The Silver Promotion Exam (1)
When the burned-out grad student Nord woke from a restless dream that morning, I found my newlywed wife enthusiastically kneading my dick between my legs.
“……The hell are you doing?”
“Eek──?!”
She sprang up like a cat that had spotted a cucumber under its tail.
Dana clutched her slender chest, eyes wide with panic. “If you’re awake, say something, you crazy bastard!”
“I literally just woke up and said something.”
Anyone would freak out if they opened their eyes to their wife staring at them with heated eyes while stroking their cock. I tried to sit up and immediately grimaced. Fucking hell. Horny as shit first thing in the morning.
“No wonder my dick felt like it was about to explode. You’ve been milking me in my sleep. Thanks to you, I had one hell of a dirty dream.”
The dream had featured Dana and Franc rolling around naked in nothing but aprons, frolicking like playful puppies. Dana’s eyes widened in shock.
“You can still cum even while sleeping?”
“Sister. Not everyone dies if you choke them in their sleep, you know.” I yawned. My balls were screaming for release. This fucking traitor of a cock. Why are you secretly getting fed by Dana while your partner is asleep? You should’ve woken me up so we could enjoy it together.
“By the way, sis. How long have you been rubbing it? The second I opened my eyes I felt like I was gonna blow, so I’ve been clenching my asshole like my life depends on it.”
“Well… I woke up at dawn and got a little curious…”
“At dawn?”
I pulled back the curtains.
—Flash!
The morning sunlight was brutally bright. Yeah. This was a good morning that could make a dick explode. I was completely stunned.
“My dear sister. If you knead it for over an hour, are you trying to make milk come out of your tits too?”
When I winced at the blinding sunlight, Dana pouted and looked away.
“Why are you getting so angry… I’m your wife too. Can’t I touch your cock a little…?”
What the actual fuck. I was already dying from how backed up I was, so why did this woman keep trying to arouse her half-asleep husband?
“When did I say I was angry? If you’re gonna do it, wake me up first.”
I relaxed my expression regardless of the blinding sunlight and stroked Dana’s back. What kind of newlywed gets mad at his bride for playing with his dick in the morning?
“Put yourself in my shoes. What would you do if you woke up to me burying my face between your legs and going at it?”
“Um……………… I’d pretend to still be asleep and endure it?”
Whoa. Is this the difference between a master’s and a doctorate? I admitted defeat and clapped. Our Dana really was a natural-born genius. A genius at making cocks angry, that is. How does she come up with stuff like that without any prior input?
“Remember this. Next time you’re asleep, I won’t wake you up either.”
“Crazy bastard. Is that a crime announcement?”
“It’s not a crime if it’s with consent. Anyway, did you sleep well?”
“Yeah. Sleeping while holding you was so warm it was fucking nice.”
She really was brutally honest. I chuckled.
“If it was that nice, come sleep here often. Oh, are you going to work today too?”
“No. The map’s soaking in restoration solution, so there’s nothing for me to do even if I go. The other researchers will probably come the day after tomorrow, so I should move the map here before then.”
“Got it. If you’ve got nothing to do, let’s get up and make breakfast.”
“Okay.”
So Dana and I took the leftovers from yesterday and prepared breakfast.
“Huaa… Good morning… Thanks for making breakfast.”
“Ugh… I didn’t even think about showing Senior my bedhead……”
Franc, who had slept in from her hangover, and Larilura, who was becoming lazier by the day as a NEET, came down to the first floor a little later. While I was warming bread in the oven, I said,
“If you’re going to wash up, the bathroom’s to the right inside the living room. There are towels too.”
“I’ll brush my teeth first. I’m scared my breath probably stinks right now even though we’re about to eat……”
“Go ahead. Good thing I bought multiple toothbrushes.”
Larilura staggered off to wash up, looking depressed, with Franc following after her. Even in another world, women go to the bathroom together. I’d heard it was similar to men gathering to smoke, but since I wasn’t a smoker, the comparison made zero sense to me.
