The Immortal's Alchemical Elixir (1)
We returned to the caravan after watching the illegitimate daughters of the Phantom Thief Kid put on their little show. The look on Drake’s face when I handed him the “gems” I’d recovered was one of pure apocalypse.
Drake’s Retirement Fund (Formerly)
Kkakkakkakka. Serves him right. He stood there stunned for a while like a forty-something chicken shop owner who’d blown half his severance pay on crypto, then immediately launched into cognitive dissonance mode.
“B-but if you found these under a rock slab, that means those thieving bitches must be dead! It’s divine punishment, I tell you! Absolutely!”
“You think so? Maybe.”
If the guy wanted to win in his own head, I wasn’t about to stop him. The twins’ actual base was in Renapolis. They’d only caused chaos in Lucregens because stirring up trouble in their own hometown was too risky. Since they were going to be our party’s temporary lackeys for a while, I figured he could enjoy this brief moment of happiness.
“So, senior~? What exactly are those phantom thief sisters?”
“Illegitimate daughters of the Phantom Thief Kid.”
They were twin sisters born to commoner parents who had chosen a life of thievery. According to them, they’d always operated in ways that minimized jail time and risk of capture—just like I’d suspected. Their whole “righteous thief” act was part of that strategy. Basically charity work or donations. They claimed they’d never hurt anyone, both because of their personalities and because it was safer when they eventually turned themselves in. There might have been a few soldiers who got injured while chasing them, but that was about it. Some copycats who imitated them had hurt people before, but those idiots all got caught, leaving only the real deal.
“You and big sis aren’t hurt anywhere, right?”
“Can’t you tell just by looking?”
“Ugh… Senior, that’s so mean. Why do you have to be so cold…?”
“Because there’s a perverted pink-haired pervert over there pretending to be worried while groping someone else’s tits?”
Smack.
I slapped away the hand that was feeling up my chest. Larilura giggled and scampered behind Dana for cover.
Come to think of it, I really should tell our junior the truth about me being from another world. But the way things were going, everything was already chaotic enough. I’d have to put that conversation off for later.
“An elf, huh… So that bastard is also one of the ‘elves outside the forest’ the Two Stars chairman mentioned? Hubby, are you seriously going to peep at that guy’s memories too?”
“I interrogated him and pulled the memories out, but since when is that ‘peeping’? My wicked wife is framing her husband’s legitimate work as a crime now.”
“Peeping is peeping. Your usual habit of secretly watching your wives’ naked bodies hasn’t gone anywhere, has it?”
“You’re dead, you bitch. When we get home I’m swapping out all the elixirs in your room for corrosive acid.”
“What the hell, save me! This crazy husband is threatening his wife’s academic career!”
“Do you surrender?”
“…Yes… You win, you absolute bastard…”
The sight of her shuddering and yielding at the mere mental image was so ridiculous that my drowsiness completely vanished. I let out a small chuckle and answered.
“It looks like he made indirect contact through an intermediary, but I managed to identify the employer he was expecting. He wasn’t affiliated with anyone in particular. Just your average half-elf who doesn’t even know what his parents look like.”
“So that’s why he turned to crime? How tragic, a child of a lost race.”
Veronica’s lament carried a strangely poignant weight. Whether it was unicorns or elves, it seemed that races whose homelands had been completely burned away tended to scatter across the world and fall into crime. Anyway, with that settled, we made our plans and followed the caravan toward Renapolis.
The journey to Renapolis was mostly uneventful. Not completely trouble-free—there were a few starving monsters that attacked us—but any creature that wasn’t as quick or thorough as the Heswald sisters ended up shredded like frozen chicken breast in a blender. So no real problems there.
Ten days of winter hiking had left us pretty exhausted. We decided to rest for one full night. With no outsiders around, my wives gradually let their limits loosen, which was honestly pretty arousing to watch. The next morning, our full five-person party headed to the Heswald sisters’ office.
“It’s a humble place, but please excuse us.”
“…Ah, yes. Please come in.”
I greeted Catherine Heswald, who welcomed us warmly, and plopped down confidently on the sofa. She had removed her eye mask and was disguised as a gentle-looking woman with brown hair. Well, maybe it wasn’t a disguise—perhaps that was her real face.
I glanced around. It seemed she was alone in the office. Once my wives had taken their seats, Catherine gave me a polite bow and asked carefully.
“Um… who might these ladies be?”
“My wives.”
My short, blunt answer made Catherine’s eyes bulge.
“…E-excuse me? Nord? I mean, Lord Nord?”
“Just call me like you would any other guest. It’ll be suspicious otherwise.”
“Y-yes!”
Catherine straightened her back and answered energetically. What was with her again? Did she think I was some sex-crazed kidnapper who collected every beautiful woman he saw as a concubine?
