The Great Madness (1)
The chieftain was waiting for us alone. “You’ve arrived. Let’s sit and talk.”
I sat down as instructed. The traditional Ulster tea—which, to be honest, wasn’t my taste—came out, and after a brief exchange of pleasantries mixed with small talk, she got to the main point.
“The reward I’ll be giving you has been decided. Here are the magical reagents we can proudly offer from our village. I’ve also included a modest amount of Romanian currency.”
She brought the items herself without calling for any subordinates. The cash, which seemed to have been taken from the village’s public funds, was heavier than expected. Veronica inspected the stone powder and herbal extracts presented as reagents.
“I don’t know the exact usage, but they’ll be very useful for magic circles and such.”
Judging by her expression, our maid seemed satisfied. That was good. Since spatial movement consumed a ridiculous amount of mana, we needed to replenish it with reagents and natural mana. Installing a magic circle like a portal would improve the cost-efficiency.
“Hmm. Isn’t this reward a bit stingy?”
But there was someone who openly complained. No, not someone. If we were being precise, she was a divine being. And of course, it wasn’t our proud, two-horned, lewd yet adorable goddess. It was the rather haughty lesbian unicorn.
“We defeated a monster of that caliber, didn’t we? And thanks to your mistake, we nearly died several times in the middle of it. Yet you’re trying to settle it with some herbs, stone crumbs, and a few coins?”
Her tone was sharp at first glance, but facts were facts. ‘It is a rather meager reward.’
I had learned how to use aura and Beast Possession, and the other party members had picked up some shamanic arts that weren’t usually taught. Still, if we had been told beforehand that we’d risk our lives for this kind of compensation, we would have hesitated. We had simply kept quiet, figuring there wasn’t much more to expect from a remote village like this.
“Yes. The villagers feel quite guilty about it. There simply wasn’t much we could give. I sympathize with their feelings.”
At Alice’s words, the chieftain raised her finger with dignity.
“That is why, on my own authority, I will open the village’s treasure vault.”
“……The treasure vault?”
When Alice spoke with suspicion, the chieftain smiled and grabbed a handful of the reagents. She then threw them into the fireplace where green flames were burning.
─WHOOOOSH!!
─CLANG!
Whatever reaction occurred was obvious at a glance—the magical flames grew hotter, and as fire surged up the chimney, an entrance leading underground popped out beneath it.
“As you know, the descendants of Erin don’t have many relics to speak of. So in truth, this is a secret that only the chieftains have known across generations. It’s a modest storage, though.”
The chieftain gave us a bright smile as we stood there stunned by the unexpected gimmick.
“Our ancestors may not have been able to create treasures to leave for their descendants, but they certainly knew how to seize them.”
Fuck, now that she mentions it, that makes sense. I slapped my forehead. If the warriors of Erin had truly just lived huddled away in the wilderness, they would never have been counted among the three great barbarian tribes.
Just as the chieftain had said, the underground treasure vault was simple. Still, it wasn’t a completely barren space. There were only about a dozen items, so if we each took one, it would leave our consciences with holes, but still.
“……How many may we take?”
“Take as many as you wish, but most have not been maintained and have become mere junk. Please choose carefully.”
Her tone made it sound like we were rummaging through scrap, but when we properly searched, that was absolutely not the case.
What I found was a pair of white gauntlets.
─Clatter.
Just from the weight, they clearly weren’t made of iron. They were incredibly light yet ridiculously sturdy. The chieftain, with her eyes closed, examined the gauntlets I was inspecting.
“Ah, that one. Its name has been lost, but the previous chieftain called it the [Shamanic Imprint Gauntlets].”
Shamanic imprint? When I tilted my head, the chieftain rolled up her sleeve to show me her tattoo.
“It is one of the few legacies of Erin. Before our culture of [shamanic tattoos] developed, this was apparently the mark of the chieftain. Before the tattoos, they used to engrave shamanic arts onto such tools.”
“……You mean it can hold magic?”
“Yes. Though ultimately, activating the formula depends on the user’s ability.”
I see. It looked like a very useful item. Moreover, if it had been used by chieftains of the ancient civilization era, there was a chance the shamanic arts engraved on it still remained! It was quite an attractive item, so I glanced at the chieftain. ‘I want to take this… but isn’t it a symbol of the chieftain?’
Even if it had become practically obsolete, she probably couldn’t just give something like that to outsiders. When I hesitated, the chieftain simply shrugged.
“Shall I tell the next chieftain that it was ‘damaged during the battle with the Nuckelavee’?”
“Pardon?”
“Or I could tell the truth—that it was given as a gift to the village’s benefactor. I doubt our ancestors resting in the paradise would look kindly upon a descendant who clings to old junk while failing to repay a favor.”
She had phrased it indirectly, but it meant I could take it. Jackpot. I happily tucked the gauntlets under my arm.
