Great Madness (7): The Panties Nun

Even though the sudden sex command caught me completely off guard, the smartest move now that it had come to this was to simply enjoy it. With that thought in mind, I started humming a cheerful tune and headed for the sex house with a bounce in my step. But just then Franc caught my arm.

“Nord. Nord. Take this with you too.”

“Huh?”

She pressed a strangely shaped stone into my palm. What the hell was this? It looked exactly like the lens of a telescope that had been pried off. The surface showed obvious signs of rough, repeated handling. As I tilted my head in confusion, Franc leaned in and whispered softly.

“I picked it up back in Ulster village. Basically, it’s—”

The moment that short explanation reached my ears, it hit me like a thunderbolt from a clear sky. It was a culture shock easily worthy of cracking the top five most shocking things I’d ever heard from Franc.

“You… what…?”

“Hehe. I figured you’d like it, so I brought it.”

Franc smiled shyly, opening her palm to reveal the cloth wrapping.

“Actually I wanted to try it first, but I lost. And if you use it right, couldn’t it be useful for home security too?”

“Obviously! Damn, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I only ever imagined it—I never dreamed the real thing actually existed. Looks like even the ancients had a few sages among them.”

I was moved not only by the sheer performance of this magic item but by the fact that Franc had remembered and brought something I’d only mentioned in passing a few times. So this is what it feels like when your wife remembers your anniversary gifts. Franc’s affection ran so deep I felt like I could die happy or perhaps fall completely to the dark side. Come to think of it, didn’t it mean that our wives—including Dana—had been thinking only of me even while receiving their own presents? Veronica had gotten reagents for the spatial teleportation circle, but that had ultimately been for my sake too.

“Franc, thank you. You know I love you, right? …Though saying that right before I run off to have sex with someone else makes me sound like a total asshole, huh?”

“Hehe. Why so sudden? I’m glad you like it.”

—Chu.

I planted a quick kiss on Franc’s cheek and hurried after Dana. Larilura was standing off to the side with a jealous pout, shooting me a look that clearly said stop dawdling and get moving. It definitely wasn’t the best thing for the children’s emotional education. Still, sex education in this other world was far too closed-minded.

Adelaide’s hut was a cozy place.

“Fuck, it’s bigger than our house?”

In truth it wasn’t just cozy—it was ridiculously huge. Though it was technically a one-room hut, the interior was as spacious as a penthouse suite.

“Bicorns usually live in their true forms when no other races are around. Considering Adelaide’s size, this place is actually on the small side.”

Dana fidgeted like a virgin who’d just been dragged into a love hotel. Well, having sex in someone else’s house was a rare experience. It felt ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a little awkward watching Dana—who had spent most of her life sucking on liquor bottles, baby bottles, and then my dick—acting so shy, but I let it slide.

I gave the spacious hut a quick once-over. She probably only uses this place to shelter from rain and wind. There was almost no sign of daily life inside, as if she spent most of her time outdoors. It made me wonder whether Adelaide lived apart from the other Bicorns purely because of her size.

—Shiver.

“Ugh, more importantly, husband. Isn’t it kind of cold in here?”

Dana trembled in the harsh December chill. I looked around for a fireplace—figuring she wouldn’t get mad if I used it without asking—and realized there wasn’t a single heating device in the entire hut. Wow. It really was like an abandoned rich man’s vacation home.

“Can’t be helped. I’ll warm it up myself.”

“If you say you’ll warm me with your dick I’m going to get angry.”

Was it because no one was watching? Our girl’s mouth was running with extra oil today. Trading dirty jokes like this and then tumbling into bed the moment our eyes met was pretty much our standard repertoire.

“I do like that too, but watch this. It’s your husband’s brand-new technique.”

I brought my hands together in front of my chest. I activated Beast Regression and fused it with a spell formula.

It was the Red Rain of Berlin, a spell I hadn’t used in a while. I rubbed my flaming hands together like playing with a sparkler and drew up the rune’s mana.

“ᛒ(Berkanan).”

Veronica had told me the Berkanan rune was one that transformed mana. The application I was using took advantage of that property.

