Newlywed Home in Sargadis (5)
Whenever my exhausted body dragged me toward the bathhouse, it always brought back memories of the taekwondo dojo I attended as a kid. The instructor there was a full-blown bath addict.
Our director, a mutant breed of kindergarten teacher, would drain the stamina of snot-nosed little kids to guarantee their parents a solid night’s sleep. In exchange for a modest fee, he lived as a breadwinning gym rat who poured every coin into forging real, practical muscle. That’s how I remember him.
But back in 2000, when I—Kang Buk-ho—was still a little brat, it was a barbaric era where even protein powder sometimes got treated like a drug. Maybe that’s why he was such a primitive, ancient gym-gallery warrior, sweating buckets for the pump even in those dark times.
Either way, the director absolutely despised the word “sweaty.” His reaction was three times more sensitive than the chubby kids in the training camp’s fat platoon when you called them “pig balls” and they started grunting.
Because of that, he lived like a fanatic preacher of bath supremacy, like Vatican priests with only three minutes left until the Last Judgment. Just as they wielded the Bible as a shield and the cross as a sword to deliver heretical side kicks, our director wore the key to the basement jjimjilbang around his wrist like a gauntlet and threw straight punches all day.
Naturally, the kid Kang Buk-ho—who learned chaotic, piston-like punches under him, basically fucking the air—absorbed that bath supremacist ideology directly. I lived like a miniature Terran corrupted by a cult until the day my mother filled the laundry basin and I cracked my skull on the faucet while acting up.
But kindergarteners are basically tiny blood clots with helium-light brains. The painful head-cracking ceremony of my childhood never dictated the beliefs of the adult I became. Even after throwing tantrums to ride a board because I was obsessed with Fly Superboard, ending up in casts on both arms and doing Black WarGreymon cosplay, I still refused to listen to anyone weaker than me.
With one year and three months left until thirty, I still loved baths.
“So that’s why I came. By my own will.”
“Husband, shut your mouth and get in before someone calls you a patient.”
—Slap!
Dana smacked my back while I muttered inside the bathhouse. The strike was so wet it hurt more than I expected.
“Hey, noona. Why’d you hit me?”
“Stop talking nonsense and hurry up. Noona wants to wash.”
Dana planted her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. We had returned to Sargadis, dropped our gear at the inn, and come straight to the bathhouse. Tirsi had gone off saying she’d use the mage guild’s facilities, leaving us as a four-person party: the Nord family of three plus Rari.
The receptionist lady gave a wry smile at our little comedy routine and asked,
“Four people? Did you bring your tickets?”
“Yes. Here you go.”
I pulled out the tickets, intending to hand over everyone else’s as well. Dana had already used all of hers.
—Sneak.
But Franc suddenly grabbed my hand and stopped me. What now?
“Nord, can you lend me your ear for a second?”
She spoke while glancing at Dana. Dana was busy chatting with Larilura and not paying attention.
“Why? Something bothering you?”
“Not exactly… but, well…”
—Whisper whisper.
—Mumble mumble.
When I leaned in, Franc whispered into my ear. My mouth fell open so wide it nearly tore.
“R-really?”
“Yes. I hate it when family feels distant. We’re still a little awkward without realizing it, so I thought it might be good to open up a bit more.”
Franc smiled with pure innocence. I wondered if this was really okay, but deep down I didn’t dislike the suggestion. It was practically the devil’s whisper.
Thinking that, I handed over the tickets and finished checking in.
“Dana. Larilura. All done. Here are your towels.”
“Oh, that was quick. Thanks.”
“Thank you too☆!”
Larilura took her towel and struck a playful pose. It felt refreshingly cute since she wasn’t wearing her clown outfit.
I cleared my throat.
“Dana? I reserved the special room for you, so go rest with Franc and take your time.”
“Special room? What special room?”
“They just opened it. It’s separate from the public baths.”
“Really? Not bad.”
When Dana nodded in understanding, Larilura let out a whine.
“Whaaaat? Senior, what about me~?”
“You want a private room too? The special one is only for two, so three people can’t fit. I can get you a separate one if you want.”
“Two-person room?”
