Promotion Exam (2)
There are all kinds of crazy people in this world. And naturally, none of the bastards who slap the "crazy" label on themselves are pleasant to deal with. Among them, the absolute worst are the ones who try to shove their own beliefs down everyone else's throat.
"Raw meat has no nose, so it lives. Asking for an orc's nose means prioritizing the value of life."
We'd barely left the adventurer guild, yet this lunatic semi-nude foreigner kept preaching his no-kill doctrine to the party as we walked. What kind of adventurer spouts pacifist nonsense like that? I'd suspected as much from the name Vegan, but the more I listened, the worse my headache got. So I kept my mouth shut, following my personal rule of never feeding crazy people. Unfortunately, the dwarf Arthur couldn't do the same and finally snapped.
"You immature fool! How can a Bronze-class adventurer refuse to kill monsters?!"
"Orcs are living beings too. Humans built their nests in orc territory. In other words, humans are also at fault."
"You little—! Those things kill people, and you want to leave them alone?! We should wring every last one of their necks! I'll slaughter every single one I see, mark my words!"
"Impossible! Orcs!! We only take their noses!!"
"This damn brat, even to the very end—!"
—Clang!
The short-legged dwarf and the foreigner clashed their gauntlets, bickering. From the way they talked, the dwarf seemed relatively sane, but judging by how much liquor he'd poured into his hidden flask, he was swinging his fists like a man with rage issues. Most of them missed.
"Aagh! Stop hitting me, this armor's thin! It'll dent!"
"I was aiming for your stomach! You dodged rather well!"
"I was standing still! You're the one who missed, dwarf!"
These guys wouldn't be any help even if I brought them along. Maybe I should just kick them out of the party? If the headcount dropped by half, we'd only need to hunt four orcs.
Don't. Hold it in. Little Hitler inside me.
Racism was off the table. These idiots were still warriors, so they'd at least serve as meat shields against orcs. Ah, damn it all. Come to think of it, this party didn't have anyone for scouting either. I had a feeling I'd be the one stuck holding a spear taller than myself and using Animal Talk again.
"Huuuuh……"
Tirsi kept sighing like a homeless man at Seoul Station who'd just received cold water with his free cup ramen. If I poked her cheek, tears would probably pour out like water from a wet towel. It was the exact same expression as that scholarship-hunting girl who'd gotten stuck in a group project with nothing but trolls. Before her mental state completely shattered, I offered some encouragement.
"Tirsi. Let's stay positive. If we find a reasonable number of orcs, your magic can wipe them all out in one go."
"Yes…… As party leader, I have to stay strong."
Whether my words helped or not, Tirsi pulled herself together and spoke.
"Everyone. The area where wild orcs appear is still quite far. I won't rush you, but please don't drag your feet either."
"I know. I eat grass and possess the strength of a horse. My horse-power is overflowing. I have confidence in my stamina."
"Surely you're not suggesting we walk the entire distance? We need to arrive quickly so we don't panic if problems arise during the subjugation."
The trolls responded to Tirsi's words. I could ignore the human-goat bastard whose sword was probably sharpened on the wrong side, but Arthur's point made sense. The exam location designated by the Audumla Guild was more than three days away on foot. If we got unlucky, the round trip alone would eat up the entire exam period!
There's also the ten-day deadline to bring back the noses. They're basically telling us not to go on foot.
Maybe they were also testing whether adventurers would try to cut corners on expensive requests. The ability to plan ahead was crucial for adventurers. Only Bronze-class newbies could afford to greedily stack jobs like delivery riders and then flake out. From Silver class onward, botching a request would tank the guild branch's credibility.
Factoring in time to search for orcs and time to rest, walking was foolish. Tirsi agreed.
"Of course. I'll rent a carriage."
"We'll split the cost? Ngh. I came prepared to pass this time no matter what, so I don't have much on me. I'll definitely pay you back later."
That was the alcoholic's usual line. Anyone who lent money after hearing that deserved to consider it lost. Vegan spoke up confidently as well.
"I spent all my coins feeding the animals too. I don't know why cats have become so picky. They should eat healthy grass to stop being so irritable, but lately they refuse."
