Newlywed Home in Sargadis (1)
After claiming victory over the giant man-eating insect boss, I clasped my hands and smashed the head of the bastard who had already dropped dead.
“Rest wrapped in an electric flyswatter.”
—Crack!
The grotesque head shattered into several pieces after taking a direct hit from the spear tip. Even a creature with exceptional vitality wouldn’t be getting back up after having its lid popped like that.
“Confirmation kill is key. This shit actually matters.”
The old cowardly Nord who used to be too scared of counterattacks to finish anything off was nowhere to be seen.
I roughly shook the bodily fluids off the spear shaft.
Basic utility magic that creates clean water.
Once I cleaned the spear, it felt squeaky clean again. The insect boss’s corpse was reverse-summoned and sent back to its homeland.
I leaned against the wall and looked at Larilura, who was sprawled out like liquid slime.
“Tired? Take a break.”
“Hee… hee… My legs won’t listen…”
“That’s because you’re completely out of mana. Drink this.”
When I offered her the potion, Larilura’s hand lifted halfway before gravity won and it flopped back to the ground. As expected, falling objects have no wings.
“I can’t drink it… Can’t Senior feed it to me?”
Larilura opened her mouth as she spoke. But why the hell were her eyes closed? Having gone through the same mess the first time I used Beast Regression, I had no choice but to uncork the bottle.
—Gulp, gulp.
Larilura drank the potion from my hand.
“Puha. But Senior~? This isn’t the one you drank from, right~?”
“Don’t people usually ask that before drinking? It’s a fresh one.”
“…Hmmm. Really? I wouldn’t have minded if it was the one you used.”
“I was going to drink it too. I dumped a stupid amount of mana into Lightning Arrow, so my head’s a little fuzzy.”
The count was seven shots, but how could 9mm bullets compare to mortars? Maybe it was because I’d packed the arrows as full as a condom stuffed with my load. My own mana tank felt about thirty percent left.
I popped open the leftover potion. Let’s drink. Excessive potion use is bad for the body. I took a moderate amount and wiped my mouth.
“Senior? Come sit over here too. Let’s rest together?”
—Tap tap.
Larilura patted the spot beside her. The potion seemed to be kicking in; she was regaining some energy.
“Might as well. Fuck, sleeping on a hard floor is exhausting.”
“I slept fine, though?”
“That’s because I played blanket for you. Seeing you flail around is suddenly pissing me off.”
I pinched Larilura’s cheek. It was insanely soft. Just by the cheeks alone, she’d give Franc a run for her money. Maybe she was better suited to blanket duty than I was.
“Auuu…! It hurts…!”
Larilura was dragged along as I pulled. I gave her a light knuckle to the forehead and asked.
“Anyway, how did you bring Ringling 3.5? The distance wasn’t too bad, was it?”
“Yeees. About a hundred meters straight line.”
Her pronunciation was muffled because she was rubbing her pinched cheek.
“It was on the floor above, so I smashed through the ceiling to call it. The sisters must have left it behind in the ruins.”
“Good job. Even if you turn the ruins into a sponge full of holes, the mindset of securing your own life first is the very model of an explorer.”
“That’s not a compliment, is it?”
“It is. Anyway, we’re alive, so it’s fine. We’ll head up once Selena gets back.”
That woman probably wouldn’t pull some prank if she had any conscience. As I tapped my shoulder and thought about our return plan, Larilura suddenly poked my side with her finger.
“What? Why are you attacking my flank? Is this a hint that you want to learn how to throw a jab?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m pretty sure it’s not that.”
Larilura answered with a straight face, then glanced at me cautiously.
“The bet! The bet☆! You said you’d take that thing down with ten of them! So I win, right?”
“But I delivered the finishing blow? Doesn’t this require fair referee judgment?”
“Waa~? You’re really going to do this? Stealing the last hit after I did all the work? That’s cheating! Cheating!”
“Cheating? Weren’t our damages to the bug bastard about half-and-half? How about we split it five-five?”
“No~! If we split it, the score doesn’t change!”
“Fine. Four to six. You take six.”
“I believe ten-zero is appropriate, including the part where I saved Senior when your head was about to get smashed!!”
“No, I wouldn’t have died even if it hit me.”
I answered Larilura’s stubbornness with some stubbornness of my own. Three was already too little, but zero? Was this the sorrow of a sharecropper?