The other party members each picked out an item as well. Veronica, unable to find a weapon better than the Burning Branch, settled for some valuable reagents. Dana and Franc wouldn’t tell me what they had chosen.
“Hey, isn’t this a bit much between husband and wife?”
“Hehe. It’s a secret for now! I didn’t find a weapon I liked, so I picked this.”
“Then what about yours? Armor again? Kid, you sure do cherish that body of yours.”
“My body isn’t mine, so I can’t help it.”
Anyway, our group of four spouses had roughly chosen, but Larilura, whose main equipment was her marionettes, seemed to be taking a long time to decide. After all, in games, classes with few equipment options always spent two to three times longer browsing the auction house.
I waited patiently for Larilura’s choice.
“Senior? How about this?”
The item Larilura brought after twenty minutes was a pink gemstone. This girl had reached the pinnacle of concept-chasing. She was even color-coordinating her equipment now. If she had been born in my country, she probably would have been one of those black cows falling for the ultra-pink girls’ shoes from Artis. At least she wore red in party settings, so that was… wait, fuck. Come to think of it, red is basically in the pink family too? This is a serious condition.
“Hey. You just picked the most expensive-looking thing because there wasn’t anything decent, didn’t you?”
“Ahaha~♡ I thought it might help with the dowry~.”
I’d really like to meet a man who would be happy to receive a pink gem as a gift. Some say pink is a manly color, but in my childhood, any kid with a dick who picked anything but Greek and Roman mythology would have been bullied instantly if they brought home a manga about character changes. A guy who gets close to any pink besides a girl’s becomes a castrated bitch in no time. That doesn’t change even when you become an adult. Do you know the awkwardness of holding your girlfriend’s bag while waiting in front of the women’s restroom? I do. Ah, ex-girlfriend whose face I can barely remember now. Are you doing well? I hope so.
“That is the Featherwind Jewel,” the chieftain explained. For once, she looked troubled. “It’s an item enchanted with magic that makes whatever is held in the hand or attached to it lighter. However, its origin is unclear, so it would be best to use it discreetly so it doesn’t draw attention.”
“Senior! It’s a jewel that makes things lighter! Wow, it must be expensive♡! I won’t have to diet anymore!”
“You crazy bitch…… Do you even read the terms and conditions when you buy insurance…….”
Well, it was an item that suited Larilura. It would not only help with her circus acrobatics but also provide a speed buff for Ringling, whose movements were slowed by her weight. If she switched it properly during battle, it would be a great help. Honestly, it seemed useful for me too. ‘Hehe. I should borrow it when I need to move heavy obstacles.’
I take back what I said earlier. A true macho man can embrace pink. Who would call Dwayne Johnson or Wolverine gay for wearing a pink tank top? And judging gender by color is discriminatory behavior. You fucking color racist.
“Professor? Have you chosen something too?”
Dana asked while hiding her chosen item from me. Then the somewhat shy Heiromain answered.
“Yes. Alice picked out an item good for wound recovery for me.”
“That one’s good for skin elasticity too! Oh, and I chose this.”
The desire-driven naked-slug unicorn pointed at a necklace. I looked at it without thinking and nearly had a heart attack.
“What the fuck?”
It was orichalcum. There was an orichalcum necklace in this damn storage! The three of us who recognized the material—me, Franc, and Veronica—jumped up at the same time.
“Chieftain! You can’t give us that! That thing is insanely expensive!”
“There is no rule that says a gift for a benefactor must be chosen by price.”
No, damn it, that’s true in principle, but this isn’t something you can just hand over! I was completely dumbfounded, but the chieftain simply tilted her head.
“Orichalcum, you say. How surprising. I was told it was made of sea iron…… It seems the story got distorted.”
Does this person not know how much that’s worth? The chieftain’s far too calm demeanor left us speechless. ‘Damn it. I should have chosen that instead.’ The gauntlets tucked under my arm suddenly felt cold. Fuck.
“Are you finished?”
The one who spoke to us after we left the vault was the peddler Victuar. It looked like he had bought up whatever goods he could sell from the village while we were with the chieftain, as his luggage had grown a bit.
At his words, Heiromain nodded.
“Yes. It seems we can depart on our own now. The others still have things to do around here.”
“Oh my, finally! It’s a good thing I brought non-perishable goods, or my business would have been ruined!”
Ignoring his exaggerated display of gratitude, Alice whispered something into the chieftain’s ear. Of course, I heard every word.
“Look. I’ll accept it since you’re giving it, but is it really okay to hand over things so casually? Even if they aren’t your ancestors’ belongings, they’re still part of history, aren’t they?”
It was a question befitting a true (former) archaeology graduate student. Although she had been the one demanding more reward, as a unicorn she couldn’t possibly be unaware of orichalcum’s value. ‘Well, to be honest, even I don’t fully grasp how valuable it is.’
