A Life Swayed by Women
Looking back, it seems my life has always been ruled by women. In childhood it was my mother. Once I grew into a man it was my sister, and now...
“Oppa!”
The woman who would likely be my last—my current girlfriend. She held my entire life in her grasp.
I heard her calling from a distance the moment she spotted me entering. “Yeah, Min-a. You’re early.”
“I left the second I saw your text. What am I supposed to do… about work?”
She fiddled with the black armband on her sleeve, looking genuinely distressed. Of course I would take the role of chief mourner. Our family no longer had a father, and both my sister and her husband were gone.
I couldn’t possibly leave this to her.
Bearing the grief alone would already be too much. As her uncle, I wanted to be of even the smallest help to her right now.
“You could have taken your time. Aren’t you busy these days?”
I patted Min-a’s shoulder as if to say it was fine.
“Is that what matters right now? This concerns both of us, so of course I have to care first. Dad will be here soon anyway.”
“Ah. The congressman is coming too…”
“Congressman? When it’s just us, call him father-in-law.”
“Anyway, let’s go inside. We shouldn’t stand out here forever.”
I felt uneasy about leaving her alone. I had told her I was only stepping out to the entrance for a moment, but I needed to return quickly.
“Is the wake over there? Oh, and what about Mother?”
“She said she’d come as soon as the arrangements are finished.”
As we spoke, a small head peeked out from inside. My niece was looking toward us.
“Who…?”
“This is my girlfriend, Choi Min-a. This is my niece—my sister’s daughter.”
“Hello.”
“Ah, hello. What’s your name?”
“I’m Lee Yerin.”
The two exchanged polite bows. Maybe because they were strangers, Min-a’s voice rose brightly while Yerin’s stayed low and hesitant.
“Then does that make me her aunt-in-law?”
“We haven’t even registered the marriage yet. Why are you already sorting out titles?”
“Why not? It’s something we can talk about. We’ll be seeing each other often from now on.”
Given the occasion, her cheerful attitude felt slightly out of place. They had only just met, yet she spoke without the slightest reserve.
“Oppa, you go get ready. I’ll handle the altar and everything.”
It was still better than leaving the two of them standing together. Min-a quickly changed into mourning clothes and began preparing to receive guests. While the crowd kept my niece and me rushing around, she greeted each visitor personally and arranged the offerings.
Familiar faces came and went, one after another…
“Mother’s here?”
“She’s here. Mom, you’re quite late.”
It was only after the sun had completely set that Mom arrived, leading our relatives.
True to her reputation as the strong woman who had raised two children alone, Mom did not shed a single tear even in front of the portrait. She simply stared at the photo of her daughter, who had announced her final news through death, with a look of profound grief.
The other adults, however, wailed on my sister’s behalf and clicked their tongues. They said she probably wouldn’t bleed even if you stabbed her with a needle.
“This is all part of her fate. She abandoned her family after running off with some man. From the beginning I pretended she never existed. Min-a, you’ve had it hard.”
Mom’s tone was as cold as ever.
“It’s not like that.”
“Is your father here too?”
“Dad hasn’t arrived yet. He said he’d stop by after work.”
“I saw an enormous wreath out front even though he’s busy. Jiho, be sure to thank him. Or call him now while you have a moment.”
“I’ll handle it.”
“Don’t just say it. And that child…”
After offering suitable praise to her future daughter-in-law, Mom turned her gaze to her granddaughter. The moment she spoke, the relatives standing behind naturally looked at my niece as well. Everyone glanced at her with clear displeasure. So that’s the girl. The one who ruined her mother’s life. The one who made her drop out after entering a top university as valedictorian. The child born after she fell for an older man.
People might call pregnancy a blessing, but the heart’s acceptance changes with the situation. Especially when the news comes suddenly within a family. And no one had taken it harder than I had.
The feelings that surged when I learned my sister was carrying a child the day she left my side came rushing back. Time had dulled them considerably, but back then I had truly ground my teeth. Some faceless bastard had stolen my sister. I had sworn I would one day find the man I refused to acknowledge as my brother-in-law and make him pay.
Reflecting on it now is pointless.
I needed to stop Mom from saying anything unnecessary. Everyone was occupied with sorrow. I had no desire to watch her torment her own granddaughter.
Yet contrary to my fears—
“You resemble your mother so much… When your mom was exactly your age. She used to wear her hair just like that.”