Larilura stared at me for several seconds, then looked away.
“Yeees~ Yeees~. Understood~. Larilura will wash all alone and lonely~.”
“Hehe. I’m alone too. It’s a family matter, so understand. You’re becoming an adult soon anyway, right?”
“Family matters, family matters. Hmm… Yes, I suppose so.”
At my words, Larilura—towel looped around her neck—pouted her lips.
“Hmph~. So senior only treats me like an adult when it’s convenient for you? Fine~. If that’s how it is, I’ll wash quickly by myself, go back to the inn, and sleep first~.”
“That’s fine, but you won’t eat dinner with us?”
“…I’ll eat with you.”
“Good. Don’t fall asleep, okay? If I knock and you don’t answer, I won’t wake you separately.”
I made sure to say it in advance. I had no desire to wake a kid who had only recently graduated from puberty for dinner and get cursed out.
“I-I won’t be sleeping, so please come get me, okay?”
—Tap tap.
But Larilura kicked the tip of my shoe and said,
“Never mind. I’ll just wait here and go back with you, senior.”
“Suit yourself. I’ll probably come out first though?”
Usually the man finishes bathing first. Back in elementary school, even after scrubbing down with Dad and getting a haircut, Mom would still come out thirty minutes later than us. She always claimed she hated coming together because she couldn’t wash properly.
Larilura rolled her eyes and asked,
“Senior. How long does it usually take you to bathe?”
“I should be done in about an hour.”
“Then I’ll come out in an hour too~. It’s boring to wait alone, so let’s chat when we’re both out!”
“Sure. See you later.”
“Yes~♡!”
With that, I headed into the men’s bath, washed quickly, and came out. I’d left the armor splattered with bug fluids from the other world back at the inn, so I didn’t get any strange looks.
“Huh?”
According to my manly specialty of the thirty-minute bath cut, I had finished and stepped out—only to find Larilura already waiting at the entrance.
“Ah! Senior! Why did you come out so early?”
She had been wiping her face with a towel but waved the moment she saw me.
“No, that’s my line. Why did you come out so fast?”
“I didn’t get to wash with Sister Franc like usual, so I just showered and came out! But I washed thoroughly, okay? It’s a shame I can’t show you☆!”
“Shame my ass. If I’d taken my sweet time, I would’ve felt so guilty seeing you waiting that I might’ve died.”
Her hair wasn’t even properly dried. I clicked my tongue.
“If you don’t want to catch a cold, dry your hair. Franc and Dana will probably take a while anyway.”
“Yes~? I’m tired and it’s annoying~. Can’t senior dry it for me♡?”
“Did I fucking have a daughter or something? You’re so high-maintenance.”
Still, everyone and their mother knew exactly who had tired this girl out! Since she had worked hard, drying her hair wasn’t too much to ask.
Thinking that, I snatched her towel—then frowned at how soaked it was.
“What the hell? This absorption rate is ridiculous. Did you dunk the whole towel in the bath?”
“Ah. How did you know? I accidentally plopped it in!”
“Fuck. So that’s why you couldn’t dry your hair. And of course there’s no dryer in this place.”
“Dry-er?”
“There is such a thing.”
This uncivilized other world had no hair dryers. Nobles could just use hot-wind magic. Commoners? You lot can keep your dog-fur hair!
—Shake shake.
I used my own towel to wring the water from her pink locks.
“Ugh. Senior~. Don’t be so rough~.”
“Shut it.”
Her pink hair was surprisingly soft and silky. Maybe the mana circulating through her body helped with beauty maintenance too?
Dana’s daily pattern is practically strong-weak-medium-strong-weak, yet she still looks ten years younger than her age.
But then why did our noona have dog-fur hair? Maybe she had received the blessing of the constellation “Dog-fur Ball Shaggy Dog” from birth.
"Summon Cloud"
The steam carrying the heat of Burning Hand gently dried her hair.
—Whiiiing.
I cast the spell. The combination technique I had used last time to dry Franc’s hair activated once more.
—Flinch!
When the warm breeze touched her, Larilura closed her eyes and shrank her neck like a baby hedgehog.
