A Hidden Secret (1)
My condition is at its absolute worst. At least it's just a recording session and not some public event—that's the only silver lining. Sleep deprivation. All because of the people downstairs.
"Can I crash at your place tonight?"
"Huh…? Suddenly?"
I lowered my mask just enough to speak, making sure the manager in the driver's seat could hear me too. I really don't want to sleep at home tonight. It's not like it's noisy or anything. But every time I feel that vibration from below, my irritation doubles. Last night, a faint tremor even woke me up in the middle of the night. Whether it was just my nerves or something real, it doesn't matter anymore. The fact that it's causing insomnia is undeniable. At this point, whether it's true or not isn't even important. The real problem is that I've started believing it.
"I haven't been sleeping well at home lately. Let me stay over at your place."
"Why?"
"…I'd rather not explain."
"Mmm… Okay."
It's not like I have anyone else to talk to about this. Hinami is the only person I can even call a friend, and the only one I'd ask for this kind of favor. Family? My insomnia is literally because of my sister. Dad is… well, Dad. The manager sitting right in front of me? Not a chance. Or the other members in the group? They're probably worse than my sister, not better.
"Oh, then… I'll head straight to Hinami's place."
"Yes, please do that."
I gave the order to the manager, whose fingers were tapping the steering wheel, then slumped back and closed my eyes. Even in this noisy car, I'm this sleepy. Yet in my own bed—quieter than a mosquito's buzz except for that one time—I can't fall asleep peacefully. …Ha. I really should've kicked them out. I want to, but realistically, it's impossible. Kicking them out would be easy since it's my house, but my sister has no savings and only owes me money. If she's thrown out, she'd have no one left to rely on except that man. Just thinking about how a guy who doesn't even look particularly reliable would treat her… Even if I don't have much affection left for her, I can't bring myself to kick her out. Like it or not, family is still family.
"Get some proper sleep while you can, Jia."
"…Yeah."
If those two just got married already, I could buy them a decent place and tell them to live there… Why am I even thinking about this? Because of people way older than me. It's annoying. If I'd known it would turn out like this, I wouldn't have cared where my sister lived in the first place. I kept her downstairs so she wouldn't cause trouble, but I never expected trouble to happen right there. So stupid, seriously. …And with a guy like that. If she's going to date someone, at least pick a decent one. Not some guy who's only got his looks going for him.
**
I've been to Hinami's place a few times before. The reasons varied, but every time I visit, I'm surprised by how neat it is. For someone who constantly complains about being tired or bothered, Hinami keeps the place surprisingly clean. My downstairs apartment… it's clean now, but it used to be pretty messy. By my standards, anyway.
"Jia, want to shower first?"
"Yeah. I'll wash up and go straight to bed, so lend me some clothes."
"You should've just worn something of mine."
"…It's fine."
We're not close enough for that kind of casual sharing. I stepped into the bathroom, peeled off my clothes layer by layer, and let the hot water soak into my body under the shower. Washing away the sweat I'd accumulated all day. A moment to shed the pretense and return to being Seo Yaeun.
"…Haa."
Staring at my soaked body, I wondered if I'd gained any weight. If there were any bruises. …And why my chest kept getting bigger for no reason. Thinking pointless thoughts like that, I tried to melt away the accumulated fatigue.
"Jia, I left some clothes by the door. Wear them."
"Got it."
After answering Hinami through the door, I lathered shampoo into my now-purple hair. …Oh, I need a toothbrush too. Just in case, I checked the towel cabinet and found a new one, so I brushed my teeth as well. I rinsed off the foam from my hair and mouth, and was about to hang up the toothbrush when—
"…?"
…Why are there three toothbrushes? One is the new one I just took out. The pink one is probably Hinami's.
"Then this one…"
…Whose is this blue one?
"…"
A bad feeling started itching at the back of my mind. Hinami's behavior had seemed a little suspicious lately. How she'd suddenly had shaky legs about a month ago. How she'd sometimes space out alone, lost in thought.
"…No way."
No way. …Actually, I should've seen it coming. Hinami was never the type to be wholesome or diligent anyway. Still…
"…No, no."
…I couldn't easily shake off the unpleasant feeling. We're idols, after all. Leaving traces like this in places fans can't see…
"…"
The fatigue that had briefly melted away started piling up again. I tried to scrub it away with foam, but it wouldn't come off. …This was exactly the kind of feeling I'd run away from by coming here. Feeling as damp as my hair, I opened the door slightly and stepped out of the bathroom. Waiting beside the mat were a small pair of pajamas and a pack of unopened underwear. …When did she even prepare this?
