Chapter 4
Chapter 4
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Translator: uly
Chapter: 4
Chapter Title: How to Steal the Protagonist's Woman
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I immediately regretted saying I was hungry.
The moment I stepped out of my room, the village chief invited me to eat with him.
The food was meant solely for him, but the portions were massive.
The problem was...
"This tastes awful..."
Maybe it was because my palate had been thoroughly spoiled by modern sweet and salty flavors.
"Still, the chief kept rambling while he ate, so I managed to pick up some useful info."
The reason he had tried to kick me out in the first place came down to a unique rule in this village.
No young men allowed.
He didn't explain the reasoning behind it, though.
"He seemed really reluctant to talk about it..."
"Sure, but if they're hiding something, it means this village could be dangerous."
"It's a classic story trope. A village hiding a secret? That always means danger is incoming."
What? Is my logic that weird? Huh?!
For now, I left the chief's house and wandered around the settlement.
As I strolled, the reality of the situation truly sank in.
The villagers were almost exclusively women, with only the occasional middle-aged or elderly man in sight.
Even the local militia consisted entirely of women.
Suddenly, a burly female guard thrust her spear toward me.
Honestly, ten guys of my build couldn't take her down...
"Who goes there? State your business or get out!"
"I have the village chief's permission to be here..."
When I explained that...
"Oh, my bad. Feel free to look around."
"..."
A few steps later, it happened again.
"Who goes there? State your business or get out!"
"I have the village chief's permission..."
When I explained...
"Oh, my bad. Feel free to look around."
"..."
Are they just copy-pasting their lines?
No joke, this was the fifteenth time I'd run into these NPC-like chicks repeating the exact same sequence.
"Who—!"
"Chief's permission..."
"Oh, my bad..."
"Who...?"
"Chief..."
"Oh, my..."
The damn dialogue script wouldn't change.
It felt exactly like being trapped inside a video game.
Fantasy Punk 1077.
Word must have traveled fast, because the neighborhood women were gradually starting to cluster around.
-Whoa, he's actually real!
-Wow, how bizarre.
Every woman stared at me as if I were a unicorn, their eyes wide with curiosity.
-My dad said all young men are handsome, but he's kind of mid, isn't he?
-Yeah, and his clothes look ridiculous. Hehe.
What, am I some kind of zoo animal to them?
You want to get run over by a reincarnated rhino?
And just like that, evening arrived without making any real progress.
Then, right on cue, the militia intercepted me again.
"Who goes there? State your business or get out!"
Shitty AI script...
"Who goes there? State your business or get out!"
"..."
I had easily crossed the fifty-time mark by now.
At first, I thought the women here were just incredibly dim-witted.
Or maybe this really was a poorly programmed game world.
'Yeah, I finally get the gist of it.'
I could tell by observing the reactions of the crowd around me.
These women...
"Answer me immediately!"
They were just messing with me.
'Partly, but I think it's mostly because I'm a guy.'
'They never get to see young guys, so they're using any excuse to prank me nonstop. On my way here, I saw a few guards giggling the moment they spotted me.'
I was already standing out too much. If they kept harassing me like this, I wouldn't be able to get anything done.
For now, I recited my mandated response.
"I have the village chief's permission..."
The guard smirked, flawlessly executing her routine.
"Oh, my bad. Feel free to look around."
Free my ass...
I stopped her just as she turned to walk away.
"Excuse me, hey."
"Yeah?"
The hulking woman spun back toward me, her eyes filled with anticipation.
Man, it gave me the chills...
"Did I do something to upset you?"
"N-no! Of course not..."
She immediately started to panic.
It was probably because I responded with polite concern instead of annoyance, triggering a wave of guilt.
'This situation is straight out of a gender-swapped trope game.'
'Oh, games where the societal roles of men and women are completely inverted. I played this one titled "Men Are Good at Writing" a while back—it was absolutely hilarious.'
Hearing Armonia say the words "adult game" got me a little excited, not going to lie.
'It was originally called "Men Are Good at Writing Erotica," but they toned it down to an all-ages version called "Men Are Good at Writing Novels" for the official release. It was the first safe-for-work game I'd touched in years.'
My current predicament mirrored that game perfectly.
In the story, some thirsty female reader leaves aggressive harassment comments on the male protagonist's web novel. But the moment he treats her like an absolute gentleman, she completely loses her composure and starts throwing massive cash donations at him.
Wooing the heroine using her own money was peak comedy.
Adopting the same strategy, I put on a refined, gentlemanly mask.
"I apologize if my presence has caused any discomfort. I know guarding the village keeps you incredibly busy. I'll make sure to stay indoors as much as possible until I leave."