I had heard that the orichalcum pillar we possessed was worth more than the Henesis lord’s mansion. It was twenty times the price of our house’s lease. Fuck, now I’m really feeling it. I’m sorry, Little Prince. I’ve become a pathetic adult who can only judge the value of things by money…….
“It’s fine. We are descendants of Erin who do not rely on material things but convey our hearts from heart to heart.”
The chieftain smiled gently.
“We faced hardship the moment we began interacting with the outside world, but my resolve has not changed. The reason we were able to defeat the Nuckelavee was entirely thanks to the help of outsiders like yourselves.”
─Flutter.
She slightly lifted and then released the hem of her clothes. It was the thin garment the Ulster people had chosen as a compromise with foreign culture.
“Even if we stay in the same place, the times will change. I hope this incident has taught the villagers that lesson as well.”
“Hmm.”
The unicorn whose homeland had been destroyed by the flow of that very era looked at the chieftain’s smile with a strange expression before letting out a small laugh.
“Not bad. Whether we change or not, the world won’t leave us alone. Isn’t a happy life about making choices without regret in each moment?”
“Hehe. Preparing for the future is important too, you know?”
“There’s nothing more futile than talking about the future~? ……Well, I’ll keep it in mind.”
With that, Alice stepped away from the chieftain. It was time to say goodbye.
“Thank you, Chieftain. I hope the day we meet again comes soon.”
“Yes, Heiromain. Next time, let’s meet during peaceful days.”
Heiromain performed a unique gesture in farewell. The chieftain returned the same gesture, so it seemed to be the Ulster way of greeting.
I asked the professor and graduate student as they climbed into the carriage.
“Are you leaving right away?”
“Yes. The threat of the Nuckelavee is gone, and unlike you, we have learned what we came for…… the shamanic arts of Erin.”
Heiromain pointed at the newly engraved tattoo on his body. Behind him, the peddler Victuar was sucking on his finger. We had kept silent about the treasures we received as reward, but it seemed he had overheard the part about cash. Since the amount we received was more than enough, it would normally be polite to share some with him, but since Victuar hadn’t done much, I had no intention of giving him anything extra. Got a problem with that, you peddling bastard? Then go to the sea. If you catch a Nuckelavee too, I’ll give you primitive ancient barbarian equipment.
“Here, Guide. Take this.”
─Whoosh!
While I was thinking such things, Alice suddenly handed me something. I caught it roughly and turned it over in my hands, wondering what it was this time. It was the orichalcum necklace.
“……What is this?”
“That’s the price of our lives.”
“The price of your lives?”
I asked back blankly, not understanding for a moment. Alice burst into laughter, apparently finding my surprised face hilarious.
“You seemed to want it, so I’ll give it to you. Whether it’s orichalcum or whatever, it’s worth less than Jeanne’s and my lives, isn’t it?”
Was this what she had planned from the beginning? Alice laughed cheerfully, her hair fluttering. She seemed happy that she could do this in front of others.
“Honestly, my greed got the better of me and I snatched it the moment I saw it, but I’d hate it even more if I carried around something so excessive and Jeanne got hurt because of it. So just take it, Guide.”
“……If you’re giving it, I’ll gratefully accept.”
I smiled bitterly and handed it to Veronica. I’d have to find a use for it, but I could just store it in the slate for now. I also decided not to argue about being called “Guide.” After all, hadn’t I sworn to Veronica that I would one day lift the Bicorn clan’s curse? In that sense, Alice was right.
“My clan has already been destroyed, so they’re probably living recklessly like me all over the world, or doing bad things…… but still, if there are descendants someday who leave offspring unlike me, I hope they too can recognize the charm of other races.”
Alice gave a benevolent smile befitting a sacred divine beast. In a way, she was the first race I had met in this world who perfectly matched my preconceptions. When I thought about how all the different races I had interacted with a lot—elves, dwarves, bicorns, gods—completely ignored the standard fantasy tropes, this pure, virgin-loving unicorn was actually quite ordinary.
“Ah! That’s right. I just had a good idea.”
Anyway, we were in the middle of preparing for a not-bad farewell. Heiromain, who had finished loading the luggage, snapped his fingers and said,
“By the way, Miss Dana? The truth is, I really want to write a paper about what I experienced here and submit it, but the university is threatening to cut my research funds if I keep doing unprofitable research.”
Then Heiromain smiled innocently.
“If it’s alright with you, would you let me publish the paper on the Nuckelavee under your name, Miss Dana?”
“………………Yes?”
I quietly mulled over those words. I pondered, thought, suspected I had misheard, and finally reached a conclusion. ‘……So, fuck, the professor is offering to give a paper to a graduate student?’
No, Dana wasn’t a graduate student or a researcher anymore, but that wasn’t the important part right now. ‘……The professor isn’t stealing the paper, but giving it?’
He really wasn’t a professor of this world. He was a lab ghost. My chest swelled with such grandeur that I was left speechless.