I reached out, took them inside, and changed into the prepared clothes. They were… a bit small, but wearable.
"Ah, Jia. Done showering?"
"Yeah. By the way, when did you buy the underwear? It was new."
"Just now. While you were sleeping after we arrived, I had the manager pick it up from the convenience store."
"…Did you have to?"
"My underwear wouldn't fit you, right? And I couldn't go buy it myself."
As soon as I came out of the bathroom in the new clothes, Hinami—her makeup removed, holding her pajamas—greeted me. It wasn't a bra, so the size probably wouldn't have been an issue, but new was still better than used. If the packaging had been opened, it would've felt a little off… No, wait. What am I thinking? No matter how much I dislike him, the manager… that ahjussi isn't the type to do something perverted. He's not like that guy…
"Jia?"
"Yeah, uh. Yeah?"
"Why are you suddenly standing there spacing out? Tired?"
"Ah… Yeah. I guess I'm a bit tired."
…No. Thinking about it, even that guy probably wouldn't do something that perverted. Rather than being creepy… he's more openly sleazy. I can somewhat imagine him forcing himself on someone, but using someone else's underwear… that's harder to picture. …And I don't want to picture it.
"Anyway. So where are you sleeping? Last time you were on the sofa…"
"…What are you talking about? The bed's big enough, we've always slept together."
"Ah… Aaaah. Ah. Yeah. Right…?"
…Likewise, I don't want to imagine the story behind Hinami's obvious fluster either. Like the other members, she probably seduced some decent-looking, popular actor or male idol and had a bit of fun for a day. …That's what I want to believe. If it were the manager ahjussi, or someone like that shady guy, or some high-up person… it would feel even more disgusting.
"Then I'll go shower too. You sleep first. Without makeup, your dark circles are no joke."
"Yeah. I'll sleep first."
Leaving Hinami heading into the bathroom, I went into the room first and thoroughly dried my hair. With my now-crisp hair, I hid under the cozy, fluffy blanket. Just as I laid my head on the pillow that smelled faintly sweet and tried to shake off the subtle discomfort—
"…Ah."
Another vibration. Not the kind from downstairs. Just a regular phone vibration. For a second I thought it was mine, but my phone was definitely on the living room table. The one ringing now is… Hinami's, on the vanity.
"…"
An idol getting a message this late at night. If I think positively, it might just be a casual "good work today" text now that schedules are over. But that phone isn't the one Hinami usually uses. It's purely her personal phone. The one I've only seen a few times. The contact she uses when she wants to talk about things she wants to keep secret from the agency.
"…Ah."
Drawn to the phone buzzing once more, I approached it, but hearing Hinami's humming from beyond the wall snapped me back to my senses. What am I trying to look at? This is someone else's privacy. …And there's no way it's anything wholesome, right?
"…"
Just as I was about to turn away with that thought, I caught a glimpse of the notification on the lock screen. The name… Juhyuk oppa. The messenger… one I didn't recognize. The content… a photo. I couldn't see it without unlocking.
"……"
My breath caught in my throat. …Was there anyone in the entertainment industry I knew named Juhyuk? I racked my brain, which had suddenly shaken off sleep, but couldn't find a single person. The only one left was…
"No way."
No way. Once or twice. We'd only run into each other briefly. And before that… he's my sister's boyfriend.
"…"
As if possessed, I picked up the phone. Since it couldn't be unlocked with my face, I'd need the password. …But there was one password of Hinami's that I did know.
"…Ah."
The Wi-Fi password. 20150221hnm. Since it's six digits, 150221. …Zero caution, as expected of Hinami.
"……"
I unlocked it. Even knowing there'd be a trace left behind, as if possessed, I tapped the notification from the unknown icon. The message from the person saved as "Juhyuk oppa."
"Hi…ik……"
…A photo taken in a mirror. Two naked women. A silver-haired, slender girl clinging to a man with only her eyes covered, and a haughty woman with beige hair standing with her arms crossed as if showing off her body. Sandwiched between them, taking a mirror selfie with his face hidden by the phone… that man. With his rugged build. …Even after months, I still couldn't forget it. That grotesque thing hanging there.
"…Ugh."
A hiccup. It won't stop. The woman whose chest is being groped while having an arm around the man's shoulder. The small woman with an unusual hair color that ordinary people can't pull off, clinging tightly to him. …I know both of them.
"……"
In that instant, the humming stopped. The sound of water that had been soaking the women in the photo stopped. I pressed a hand to my wildly pounding heart, put the phone back in its original spot, and burrowed under the blanket, head and all. …She's insane. She must be crazy. What is she doing? And my sister. With a guy like that. Why…?