"W-wait a second!"
The burly guard's voice boomed.
She grabbed my shoulder right as I turned to walk away.
Gahk!
She almost snapped my collarbone.
Her forearm was literally thicker than my thigh—what kind of monster strength was this?
Then, her face flushed red, and she bowed her head in a frantic apology.
"I-I'm so sorry..."
The woman quickly spilled the truth.
In less than a single day, I had become an absolute celebrity among the militia. They were all taking turns teasing me just to have an excuse to chat, operating under the assumption that I wouldn't be staying long anyway.
Starved for male interaction, they had crossed the line, figuring I'd be gone in a few days.
But this particular guard cracked and turned incredibly sweet the second I showed basic manners.
I immediately seized the opportunity to fish for information.
"Haha, don't worry about it. I'll let the rest of the squad know to leave you alone. No one will bother you anymore."
"Thank you so much."
As I thanked her and prepared to head out...
"U-um."
"Yes? Is there something else?"
"W-well... if you happen to be free later, d-do you want to grab a drink?"
"..."
Oh boy...
If I couldn't gain any leverage from this woman, I would have ignored her instantly.
I barely tolerated talking to her just to get info.
But making an ally in the militia? That was pure profit.
Plus, she had mentioned that these guards were elites drafted directly from the kingdom's forces.
Still, accepting the offer too quickly would make me look cheap.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can."
"Ah... y-yeah. Of course. Sorry for asking such a stupid question..."
The Amazonian warrior looked completely crushed.
From the perspective of a guy playing hard to get in a gender-swapped world, this was gold.
'Jihoon from "Men Are Good at Writing," your spiritual successor has arrived.'
"I only just arrived today, and with the village chief keeping a close eye on things, an outsider hitting the local bars right away would draw far too much negative attention."
"Ah! Aah!!"
Her thunderous exclamation echoed out.
Her face instantly lit up with a "so you're saying there's a chance" expression.
It was almost tragic, honestly.
"Give it a few days, and the drinks will be on me."
"N-no! I was the one who asked! Don't you dare worry about the bill!"
She looked exactly like a high school girl who had just confessed to her crush and received a yes.
Setting aside the fact that she had the physique of She-Hulk.
"No, you've been incredibly helpful. More than that... I genuinely want to treat you."
"Uh... uhuh..."
I flashed my best, most practiced charming smile.
She looked like she was about to faint from pure embarrassment.
"Th-then! Y-you buy the drinks, and I-I'll handle the lodging—wait, shit, s-sorry! I didn't mean it like that!"
"Haha..."
Is this how women feel when they talk to desperate, awkward virgins?
Her mind was probably already racing through a whole life simulation: taking me to bed, getting the village chief's blessing, a grand wedding, having three kids, marrying them off, and whispering "I love you" on her deathbed.
Literally none of that is happening, lady. Wake up...
Am I insane? Sleeping with a real-world girl?
Let alone a She-Hulk?
'I'm doing all this for you, Armonia~'
'I broadcasted them specifically so you would.'
"In any case, I'll make sure to buy you that drink before I leave town."
"Hahaha. Y-yeah! Awesome! Sounds like a plan!"
I finally parted ways with the guard, trading pleasant smiles.
Thanks to that militia interaction, I uncovered a crucial piece of information.
The reason young men were banned from entering: the Hero.
The reason the village enjoyed perfect security and prosperity: also the Hero.
My final deduction...
'The Hero's love interest is definitely residing here.'
[That sounds highly plausible. However, there was also mention of a sister—could all of this infrastructure be
for her instead?]
'Unless the Hero has a severe, pathological sister complex, I highly doubt it...'
According to the guard, the Hero's sister still lived in this village.
Did he construct this entire restrictive setup just because he was terrified she might meet a guy?
Getting pathologically jealous over his sister dating?
What a total psycho.
Fuck, just thinking about sisters pisses me off.
That absolute psycho bitch back home—after the acid attack, she deserved to live out the rest of her days eternally cursed in a hellish reality...
'Either way, tomorrow I'll be able to snoop around much more freely.'
'I just nodded along politely... Hm? Wait, isn't that the village chief?'
The chief I had eaten dinner with earlier was currently sneaking off somewhere.
And he wasn't alone—he was accompanied by a tight-knit group of village elders.
It looked exactly like a secret council meeting.
'Beep boop. Snake here. Do you copy, Otacon?'
'...'
I knew she would completely miss the reference, but wow, that was embarrassing...
Infiltration operation, start!
Inside a rundown house, a group of rowdy-looking village elders were packed tight, arguing loudly.
"Who the hell is that young brat wandering around today?"
"Wearing those bizarre, outlandish clothes."
