How to Fire Your Boss
"Priest Cedric! What do we do?"
The moment I shouted his name again, he exchanged a few words with the merchant ahead of him, pulled a coin pouch from inside his coat, tossed it over, and swung himself onto a horse.
"……?"
Wait, he can actually ride? He reached down from the saddle and seized my hand, and before I knew it, I was mounted up behind him.
"Assistant Manager Susanna is—!"
"I wanna ride tooo!"
And with that, Susanna accepted a horse of her own from the merchant and scrambled up into the saddle.
"You know how to ride?!"
"The press tour provided one when I was writing my essayyy!"
Truly impressive. Rocking in the saddle as the horse lurched forward, I took the accounting ledger Cedric handed back to me.
"You need to analyze this, Associate Audrette. We're counting on you and you alone."
While Susanna and Cedric whipped their horses into a frenzy to catch up with the Guild Master, I did my best not to lose my lunch.
Even so, I gritted my teeth, held my focus, and pored over the ledger. And that was when I spotted several suspicious entries.
"This is it…!"
My head snapped up. I had it.
"I've cracked it! All we have to do is get there!"
"Yes! Faster, please, Assistant Manager Susanna!"
"You got ittt!"
Fortunately, we reached the Guild Administration Office without much delay. The Guild Master had taken the main road while we'd cut through the back alleys, so it was only natural we'd arrive first.
We clattered through the doors of the Administration Office, and I flung the ledger open, waving it in the air.
"Look at this!"
"What is ittt?"
Susanna didn't have a clue, but Cedric, who had apparently caught on just as I had, shouted the answer.
"Government-supported guild programs!"
"Government support, yooou say?"
"Yes, there's no doubt about it — these are programs the government runs to support small guilds."
"Which means the Guild Master was pocketing the funds and embezzling them!"
"Whoa, how'd you figure that ouuut?"
When Susanna asked, I answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"How? Just look at these tacky program names, obviously!"
"I've heard of government support programs… wait. Did you say tacky?"
"Of course. Imperially funded programs are famous for their embarrassingly cheesy names. Look at this one — ZERO to HERO? What is that even supposed to be?"
"…Right. I see."
Cedric looked oddly deflated, but I paid it no mind.
"The guild's name was weird too! Global Information Network Guild! They just stuffed in all the buzzwords the government loves to get their hands on grant money!"
"Ahhh, I seeee! But why is the government so obsessed with words like thaaat?"
"Governments are always a little tacky, that's just how they are. Anyway — he definitely embezzled the money from these programs! Let's dig deeper!"
And dig we did. Before long, the ledger gave up a whole litany of suspicious expenditures.
"What is this? Three million pesos on that so-called stress management seminar?"
"Four million pesos for a translator…? When exactly did we ever hire a translator?"
"Six million pesos for a tax accountant! Outrageous! I've been doing all the number-crunching myself this whole tiiime!"
That was more than enough grounds to have the Guild Master removed from his post. Above all, he'd embezzled government funds — not even the Temple could easily wave this one through.
"Huff! Huff! What is the meaning of this?"
Just then, the Guild Master's voice rang out behind us. He'd arrived at the Administration Office as well, carriage and all.
But we'd beaten him here, and more importantly — the number ticket Cedric had pulled earlier was already being called.
"Number 189!"
The instant the clerk's voice rang out, Cedric shot off like a bullet, ledger in hand.
"I have a report to file!"
"I'm sorry, a… a report of what?"
"A report of embezzlement! Government guild subsidies have been embezzled!"
"Hah!"
The Guild Master came sprinting at Cedric, but Cedric paid him no mind and bellowed on.
"The G-Dreamroot Business Group! The Guild Innovation Voucher! Guild Self-Reliance Hope: ZERO to HERO! I formally report their embezzlement!"
Wow. How on earth did Cedric memorize all those garbage program names?
"This is an injustice! I demand it be set right immediately!"
Watching the Administration Office erupt into murmurs as clerks came swarming over, I allowed myself a small smile.
