The Great Madness (2)
The moment Serzanne Heiromain dropped her bombshell, Dana let out a scream that could wake the dead.
“N-Nord, you’re telling me to publish it under my name?!”
It was rare for my noona to lose her cool like this, but honestly, I got it. How the hell could anyone not freak out? Even I could understand professors who stole other people’s theses—though I’d never forgive the bastards—but the idea of a professor willingly handing over her own paper to someone who wasn’t even her student? That was completely outside my frame of reference.
‘Is this even allowed?’
A professor giving away a thesis she wrote herself? This felt like a fundamental contradiction in the universe itself. I wondered if this was how Einstein felt when he realized his own theory was creating a cognitive dissonance that required him to invent the cosmological constant. The shock was so profound it bordered on terror.
“Oh, that’s a wonderful idea! I’ll help too!”
Alice clapped her hands like an excited seal, clearly thrilled by Heiromain’s completely insane suggestion. At that point, I started feeling a strange cosmic distance between myself and this pair—one a madwoman professor, the other a graduate student madly in love with another woman.
─Goooooo!!
Naturally, the Professor Slayer inside me fell into complete chaos. I could actually feel the ancient mana inside me roiling. It was like my soul had indigestion. I never wanted to know what that felt like, damn it. I still couldn’t grasp the full depth of this other world.
“N-no, Professor. How could I possibly take your thesis and…”
Shockingly, Dana actually tried to refuse. What?! She had the chance to snatch a thesis straight from a professor and she was turning it down?! Theses could be copied, for fuck’s sake! I was getting impatient, but Dana only shot me a cold glare. Somehow, I knew exactly what that look meant.
─So it’s okay when you steal someone else’s thesis, but when a professor steals from you, you scream like a dying rat?
Yeah, something like that. That glare was pure, 100% authentic contempt. It had been a long time since I’d seen that look. I was screwed.
‘Shit! At this rate I’m gonna end up on my noona’s bad side!’
Whether or not Dana was actually thinking that, she wasn’t wrong. Hypocrisy wasn’t a good look for a man. So I quickly started talking through our mental link.
[You idiot noona! Think about it! If you don’t take that thesis, who knows when Heiromain will publish something on the same topic! What if she ends up getting marked by the Compilation Battalion?]
[……Ah.]
[You can decide whether to submit it after you receive it! If you use your head a little, we might even be able to turn it into a trap to lure out those Compilation Battalion bastards!]
After I gave her the second and third reasons, Dana’s expression finally changed. Of course, the number one reason was the glorious achievement of snatching a thesis directly from a professor, but the other reasons weren’t exactly negligible either. They weren’t just excuses—they hit the core issue.
‘No matter what, we have to take this!’
Once you reached the doctoral level, submitting papers anonymously was possible. We could hide our identities during academic presentations, stay somewhere quiet, and then ambush anyone who came looking for us. If we played it right, we could turn the arrogant pricks who thought they were invincible into information vending machines.
Of course, we still didn’t know if the Nuckelavee thesis would actually flip the Compilation Battalion’s berserk switch. But if the content was enough to piss off those otherworldly Red Guards, then letting Heiromain hand it over to me would be incredibly dangerous.
After that persuasion, Dana finally spoke up in a hurry.
“P-Professor? I-I’ll definitely take you up on that offer! Of course, if any prize money comes out of it, I’ll send it to you!”
“Hehe, there’s no need for that. Oh! Could you please remove my name from the co-authors? I’d get scolded by the dean if I caused any trouble.”
From what I could tell, Heiromain wasn’t poor because Ulster research didn’t pay well. She was simply the type of person who lived her entire life taking losses. With that thought in mind, I gestured to Veronica again.
"Alice. Can you hear me?"
"Yes? Ah, yes."
"I’ll keep it short. If you don’t want to see your master get seriously hurt, listen carefully."
I reconnected my thoughts through Veronica’s runes and briefly explained the existence of the Compilation Battalion. Alice’s face hardened before she gave a small nod.
"Is Ulster research not dangerous?"
"It’s probably fine."
"Still, be careful. Whether you tell the professor or not is up to you to decide."
"……Understood. Thank you for telling me!"