“I yielded about ten of them to you! Senior happily took my suggestion but won’t keep your own word?”
—Shake, shake.
Larilura grabbed my shoulders and shook them. Her antics were funny, but she wasn’t wrong. Honestly, I didn’t have anything serious to ask of her, so I’d yield here.
“Then how about a dramatic compromise? I’ll take the loss on the bet. In exchange, you will never speak the words I said during my proposal again.”
“Good☆! We’ll call it a draw and each grant one request!”
Larilura looked delighted with the deal I proposed. Her cheek makeup was completely ruined, but her overflowing energetic smile made her look incredibly pretty.
…It was good that she was happy, but I was suddenly feeling uneasy.
“Why are you so excited? What kind of request are you planning to make?”
I asked because it bothered me. Larilura’s eyes sparkled like a cat that had caught its prey, and she giggled.
“Senior. You’re supposed to keep those things secret until the very last second~? If you’re really that curious, wait until winter ends!”
“The wish ticket expires at the end of this year, dear customer.”
“Ahaha♡ Then I’ll make my request to have my wish granted next spring!”
“The world truly is a terrifying place.”
What kind of mental state did you need to come up with something like ‘a wish to postpone making a wish’? It wasn’t even like rolling over credit card debt; it made no sense. If I were the genie of the lamp, I would’ve shut the business down in anger. Still, I sighed and drank the rest of the potion. After all, I owed her for saving Franc.
“Yeah, yeah. Do as you please.”
“Yes~ I’ll do exactly as I please♡?”
It was right after I heard that extremely ominous answer and was trembling with anxiety.
—Thud thud thud!
At the sound of people running toward us, I grabbed my spear.
“Larilura. Someone’s coming. It might be thieves, so get up and—”
“Nord!!”
A loud voice cut me off. It was definitely a thief. But the small stature and ridiculously bouncy chest calling my name while sobbing was one of a kind in this world.
“Franc?”
“Nord, it is Nord, right?! You were alive!! Thank goodness!!”
—Cling!
Franc threw herself into my arms, sobbing loudly. I stood there completely stunned.
Did she stay behind the whole time searching for us?
The answer to my question came from Dana and Tirsi who appeared right after.
“You son of a bitch!! I thought you were dead!!”
Dana, whose dark circles already looked charming but were now streaked with tear stains, shouted the moment she saw me. I comforted Franc and slipped into idiot mode.
“What were we supposed to do if you disappeared? You just vanish on your own and throw a tantrum—what the hell! What the hell!!”
—Thump! Thump!
Fists filled with resentment pounded my forearm. It didn’t hurt at all. It was magical damage rather than physical—an attack that only stabbed at my conscience.
Franc, who had been soaking my chest with tears and snot, continued sobbing.
“Yeah!! I was terrified Nord might have died because of me!! Rather than me and Dana being left behind waiting for you, it would’ve been better if I died!!”
“Uh, no. That’s a bit much.”
“A bit much? A bit much?! Fuck, if it’s not ‘a bit much’ then you shouldn’t have disappeared like that!! You irresponsible bastard!! If you’re going to die, die by my hand!!”
“Okay, okay. I got it. So Dana, you come here too.”
I caught Dana’s fists and stopped them. When I half-forcibly pulled her into my embrace, she hiccuped with tears and buried her face in my shoulder. I felt like I’d done something terribly wrong.
“Ah. I feel neglected and lonely, but it seems I should read the room and disappear.”
Larilura’s dejected tone was a little funny.
“Hic. After Nord and Miss Larilura disappeared, we went outside the ruins and hired the adventurers who had set up camp…”
Tirsi, who arrived a step late, explained with tears still brimming in her eyes. She must have been badly shaken too; the watery look in her eyes hadn’t faded yet. I never knew Tirsi cried this much. She had cried her eyes out back in the sewers, and it seemed I was seeing it more often lately.
Sniffling, Tirsi continued.
“Sniff… Fortunately, a Gold Class adventurer team from the same guild was there, so Dana hired them despite the heavy cost. You probably know them too, Nord?”
“Hello. It’s been a while.”