"If he hangs around here any longer, we're completely screwed, right?"
"He looks totally scrawny—one solid flick to the forehead and he'd probably pass out. Let's just give him a quick beating and boot him out."
They were very clearly discussing me.
Flick my forehead and I'll faint? Do I really look that weak to these people?
I crouched low, eavesdropping from behind a nearby wooden fence.
Bang! Bang!
"Quiet down, all of you! Shut up!"
The village chief slammed his hand on the table, shouting over the din.
"Is that outfit of his expensive?"
"We'll test his resolve later. One good smack to the dome!"
What? You want to assault me just because I look like an easy target? Absolute psychopaths.
Naturally, no one bothered to quiet down at the chief's initial outburst.
"God dammit, shut up and listen to me!"
"Fine, spill it—we'll hear you out."
"Stubborn old bastards."
The chief let out a defeated sigh and launched into his pitch.
"I know you're all incredibly curious about today's visitor. There's a very specific reason I didn't immediately kick him out—and that's exactly why I called this meeting to explain."
"You usually know best, chief, but if the Hero finds out an outsider man is staying here, we are all dead meat."
"Don't panic. Once I explain the circumstances, even the Hero will understand."
"As if the Hero ever listens to a word you say... So what's the grand reason?"
"This."
The chief plunked a heavy object onto the center of the wooden table.
"Whoa! A white pearl! That's incredibly rare."
"Where on earth did you get your hands on that? It's the size of an eyeball—it must be worth an absolute fortune."
Wait, white? Eyeball-sized?
That's weird. The fake item I handed over to him was at least the size of a baseball—a massive Crystal Pearl.
The greedy old bastard had clearly pocketed my actual counterfeit and brought out a smaller, easily sellable alternative to show the council.
"Ahem, the young traveler gave it to me."
"Whoa, so the kid is loaded?"
The entire room erupted into a frenzy at the chief's revelation.
"Quiet! The point is, I allowed him to stay purely because of this pearl. But here's the catch—I thoroughly patted him down earlier, and he didn't have a single coin on his person. Then, out of nowhere, he pulled this massive pearl out right in front of my eyes!"
"Whoa."
To these small-town locals, that kind of magic was completely mind-blowing.
"So, before he leaves this village, we need to completely shake him down. Any bright ideas on how to do it?"
"..."
Unbelievable—this entire emergency meeting was literally called just to plot a robbery against me.
The room briefly fell silent as they pondered.
How exactly were they going to steal items conjured through cosmic Enel?
"Ah! How about this?"
"Yeah? Speak up."
"Our village is practically overflowing with young daughters. Why don't we just seduce him? Young, naive guys can never resist the temptations of a woman."
"Ah! That's a brilliant idea."
The room instantly buzzed with enthusiastic approval.
Fuck, this is going to turn into a massive pain in the ass.
I had barely managed to handle one guard, and now I was facing a coordinated honey-trap operation from the entire village hierarchy.
"Everyone, go home and instruct your daughters immediately."
"If we let Viola step in, the whole thing would be over in seconds, right?"
"Yeah... but allowing her to actually meet the guy? That's a total recipe for disaster."
"We know that—if the Hero catches wind of it, we're completely finished. That's exactly why we're scheming like this behind his back."
"Don't worry about her. I've already grounded her safely at home."
"...I still feel uneasy. If we get busted, it won't just end with a harsh scolding..."
"...We haven't had a single issue in ten years. This will pass safely just like everything else."
I paused, pondering the names briefly.
'The Hero's sister is named Viola, right?'
The villagers filled the house with aggressive gossip about Viola in an instant.
Then, the sharp words of one older auntie caught my attention.
"He's always doted on her like crazy—do you think they're actually going to get married now?"
What?!
"Honestly, if he likes his sister that much, a marriage makes perfect sense."
"She's already twenty-two and the only man she's ever interacted with is her own brother—poor girl..."
"Aw~ There's so much to pity her for. But he's the Hero, right? Rumor has it he routinely rejects marriage proposals from princesses across every neighboring kingdom..."
"That's true... Being the Hero is honestly better than being a king. He's young, impossibly strong, and unfathomably wealthy."
"Viola is incredibly lucky that her brother is the Hero."
Every single elder in the room nodded along in devout agreement.
Except for me.
'Wow, this is absolute peak light-novel title material right here.'
'How to Claim the Hero's Sister in a World Where Having a Brother Complex Is Completely Normalized.'
'Trust me, trashy stuff exactly like this trends like crazy in certain places...'
Right in the middle of my silent rambling, a sharp, cynical old woman's voice rang out from the crowd.
"Hmph, what an absolute load of bullshit."