Chapter 32
Chapter 32
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 32
Chapter Title: The Forgotten Name
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Evan raised one eyebrow at Nihil's barely audible murmur. The voice was soft enough as it was, but the name had an utterly unfamiliar cadence to it.
"Requi... Requi? Requius? Is that a name?"
"'Requies.'"
"Requies, huh. Is that how you pronounce it? Then why didn't you tell me the name from the start?"
"It's the name that child gave me..."
"......"
"It means 'sanctuary,' which feels a bit too grand for me. Besides, the accent doesn't quite match ours."
Evan nodded thoughtfully, rolling the foreign word around on his tongue a few times. The pronunciation was awkward, sure, but it seemed far better than the name Nihil, which sounded like it belonged to some worthless stray. And sanctuary? It actually suited the guy's vibe surprisingly well.
Just as Evan was about to praise it as a fine name, Nihil spoke first.
"But it's a name that's been forgotten now."
"...So that child has completely forgotten you too?"
"Probably. No, actually, I wouldn't know. We never met again... I tried to erase their memories from the start, so it's not right for me to mope like this, but..."
"Why erase them?"
"The child was in danger because of me. And... even if they haven't forgotten, it's been so long that it's as good as forgotten. Too late for regrets now."
"How long has it been since you parted ways with them, anyway?"
"......Five hundred years."
"What the hell."
Evan cursed without thinking. It was the first time he'd sworn since becoming the prince's guard.
"You... how old are you, exactly? More importantly, you're still pining for a child from five hundred years ago? They couldn't possibly still be alive!"
"I fell asleep back then and only woke up recently. To me, it feels like we parted just the other day. Imagine waking up to find the kid gone—you wouldn't know the feeling."
"Sure, you'd be shocked if you woke up and the kid was gone, but... five hundred years?!"
"And they might still be alive. Though the highest chance is they got swept up in the Heavenly Demon War and died."
"Heavenly Demon War? That ancient thing from the history books...? Wait, was the child from some non-human race?"
"They were human at first. Later, they weren't."
"...? What does that even mean?"
"...I meddled too deeply in their life, and it twisted their fate in the end."
"???"
Evan felt like his head might explode. He'd long suspected the guy wasn't a normal human, but the more he heard, the more confused he got. Figuring out the guy's true nature wasn't even the issue anymore.
Without realizing it, Evan pointed at Nihil and demanded,
"You—you won't bring harm to His Highness, will you?"
"I never interfere in others' fates unless absolutely necessary. I don't even have that much power left right now, and the backlash is too severe."
"Haven't you already interfered? What's the line for interference?"
"Don't worry. As long as I keep it to 'human' levels, fates won't twist. I'm already assimilated as a human, and I have to watch my body anyway."
"You saying you're just a regular human right now?"
"What else would I look like?"
Evan instinctively scanned him up and down at the question. No horns, no wings or tail. Just unusual hair and eye colors—nothing more.
"......But what human child gets hit by a carriage and walks away unscathed?"
"Unscathed? My skull cracked open and blood poured out."
"......"
At the shameless retort, Evan narrowed his eyes and glared at the stray cat.
"Well, yeah, I'm a bit tougher and more perceptive than your average human. But get my head chopped off, drained of blood, or heart stopped, and I die just the same. Never starved to death, so not sure, but I do feel hunger, so I'd probably croak."
"...Under those conditions, anything alive would die."
"Is that so? Anyway, as long as I'm not completely upending causality, a little involvement is fine."
"...I see."
"So I won't harm your master. Though explaining all this won't matter—you'll forget it anyway."
Evan flinched again.
Wasn't this the kind of stuff that was impossible to forget? How could anyone?
"I won't forget your existence itself, right?"
"No, based on past experience, it'll just be tonight's conversation that fades. Unless you acknowledge my death."
"Death? What happens if you die?"
"The existence called 'me' gets completely erased. Like I never existed."
"...So the past where I hit you with the carriage vanishes?"
"No, the past itself doesn't fully disappear. Hmm, this is tricky to explain. A blank space called 'me' opens up, and it's filled with something plausible enough. A stray cat or whatever should do the trick."
"...You're cracking jokes in a time like this?"
Evan glared with narrowed eyes, but Nihil shrugged lightly with a chuckle.