It was too dangerous to simply ignore. Every archaeologist carried that hidden risk, whether they knew it or not. The Compilation Battalion probably wouldn’t kill them outright, but archaeologists were the kind of people who could die in some random ruin and no one would bat an eye. Evidence disposal was easy, so the chance of avoiding murder was low.
After exchanging addresses with Dana, Heiromain gave us her farewell.
“I’ll send it once it’s finished. Well then, everyone! Thank you so much!”
“Take care!”
“Farewell!”
With a final hee-haw from Victuar, the carriage departed.
Serzanne Heiromain—the world’s most contradictory and bizarre professor. And her unicorn, Alice. Meeting them had completely overturned my perspective on professors and graduate students. Still, their personalities and actions were undoubtedly good-natured.
I wondered if a utopia filled only with professors and graduate students like them would one day arrive in this other world. It was impossible to know. For now, I could only dream of that day while working to raise my degree rank.
‘Fuck, I really want to at least get a master’s silver badge.’
Anyway, after saying goodbye to Heiromain’s group, we prepared to head into the forest to find the magic circle. Since I had already figured out the location, we could kill some time before going. I stretched to shake off the lingering emotions of parting and called out to Dana.
“Noona. Come here for a sec.”
“Hm? Oh, sure. I was actually about to call you too.”
Dana blinked at me with a questioning look. I casually handed over the gift I’d received from the chieftain.
“Here. I thought you might need it, so I brought it.”
Korean married man trait: tsundere mode. I was imitating the way my dad used to act when giving something to my mom. Dana blinked several times as she looked down at the gauntlet I’d given her.
“……Did you really pick this out for me?”
“Yeah. It’s something they used to wear back when they cast magic without Shamanic Tattoos. You hate getting tattoos on your skin, right? There are a few spells stored inside it too. I figured it’d be more useful for you than for me.”
The technique of imprinting magic through tattoos was probably part of Ulster culture, just like Heiromain had done. But Dana, who had been interested in the outside world since she was young, hated tattoos and exposure culture. That was why she had run away from home before her coming-of-age ceremony. Because of that, she couldn’t use most of the druid techniques she’d learned since they required tattoos. The only things she could use were basic undead purification through her holy symbol, Shield, and Heal.
Since she didn’t learn magic from the Mage Guild, this would be a good way for her to pick up new spells. And our party’s combat strength was in urgent need of improvement anyway. Plus, Dana’s equipment slot just happened to be a gauntlet.
“……Hey. Wait, didn’t something like this happen before?”
Dana fidgeted awkwardly, as if she hadn’t expected the gift at all. I blinked, not understanding what she meant, until she sighed and held out a belt toward me. It was a sleek-looking brown belt I’d never seen before.
“What’s this?”
“What do you mean, what is it, you idiot? I set it aside for you.”
“……For me?”
Only then did I realize what Dana had been trying to say. Back at that university in Germania, we had both picked out slippers that fit the other person’s feet instead of our own. This was the exact same situation.
“Wow, I mean… wow.”
When I failed to control my embarrassed expression, Dana turned her head away. I decided it was better to pretend I didn’t notice her red earlobes.
“That thing increases poison resistance. You almost breathed in that poison gas while fighting the Nuckelavee earlier. If Professor Heiromain hadn’t been there, you would’ve been in real trouble.”
“Ah, yeah. That’s right. It did happen.”
“I’m not always by your side, and even though you’ve gotten stronger, getting poisoned is a completely different story. I don’t want to see my husband getting sick somewhere I’m not around, so wear it all the time. And don’t go showing it off.”
“Yes ma’am.”
We couldn’t even look each other in the eye, like a couple who had just started dating. We kept hiding our faces or digging at the ground with our feet.
“Ah fuck, noona. I’m so embarrassed. What do I do about this?”
“Don’t say it out loud, you moron. You think I’m not embarrassed? I was planning to secretly give it to you later, but you ruined the mood.”
Dana kept rubbing the ground with the toe of her shoe. If someone saw her, they might think she was drawing a magic circle. But the way she was tightly hugging the gauntlet I gave her made it impossible for me to look away. Wow, I never knew exchanging gifts could be this mortifying.
To break the awkward atmosphere, I fastened the belt around the lower half of my giant leather armor.
─Click.
Belts worked pretty much the same in this world and on Earth. Once I adjusted it to my waist, Dana sneaked a glance with just her eyes to check how it looked.
