The Great Madness (6): The Greatest Scumbags Might Be Protecting Humanity
The thought that the greatest scumbags of the age might be the ones protecting humanity made my head hurt. I swept my bangs back with a sigh.
Once you’ve taken a dislike to someone, you only ever notice their worst traits. Take Yerna, for example. If she had thrown herself at my feet in a naked dogeza and begged me to understand that there were unavoidable circumstances behind stealing my thesis, would I have thought better of her?
No fucking way.
Captain Hoenir was disappointed in us. Not the mild kind of disappointment where he just revoked our personal time; he was so bitterly disappointed that he was in the armory loading live rounds into his own gun. So in the end, whether he decided to fuck over all of humanity was only a question of sooner or later.
But what if the reason the Compilation Battalion is trying to create more Humanum Dei and seize the Divine Thrones is to stop Hoenir’s resurrection?
It’s fucked. It’s nothing but a hypothesis, yet it’s still completely fucked. Why? Because the mere idea that those Compilation Battalion bastards might actually believe what they’re doing is righteous makes me want to vomit.
Committing all those atrocities for the greater good? There’s no bigger load of horseshit than that.
No matter their reasons, those fucking bastards are nothing but murderers.
Even Franc’s family got dragged into their conflict and lost people. Those sons of bitches are enemies I will never forgive. But if, right up until the moment my spear runs them through, they still think they’re dying for justice… how utterly fucked is that?
It feels disgusting even thinking it… but if I look at it that way, I can understand.
Q: Why did Tabula leave Romania and travel all the way across the sea to distant Britannia in search of “sacrifices”?
A: To secure even one more child with aptitude for a Divine Throne.
That’s the correct answer. If they left an empty Divine Throne unattended and it turned out Hoenir had the aptitude for it? Surprise! A god whose greatest ambition is the extermination of humanity would be resurrected. It would be the completion of a humanity-fucked scenario so horrifying even Nostradamus would shit his pants in terror.
That must be why the Compilation Battalion fills the Divine Thrones. The Humanum Dei sit on thrones that aren’t even theirs and go “Ahem! I am the baby god now!” to make absolutely sure Hoenir can never return. Of course, there’s definitely one hundred percent personal greed mixed in too.
Where else would the money Chairman Trustas earned selling dyes have gone? People and organizations both need capital to function.
Adelaide must have seen how badly my expression had soured, because she offered a hopeful observation.
“That’s true.”
Hoenir was already dreaming of humanity’s destruction back when he rescued the baby Hitler version of Yerna. Yet even after that girl had grown into a fully ripened Hitler, he still hadn’t recovered his power and was still struggling. Even a god can’t ignore every law in existence.
Even Odin had to play at suicide just to gain knowledge beyond his own abilities. Including the interference from the Compilation Battalion, simply finding a suitable Divine Throne for Hoenir must have been insanely difficult. No wonder Yerna hated them so much.
That said, if we look at it that way, we can’t just leave the thrones whose owners we killed empty either.
The Enlir I killed had sat upon Thor’s throne. But what if Hoenir also had the aptitude to pick up Mjolnir and shout “Assemble” to his lackeys? Then the humanity-fucked scenario would activate because of what I did. Even if that weren’t the case, the moment a suitable throne became vacant, Hoenir would regain his strength.
To prevent that, the ownerless thrones must be handed over to people we can trust…
Without realizing it, my eyes went to Franc and the hammer she carried. And it wasn’t just her. Dana, Veronica, and Larilura were here too. But I quickly shook my head.
…It’s too soon. We’re not even at the stage where we can weigh the possibilities yet.
Anyway, coming all the way here to hear about Hoenir had been the right decision. Besides Veronica learning spatial teleportation magic, I had gained valuable information.
I gave Adelaide a polite bow.
“Lady Adelaide. Thank you for lending me your wisdom.”
“Even so, I wanted to express my gratitude properly.”
Adelaide smiled and shook her head, then spoke seriously.
…Now those are the words I wanted to hear.
That’s right. It was about time I got on the Odin coin train and started sucking up some sweet, sweet honey! Enough of just calling me successor while planting some dark Nord inside me and calling it a day. I wanted to receive Gungnir or at least an Odin Open-Book chance.
“Then what exactly should I do?”
I asked with a serious face. Adelaide answered with equal gravity.
Goddamn it, these Bicorn females really are nothing but sex-crazed birds.
After a long, serious conversation, being told “Hey, go have sex!” left me completely stunned. Adelaide smiled and continued.
No, the location isn’t the problem here. I’m the guy who unlocked outdoor sex with Franc after only a week of dating. As long as no one’s watching, I could have a naked 4P right here! But damn it, when you’re in the middle of a serious discussion and sex suddenly gets dropped on you, the mood dies instantly. You get it, right?
“Ahem. Hm.”
Veronica cleared her throat awkwardly when she saw me spacing out. Good job, my attendant! Say something!
“Hm-hmm. Then it is my turn for Seidr, is it not? Master, simply leave it to me.”
“Are all you people in heat during winter or something?”
I accidentally let the rude remark slip, but Veronica either didn’t hear or ignored it and began preparing.
