Taming (3)
Saturday night. Ah, now that it's past midnight, it's early Sunday morning. He didn't sleep with anyone tonight. Probably because he has the day off tomorrow—that's the surface reason. The real reason is probably that he doesn't want to risk waking someone up if he tries to sneak out.
He stayed in his room; my sister and Hinami stayed in hers. I should have been sleeping in the soundproof booth last.... But I didn't want to be woken up by that man for no reason, so I just stayed up. Mask and sunglasses. Hat, short sleeves, cardigan, long pants—all bundled up, sitting on the sofa. Dressed so no one could recognize me in the dark night.
"You've got everything ready."
"...Since you kept your promise, I'm just keeping mine."
As I waited quietly, he came out of the room and spoke to me in a very small voice. Different from when I was half-raped—this was a little more familiar. Of course, that didn't mean I liked him or felt comfortable.... Just a little less scared. That was all.
"Follow me. ...Like all week, I won't do anything weird."
"...If you break your promise, remember I'll break mine too."
"I know. We're just going for a walk for about an hour and coming back."
He didn't touch me. He just stood there in his shoes, waiting for me to get up. Even though the fear had lessened, I still didn't want to get close, so I hesitated for a long time. Seeing him stand there silently, I eventually stood up from the sofa.
Quietly, carefully, I approached the entrance and put on my shoes. He stood behind me, cutting off any chance to turn back. Once I finished getting ready and stood in front of the door, he opened the door lock—already set to silent mode—and stepped into the summer night air, which was definitely more humid than inside.
"...What is this for?"
"I figured you'd be frustrated being cooped up in your room because of the manager."
"Ha. ...That's a joke, right?"
"Half of it. ...Well, whatever the reason. Literally just a walk."
As we took the elevator down, I kept my distance. Kang Juhyuk didn't approach beyond a certain point. Honestly, I had been prepared to endure something like him putting his arm around my waist while biting my lips, but it was unexpected. Just a walk. The surface reason was that a woman who used to be busy every day, traveling domestically and internationally, had been stuck in her room and couldn't go out—so he felt sorry and wanted her to get some fresh air for once.... Really, nothing but words I couldn't believe at all.
"...."
As if finding that ridiculous bluff quite admirable, he kept glancing at me and smiling creepily. The more I looked, the more goosebumps the smile gave me, but the heavier night air as we got closer to the ground calmed the raised hairs on my skin.
Eventually the elevator stopped. Stepping outside the building, the heavy night air became even more humid. It was definitely much cooler than during the day. But to me, trapped in the room all day, it felt quite hot—and, just as he said, even that humid air felt somewhat refreshing because it was outside air. If it hadn't come through the mask, it would have been cooler.
"Follow me. Let's just keep walking this way."
Hat pulled low, sunglasses and mask covering my face. Not enough, so I hid myself as much as possible behind his body. Barely able to see ahead, I just stared at Kang Juhyuk's back and trudged along the street.
...Except for that day, even though I'm a famous idol, I've never wandered outside trembling with this much anxiety. The fear imprinted in my heart that day still creeps up and clutches at me, making me afraid to walk outside with him. Even though I know full well that even if he hugs me, he can't do anything. My heart mocks me, saying that no matter what he does, as long as he doesn't rape me, it'll be covered up.
"Ah, hey. Don't step on my shoes."
"Ah, ...Yes."
"Come to the side. Stop hiding behind me."
Annoyed by that mockery for no reason, I shook my head and accidentally stepped on his heel. Kang Juhyuk, slightly frowning, grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his side. I definitely thought about shaking off the grabbed wrist, but for some reason the thought never reached my hand.
"Well. It's not that hot for summer. Maybe because it's dawn."
"...Yeah."
"You're sweating buckets though."
"...."
Instead, I let out a drop or two of cold sweat, stupidly revealing that I still harbored fear toward him. Annoyed and angry about that for no reason, I straightened my hunched body and walked with confident, large strides—so I could even walk ahead of him. After taking a few large steps to lead, he widened his stride and moved just half a step ahead of me. Then, turning his body to walk beside me, he looked at me, smiled, and opened his mouth.