That was because I'd been feeding the local alley cats fish. A cat mom plus vegetarian? This grass-smoking Vegan bastard was a terrifying hybrid. If I told him I'd given the cats fish, would he draw his sword? How was he even planning to feed them grass in the first place? Did he carry catnip around?
"If you don't have money, then the carriage fee will be on me……"
That was when Tirsi, after careful consideration, was about to invest her own funds for the promotion exam.
"Wait a moment. Hear me out as well."
I stopped her. It was common for the group project leader to hard-carry the trolls, but I couldn't just stand by and watch someone I knew do it.
Besides, I can't let Tirsi's wallet suffer.
For the sake of her finances, I said this:
"Do you know about the Hamal? They're an excellent means of transportation."
***
Leading my skeptical party members, I headed to the Hamal ranch. It was the same place I'd visited when hunting hobgoblins last time.
"Oh my. If it isn't the adventurer who came by before?"
The ranch owner greeted us in a thick voice. Nothing much had changed here.
"Yes. I've come to rent Hamals again."
"Hah, right. Hamals. I told people you rode one and they beat me up for lying."
"Haha. That must've been a disaster."
"Don't even mention it. Sign here on the rental agreement. By the way, it's harvest season so we don't have many Hamals left. That all right?"
"Yes. Since they're large, two people can ride each one."
After signing, the other party members still looked full of doubt.
"Aren't Hamals known as the laziest animals? Wouldn't a carriage be better, considering the deposit?"
"We're not riding them to hunt orcs, are we? We can just leave them at an inn in the nearby village."
Renting Hamals would be far faster than taking a carriage. In this world where information and transportation were a mess, carriages were rarely available outside major cities. Who would operate buses that risked monster attacks? To reach Agros Village—the site of the orc subjugation exam—we'd normally have to get off in a big city and walk for a day. With these guys, one day would be enough.
"Hihihiheng! Hihihiheng! (It's that person!!)"
"Hihihiheng! Hihihiheng! (It's that person!!)"
When I approached the stables, the four Hamals recognized me. Of course I had no eye for telling apart identical horse-headed creatures, but when one approached, I caught on.
"You little bastard! You're the one who carried us last time, Ttareungi!"
"Haeng!!! (That's right!!!)"
It was the same Hamal I'd ridden when heading to Pefort Village to hunt hobgoblins! That reckless, frivolous attitude could only belong to this one. I patted its neck and chuckled.
"Huruhihinghaeng! (Long time no see!)"
"Haeng! Huruhihinghaeng! (Right! Long time no see!)"
When I scratched its thick, furry neck, Ttareungi looked like it was dying of happiness. Being overjoyed by such minor physical contact was the very picture of livestock.
These guys are descendants of divine horses? Really?
That thought brought back what Veronica the Bicorn had said in my dream about the curse.
—Grani!! So it was Grani!! My friend, have you perhaps lifted Grani's curse as well?!
—Those ones received a curse preventing them from carrying people on their backs because their original form is that of a horse!!
A curse that prevented them from carrying people. The front and back matched, but it still felt suspicious. These symbols of laziness and docility being descendants of divine horses? Veronica, who said she'd come find me, had gone completely silent for nearly a month. If I met her again, could I ask? Judging from how we parted last time, she'd probably just yank on my pants without giving me a chance to ask.
Her desperate plea to fulfill her clan's long-cherished wish was still vivid in my mind. The way that usually dignified creature had forgotten all pretense and started screeching had left quite an impression. Of course, I'd occasionally thought about it myself—how to lift the Bicorn's curse. Thanks to that, I'd remembered to come rent Hamals, but I still didn't have any solid ideas.
Anyway, after catching up with Ttareungi, I climbed onto its back in front of the dwarf and the foreigner, who were staring at me like I was insane.
"Hiiiiiiingheuinghihing!!!!!! (It doesn't itch!!!!!!)"
"Kuaaagh!!"
"Kyaaaat?!"
Since the itch hadn't returned this time either, Ttareungi let out a roar of joy. The party members flinched at the sound, like a train whistle being boiled alive. I calmed Ttareungi and spoke.