The man who bowed to me. I wondered who it was at first, but it turned out to be the Gold Class swordsman who had joined me in raiding the black magician Ada Unicorn. He didn’t offer a handshake. Probably because my double and triple wives were stuck to me like cicada shells and refused to let go. Receiving a greeting in this state was more rude than showing up to an interview in slippers, but social life sometimes left you no choice.
I answered awkwardly.
“Yes… You’re definitely Nathan Morimiller from Team Viridian, right?”
“Correct. We exchanged names at the banquet hosted by the lord as well.”
That was right. At the time I had been so busy enduring the self-introductions of the big shots and looking for the right moment to propose to Franc that I had only vaguely remembered the names. Thankfully my elite brain hadn’t failed me. Reliable as always, my noggin!
“When we heard that Nord and the rest of your party had gone missing, we accepted an escort request during the search. But it looks like our help wasn’t needed after all.”
Nathan spoke politely. He had used casual speech when he was the leader last time, but as a Gold Class adventurer he apparently knew how to match the time, place, and occasion.
—Drip, drop.
What Nathan was admiring were the traces of our fierce battle. The corridor remodeled by Larilura’s beam bombardment and my million-volt remodeling gave a very clear picture of what kind of monster we had fought.
“We luckily ran into your party members shortly after climbing the stairs!!”
Selena, who no longer felt the need to watch her words, let out a booming laugh as if she had swallowed a train whistle.
“Ah-hahaha!! But of course! The qualities of a great merchant are sharp eyes and luck!!”
She even covered her face with a fan she pulled out from somewhere. If you didn’t know better, you’d think she was a noble instead of a merchant.
…But come to think of it, a rich merchant is better than a poor noble, right?
From what I knew, that would be even more true in Romania. I’d have to watch my words from now on.
“Thank you. Thanks to all of you, we were able to find my husband like this.”
Dana, who had calmed down faster than Franc, stepped away from me. Of course, Franc was still clinging to my neck and nibbling on it. It didn’t hurt, but the weight of her enormous breasts combined with her tearful face was so adorable that the horniness level in my blood reached maximum. I’d have to keep holding Franc and singing the national anthem until it went down.
“That’s far too kind! On the contrary, we have received tremendous grace from your husband’s resourcefulness and devotion!”
—Slap!
Selena struck her palm with the fan and shook her head.
“Although it was a sorrowful battle, letting that darken the color of our meeting would be against a merchant’s duty! We will send a plaque of appreciation from the Hermeion Guild in the near future!”
“I’ll look forward to it. Mr. Morimiller, our laboratory will pay the request fee, so could you tell us which inn you’re staying at?”
“Understood. Ah, we’ll continue assisting with escort duty until you escape.”
“Ah, one moment. I have a suggestion.”
I caught the conversation before it could conclude. Franc wiped her tears and stepped back. By the way, my horniness had been suppressed thanks to the great libido suppressant known as the national anthem.
“Why. What now. What crazy stunt are you planning this time?”
Dana glared at me. Her eyes were so fierce that I would have backed down if it were nonsense, but since it was important, I couldn’t tuck my tail between my legs.
“Even if the circumstances are complicated, this many forces have gathered in one place. Normally these would be people who would compete against one another rather than fight together.”
“Well… that’s true, I suppose?”
Selena nodded. So did Nathan. I created a serious atmosphere and secretly smiled inside.
It would be a waste to end it here.
If we said goodbye now, these people who had gathered would become strangers again next time. Competing against them later would put us at a disadvantage. We had already obtained the treasure map. If I suggested continuing the ruin exploration, Franc and Dana would raise their eyebrows and oppose it. No matter how much I coaxed them, proceeding would be difficult.
But this is a ruin filled with so many summoning circles. I can’t miss it.
Even the tiniest chance was worth it! There was a possibility of obtaining spatial movement magic. If I retreated without going further down, I would regret it until next year.
“This is just my intuition, but I don’t think many floors remain in this ruin. In fact, the enemy’s strength increased dramatically, didn’t it?”
“Indeed! That large-type insect monster was incredibly powerful!”
“Yes. A summoning circle that consumed that much mana would only be placed in an equally important location. And coincidentally, three parties capable of breaking through to the fourth floor of this tower have gathered here.”
I spoke, drawing the attention of all twenty explorers.
“Since we’ve come this far, let’s finish the job and head back.”
As the old saying goes, strike while the iron is hot. Let’s do it with our own group.