The Confession That Changes Everything
The moment I opened the door, my niece’s shout hit me like a slap.
“Samchon! What the hell? Not a single word! If you’re going to be late, you should at least say something!”
She didn’t even give me a chance to explain. She came at me like a storm.
“Do you like making me worry myself sick? Does it make you happy that I can’t do anything because I’m so scared? That I spent the whole night thinking something happened to you?”
She clung to my chest, pounding her fists against me as she screamed like she was losing her mind.
“I… I hate this so much. Mom and Dad… they did the same thing. Never said a word… That’s what they did. I thought… I thought something happened to you too…”
After raging for a long time, my niece finally collapsed against me and began to sob, her shoulders shaking with each hiccupping cry.
“I’m sorry… Samchon is sorry.”
All I could do was gently pat her back. There was nothing else I could say.
I had so many things I wanted to tell her too. That I was struggling because of her. That I didn’t even know how I felt about her anymore. That I couldn’t figure out what kind of eyes I was looking at her with, or what meaning I was giving to any of this. It was getting harder and harder to be sure.
I wished she would hate me. I wished we could stop getting any closer, so we could stay exactly as we were—samchon and niece. Nothing more.
No. I didn’t want her to hate me. I didn’t want to be hated by her. If she hated me, I would have nowhere left to lean on.
I wanted her to hate me. No, I didn’t want her to hate me.
I didn’t know anymore.
My head was pounding from the alcohol, and everything felt tangled and confusing. Everything felt suffocating. There were no answers in sight.
What should I even say to her?
If I told this girl—who got this angry just because her samchon was late—that I was getting married… The words wouldn’t come. My lips just moved uselessly.
In the end, I sat down on the sofa in a daze, and before I could stop her, she was already glued to my side. Without asking permission, she rested her head on my shoulder.
Maybe… the news of my marriage will be the thing that sets us straight again.
It was true. We were far too close for a samchon and his niece. It was fine to care for each other deeply, but we had kept doing things that invited suspicion, that caused misunderstandings.
Before we twisted any further, before we broke completely, we needed to fix this relationship. I would focus on my own family. She would focus on her studies. And someday, when a good person came into her life… I would smile and let her go.
“Ow. I think I’m going to die. You hit me so much.”
“Why, want me to hit you more? You’re the one who did something to deserve it. Was it that hard to say one word to me?”
“……Sorry. Our Yerin is really mad, huh.”
If I had made up my mind, all that was left was to say it. But the words wouldn’t come easily. Like always, I tested the waters with a joke.
My shirt was damp where she had cried against my chest. We sat shoulder to shoulder. Our reflections in the dark television screen showed us both staring straight ahead.
“Next time, tell me if you’re going to be late. Then I won’t get mad. You’re a working adult too, samchon. Sometimes work runs late. There will be days when you come home smelling like alcohol, like today.”
“Do I smell that bad?”
“It’s pouring off you. Every time you talk.”
We didn’t need to look at each other. The words we spoke simply drifted through the space between us and landed where they belonged.
“Was it a company dinner?”
“No…”
“Then a friend?”
“Not that either.”
“Then did you meet that woman?”
“I told you not to call her that. She’s… really your sungmo now.”
“What?”
Yerin turned her head toward me. I kept my eyes fixed forward, trying my hardest to sound indifferent.
“We… set a date. Min-a’s dad said we should make it official. He told me to stop putting it off.”
I didn’t want to make excuses, but no matter what I said, it always sounded like a lie to her.
“It’s just… we kept saying next year, but everyone was getting impatient. They kept asking when we were actually going to do it. It’s not like anyone was refusing. So what could I do? It finally got decided.”
I couldn’t look her in the eyes. Telling a girl who had waited up all night crying for me something like this felt too cruel.
We were clearly samchon and niece. And yet… it felt like we were lovers… I…
“Samchon.”
She called my name. I still didn’t turn my head.
“Samchon. Samchon.”
She called me again. Reluctantly, forcing myself, I slowly turned my head.
“Then… what about me? What should I do?”
“You… you have to go to university. You have to study hard. There’s no school in our neighborhood anyway. If you live in the dorms…”
“It’s not like I’ll be at school all the time, is it? I won’t be there every day. What about weekends? What about vacation?”
“Then… you can come visit.”