"As you can see, if you properly use Kitai's top-secret ancient primitive magic, you can ride Hamals. You're all well aware of how fast wild Hamals are, right?"
I had no idea about the speed of wild Hamals, but I said it anyway.
—Nod nod!
Fortunately, everyone seemed to know about wild Hamals, and their reactions were dramatic.
"I am the future!!"
Vegan raised his hand with an awesome Britannian flourish. He probably wanted to say "next is me."
"Make me the future!!"
"Ride the Hamal next to it. I'll invigorate that one for you."
"I am sugeun!!"
He meant "I understand," you idiot. Why use such awkward fancy vocabulary for "got it"? Foreigners always remembered the flashy expressions first but lacked the brains to use them properly. Like "Ryu Seung-ryong gimochi" or "Jeonbuk Iksan."
So I invigorated the Hamal Vegan was riding as well. Like last time, it only took a moment of asking where it itched and scratching. Vegan cleared his throat.
"Ahem. Sorry, but I can't ride horses."
"Actually, neither can I."
"Wait, you too? Then why did you suggest renting Hamals if you can't even ride?"
"Tirsi and Vegan said they could ride."
Thinking back to when I'd ridden with Franc, one or two extra people wouldn't make much difference. These were the laziest creatures alive, but they worked better than cows or horses even when being lazy, which was why people bothered feeding them. Besides, if I focused hard enough, even I could display superhuman ability and stay on a horse's back. Technique was a petty trick learned by those lacking strength. There was no value in teaching spearmanship to trolls. What would they do with Rannachal when they could just rip out trees and swing them?
"Ahem. So, uh, Miss Party Leader?"
That was when Arthur the dwarf awkwardly asked Tirsi.
"Who should this friend and I ride with?"
"……I see."
Tirsi covered her mouth gracefully as she thought, then walked over to my side without hesitation. It was the gesture of someone who'd at least considered it for three seconds out of conscience.
"Damn it. Height isn't everything for a man."
"I'm sorry. Since I'm a mage, I thought that in case of emergency, I'd rather pair with someone I've already coordinated with……"
"Haha. It's fine. I wasn't expecting much anyway."
Arthur achieved a mental victory, as if he'd known this would happen—like a construction foreman scratching a lottery ticket during lunch. Vegan patted the seat behind him and grinned brightly.
"Hey! Get on!"
"This brat doesn't even know how to respect his elders!!"
The dwarf old man howled as he climbed onto Vegan's Hamal. Still, maybe his Bronze experience helped—he didn't grunt or struggle getting into the saddle. I mounted my Hamal and extended a hand to Tirsi.
"Tirsi."
"Thank you. Excuse me."
—Flop.
Tirsi took my hand and climbed up, settling into the saddle. I held the reins so she wouldn't fall. Unlike my wives Franc or Dana, I couldn't exactly grab Tirsi's waist.
—Rustle.
Tirsi pulled out a map and checked the route.
"Everyone, let's go. We can ride along the roads until sunset."
"The plains! Horseback riding! Hamals galloping toward the sunset! Ro-ma!!"
"Why are you bringing up Romania here?"
Beats me. He probably wanted to say "romance" or "romantic." I had no intention of becoming the official interpreter for this nationality-unknown lunatic vegetarian, so I didn't explain. Tirsi grabbed the reins I was holding and struck downward.
—Crack!
"Hihihi───hing!! (This is exciting!!)"
—Clop clop clop clop!!
Maybe because of its experience carrying me last time, Ttareungi knew how to control its speed even while excited. In other words, only our Ttareungi knew how to pace itself.
"Hieuhhing hihehyuhehaeng!! Hyuhing heheung hi hehehaeng!! (This wind is me!! My destiny belongs to me!!)"
"Run!! Lacto-pesco!! Beyond the wind──!!"
"Kuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh──!!!"
The Hamal that had never carried a person before surrendered itself to instinct. The vegetarian and the alcoholic vanished at incredible speed.
—Clop clop clop.
Tirsi slowly chased after that frenzied sprint and muttered.
"Why do I have such bad luck with people?"
"……Hang in there."
Suffering builds mages.