A Sister's Memory
"I'm sorry. Those two were being too loud."
"It's fine."
I'd said I was going to the restroom, but really, I just needed an excuse to get away. Yerin didn't head toward the bathroom either. Instead, she trailed after me. She must have felt suffocated too. That atmosphere.
Even someone who's dealt with it their whole life feels this stifled.
I bought an ion drink from the vending machine in the lounge and handed it to her.
"This... Mom liked it too."
"She must have kept liking it. When we were kids, Mom always said drinks were bad for you and wouldn't let us have them. So my sister would secretly buy this for me. It wasn't anything special, just easy to drink right away. With soda, you'd burp and get caught."
I caught myself rambling about memories with my sister and felt a pang of regret. Was I just making my niece think about her mother for no reason?
"If you want something else, just say so. There's plenty here."
As I fiddled pointlessly with the vending machine, she snatched the drink away.
"I like this one too."
So there we stood, uncle and niece, sipping our drinks in silence for a moment.
"Haa......"
This situation was suffocating. What was I supposed to do for her from now on? Even if our meeting was sudden, if there was anything I could do as her uncle, I wanted to do it all.
First, I'll take some time off.
The funeral wouldn't solve everything. There were still insurance matters with my sister's family to sort through, and paperwork on top of that. My life had been nothing but home and work, home and work. This was exactly the kind of time all that accumulated leave was meant for.
If I'm going to send her to college, then...
A fairly large sum of money crossed my mind. But it didn't matter. No matter what else happened, I was going to make sure she graduated from university. The insurance payout would come, but that money belonged to my niece. She should save it for when she needed it in her own life. I knew that better than anyone, having lived poor myself. Mom tried her best to make sure I never felt the absence of a father, but even so, I realized early on that I was different from everyone else. She stopped me from taking part-time jobs, telling me to focus only on studying, but I knew. With eyes to see, anyone could tell how hard she worked. With a conscience, anyone could understand how difficult it was for her to raise me.
Min-a was born rich, so her sense of money is a mess.
It felt wrong to talk about someone who wasn't here, but lately, this had been causing constant fights. She kept trying to bring expensive cars and appliances into our home. She called them housewarming gifts, but in the end, she was just choosing things for herself.
"Haa."
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. I took a few more sips to calm my frustration, and the drink was gone in no time. My niece stood beside me, holding her can and watching my expression carefully. She reminded me of a scolded puppy.
I'm not sighing because of you.
It's just... a habit.
I wanted to help her regain some energy, but I didn't know how. There was no common ground between us. Nothing we could connect over.
"Um... what was Mom like back then?"
"Your mom?"
Ah. So there was one thing.
"Yeah. There's no one left in our family who can tell me about her past. Mom never talked about the old days either. Like what happened when she was in school."
The fact that her mother and my sister were the same person.
"Well... when you think about it, I didn't live with her for that long either."
Still, plenty of memories remained. They were patchy and uneven in my mind, overpainted by my own feelings, all smoothed out until only the good ones stayed.
"Now that I think about it, my sister was really kind. Even though she was at the age where she wanted to have fun, she always looked after her little brother. Like, during parent observation days, she'd come instead of our busy mom."
That was probably why the betrayal had hurt so much. How could my sister... how could she leave my side like that?
"When my sister came to school, people gave her weird looks. She looked like a college student at most, showing up at an elementary school. Everyone whispered about how young she must have been when she had a baby."
A small smile flickered across her face and disappeared. It was the first expression like that I'd seen since we met. She smiled like her mother too. The way her eyes curved into crescents, shy and affectionate.
Yeah... seeing that smile, I finally understood. I'd found the milestone in a life where I'd wanted nothing but for my sister to return. I'm sorry, sister. I couldn't do anything for you, but I'll make sure your daughter is happy. She'll do all the things she wants to do, buy all the things she wants to buy, different from me. And if she meets someone good, I'll walk her down the aisle in your husband's place.
"What about you, on the other hand? I don't know anything after my sister left."
"Mom? Mom was... a good mother. Like a friend. She was always good to her family."
Tears welled up in her eyes again.
"I already miss her. I'm sorry. You're the one who must have missed Mom more, Uncle."