“Tyrsie’s late though. Does she sleep more than I thought?”
“Huh? She stayed over too?” Dana, who was setting out forks and spoons, looked surprised.
Oh right, they didn’t know yet. I nodded.
“I’ll just knock on her door real quick. I’ll explain when everyone’s here.”
“Whatever. And don’t be an idiot and cause an accident by barging into the guest room without thinking.”
“Sister. Am I stupid? Why would I open a guest room door whenever I feel like it?”
This wasn’t a sitcom. I wasn’t about to pull that kind of stupid stunt. I went up to the second floor and knocked on the guest room door.
“Tyrsie. It’s morning. No work today?”
“──Kyaaaah!! I’ll get dressed and head to work right away!! I’m sorry!!”
Damn, her corporate PTSD just exploded. It had been a while since the sewers, but this was the first time I’d heard Tyrsie’s raw scream since then.
—Crash! Thud!
—Scramble scramble!
Tyrsie, who had been moving frantically inside the room, must not have been fully awake because she opened the door.
“Sorry, Lucy!! Thanks for waking me── huh?”
She said that after opening the door. I had only knocked, so why was this turning into a sitcom? Naturally, I quickly looked at the ceiling and covered my eyes. Since Tyrsie was so weak in the mornings that she couldn’t even tell her own room from someone else’s house, there was no telling what kind of state she might appear in.
“──S-sorry!! I’m not fully awake yet!!”
“Let’s close the door first.”
“Yes!!”
—Slam!
Only after the startled Tyrsie closed the door could I open my eyes. Let’s just take it as proof that the bed was comfortable enough to make her that relaxed.
“I’ve prepared breakfast, so come down and have a bite once you’re ready. You’re not late for work, are you?”
“N-no! Today’s a holiday!”
That was a relief. Since she’d slept at our house, I would’ve felt a bit guilty if she’d been late because of it.
“You can decide whether to eat based on the time. I won’t force you. I’ll head down first.”
After saying that, I went downstairs. I felt like I’d become a boarding house landlord. Maybe because the house was so big.
“Good morning~☆!”
Larilura returned with Franc, ridiculously energetic even though she’d washed with cold water. While we were eating a bit early, Tyrsie also came down to the first floor. Thanks to my warning beforehand, Franc and Larilura weren’t surprised. That said, Tyrsie was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. I wondered if it would cause strange misunderstandings if she didn’t change before returning to the dormitory.
Franc, who had been tearing bread, stood up from her seat.
“Miss Tyrsie. Did you sleep well?”
“Y-yes. Thanks to you, I slept very well.”
Tyrsie sat down gracefully. Dana scooped some soup and placed it in front of her. We chatted during the meal, and right before we finished eating and cleared the dishes, I brought it up.
“Franc. Larilura. About my Silver Class promotion exam.”
The content was the same as yesterday. Tyrsie could take the promotion exam, but making her postpone it for our circumstances felt wrong. She was also a party member, and she had suffered a lot last time because of me and Larilura, so I wanted to help her if possible. That was the gist of it.
“If Senior is okay with it, I’m fine! You said it’ll be a while before I can aim for Silver anyway~.”
“Me too. Miss Tyrsie helped Nord and me a lot during the sewers and with the warlock.”
Larilura and Franc spoke. Maybe it was because only good people had gathered. I had expected it, but the approval came more smoothly than I thought. Tyrsie bowed deeply, moved.
“Thank you both. I’ll definitely pass.”
“Yes. Hopefully with Nord too.”
“Of course.”
The conversation ended warmly like that. It would’ve been this easy if I’d asked when all the party members were gathered from the beginning. For better or worse, it seemed Tyrsie’s overly diligent personality had held her back.
“As you said, let’s wait until the exam deadline and apply together.”
I spoke as if concluding the discussion. Maybe because I had been through so many fights that even Brdak couldn’t handle? I didn’t even feel that nervous.
