The Tightening Grip
“Isn’t that right, Teacher?” Min-a presses herself against me. “The way you kiss… how babies are made. You taught me all of it in that bed.”
Teacher. Teacher. From the very first day we met until now, that’s the name she always returns to. Oppa. Darling. Assistant Manager. She’ll call me whatever she likes, but in the end it always circles back to Teacher.
“But these days you hardly come around, so I’m starting to forget. How to kiss. How babies are made. And now…” Her fingers tightened around mine. She didn’t care where we were. “I wonder if I’ve gotten smaller in your heart. If you’re only thinking about other things besides me.”
“Smaller… You know that’s not true. You know what happened.”
“I do. That’s why I’m letting it slide. No matter how much you neglect me, no matter how much it bothers me, I still love you. If you love someone, you have to be understanding.”
Min-a wouldn’t meet my eyes. Her voice was low, almost a whisper, yet it wrapped around me like a chain I couldn’t break. As if she needed to hold even my breath and every thought in her fist to feel at ease.
“So do better, all right? Don’t make me feel lonely.”
“……Understood.”
“Father feels really guilty about missing the funeral because he was so busy.”
Having said everything she wanted, she finally stepped back. “And if you have time, come by the house. Your niece isn’t a baby anymore. You can’t just leave her alone all the time, can you?”
That was her real goal. Checking whether the leash she’d fastened around my neck had loosened because of my niece. As long as she could call it love, nothing else mattered. No matter how tightly she pulled, no matter how hard it was to breathe.
“I still can’t leave her alone. She went through something terrible, and it hasn’t been long. Besides, she hates being by herself, so she’s been timing her visits with her parents.”
“That’s surprising. At that age I would’ve done anything to get away from my parents.”
“Everyone’s different.”
I explained the situation, but I had no idea how long or how far Min-a’s greed would stretch. She was the kind of woman who could spend hours picking at something as childish as whether my niece came first or she did.
“Then I’ll just go to your place.”
“You?”
“Why not? She said she hates being alone. She’d probably prefer three people over two, right?”
I couldn’t say it would only make things more uncomfortable. I knew she was picking a fight on purpose. Even though she understood she could never win, she still pushed.
“Don’t worry. I’m not planning to stay the night. I can’t exactly steal my niece’s bed. And we can’t both sleep on the sofa. I’ll bring cake from that famous bakery.”
“Fine. Come over. You’ll have to see her often anyway, so it’s better if you two get along.”
In the end, I surrendered exactly the way she wanted. It was the right move. If we didn’t want to waste any more emotion. If I didn’t want to start the day already exhausted from fighting.
“Anyway, I’ve said everything I needed to, right? Father’s waiting, so let’s go. Time to get scolded and then back to work.”
Her mood seemed to have lifted; she smiled as she stepped away. I’d have to warn my niece in advance. Tell her her aunt was coming so she wouldn’t be surprised.
***
“Sorry about that, Assistant Manager Kim. Work’s been so hectic I kept meaning to visit but never found the time.”
“It’s all right, sir.”
The moment I opened the door, a booming voice greeted me. Representative Choi, Min-a’s father. The man who had given me permission to marry his daughter.
“You’ve worked hard. When you were away, I realized just how much you’ve been carrying. How big a role you’ve played all this time.”
Praise laced with pressure. Of course there was a reason he allowed a poor man with no father to stay close to his daughter. The usefulness of this matrilocal son-in-law showed itself whenever the family gathered and he boasted about my education and manners, or when he said he could finally entrust things to his daughter and son-in-law.
“If you know that, why not give both of us a vacation? We’re always working.”
Min-a, who had been watching fondly from the side, cut in.
“If you both leave, what happens to the company?”
“The company will be fine as long as you work hard, Father. Once Assistant Manager Kim and I get married, we’ll go on a honeymoon too. What will you do then?”
“Honestly, I’ve already been worrying about that. Assistant Manager Kim, we can’t afford to have too big a hole when you’re gone.”
“So you’re telling me to slack off? That’s impossible given his personality.”
“You have to learn to delegate smaller tasks. If you’re going to take over this company someday, you need to know how to work on a bigger scale.”
“Then promote him to Manager or Assistant Director. That way he’ll act the part once his title matches.”
I stood there like a sack of barley, hands clasped, simply listening to the father and daughter. I didn’t know what else to say, and I had no desire to insert myself.
Better to just do my job and keep quiet.
Sometimes their fussing made me uncomfortable. It might sound like the complaint of a man who had it too easy, but it felt like they were treating me as a part that had to be kept in its proper place and function—so the company could keep running smoothly, so I could guard their daughter and their wealth like a loyal dog.
“We’ll decide that in due time. How old are you now, Assistant Manager Kim?”
“Thirty-one this year, sir.”
“See? Only thirty-one. If your rank is too high, people will talk. They’ll say it’s only because you’re the boss’s son-in-law.”
“But he works harder than anyone. And it’s not like people don’t already know he’s our future son-in-law. If they don’t like it, they should’ve been born luckier.”
Min-a jabbed me lightly in the side when I stayed silent. As if daring me to disagree with her.
“Or just get married already. When something sad happens, you should cover it with something happy. Min-a, you’re… twenty-five this year?”
“Why do you always have to think so hard about your own daughter’s age?”
“It slipped my mind for a second. You’ll understand when you’re my age. Anyway, you’re both old enough to marry, so we should pick a date. Once you’re the head of a household, having a higher rank makes sense.”
“We’re thinking… next year.”
“Next year? Why not this year?”
“I’m still not ready… and there are family matters to handle.”
“What’s there to prepare? You already have a place to live. The sooner you marry, the sooner you can have children. Young people these days want everything perfect before they start. In my day, a tiny room was enough.”
“Father, really. You think now is the same as back then? We’ll tell you when the time comes, so don’t worry.”
“You should at least have one son and one daughter, right? Look at me—I was too busy and only had one daughter, and now I regret it. I should’ve had one more even if it was hard.”
“Yes, yes. Of course you would say that, Father. You’re not the one giving birth. I’ll have to tell Mother everything later.”
“Once you have children, you can take my car. Assistant Manager Kim, you’re tall—your current car looks too small for you.”
“Then you’ll help with a house too, right? You know how it is these days. Two salaries aren’t enough to buy a place, and his apartment is fine for a newlywed couple but not for raising kids.”
“Fine, fine. Take everything. Take it all. This is why they say daughters are all thieves.”
The conversation was starting to weigh on me. I wanted to escape. The air in this room was suffocating. Even the occasional carrots they dangled—house, car—felt like reminders to stay in my place.
“If that’s all, I’ll be going. I have work to do.”
“Ah, sorry. Go ahead. Min-a, bring the revised contract.”
I bowed my head and left the Representative’s Office. Back at my desk, I sat in front of the computer, chest tight. Nowhere to vent. No friend I could talk to openly, no family I could lean on.
Marriage…
I had always thought Min-a and I would eventually end, but lately that certainty was fading. Could we really be happy even if we married? Would I ever feel at ease in that house? Could I even tell her about my day at work? Could I ever share the burden I carried? The moment I stepped out of this position, would everything collapse? Maybe even home would stop being a place to rest.
Tap, tap, tap. I stared blankly at the keyboard. I needed to work. Needed something—anything—to focus on so I wouldn’t have to think. About the girlfriend. About the marriage. About everyone’s expectations. I just wanted to escape it all.
Blueprints scattered messily across the screen.