Nen is so mysterious♠

My aptitude for transformation magic was low. Turning into other living creatures was nearly impossible; nearly all my talent seemed dumped into object transformation in a wildly unbalanced way. But if it was simply changing the shape of mana, there was nothing difficult about it. Why? Because I had plenty of experience in that field.

For the past six months I had been using low-level spells while converting my mana into fire mana, ice mana, lightning mana, and so on. I simply had to make use of that experience.

Even without a formal spell formula structure, if it’s only about changing form…!

Goooo—!

The fire mana rippled. The mana moving freely from my palm changed shape at will. Transformation magic overlaid a creature’s will onto that mana-shape change to alter the body. The physiological discomfort caused by the countless differences between humans and snakes—muscles, optic nerves, brains, skeletal structure, even excretory organs—was covered by the aptitude for transformation magic. Compared to such high-difficulty techniques, simply fixing the shape of mana so it moved as I wished was far simpler.

The mana of the blazing Beast Regression condensed into a sphere. I gave this majestic technique a name.

“Great Flame: Flame Emperor.”

—Fwoosh!

The fireball I created rose five meters into the air and warmed the entire hut. It was literally the national rule magic of light novels—the classic fireball. Fuck. In any other isekai story I would have learned this in a three-day cut, yet here I was taking the long way around.

Dana whistled.

“You’ve really mastered squeezing every drop out of magic with almost nothing to work with. Don’t go around calling yourself a mage after pulling shit like this, okay?”

“Hehehe. It’s a fake Fireball, but the firepower should be plenty. And listen, sis. A real mage is someone who creates these kinds of applications and combinations of spell formulas.”

Every spell, when you break down its structure, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is classified as lower magic. For example, Sleeping Cloud. That was a technique created by fusing two low-level spells—Sleep and Summon Cloud—through a spell formula. That was the example the bald elf plantation owner had given me.

I used the Thurisaz rune to reproduce sleep gas instead of the Sleep spell.

This fireball was the opposite. It reproduced a near low-level Fireball through a combination of runes and the Beast Regression formula. Naturally, because the structure was more complex, its output far exceeded a regular low-grade Fireball. The form might look similar, but the solidity of the spell formula was the difference between a basketball and a bowling ball.

With this I can expand my variations of fire-type long-range techniques too.

Since the shape change was so free, a little training would let this sparkler magic branch off into entirely separate techniques. My imagination was spreading its wings. The Berkanan rune I’d learned just to get out of a tight spot at the Two Stars Trading Company was now being sucked dry to the marrow.

“Anyway, your husband is using his head to raise his skills and instead of encouraging me you’re making fun? You bitch! Show some respect and obedience to the head of the family!”

“Ogu ogu. Well done, you moron.”

“Wow! I got praised!”

Delighted, I adjusted the room temperature to a comfortable level and roughly stripped off my clothes. One of the giant leather armor’s advantages was how easy it was to put on and take off.

“Sigh. After the lab, the house, and the ship cabin, now I’m even sucking my husband’s dick in someone else’s hut.”

Dana grumbled as she removed the gauntlets I’d given her as a gift.

—Zap!

It was exactly then. As I set the stone Franc had given me on the table, a brilliant idea struck my brain like lightning.

“Sis, sis. Don’t take your clothes off. I’ll finish quick and we can head back.”

“What? How long does it take to get this off…”

“It’s fine, I told you. If it gets dirty we can just clean it with magic.”

Before Dana could protest I threw off even my underwear.

Fuck! This is my chance to have sex with Dana while she’s still wearing her modified nun outfit!

This was a heaven-sent opportunity I absolutely could not miss. Until now there had never been the right mood while she wore her combat uniform, and suggesting cosplay sex first would have been too obvious. But now! We had spare clothes, and since we’d come back after an important conversation anyway!

I could use the excuse of “let’s get it over with quickly while dressed” to put that outfit on her and have sex.

A golden, once-in-a-lifetime chance!

I finished changing in less than three seconds. Feeling my dick awakening with joy, I approached Dana. Then I noticed.

…No. It’s missing two percent.

Something… something was lacking. Dana’s clothes were a modified punk nun’s habit, but that in itself wasn’t bad. Our sis wasn’t a real nun but a cosplay one, so it could be considered part of married-couple play.