Mom’s eyes reddened as she gazed at her granddaughter. It was the first time. The first time Mom had cried. Since Father passed away. Since my sister left us. No matter how happy or sad she became, Mom had never let a single tear fall—yet now she wiped at the corners of her eyes.
Watching her, Min-a wiped her own tears in sympathy. Only after everyone had shed a round of tears did the atmosphere ease a little. At last we had some breathing room to speak as a family.
“So. Where are you living? Is it far from here?”
Mom had many questions for the granddaughter who had appeared so suddenly. Naturally, so did I. How my sister and her husband had lived all this time, why they had never reached out even once—there were countless things I wanted to ask.
“It’s not far at all. We actually moved here recently. Mom… she missed Grandma and Uncle terribly. She said we should at least come back now and apologize to both of you, so we came…”
I had heard a little about it earlier when it was just the two of us. She mentioned they had been touring their long-unvisited hometown and got into an accident.
“What apology? It’s enough that you lived well.”
Mom brushed it off lightly, but she seemed bothered by her earlier remark about pretending her daughter never existed. After all, even a woman as strong as her would find her own granddaughter adorable.
“Min-a, will you be all right for work tomorrow? Jiho and I can manage here, so you should go back.”
“No, Mother. Dad said it was fine.”
Min-a smiled, saying she could simply use her vacation days if needed.
“When are you going to marry? Do you think a woman this good will wait for you forever?”
“Mom, why are you suddenly talking about that?”
Why bring up something we should only discuss among ourselves, and at a funeral of all places? Because we had been talking only among family, Yerin had been sitting there like an unwanted sack of barley. Even when I occasionally spoke to her, she would answer briefly then continue watching everyone else’s reactions.
“I’m saying it because it’s been so long since I saw your face. You bought an apartment for your new home, after all.”
“Exactly. Since I bought an apartment I have to work even harder. It’s all bank debt. Where would I find money for a wedding on top of that?”
“I can help with that somehow, so stop worrying.”
“Oppa. I told you, you don’t have to handle everything yourself. Dad said he’d take care of the house if we just have a simple ceremony, but you keep insisting.”
“That’s just… It feels like something I ought to do. I don’t want to keep asking Father for help.”
I hated the idea of people saying I had fixed my fate by latching onto a rich daughter. Besides, these were things I had originally wanted to show my sister.
Looking back… have I ever truly accomplished anything on my own terms?
In the end, it seemed I had only ever moved according to the wishes of the women around me. My mother, my sister, my girlfriend. Graduating from a good school, landing a good job. Working hard to buy a house while keeping up with exercise. Even if I had done it all so I could stand proudly before my sister when she eventually returned, in the end—see—I had changed jobs to the company where her father served as representative, all at my lover’s suggestion. If I was honest, even my university major had not been my choice. I had simply applied to whatever matched my grades, following Mom’s advice.
That was why, at least when it came to marriage, I wanted to do it my way, at the time I desired.
“Min-a, you want to keep working longer too, don’t you?”
“Not really? I’d rather marry soon and have a baby. Dad said he’d change the car for me. To drive around with a child, I need something big and sturdy.”
“Haah. You people really…”
“Why are you sighing when your life has turned out so well? You’re embarrassing Min-a.”
“It’s all right, Mother. Still, Oppa. If possible, I’d like to make it official while I’m still in my mid-twenties. The younger I am when I have the baby, the healthier our child will be.”
“Take this chance to make it a done deal. Mom will always be cheering you on.”
“I’ll do my best, Mother.”
“Both of you, enough! Yerin is sitting right here.”
In the end the awkward atmosphere drove me to my feet. I suddenly craved a cigarette, even though it would not even light properly.
“I’m going to the bathroom for a bit.”
The situation felt so stifling that I thought I would collapse if I didn’t do something—anything. Yet I had no idea what that something was. Having lived my whole life as a model student, I… simply. Like this. Just let out heavy sighs and returned to my place. Whether studies were difficult or work was exhausting.
“Huh? Why?”
“Ah… I need to use the bathroom too.”
When I stepped outside, Yerin followed after me. Uncle and niece walked side by side through the sea of white chrysanthemums. The ridiculously large wreath visible in the distance must have been sent by Min-a’s father. True to the man who loved flaunting his wealth, it stood out unnecessarily.