Orichalcum (15) — Beach Barbecue and a Goddess Who Hates Vegetables
I felt a little bad for the merchants who had set up shop along the beach and the few honest traders among them. Honestly, though, the excitement of being at the sea never lasted more than three hours for me. And that three hours was only possible because Francesca and Dana were here—if I’d been splashing around in the water by myself, I would’ve gotten sick of it in one.
I’d never been that interested in swimming anyway.
Wait, is that really something to feel sorry about toward the merchants?
If people could stay entertained just by playing in the sea forever, the merchants would all starve to death. The tourists had to get tired from swimming, then wander around the beach shops spending money so the merchants could eat. But this place was a deserted island with zero infrastructure like that.
“Haaaaahm……”
I sat on a rock jutting out toward the sea and yawned. God, I was bored out of my mind. I was even starting to miss those illegal valley merchants who sold two 7,000-won chickens with some mushrooms thrown in for 140,000 won. When you went to a valley or the beach with no money, you really did end up playing for two or three hours and then just killing time in boredom. I remembered going on a trip with my balls-for-brains friends during summer break once. We’d played in a nearby valley only to get crushed by the insane prices of the valley vendors—prices no broke high schooler’s wallet could handle. In the end we gave up and went to a convenience store thirty minutes away just to stuff our faces with triangle kimbap. Now that I was actually rich, I had no chance to spend any of it.
Our party had played enough and was now each looking for their own new form of entertainment.
Francesca had discovered that the sand on this shore clumped together really well and was over there sculpting some ridiculously handsome guy. It was only possible thanks to her insane craftsmanship. Wait… that sculpture wasn’t supposed to be me, was it? I had a pretty strong ego, but even I couldn’t claim I looked that good with a straight face.
Dana was reading. I’d cut down a nearby palm tree and made her a natural parasol. Environmental destruction? My girl said the sun was too strong—what the hell did I care about the environment?
Larilura had gone back to the boat for a bit, and as I already mentioned, I was in the middle of yawning.
“No bites, huh.”
And Veronica was fishing right beside me.
—Twitch twitch.
—Glance glance.
Veronica perked up the cat ears on her head as she waited for a bite. She had upgraded all five of her senses to focus entirely on the movement of the fishing rod. When I asked why they were cat ears instead of horse ears, she said she’d gotten tired of horse ears.
I watched her for a while before asking.
“Those ears are from the Berkanan rune’s transformation magic too, right? Looks pretty easy to apply?”
“Hm? Ah, indeed. It is merely adjusting the species and appearance of the object called ‘me.’”
Veronica answered while staring at the fishing rod so intensely it looked like she might snap it with her gaze alone.
“Therefore, unfortunately, even if Master were to command me to ‘transform into the appearance of another woman,’ I cannot fulfill it right now. I shall ponder another method.”
“I never gave an order like that, you damn servant.”
“Hehehe.”
A cat tail swayed gently from the base of her spine above her bikini bottom. That tail didn’t seem necessary for fishing at all.
“More importantly, wouldn’t someone like you be faster just jumping in and catching them yourself?”
“Ah.”
Veronica opened her mouth wide like she had just seen Columbus stand an egg on its end. She’d brought the fishing rod to use from the boat, but in this calm sea, she could have just speared them like a haenyeo diver. For Veronica, that would be as easy as lying down and eating rice cakes.
But she protested my suggestion.
“Humans do not know how to spend time leisurely. This too is all part of recreation.”
“Didn’t you people create gourmet culture precisely because you knew how to spend time?”
“Indeed. I retract my previous statement. Cooking is good. It is the pinnacle of human culture.”
Hagalaz rune, launched without hesitation, struck the shore as a bolt of lightning.
The poor fish floating to the surface were victims of this otherworld version of a battery shock.
“A big one.”
“You materialistic bitch.”
Thankfully there was no one else around. I gave a bitter smile as I looked at the school of fish that had been wiped out. There wasn’t a single animal on the island, but the sea was absolutely teeming with life.
“Hey, Electric-type Rapidash. Just so you know, catching fish with electricity is illegal in pretty much every country.”
“Hmph. Such things are merely human laws. They have nothing to do with me.”
When I rested my chin on my hand and spoke, Veronica proudly made a V-sign with her fingers. Where the hell did she learn that from? Did Larilura teach her?
“With the gods remaining silent, the only one who can make me submit is you!”
“You’re the one who brought back fish because you didn’t want to eat grass. How can you say something like that?”
