The New Guild Master's Inaugural Address
"Ridiculous, really. To think you were embezzling government subsidies right under our noses."
Priest Charles sat before us with his legs sprawled obnoxiously wide, and I felt a powerful urge to smack his knees together and force them shut.
"Of course, this is an unforgivable offense. Daring to pocket money behind our backs and funnel it off for yourselves?"
Fortunately, it seemed Father Charles agreed with the motion to dismiss the former guild master.
"That said, doing the work without so much as reporting to us was overstepping your station…."
"I apologize. The former guild master was attempting to destroy the evidence, so we had no choice."
"No choice? You could have found another way, couldn't you?"
And here it came — the nitpicking.
Susanna, still unaccustomed to the Temple's high-handedness, was managing to keep her expression in check by the skin of her teeth, while I made an effort to respond with considerably more composure than she had.
"You're absolutely right, Father Charles. We will take your words to heart. Thank you for your guidance."
"Which means we'll be needing a new guild master… and I'd like you, Lavender, to fill that role."
He looked down at me with a sneering smirk, and I felt another powerful urge — this time to plant my fist in his face.
"Though I do wonder whether a hopeless thing like you is truly up to the job."
"I will do my utmost in service of the Temple."
"Hmm. We could always send one of our own junior priests instead. In fact, why not take this opportunity to make the place entirely Temple property and manage it ourselves?"
That would be a problem…. Anxiety churning, I rolled my eyes and racked my brain for the skills at my disposal.
Just as the ancients had their Art of War, I too possessed my own Jso Art of War — an encyclopedia of survival tactics forged through years of suffering at an X-rated sweatshop of a company. And wait a moment — mid-rank priest though he was, Charles's own ambition was surely to rise to high priest….
"Of course, I have always trusted your discernment, Father Charles. If you find me lacking, then clearly your judgment must be correct."
Skill #32 of the Jso Art of War: Aggressive Sycophancy.
"But the truth is, I want to work at your side, Father Charles. Aren't you the one with the truly brilliant future ahead of you? I wish to learn under your wing and follow your teachings."
Skill #19 of the Jso Art of War: Lining Up with Power.
"Hmm… so what you're saying is, you want to latch onto my line, is that it?"
"Haha, embarrassing as it is to admit, there's no sturdier rope to cling to than that of Mid-Rank Priest Charles. You'll be promoted all the way to the top, naturally."
"What? Are you mocking me? There isn't even a seat open up there right now…."
Skill #42 of the Jso Art of War, 'Blame the superiors who fail to recognize your talent,' activated.
"The higher-ups simply haven't yet recognized your abilities, Father Charles, but running this guild will be the occasion for that to change. After all, our guild's merit will, in due course, be the merit of Mid-Rank Priest Charles himself."
"Hm. Very well…."
Slowly, deliberately, he picked up the stamp.
"I suppose with you, there's no need to worry about betrayal. You couldn't get hired anywhere else, after all."
"That's right, I have nowhere to go but here."
"It's shameless enough that you were born to heretical parents, but I shall grant you my special leniency. Is this not the very posture of divine embrace?"
"To see the Prophet's will embodied so personally — truly, it is magnificent."
At last, the stamp pressed down onto the document with a lazy thud.
Gazing at my guild master authorization papers, I had to fight back what could only be described as tears of emotion.
"Good. See that you do well from here on."
"Yes, thank you very much."
"Oh, and you do know that if you perform well as guild master, we'll take you on as one of our intern priests?"
So the intern priest ranks below the junior priests? Just like a real modern company.
"Yes. It would be an honor."
After all, if I got promoted all the way to intern priest, I'd be able to squeeze even more information out of the Temple, wouldn't I? My eyes gleamed. Excellent. I would earn my merits as guild master, win the Temple's recognition, extract the information, and use it to ally myself with the crown prince.
Come to think of it, though — why hadn't the crown prince contacted me lately?
In the end, unable to bear the waiting any longer, I decided to call the crown prince myself. I still had the contact information Eric the aide had given me last time.
"Hello, this is Audrette Lavendel."
— "Ah, one moment, please."
Eric's voice came through the receiver, then was replaced by the crown prince's.