"No, don't worry about it. It's only natural for a daughter to miss her mother."
I pulled a handkerchief from my pocket and handed it to her. It was a habit my sister had drilled into me. A proper man should always carry a handkerchief, she'd said, to wipe a woman's tears. It was probably something she'd read in one of those romance comics she loved...
In the end, it turned out just like she said.
I'd never had the chance to offer it to them. The women who'd passed through my life had no tears to shed. I'd always chased after my sister's memory, searching only for people who resembled her even a little. Bright, kind, warm. But they were all just cheap imitations. By the time my heart had grown so numb that I didn't even know what love was, I'd settled for the woman I had now. Because she loved me. Because she was far too good for someone like me.
"Let's go back in. Everyone will be waiting."
She handed the handkerchief back to me and walked ahead. I followed behind her. Even that back view, always leading me forward, resembled her mother's.
"How could you both be gone for so long? Without the chief mourner here, the guests are having trouble paying their respects."
"Then what, should I piss my pants?"
Mom didn't hold back even with her newly met granddaughter. The moment we returned, the nagging started. I gestured to Yerin that it was fine and to ignore it, then headed inside.
"A lot of people came while you were gone. Min-a had a hard time handling it all."
"Mother, really, it wasn't hard at all. This is our responsibility now."
Watching the two of them play at being mother-in-law and daughter-in-law made something in me twist uncomfortably. She was a good woman. Far too good for me. But lately, whenever she pushed this "us" too hard, to the point where it felt excessive, I felt suffocated. Because it was "our" matter, she had to know everything about me. Because it was "our" matter, she had to listen to everything I said.
What the hell is this "us" supposed to mean, anyway?
In that "us," what right did I have to say anything without her? I'd tried to push back a few times to find an answer, but each time her obsession only grew worse.
"Thanks, Min-a. You must be tired. You should head home now."
"I'm fine, I told you. Dad said it was okay too."
She still wasn't listening. With Yerin getting jostled among strangers, I'd hoped at least she and Mom could go home, but she kept being stubborn.
"People will talk if you stay any longer. They keep asking how many vacation days I have left."
I'd wanted to keep it hidden, but Min-a had made it so obvious that everyone at the company knew about us. Thanks to that, I had to work even harder just to avoid the snide remarks about seducing the boss's daughter.
"Then they should try being born as our dad's daughter. So... what should I call you? If my husband's older sister is 'hyungnim,' then my husband's sister's daughter would be... niece?"
Min-a suddenly spoke to Yerin. The girl, who'd been quietly watching us, flinched in surprise.
"That's right. And to Yerin, you're her aunt-in-law. From now on, when you meet, call her 'auntie.'"
"Mother, really. What's with 'auntie'? Just call me 'unnie.' It's more comfortable for me."
Mom started organizing the honorifics.
"These things are especially important to get right in a family. Yerin, you're part of this family now, so you need to mind your behavior too."
"Ugh, then at least let me drop the 'nim.' Hearing 'auntie' makes me feel ancient."
I was already sick of all this noise.
"Mom, you have work tomorrow too. You should head home now."
When I tried to give her my card for taxi fare, she pushed my hand away, saying it was fine. Why bother when there were buses?
"The buses will have stopped by this time. Min-a, why don't you give her a ride? I'm asking."
"Hmm... alright. If you're the one asking, Oppa."
I'd finally managed to send them both off. She knew I didn't ask for favors unless it was something serious. Mom looked around the funeral hall once more, blew on the framed photos of my sister and brother-in-law to wipe them clean, then set them back down.
"Yerin, if anything happens, make sure to tell me or your uncle."
"Yes, Grandmother."
Grandmother. Hearing that word, it seemed Mom had finally decided to forgive her daughter for everything. Her eyes trembled again.
"I can't do as much as your mother did, but Grandmother will... take care of you. And your aunt here too. Think of her as your real sister."
"She's rich, so if you need anything, just say the word. Besides, you know, there are things girls want to talk about among themselves."
"Min-a!"
"Ah... I got it, Mother. Auntie. Auntie."
After finally sending them off, I stepped out to see them to the door when Min-a called me back.
"Oppa, wait a second."
She wanted to talk to me alone.