“……Well, it’s not bad. I thought it would suit you.”
“The thing I gave you is combat equipment, so it feels weird to ask you to wear it right away. Let me know how it feels later.”
“How it feels? We’ll probably end up fighting together anyway, so I’ll get to use the magic eventually. ……Anyway, I’m going now. I’ll make good use of it.”
I waved my hand and chased after Dana, who was trying to run away while giggling.
“Hehe. Where do you think you’re going, noona? Let’s just stay together.”
“Ugh, go away, you idiot. Don’t follow me. It’s so embarrassing.”
I was following her precisely because it was embarrassing. I kept chuckling while flirting with Dana, whose mouth was clearly fighting back a grin. These sweet little moments were part of married life too, after all.
After finishing our preparations, we entered the forest.
“This is the place.”
Since I had already scouted the location in advance, there was no chance of getting lost. The moment we reached the spot where the bird I’d hired had been circling, Veronica immediately dispelled the barrier. Inside was the same teleportation magic circle I had seen with Tirsi before. Light was leaking from it. It seemed to be fully charged.
If Veronica went up and activated the circle, we could travel to the sanctuary at any time.
“Veronica. Can all of us use this together?”
“I shall look into it. Wait there for a moment.”
Anyone could enter this area once the barrier was removed. However, to use the circle’s spatial movement effect to reach the sanctuary, one apparently needed to possess rune mana. Veronica began carefully examining the magic circle at my question.
─Scritch, scratch.
She combined the knowledge of magic circles she had learned in human society with the techniques she’d picked up from the chieftain. She drew similar patterns on the ground and seemed to be recalling memories. After a while, she nodded.
“Hmm. This is the first time I’ve analyzed the principle like this, but if we stay in skin contact on top of it, we should be able to transfer together.”
“Skin contact?”
“Holding hands tightly should suffice. It appears the Divine One had no intention of stopping members of our clan from bringing others in, even if they blocked unauthorized individuals.”
“I see. Franc, Dana. Come on.”
I gestured to my wives who lacked rune mana.
“Hehe.”
“Hey, you. It said just holding hands is enough.”
Franc didn’t hesitate for even a second before throwing herself into my arms. Dana, still a bit awkward, blushed as she leaned against me. It seemed the embarrassment from earlier hadn’t completely faded.
“Come on, noona. What are you doing? If you stay behind here alone, you’ll have to wait all day in this dangerous forest.”
“Ugh, get your face away from me? I’ll bite you.”
She was just acting tsundere. While we were being lovey-dovey, Larilura narrowed her eyes in displeasure and clung to Veronica.
“Veronica unni, look at them~. Doesn’t it hurt your stomach watching them flirt while leaving you out~?”
“My stomach does hurt, and it’s because you’re clinging to me. Larilura. Have you perhaps forgotten about my curse?”
“Ahaha~♡? Then should I go to my senior instead?”
“……No. Stay here. It is bearable.”
Veronica grabbed Larilura’s clothes and raised the staff made from the Burning Branch.
“Then I shall activate it.”
─Thud!
The moment she struck the ground with her staff, a flash of light burst out just like last time. The scenery changed in an instant. In a single second, we had been transported to one of the unknown Bicorn sanctuaries.
“……A cliff?”
Dana, still in my arms, muttered in wonder before quickly pulling away once she noticed my gaze. Even though it had been less than half a year since she lost her virginity, she still acted like such a pure maiden. My noona was pretending to be calm even though her husband found her unbearably cute.
“This place is a cliff in some mountain range. I visited here once before while searching for rune stones. It hasn’t changed at all.”
After peeling Larilura off herself, Veronica looked around and spoke. Then, without any wind-up, she lit her staff on fire and shouted into it.
"Veronica Eclipse has arrived!! Is Adelaide present──!!"
Her voice echoed across the cliff like she was shouting into a megaphone. If there were no barrier, it would have been loud enough to reach the bottom of the valley. The Bicorn whose name had been called revealed her massive body.
─Thud. Thud.
"There is no need to shout so loudly that it hurts the ears, novice prophet."
It was a Bicorn as enormous as the Nuckelavee. With one broken horn, she turned intelligent-looking eyes toward me.
"Welcome, beloved child of the Great Chaos."