— "Yes, what is it?"
Hm? Why does his voice sound so familiar?
Well, I'd never been good at telling voices apart. It had to be my imagination.
"I'm calling to report that, as of today, I have formally assumed the position of guild master."
— "I see."
"Huh? Did you already know?"
— "How could I have?"
"Your reaction is remarkably calm, that's all…."
— "…I become calm when I'm surprised beyond all measure. This is truly magnificent!"
What on earth is with the sudden theatrics?
"In any case, I'll be collecting information diligently from here on. Though — you haven't been in touch lately. Are you very busy…?"
— "…I've been rather busy these days. A great deal of work."
"Ah, of course. I understand."
Well, the crown prince had his own duties to attend to, presumably.
— "Your Highness, I keep telling you, taking on double duties is simply not—"
— "Quiet, Eric."
Just before the call ended, I thought I heard the two of them scuffling on the other end of the line, but I paid it no mind. The crown prince and his aide must simply be very close.
Today was the day of my inauguration as the new guild master. The attendance list, naturally, consisted of exactly three people — me, Susanna, and Cedric — and the venue was our own office.
"Hello, everyone. This is Audrette Lavendel. As of today, I have formally assumed the post of Guild Master of the Global Information Network Guild."
Susanna applauded with the stiff, mechanical motions of an automaton. Cedric glanced at her, then followed suit.
"It is thanks to all of you that I have risen to this position. I am sincerely grateful for the support you have shown me. For the growth and development of this guild, I…"
"Haaawm—."
Susanna yawned in my face, open and unapologetic. Well, there was nothing for it. I switched my demeanor in an instant.
"From this moment forward, we will be purchasing coffee mix, tea bags, and snacks for the break room — with guild funds!"
"Waaah!"
Susanna's face lit up on the spot, and she cheered.
"No more of those pitiful excuses about buying coffee for guests out of our own pockets — from now on, we can serve our guests coffee to our hearts' content!"
"The welfare of the empire's citizens seems set to rise."
Cedric nodded solemnly, as though his time observing this guild had given him plenty to empathize with.
"Furthermore, I hereby raise every member's annual salary by seven percent over your current pay!"
"Eeeek! Guild Master Audrette is the best!"
Susanna was visibly moved. Whatever income she scraped together from her essays, a stable job was a stable job — that much was an iron law.
"Additionally, every guild member will be granted one month's worth of paid leave per year. That is paid leave — not unpaid!"
"Justice in the empire is being restored at last."
Look at Cedric go. The boy is shamefully good at spouting flattery.
"And that is not all! We will be installing desk partitions at every work station!"
"The best!"
"The labor environment is being properly improved."
This, in all honesty, was the welfare benefit that mattered most. Important enough that it wouldn't look embarrassing to list under "benefits" the next time we posted a job opening for new guild members. At long last, everyone would be freed from that feeling of being watched over someone's shoulder, free to work in comfort behind their own partitions!
Amid the rapturous cheers of a guild membership numbering exactly two, my inauguration ceremony drew to a safe and successful close.
I was in the middle of moving my belongings over to the guild master's desk when Cedric posed a question.
"So, Deputy— my apologies, Guild Master. Do you have further plans from here?"
"First, we'll need to hire another guild member. Once a business has five or more employees, all sorts of complicated procedures kick in, so it may be a bit early — but I intend to bring on one more capable employee. Preferably someone with experience, if I can."
Though whether any experienced professional would willingly walk into a guild this pathetic was another question entirely.
"Renaming the guild, renovating the building… there's a lot ahead of us. Cedric, I'm counting on you until then."
"…Yes."
"Guild Master, why don't you ever say you're counting on me?"
"Because I already trust our Senior Associate Susanna implicitly, of course?"
"Hoho, you do have a silver tongue, don't you, Guild Master."
"Haha, shall we take a moment to revisit our shared past, then?"
"No, no — I love this side of you, Guild Master…."
Watching the guild clatter and clank along on its rickety way yet again today, I smiled with quiet pride.
I had seized complete control of this guild. Which meant that now, all that remained was to change the future the original story had in store.
I would make this guild strong, join forces with the crown prince — the original story's protagonist — and survive this world no matter what it took.