My voice trembled. I didn’t want to see my own expression reflected in the TV, so I lifted my head toward the ceiling.
“Come visit? Visit?”
“The new apartment… I’ll always leave the door open. You can come whenever you want. I’ll keep this place empty for you, so you can stay here like usual.”
“So you’re kicking me out, samchon. Telling me to stay here.”
“Kicking you out? I’m telling you that you can just live here.”
Eventually, our eyes met. Both of our faces were horribly twisted. Hers with tears. Mine with frustration. No matter what either of us did, there seemed to be no answer.
“No, that’s not it. You’re abandoning me. You’re just throwing me away. How am I supposed to… live alone… in this huge house?”
“Then you can come visit our house…”
“It’s not our house! It’s that woman’s house with you!”
“Yerin-ah.”
“You put me through all this… just to say something like that? I waited all night, and this is what you throw at me? That you’re getting married so I should get lost? Then why did you even bring me here in the first place? Just… you should have thrown me away from the beginning so I wouldn’t have any hope.”
I reached out to wipe her tears, but she coldly slapped my hand away. I tried to find words to comfort her, but she rejected every single one. The place on my chest where her tears had soaked in felt like it was burning.
“I’m not throwing you away. I’m just saying… we should… go back to how we were. Just a little.”
No matter what. Even if she pushed me away and hated me. Even if she cursed at me and raged. I had to tell her the truth. That I wasn’t rejecting her. That I wasn’t abandoning her. That I didn’t want her to feel the same resentment toward me that I had once felt toward her sister.
No matter how angry she was, we should… just remain as a good samchon and niece. That’s all.
“You’re the one telling me to leave. To get lost. And you call that going back to how things were? What the hell does ‘how things were’ even mean to you?”
“Just… literally just that. Like when we first met. Samchon acts like a samchon. Niece acts like a niece. Right now… you… you’re…”
“I’m what. I’m what.”
“You’re… my niece. You’re my niece, but I…”
Yerin slowly moved closer to me. It was different from when we first met, when we were simply sharing time together. Now she was suddenly knocking on my heart, stealing it, and making everything so confusing.
“I don’t see you as my niece anymore.”
The honest words I stammered out tasted bitter. But I had to say them. That this was why I was pushing her away. That this was why I had reluctantly accepted a marriage I had been postponing. To protect her. To stop our relationship from being ruined. Because that was the best solution.
If I got married, she would hate me. And I would be able to sort out these feelings.
But somehow, for some reason—
“……Yerin-ah?”
“Then that’s fine. You already know, samchon. I don’t see you as my samchon either.”
The distance between us refused to grow. Like always, Yerin closed the gap. Now she climbed straight onto my lap and looked down at me.
“That’s a misunderstanding. You just don’t have anywhere else to lean on right now…”
I tried to look her in the eyes and speak clearly, but the words wouldn’t come. She rested her arms on my shoulders—no, she—growled at me from only a sheet of paper’s width away.
“Is it? Why do you get to decide what I’m feeling? Are you me?”
“You can tell just by looking. You’re confused right now. Stop acting so spoiled and get down. Samchon is going to get angry. Our Yerin is a good girl, right?”
Yerin no longer used polite speech. On the contrary, I had started using it again. Just like when we first met. To restore the proper distance between us.
Tap.
“!”
She kissed my forehead.
Tap. Tap.
On my cheek. On my nose. Then my forehead and cheek again.
“Is this still a misunderstanding? Do you still see me that way?”
“I told you to stop and get down.”
“Samchon. Then… just kiss me once.”
“Stop messing around.”
“Just on the lips, okay? Then you’ll know. You’re curious too, aren’t you? You said you even taught sungmo. Then you can teach your niece too.”
“I told you to stop messing around. I really haven’t disciplined you enough. I should go get a switch or something.”
She wrapped her arms around my back. I could have pushed her away with force. I could have driven her off with harsh, cruel words. But I was the one who couldn’t escape her.
That was exactly why she was misunderstanding. It was proof that my own heart was in chaos.
In the end, I looked for a suitable compromise.
Chu.
“There. Happy now? Stop fooling around and go study. Up we go.”
I quickly pressed my lips to hers, then lifted the dazed Yerin with both arms and set her down beside me. Before we could argue any more. Before we could fight with our words… or with our lips.