Enjoy your trip, Guild Master! This time, for real, I'm popping that stress-relief commemorative balloon!
And so the Guild Master came under audit. The guild stayed noisy for the next several days, but in the end, we succeeded in removing him from his post ourselves.
"No! You can dismiss me if you like, but this guild building is MINE!"
"Was this guild building not obtained through the G-Dreamroot Business Group subsidy?"
Cedric, who apparently had a keen interest in tacky government grant programs, answered with icy composure.
"This building belongs not to the Guild Master as an individual, but to the guild as a legal entity."
"But what about my severance…!"
"Ho ho, whatever do you meeean? We're a workplace with fewer than five employees — you're not entitled to anything!"
Clearly dying to deliver that line herself, Susanna waved her hand at the Guild Master in a cheeky little flutter.
And so, once the Guild Master had been dismissed, Susanna and Cedric signed the papers making me the new Guild Master.
But naturally, the matter didn't end there.
Because there was still one thing left to do — report the whole affair to the Temple and receive official recognition of my appointment as the new Guild Master.
Whew. Well, it was a relief that we'd dodged at least some portion of the original story's grim future….
Inside the carriage bound for the Temple, I sank into my own thoughts.
Susanna had come along to give testimony, but she was off in her own little world, headbanging away with her miniature phonograph. Consistent as ever, that one….
'So does this mean I'm off the hook for prison?'
Once I became Guild Master, the superior hovering over my head would be gone. Whatever orders the Temple handed down, I'd finally have room to maneuver them at my own discretion.
And with better access to Temple intelligence, I could feed the Crown Prince even more information, too.
I tried to recall the original Audrette Lavendel, the extra from the source material. Her dialogue had amounted to maybe ten lines total — and half of those were things like "I've brought the documents," "I've discovered it," and "I'll report now."
And then, at the very end, she's exposed as the Temple's spy and descends into despair….
'Ah, right, that part.'
The reason the original Audrette Lavendel spied for the Temple was honestly pretty ridiculous too.
She'd had a man she loved, and to protect him, she'd had no choice but to make that choice.
'Well, unlike the original Audrette, I have zero intention of shooting a romance film with anyone here while coasting along aimlessly.'
For that matter, the man described as "the one Audrette loved" had been a commoner with black hair and brown eyes.
By the laws of romance-fantasy color coordination, he was probably no ordinary man — but sorry, Audrette. As long as I had a goal of surviving this world, there was no chance of me falling head over heels for anyone.
I was mulling over the original story in my head like that when the carriage came to a stop.
"Associate Audrette — or should I say Guild Master now? We're at the Tempuuule!"
"Keep calling me Associate for now. Who knows what they'll find to nitpick."
I regarded the Temple's entrance with the same eyes I'd give the gates of hell. We weren't Temple insiders, which meant we had no choice but to use the south gate.
Ah, yes — the memory of pulling an all-nighter working on the job right here was still flickering fresh in my mind….
Just as we'd arranged in our letter, we waited at the south gate — and there appeared the intermediate priest we'd met before. Charles.
"Right then. Miss Lavender? And this would be…."
"I'm Susanna Herb."
"Miss Herb."
Dammit, why is my name the only one he can never remember properly?!
After what happened last time, I harbored a deep, burning grudge against Priest Charles — but I swallowed it down with great effort and played it cool.
"So, the former Guild Master embezzled funds, did he?"
"Yes, that's correct."
"We'll discuss it inside. Not that I can promise you'll have anything worth listening to."
Watching Charles's insufferable back as he strode ahead of us, I ground my teeth. One way or another, I would drag that man down too.
"He's SO annoying. He's got the face of a guy who falls behind every other priest in the pecking order and takes it out on women who are younger and lower-ranked than hiiiim."
Susanna whispered beside me in the tiniest of voices, and I wholeheartedly agreed.
But only by getting past this checkpoint could I be formally acknowledged as Guild Master.