“So? Didn’t you have something you wanted to ask?”
“Y-yes! Nord, are you perhaps… a secret imperial inspector?”
Inspector? I spent a moment trying to process the translated word, but the answer came from general knowledge I’d picked up during my graduate school days. An inspector was a position granted directly by the Romanian state to nobles. Basically the fantasy world’s version of a secret royal inspector. She must have assumed that because I was traveling with several stunning women.
I waved my hand as if to say that was ridiculous.
“It’s not like that. Besides, are there even nobles with yellow skin?”
“Well… even the Ritter class includes many honorary positions like that.”
Shit, they actually exist? I didn’t know that. Now it was my turn to be surprised.
Watching me blink, Catherine displayed the natural instincts of an information broker.
“In Romania, even knights from commoner backgrounds can serve in the honorary Ritter position.”
“Ritter? Never heard of it. Is it a famous system?”
“Only among those who know. Since it’s only an honorary title, you end up as a baron without any territory. Even in Narmer-Nile, they have the right to select Ritter-class individuals once a year, but most of them operate exclusively in Narmer-Nile without any restrictions.”
I nodded at the explanation. So it’s like a medal of honor. Nothing to do with me.
Why? Think about it. The reason I’m looking for noble sponsors is so they can become both a source of funds and a shield for my ultimate goal. A position that’s only honorary would be meaningless.
“Besides, they say ‘even commoners can receive it,’ but it’s probably just the nobles passing it around among themselves.”
“Yes. You’re exactly right. The majority of Ritter positions go to children of noble families.”
Catherine smiled awkwardly in agreement. It was human nature for those in power to hate sharing it. Romania might be considered an advanced nation by this world’s standards, but I’d tasted enough hell back home to not be blinded by shiny titles. A foreigner like me trying to become a noble? That was as unrealistic as a dirt-poor student who somehow got into a top university suddenly declaring he wanted to become an army entertainer.
The selection process is probably rigged anyway.
Maybe you could buy one with enough bribes through good old pay-to-win, but ultimately it was just a system to add one more line to rich boys’ résumés. Even if a powerless commoner became a noble, they’d probably just get assigned to dangerous 3D jobs like the secret inspector Catherine had mentioned.
Having lost interest, I leaned back against the sofa and spoke casually.
“A guy with yellow skin should live according to his station. There’s plenty you can do without becoming a noble, right?”
“…Hehe. I think so too.”
Catherine smiled so widely I could almost hear it. She was someone who found meaning in robbing nobles and rich upstarts and making their lives miserable. She must have felt some sympathy.
Still, hearing “yellow” over and over is starting to make me feel like I have jaundice. I get why Black people are sensitive about the word “black” now.
“So, where’s your sister?”
“She’s not at the office. She’s probably at our hideout in Renapolis repairing some broken tools. Should I call her?”
Catherine said as she brought out some simple refreshments. I waved my hand.
“No need. Repairs are important too. What about the investigation I asked you to do?”
As we all knew, their real identity was that of phantom thieves. At the same time, they were skilled enough information brokers that even Lady Henesis had heard their names all the way in distant Sargadis and tried to contact them. That level of skill was probably why they’d never been caught while working as thieves. I’d judged that their identities and abilities would be useful in finding Tirsi, which was why we’d reached this dramatic reconciliation with the Heswald sisters.
“We were also active in Lucregens last December under the pretense of a business trip, so we’ll need to investigate a bit more. But we’ve already gathered the basic information.”
Catherine spoke seriously. I listened attentively. For the Heswald sisters, this was a matter of life and death. Whether I ordered it or not, they would have investigated with everything they had. It was definitely worth hearing.
“The current power behind the Renapolis lord’s family is the vice-count and baron, ‘Ivan Ritter von Diabolo.’”
“That’s one hell of a long name.”
Just hearing it sounded brutal. Like some tyrannical overlord. If Tirsi married that guy, would she become Tirsi Diabolo? Though it was true that when a woman took her husband’s surname, it often clashed horribly with her first name.
“…Wait a second? Ritter?”
“Yes. Baron Diabolo earned the ‘Ritter’ title purely through personal strength. He was originally a commoner. When we raided the lord’s mansion, we deliberately chose a day when he wasn’t there.”
“I see. He’s a person of interest then.”
It wasn’t immediately useful information, but I’d remember it. I etched that ridiculously long name into my mind.
“But if he’s powerful enough to be called the real power, there must be some circumstances behind it?”
“Yes. However, when we gathered information last time it wasn’t related to our thief work, so we didn’t dig into the internal affairs… If you’ll give us a few days, we’ll investigate thoroughly even if it means taking some risks.”
“Don’t push yourselves too hard. It won’t do if you get caught.”
“Thank you. We’ll be careful.”