Don’t run away from your vegan health diet. This servant girl was openly filming a survival show on a deserted island just because her master only fed her hay. Though technically speaking, this island was the Bicorn clan’s private property. So whether she grilled or stir-fried the fish, it was Veronica’s freedom.
“Go retrieve those fish yourself. Oh, and I’m not helping? But I’ll still eat them.”
“As shameless as ever. Very well. I shall harvest them until my back gives out. This must be my karma for serving such a pathetic master.”
“Why is our Veronica acting so cocky? No magic allowed when you’re collecting the fish.”
“…………Pardon?”
Hurry up and go. The fish are all going to drift away.
Veronica stood there blankly for a moment before diving into the sea. She frantically gathered the fish and tossed them onto the beach. But Mother Nature did not permit such ecological destruction.
—Shwaaaaa! Crashing waves!
With one mighty high-tide-low-tide combo from the great Mother Nature, all the fish Veronica had piled on the sand were swept back into the ocean’s embrace.
“Hwaaaaaang……”
In the end, Veronica returned with a tearful face to gather more fish.
Ten minutes later.
—Splash!
Veronica, who had brought back thirty fish in a bucket, pouted at me as I lay on the rock cackling.
“……You. My entire body is reeking of fish.”
“Yeah, I can tell. Don’t come near me, you’ve got scales on you.”
“I shall tell Franc.”
“Purification.”
“…………Hiiing……”
Looked like dinner tonight was going to be a fish party.
It is said that the national rule after playing in the water is to have barbecue.
Honestly, I’ve never actually done it before.
But that only made me look forward to it more. A civilized person from the 21st century like me rarely got the chance to light a campfire except during training camp when we’d sell fake nostalgia about military service. When we returned to the party members, Dana looked into the bucket of fish we’d caught and exclaimed in awe.
“Holy shit, there’s so many. You even got lobsters?”
“These are the big catches Veronica dirtied her hands for. Treat them with respect.”
Just as Dana had marveled, there were three lobsters in the bucket, each the size of my forearm. The illegal fisherwoman Veronica tilted her head.
“Hmmm? I retrieved those bug-like creatures because their appearance was fascinating. They look extremely repulsive on the outside, but are they truly edible?”
“Didn’t the Bicorn holy land have things like crayfish? These are famous for being pretty tasteless.”
“Tasteless? Lobsters?”
I was genuinely shocked by Franc’s words. Were lobsters tasteless in this world?
“Yeah. They say if you put them on fire they either don’t cook or burn, so people boil them. But they don’t taste very good.”
“Even when steamed?”
“Steamed? Hmm, I’ve never heard of that.”
A recipe even the cooking genius Franc didn’t know! This must be that modern-person genius theory or whatever. Even if I couldn’t spread kimchi to this world, teaching them how to cook lobster should be fine.
“There are other things besides lobster.”
Veronica said as she pulled out a multi-legged creature from the bucket.
“Nord called it an octopus. Is it not fascinating in appearance?”
“Hiiyat?!”
“Hwyat?!”
“Ppyat?!”
The entire party freaked out at the sight of the zombie octopus. In order, the ones who screamed were Franc, Dana, and Larilura.
“Hm? Why are you all reacting like that?”
“Ah, no… octopuses are just… physiologically a bit much……”
“Whoa. How are you holding that with your bare hands? Doesn’t it gross you out?”
“Ughhh……”
They all ran away from the octopus whose head was being held by Veronica. Come to think of it, some Westerners really did dislike octopuses. Maybe people from this world felt the same. And I wasn’t the type of food-braggart who shoved things people hated into their faces going “try it, try it.”
“Veronica. Let’s just eat that between the two of us. It tastes good when grilled.”
“Truly? That sounds promising.”
—Whoosh!
Anyway, we lit the grill. We wrapped the lobsters in fragrant leaves and placed them on the grate. The octopus looked gross while cooking, so we prepared a separate grill for it. Either way, we had to wait until they were done.
“Nord, Nord. Do this for me.”
Franc, acting cute for the first time in a while, sat down between my crossed legs. There would never come a day when Kang Bukho could ignore Franc’s cuteness. I smiled and opened my palm.
I activated the magic, cooling my palm. Franc nodded happily.
It was only natural to feel hot after lighting a grill on a tropical island. I massaged the back of her neck to cool her down. It would feel as refreshing as an ice pack on a hot day.
“……Hng. You two look so cool by yourselves?”
At that moment Dana sat down beside us, giving me a look. Franc silently smiled and made room. My two adorable wives each took one of my hands. Like some bastard hogging both armrests at the movie theater, I held a wife in each hand. Maybe it was because we were on a tropical island, but I felt like a Filipino gang boss.
