"What could?"

Susanna spoke first.

"Well, you see, I heard it all from Christine! Senior Associate Cedric told her I'm some weirdo who does her math by hand! Guildmaster, he's completely ruined my image, waaah!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

At that, Cedric's face went blank with disbelief.

"I have never spoken ill of Assistant Manager Susanna to Senior Associate Christine. I have never once thought of her as a weirdo who does her math by hand."

"Really?"

"While I did tell Senior Associate Christine that ours is a guild run by a 'weird Guildmaster who makes people do their math by hand,' I said nothing of the sort about Assistant Manager Susanna!"

"……?"

Hold on. So the gossip about me is an established fact here?

While I was still reeling, Susanna's expression brightened as though the misunderstanding had cleared.

"Oh really? Then Christine lied to me?"

"That is something I would like to ask her about as well. According to Senior Associate Christine, Assistant Manager Susanna described me as 'a Senior Associate whose only talent is writing pretty letters.'"

"I never said that either! All I said was 'a Guildmaster who makes people do calligraphy for her weird promotional copy'! I never said a word about Senior Associate Cedric!"

Wait. That's gossip about me too, isn't it?

"Well then, that was all a misunderstanding as well."

"It was! Christine was playing us against each other!"

"I apologize for my earlier accusation. I very nearly fell for it myself."

"Ha! So Christine turned out to be a weirdo after all! We got fooled again!"

While I stood there with a dazed expression, Susanna and Cedric, now in perfect agreement, turned to me in unison.

"Guildmaster! Another villain, just like last time!"

"We must dismiss Senior Associate Christine before she causes something worse."

"…Yes, I understand. Driving a wedge between coworkers is a serious offense."

I'd heard of this type before. The employee who bad-mouths everyone else in the office until their colleagues grow distant from one another — then gets along perfectly fine with everyone themselves, while treating the others like the weird ones.

I had a pretty good idea what breed of villain Christine was, and firing her did seem like the right call. Except….

"So you're both telling me you dug up gossip about me?"

"Th-that is…."

"You see, it's like this…."

"Argh! Are you both insane?! You didn't bad-mouth each other, but you're proud of bad-mouthing me? Assistant Manager Susanna, no writing anything down when you do calculations for the time being — mental math only! And Cedric, you're on lunch menu duty for a week!"

As I vented my fury on the two of them, I came to a decision.

The reason villains kept worming their way into our company was that we lacked a great villain of our own.

Starting now, I would become that great villain myself.