Catherine gave a bitter smile. There was no guarantee that if these two were captured and tortured they wouldn’t reveal our identities. She must have noticed that my words were half worry and half warning. Still, I didn’t want a bitter aftertaste either.
“The lord’s family is definitely targeting you two. Whether you ask us to guard you or find your own way to protect yourselves, make sure you have a safety net ready.”
“I’ll tell you about that later. First, let me share what I’ve already learned.”
Catherine lowered her voice. She had already checked for eavesdroppers, but this was just in case.
“Right now, many nobles are gathering in Renapolis. It’s because of the auction that’s held every spring.”
“…Auction?”
Oh right. That was a thing. I’d been so busy I’d completely forgotten. If things had gone according to our family’s original plan—if Tirsi hadn’t gone missing—we would have come to Romania this spring specifically for that auction.
“I’ve heard of it. Is it being held here this year?”
“Yes. It just so happens that this year’s venue is Renapolis. We only found out recently ourselves.”
“…So that’s why you were thinking of shutting down business in Lucregens and coming back?”
“…Ahem. Well, it was one of the options we considered. But now that something more important has come up, we have no intention of doing it, right?”
So if it wasn’t dangerous, they were planning to steal some auction items too. Old habits really do die hard. I held back a laugh and asked.
“So what about it? Does this auction have some connection to the lord’s family?”
“It does indeed. Since you came from Lucregens, you know about the disturbance that happened in that city, yes?”
“The one where the dark mage factions started fighting among themselves, and the lord got pissed and increased security to find whoever had slipped in during the chaos?”
“As expected, you know. That ‘someone’ was a young noblewoman from the Armaals family… and we’ve received intelligence that she has now arrived in Renapolis.”
Yeah. I know. I tried hard not to let it show on my face. Hearing things I already knew delivered in such a serious, structured manner made my back itch like I was acting in a play while lying. Maybe that was why my hand instinctively reached for the teacup. You know how it’s hard to keep your hands still when you’re acting?
“And apparently even the lord of Lucregens is coming to Renapolis. With the auction taking place, dozens of noble families might gather here in the coming days.”
“What a mess. And not good news either.”
“Yes. With that many outsiders gathered, security and surveillance at the lord’s mansion will naturally tighten. No matter how skilled we are, breaking into a place like that carries huge risks.”
That would make meeting Tirsi difficult too. Should I try contacting Primor? I frowned and sipped my tea.
“Have you thought of any countermeasures?”
“I’ve considered a few, but if we think about the objectives of the people I mentioned, there’s really only one best method.”
“Objectives. Isn’t the lord of Lucregens chasing that noblewoman to interrogate her?”
“No. He’s after a certain ‘item’ that will appear in this auction.”
Catherine lowered her voice even further and whispered.
“──There’s a rumor that an ‘Elixir’ will be put up for auction this time.”
Legendary high-grade potion. Capable of healing almost any wound, curse, or cellular damage.
Rarity:EX
“Pffft──!! Cough, cough!!”
Oh shit, I choked! The sudden mention of my own business made me spray tea everywhere and start coughing violently. The Elixir. It was the item I’d obtained while traveling from the Underground Tower to another world. Naturally I’d brought it all the way to Romania to sell, and right now it was sitting in our party’s shared inventory slate.
“Yes. It’s understandable to be shocked. After all, it’s the legendary potion that trades for gold coins per bottle. It’s not something you see on the market often, is it? And recently the supply has decreased even further.”
Catherine had taken the full blast of the tea I’d sprayed, but she had apparently predicted it and blocked it with a wind shield.
“Khh, ahem… I-I see.”
I accepted a handkerchief from Dana, who was trying to hide her own panic, and wiped my mouth.
Thank god I picked up that inventory slate in the City of the Dead. If I hadn’t, the gate guards would’ve flagged it and the news would’ve already reached Mr. Diabolo’s ears.
But shit. Isn’t this technically smuggling?
It looked like I’d need to come up with a proper method if I wanted to auction off the Elixir I’d brought. I neatly wiped around my mouth and asked.
“The Elixir itself isn’t that rare… Well, never mind. So what exactly is this method you mentioned?”
“Contacting a certain prestigious trading company.”
While I calmed my startled heart, Catherine raised her index finger with deadly seriousness.
“It’s a super-large trading company that even has its own guild. We’re currently working on a way to contact one of their representatives. It’s called the Hermione Guild, and──”
“──The Hermione Guild?”
“Yes? Ah, yes. Why do you ask?”
When I cut her off again, Catherine asked with a blank look. I thought about how to answer her question, then simply burst into laughter.
“…No, I was just thinking that doing good deeds really does bring good fortune.”
The Hermione trading company. Now that was a familiar name. After all, I happened to be acquainted with the young lady of that very house.