“Hya? W-what is this? Your breath?”
“Do I look like a dragon? You want me to breathe fire on your head? More importantly, which side is your part?”
“R-right side.”
“Here it is. Customer? Please stay still. I’ll dry it to match your usual hairstyle. No complaints, right?”
“Yeees……”
—Whiiiing!
I made full use of my mana-buffed DEX to dry Larilura’s hair with practiced movements.
“There. All done. Nice and fluffy.”
“Ugh. My hair feels like it’s floating and turned into a honey twist.”
“Kuhuhu. Guess you won’t be able to shower again.”
Honey-twist hair, damn. One drop of water and it would be a hair-loss disaster. Anyway, it would still be a while before my wives came out.
I had no idea what to talk about with a young girl, but as long as I avoided sounding like my old man with that stale, nagging smell, I figured I could at least hit average.
“Senior, senior. Can I buy a drink? I’ve wanted to try one, but the leader always said it was a waste of money and never let me!”
“Ugh, tsk tsk tsk… Seriously… kids these days…!”
“I’ll buy one for you too, senpai♡”
“Our Larilura knows how to respect her elders. I’ll have banana milk.”
“I don’t know what that is, so I’ll get grapefruit tea instead.”
—Dash!
Larilura sprinted toward the stall with her wallet. The way she ran looked incredibly joyful. The pleasure of an independent college student finally doing whatever she wanted? Ah, I knew that feeling well. Wasting money was one of life’s greatest joys.
I waited for my wives while gulping down the grapefruit drink Larilura had bought. For some reason I felt like a damn Casanova gigolo bastard.
When we reached the inn we paid for the room and took a nap. But maybe because we had fallen into REM sleep before six o’clock, Nord and Franc woke up at two in the morning.
Fuck. We had passed out for eight whole hours.
“Uuuung…! Puhah.”
Franc, wearing her indoor clothes, stretched.
—Jiggle.
With nothing obstructing those heavy assets, the sheer reality of Britannia’s greatest breasts was overwhelming.
I clung to her back like a magnet drawn to the south pole.
“Franc. Sleep well?”
“Yes. I closed my eyes and when I opened them it was already dawn. I wouldn’t have noticed even if you carried me away.”
“Damn. I should’ve woken up first and carried you.”
“Puhuhu. Where would you take me?”
—Grope.
Even when I touched her breasts, Franc didn’t mind. She leaned her body against my chest and even adjusted her posture to make it easier for me. Such a gentle gesture.
Ugh. My dick is going to explode…!
—Knock knock.
I was happily enjoying myself, feeling like I owned half the world, when Franc’s waist began to tremble slightly. Someone knocked on the door.
“Who is it?”
“Your wife.”
It was Dana.
I got up and opened the door. The moment I took my hand off Franc’s breasts, I heard her slightly regretful moan, which made my cock stand at full attention.
—Flinch.
Dana, carrying a small bag, looked startled at the sight of my dick, now as lively as a salmon swimming upstream.
“W-what? Did you already start?”
“No way. I was just playing with Franc a little.”
“Playing my ass… Looking at Franc’s face, it was clearly just you having fun.”
Dana’s face reddened as she looked into the room. I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.
“Why are you acting like that? You came here to play too, noona.”
“…Fuck. I thought since you suggested we wash together we’d just hang out as friends.”
“Hehe. For the record, Franc was the one who suggested it first. I was just the one who gladly accepted.”
“Ah—shut the fuck up! Keep your mouth shut and wait outside, you perverted bastard!”
Pushed out by her scolding, I closed the door and leaned against the hallway wall. I was dressed like I was heading to a convenience store. Of course I had no intention of buying condoms.
“Manly man special) Finish inside.”
I muttered solemnly with my arms crossed and waited.
After I had mentally blasted through four passionate renditions of my inner MP3 playlist while fully erect, the door opened slightly, like a virgin lifting her skirt.
“…Come in, you son of a bitch.”
“I was getting tired of waiting, this noona of mine.”
The moment I heard Dana’s words I possessed an FBI agent sliding under a shutter and stepped into the room.
Franc and Dana were waiting for me in their negligées.