“What are you saying! While Franc and Dana know the ritual procedure, in times like this you should leave it to me! When it comes to Seidr, I am the most—!”
“Hik?!”
—Whoosh!
Adelaide pulled Veronica into her arms with one hand. Veronica was dragged away helplessly like a chihuahua caught by a human.
“L-let me go this instant! You old hag, all you have is strength—!”
Having snatched Veronica, Adelaide bowed politely.
“Ah, yes.”
Veronica was still struggling inside the giant’s embrace, but it seemed as useless as a bride having her earlobe grabbed by her mother. So, my attendant, could you please stop looking at me like that? You two seem pretty close, and it makes it awkward for me to butt in. I feel like the boyfriend stuck between his girlfriend and her friends right now.
Adelaide turned to me with one last piece of advice.
“Argh! I am Master’s wife too! I am the queen who receives his love! Can you not show me a little more respect?!”
With that, Adelaide carried Veronica away with light steps. A bride being carried off by a giant sounded like something from a heroic tale or fairy story. The fact that the villain was a beautiful giantess made it extremely niche, though.
“…Dana?”
“…Yeah. Let’s play rock-paper-scissors.”
Our wives had already begun deciding who would go first. The lack of hesitation suggested they had secretly been deciding the order behind my back. Since rock-paper-scissors doesn’t exist in this world, there must have been some system for deciding who came to my bed at night. It felt strangely touching.
—Poke poke.
“Senior? Senior?”
At that moment Larilura poked my side. What? You want me to explain what Seidr means? When I looked at her with that question in my eyes, Larilura tilted her head cutely.
“That Seidr thing~. Can’t I do it with you~?”
“Huh?”
I was at a loss for words. Wait, did I never explain what Seidr is to her? I thought I had. Or maybe not? If not, did I have to explain that Seidr basically means sex? Or should I tell her it’s an ancient genetic synthesis content with a long history?
—Squirm.
While I was confused, I finally noticed Larilura was secretly holding back laughter. I let out a hollow laugh and gave her a light smack on the head.
—Bonk!
“Ouch?! Why, why did you hit me!”
“What’s a little mouse like you doing acting cheeky? That’s not how you tease adults.”
“Sheesh… Just because there’s an age difference, you always treat me like a kid.”
Larilura clutched her head and flopped face-down onto the grass. Hey. Don’t lift your butt like that. It’s indecent.
“Hey. It’s over.”
Dana approached with a V-for-victory sign made with her fingers, her face bright red. It looked like the match had been decided. Rock-paper-scissors is nice because it ends quickly.
“Did you win?”
“…W-what are you saying! Of course I lost, you idiot!”
—Screech!
Dana shouted, but behind her Franc was waving a cloth bundle back and forth. While I wasn’t looking, it seemed Dana had thrown scissors while Franc threw paper.
“Eep!”
Dana noticed Franc, spun around, but Franc quickly hid her hands and pretended nothing had happened. With her ears burning red, Dana pounded my chest with soft hammer fists.
“What? You got a problem? Isn’t the loser supposed to do it? You keep acting like doing it with me is some kind of reward, you annoying bastard.”
“Wait, so is this a penalty game now?”
She was the one who came running because she was horny after winning rock-paper-scissors, yet the moment I teased her she played innocent. Still, there was something more arousing about doing it after losing rather than winning. It gave off the vibe of “Hot College Girl Loses Penalty Game.avi,” which I found pretty appealing. Though technically she was a graduate student, not an undergrad.
“By the look in your eyes, it seems a tsundere has taken up residence in your mouth. Wife, confess the truth and receive your husband’s favor.”
“There he goes again with the nonsense. Your bullshit is in top form today. You really are an expert at acting like an idiot, aren’t you? Are you sure you didn’t choose the wrong major?”
This wicked wife was scolding me in a counselor’s tone. If she wanted to act like an intellectual so badly, should I put glasses on her before sex and make her do the cute “boing~♡” pose? That would be wielding the iron hammer of justice (my dick). If I beat the tsundere inside Dana to death with my fuck-club, maybe she’d apologize with something like “I’m sorry for acting up in front of my husband’s cock!”
Yeah, don’t hold back. My inner Pornhub.
I brushed the dirt off my butt and stood up.
“Fine. If you don’t want to, I won’t force you. I’ll do it with Franc instead.”
“W-what?! W-wait!”
When I turned my palm over, the startled Dana grabbed my hand.
“…Ah.”
—Hic!
Then, as if realizing what she had done, she hiccupped. Her expression was so erotic it made me want to carry her off and devour her immediately, but I grinned and asked,
“What’s wrong, sis? Got something to say?”
“…You… you…!”
Even though she grumbled like she was angry, Dana didn’t let go of my hand. She really is honest and bad at lying. I wondered where her eyes were going, and it turned out she was looking at the belt I gave her today.
“…Do it with me.”
She slipped her finger through my belt loop as she spoke. I smiled brightly.
“I can’t hear you~?”
“…You fucking bastard. You really are a dog, you know that?”
Of course I do. If my wife wants it, I can be a dog, or a husband who fucks her like one in bed. Dana headbutted my chest. Or, in other words, she hugged me.
“…Let’s do it, you bad bastard.”
Chirp chirp.