I spent the remaining time until the promotion exam deadline honing my spear technique. Since there was no one to properly teach me, I bought a book called Spear Technique Manual with the money I had left. The author’s bio listed ‘Sargadis Guard Spear Technique Instructor,’ which made me a little uneasy, but the content itself was decent. For someone like me who had been practicing the made-up martial art called Lannachal from this other world, it was more than enough as a guideline.
The discomfort I used to feel from staying cooped up at home playing with a stick instead of going out for work was now a thing of the past. I had become skilled enough to swing the spear with considerable proficiency.
Of course, while I was doing that, the other party members were quite busy with their own lives. Larilura, with Franc’s help, completed her Bronze Class promotion.
“Senior! I got promoted to Bronze! Congratulate me!”
“When I got promoted, I didn’t get anything from you.”
The way she suddenly showed up one day with a Bronze Plate without me helping at all honestly surprised me. Well, I figured she could handle it alone anyway.
On the other hand, our sister was so busy managing the lab, handling the arriving researchers and equipment that she barely had time to breathe. She came home so late after work that I often went out to meet her in front of the lab.
“Ugh…… Husband. Sis is so tired she’s gonna die.”
“Hang in there. I’ll give you a massage.”
“……Hey. You call that a massage? Why the hell are your hands going to my breasts?”
“My hands said to do that.”
“Don’t talk shit with your mouth. I’ll kill you.”
“Sorry. Actually, your breasts told me to.”
“Really? That’s such a shock. Did these flat chests betray me? I haven’t even given you any orders yet…… Ah♥”
I dare say it felt like the happiest waste of life in my entire existence. At this point, my idle days deserved a Guinness World Record.
“……Nord. Aren’t you going to touch me?”
“Franc, you come too. Thankfully, I have two hands.”
“Crazy bastard…… It’s already rock hard.”
Anyway, it was a sweet life of training my exhausted graduate student stamina while enjoying a dick-filled harem. But my life was too short and my goals too high in the sky to just enjoy happy times forever.
“Nord. It’s today.”
On the day that marked about two weeks since I started training with the spear manual, Tyrsie came to our house in full gear. I had been waiting in front of the entrance. I slung my bag over my shoulder and grabbed my spear. I had already submitted the exam application. Now all that was left was to head out for the orc subjugation while hoping we were placed in the same party.
“I’m ready. Let’s go.”
“Yes. Did you say goodbye to your family?”
“I kissed them ten minutes ago and the gazes watching me from the window were making things incredibly awkward.”
I waved to my wives watching me from the second-floor window and headed to the Audumla Guild.
The Silver Class promotion exam supposedly lasted a whole month. In other words, adventurers who had applied a month ago and already left for the orc subjugation were already wearing the real Silver Class plates. For irregular teams like us who were starting at the very end of the application period, we had to hunt twice the number of orcs per party member within ten days starting today.
“Hoo. I’m nervous. Let’s persuade the party members so we can regroup according to the plan if we get separated.”
Whether it was because of the pressure to succeed, Tyrsie kept repeating things we already knew several times. I nodded and looked for our names on the party list posted on the guild bulletin board.
—Article 4. [Party Leader: Tyrsie Armasunas.] [Party Member: Nord.]
The really fortunate thing was that our names were in the same party.
The really fucked up thing was that the other two party members looked like total trolls from the moment they appeared.
“I am Vegan Halobos. Removing upper clothing is our house rule. Please understand.”
“Arthas Modeblue! Hahaha!! Don’t worry!! This is, huh? My fourth time taking this exam!!”
A shirtless foreign man in nothing but pants with only his helmet and upper body armor removed from his full plate mail, and a dwarf already drunk! The fact that Tyrsie, who was the party leader, had to take the mid-to-high rank promotion test with these guys made her face turn deathly pale.
“Female party leader. I have good intentions.”
And as if tormenting Tyrsie with just his appearance wasn’t enough, the full-armored pants man with thick chest hair spoke to her in shitty pronunciation in the Britannia language.
“Orcs are living beings too. Just cut off their noses. Non-lethal.”
I’m going crazy, fuck.