But at this rate the completion level of that play is too low!

The nun’s veil! Dana’s outfit was critically missing that elegant cloth headdress! In proper 19+ fantasy, a nun must wear the veil even during sex, right? If I jumped her like this it wouldn’t count as nun sex!

Cloth! Isn’t there any spare cloth around?

I scanned the hut with bullet-like speed. But these damn Bicorn priestesses seemed to have caught exhibitionism from the barbarians next door—there wasn’t a single scrap ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of cloth in the entire place.

“What’s wrong?”

“Wait a second, sis. Look for some cloth. A fairly large piece.”

“…Pfft. I don’t know what you’re planning to use it for, but wouldn’t this work?”

Dana laughed playfully and held up a piece of cloth of exactly the right size.

It was my panties.

“Bingo! As expected of our sis, the PhD in perversion!”

“Huh?”

I snatched the black square-cut panties and imbued them with a rune. Since I’d practiced it many times, hanging transformation magic on an object was easy.

“ᛒ(Berkanan).”

—Swish!

My square panties transformed into a black-and-white nun’s veil. Because it was impromptu it wouldn’t last long or allow size changes, but it was perfect. With this, even if our sis was blowing a trumpet she would only look like a nun.

—Slide.

I placed the panty-nun veil on Dana’s head. Then I calmly observed the result.

…Oh, fuck.

“There has never been a moment when I regretted choosing the path of a mage as little as right now.”

What was this? A goddess? Had our sis been the reincarnation of a goddess all along? I was moved by that saint-like holiness, but Dana glared at me with eyes as rotten as food left at room temperature for two days.

“…Hey, husband. Did you just put your own panties on my head?”

“…I changed them this morning so they’re clean! It looks great on you!”

“Cut the bullshit, you crazy bastard!”

—Thud!

A powerful body blow slammed into my stomach. My waist bent like a bow. Ugh, fuck. I should have kept the giant leather armor on.

“You fucking pervert! After everything, now you’re putting panties on my head before you even fuck me! Am I some kind of perverted slut?! Huh?!”

Dana shouted as she threw the veil off. I clutched my aching stomach, slightly flustered.

“No, I didn’t expect the person who takes off her sleeping husband’s pants every morning and plays with his dick to react so strongly to this.”

“………………”

This time Dana was the one left speechless. You sleeping raper, got a problem? If you’re upset I can put your panties on my head too.

Dana stammered, eyes darting as she searched for a counterargument.

“N-no! But still! No matter what, this is a bit… you know!”

“Why? It looks like a regular nun’s veil from the outside.”

“Fuck, the essence is still panties! Can you put this in your mouth?!”

“Ugh, gross. Why the hell would I put that in my mouth.”

“See, you son of a bitch! It is panties!”

“Well it’s my own underwear so of course. But isn’t it fine for you, sis? You suck my dick but can’t handle panties?”

When I said that, Dana was at a loss for words again. It was sophistry, but the logical progression was sound, so she had nothing to say. Of course, if she had declared “Then I won’t suck your dick anymore” here, I would have had to bang my head on the floor in apology, but our flustered girl didn’t seem to have thought that far.

“W-well, it’s not wrong! I-it’s not… wrong!”

Our Dana fidgeted with the panty veil, completely lost.

—Nord.

The true pervert is the one who gently pushes his wife’s back and embraces her when she hesitates.

The undead Confucian dragon inside me whispered. And the pervert Nord could not defy the oracle of Confucian-machismo.

—Slide.

I gently intercepted the veil from Dana’s hand.

“Ah.”

I placed the veil on our wide-eyed sis and adjusted it to the perfect angle, the same way one might touch a junior soldier’s beret on Armed Forces Day.

“Dana.”

Then I whispered.

“If you don’t wear this for me, I’ll do the same thing you did and secretly pounce on you while you’re sleeping at dawn, okay?”

It was revenge for what she had done the day we first slept together. It was unfair for only Dana to do perverted things as she pleased.

—Gulp.

Yet Dana swallowed, hesitated, and finally spoke.

“I-if I wear it… you won’t come?”

“…I’ll send you a signal next time, so leave the door open and sleep.”