While cooling my wives like that, we waited for the fish and some sausages—apparently a specialty of Germania—to cook before starting our meal.
“You, you. My potato fell into the campfire. Take it out for me.”
“Just give up and eat the fish. The lobster and octopus are done.”
Veronica seemed awkward with her first barbecue and had only been licking her fork, but when I placed the octopus and lobster in front of her, her eyes sparkled. The lobster was simply brushed with butter, and the octopus was washed and lightly salted.
—Nom.
Veronica pulled apart the lobster meat and tasted it.
“Hoo…… Hoo?”
She seemed to like it, chewing on the portion I’d given her.
“This is delicious! It is similar to the shrimp dish the sailors made in Cudses. No, it is even more refined in flavor.”
“The lobster tastes good? Nord, I want to try some too.”
“Sure. Wait a sec.”
—Snap!
Since Franc showed interest, I broke off the tail section and shared it. Thanks to Burning Hand, I could stick my hand into the fire or tear it apart bare-handed without any problem, like some Indian fire trick. While I was at it, I picked up the potato Veronica had dropped and adjusted the fire’s position.
The fire control is on another level.
I was truly the ruler of the grill, Nord. A real man always took pride in grilling meat and controlling the fire. Especially when everyone around him was a woman.
“Puhuhu. Look at this kid sweating buckets.”
Because I was right next to the fire, I was sweating profusely. My girl wiped my sweat with a handkerchief. In thanks, I gave Dana a big chunk of lobster too. Franc also tried the lobster meat with a fork and her eyes widened.
“……It’s delicious! Why? What’s different about steaming it?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
I’d have to have boiled lobster before to know. I used to put blue crabs in ramen, though. Probably something like the broth leaches out and it loses flavor. There were still things I didn’t know.
“Whoa? What is this? Can lobster even taste this good?”
The other party members who tried the lobster were all amazed.
“I regret it☆! When we performed at the port, we used to just chase away the lobsters crawling all over the rocks. If I’d known they tasted this good, I would’ve caught them and shared with the troupe members!”
“Yeah. It’s seriously good. This is basically thesis material.”
“My girl is overreacting again. Don’t go spreading rumors about this. Lobsters will get expensive.”
It was time to repay the information monopoly I’d suffered so much from in this world. You damn tier-scum bastards. Do you even know what crab tastes like?
We selfishly enjoyed our secret food and ate until we were full. After only eating salty preserved rations, fresh seafood felt amazing. Veronica, who had demolished an entire lobster in the blink of an eye, cut off an octopus leg and stabbed it with her fork.
“This is delicious too. Dana. You should try it.”
“No!! Veronica you eat a lot!! I’m good!!”
“Mmm…… What a shame. It is so tasty.”
The party members happily passed food back and forth. I rubbed my stomach and continued grilling.
Come to think of it, today was the first time since coming to this world that I’d eaten seafood until my stomach was about to burst.
“Sisters, try this fruit~♡! It’s sweet and delicious!”
“Ah, thank you.”
Larilura had cut the fruits she’d picked earlier into bite-sized pieces and was feeding the other three. Then she held out a fork to me too.
“Here, Senior too♥. Say ‘ah~’!”
“You can just give it to me normally.”
—Whoosh!
When I opened my mouth to eat, Larilura spun the fork 180 degrees. My mouth chomped on empty air. What the hell. Was she teasing me?
When I looked dumbfounded, Larilura smiled happily.
“Ahaha♡! Senior, really. I told you to say ‘ah~’♡? Why are you so embarrassed?”
This girl couldn’t hold back and was acting up again. She might have been spoiled as the youngest in the circus troupe, but we didn’t do that here. I put on a dead-serious expression, picked up a piece of fruit from Larilura’s plate, grabbed her chin, and brought it to her lips.
“Ah~. Do it.”
“Eh? Eh?”
“I said ah~.”
When I stared straight into her eyes and spoke, Larilura, who had been opening and closing her mouth, finally parted her lips quietly.
“Ah, that is… um……?”
……Ah~. Her mouth slowly opened. I pushed the fruit inside.
Larilura lowered her head deeply and chewed.
“Is it good?”
“……I don’t know. Really.”
Larilura turned her head away. Her sweat-dampened hair stuck to her flushed neck. So she did feel embarrassed.
—Thrust!
The fork she threw without warning flew straight into my mouth.
“Oh, it’s good.”
It had a slightly tart flavor, like coconut or lychee. A vacation that satisfied both playing and eating. Except for the hot weather, that is.