"What are you doing next week?"
"...I have schedules starting next week. Since the manager thing is roughly sorted out, I need to go to the company and practice. I also need to film content made during the break. ...And since the manager doesn't seem to be doing anything weird anymore, I'll go up to the upper floor and sleep."
What I said wasn't all lies. It was true that I needed to go to the company. It was true that I needed to practice while preparing for the new album. It was true that I needed to make content for the fans. ...It was also true that the manager had become docile on the surface. But what I didn't say was that even so, if I said I wanted to rest, I could rest. Thanks to the director's consideration, I hadn't stopped by the company yet, but from what I'd heard, I could fully understand the atmosphere there. That even if I took a full year off, no one would blame me. That everyone pitied me. But I didn't want to tell Kang Juhyuk this. Being pitied by him didn't mean much anyway. Even if it wasn't him, I didn't want to be pitied.
"Well, did you get a new manager?"
"No. Not yet. ...I'll get one before starting new activities. Until then, there's no need to go around anyway, and I can borrow from other teams."
What I wanted was only to maintain the status quo. I just wanted everything to pass as if nothing had happened. The crime the manager committed against me, the disgust I felt toward my sister and Hinami, the evil deeds he did to me—all buried in the ground, passing as if time had jumped.
"If you need one, use me. My identity is clear enough. I have connections with your director too. Isn't that fine?"
"...That's a joke, right?"
"Not a joke. It's not like touring local schedules—I can take you to your company level."
"...."
But he didn't seem to have any intention of leaving me alone like that. He wanted me to remain tied to that incident forever, binding me so that the fear I had for him would never disappear.
"Well, if you really hate it, fine. ...Let's just keep taking walks like this at dawn."
"Why don't you say it honestly? You want to take me to and from work while chatting with Hinami."
"No. I don't want people to find out that I'm close with Hinami."
"Lies too...."
"Instead, I do want to show that I'm close with you. ...We're in a relationship where even if we're close, there's no problem."
Lightly placing his hand on my shoulder. Suddenly closing the distance in an instant. Bringing his mouth to my ear on the empty night street, in a completely different voice from before.
"...Because your sister is going to do activities with her face revealed from now on. She has an event next week too."
"What..., an event?"
"A popular game event. Just go there, wear game character clothes, and take some photos. ...Well, that's not the important part."
For a moment I wondered if it was the game event I was doing, but only after feeling his blunt hand sneakily removing my hat did I startle and lean my body back. But I couldn't escape even a bit from his embrace, and I was gradually sucked into his tongue teasing my ear again.
"The important thing is that she's your sister. ...If an idol's real sister is active as a cosplayer, there'll be some issues, right? It's not that wholesome either."
"...So what."
"Even if it doesn't make the news, people will eventually figure it out. That the cosplayer Sophia who pretended to be a guitar YouTuber is actually Seo Jia's older sister Seo Haeun. That Seo Haeun turns out to be living with former pro baseball player and current gym owner Kang Juhyuk. ...That you live right above that."
...Sister. Crawling out into the light with a not-so-proud business card. He enjoyed it subtly.
"...In the end, the fact that there's a connection between you and me is bound to be discovered. It wouldn't have mattered if Haeun had kept hiding her face in the shadows."
"...What is it you want to say."
"Let's be friends. ...It's good, right? Occasionally post photos of the three of us on Instagram. Let's go out and play together too. There aren't many men as close as a prospective 'hyungbu' who wouldn't raise suspicion, right?"
"...."
"If you don't like that, then keep taking the risk of getting caught on walks like today and having a scandal break out right away. ...Well, I don't want to be branded as a cheating bastard on the front page of the newspaper either."
As my eardrum was raped by his tongue, swept up in this chilly yet humid outside air—
"What will you do? ...Isn't it better to just pretend to be 'close' normally rather than keep taking dawn walks like today?"
"...."
Biting my lips. ...Quietly nodding my head.