"If not now, when?"
"A stray cat can't read fairy tales to anyone!"
"You'll remember someone reading fairy tales. But you won't wonder who. Memories get jumbled, but no one notices. You just... accept it."
"......"
"That's it."
Evan's face twisted at Nihil's calm explanation.
It was just so... futile.
What had this guy been thinking when he named himself Nihil—meaning nothingness?
"...Would writing it down help?"
"I've tried that before. If it's naturally forgotten, no issue. But forcing recall just breeds hostility. If you start hating me now, that'd be a problem."
"......"
"In their words, seeing me feels like plummeting into the abyss. Extremely unpleasant and grating. They want to shove me out of sight right away... something like that. And getting hostility from people I cared for doesn't feel great either."
Evan quickly shelved his plan to leave a secret record. If that was true, the more he tried to remember, the more he'd hurt the guy. All he could do was hope his memories didn't wipe themselves.
Suddenly, Evan wondered what it felt like when memories faded.
Did you wake up with a blank slate? Did it hurt?
Without thinking, he blurted,
"When will my memories fade?"
Nihil paused, closing the fountain pen lid he'd just opened, and looked up at Evan steadily, as if observing him. Unable to bear the gaze, Evan opened his mouth again, but Nihil asked softly,
"Do you remember where I learned to read?"
"You self-taught by copying scriptures."
"And what else did I say?"
"And..."
"......"
"Ri, right..."
Evan trailed off. Had his memory always been this bad?
"It's already starting to fade."
"What?"
This suddenly? He hadn't even noticed!
Evan stiffened, stammering,
"...I can't even speak right! It's just... just my memory being bad."
"Do you remember my other name?"
"......"
"Who gave me that name?"
"......"
Had they... had that conversation?
Evan was bewildered, but Nihil pressed on.
"When did I part from the child I raised?"
"F-five hundred years ago."
Evan was shocked—he'd only managed one answer. His memories were erasing in real time.
His eyes began to tremble faintly. Conversations from just minutes ago were gone. All that lingered were faint, melancholic echoes he couldn't claim as his own.
"Don't be scared. Don't fight it—just accept."
"H-how can this."
Evan's jaw started to quiver. Realizing his memories were slipping away filled him with crashing waves of fear. He didn't want to lose them.
It felt like he was being stolen whole. What if he forgot himself too?
Evan glared at Nihil with murderous intent.
It was all this guy's fault. This guy was the source of the terror. If only this guy weren't...
"Evan."
Someone called his name. That familiar voice, carrying unfamiliar words, halted him abruptly.
Before he knew it, a knight's large, rough hand was reaching for the small, fragile child's neck.
"Wh-why am I, how?"
Evan stared down at his own coarse hand, poised to strangle.
He'd harbored clear killing intent toward this little kid. Where had this come from? It felt like someone was manipulating his emotions.
Right—this emotion had been planted by some higher being beyond his grasp. It had to be. It couldn't be purely his own, this vicious, horrific thing.
"Forget it. Stop thinking."
The quiet voice roused Evan's mind again.
"I hate pain. Swinging clubs, flying stones from all sides, arrows thick with poison, sharp swords reeking of blood, fierce flames scorching my body—all of it..."
"......"
"That inexplicable hostility... from me..."
"......"
"At first, I fought back. But it only broke the ones I cared for more."
"......"
"So please. Just forget."
Nihil gently grasped the large hand nearing his throat.
That soft, small hand was relaxed and warm. Warmth seeped into Evan. No trembling there—the shaking was all his own.
Evan took deep breaths, struggling to rein in his emotions. One slip, and when he snapped out of it, that slender neck might already be dangling from his grip.
Seeing Evan calm somewhat, Nihil spoke again.
"I won't harm you. It's just a natural process—no need to worry."
Nihil, whose neck had nearly been crushed, looked utterly unfazed as he soothed Evan patiently. He even patted Evan's large hand like a child.
Having somewhat accepted it, Evan gazed down at the owner of the small hand holding his own big, rough one.
How much had this guy endured alone? How many near-stranglings did it take to stay this serene? Was that why he hadn't flinched at the dagger—because threats to his life had dulled him after so many times?
"Sorry."
"You don't need to apologize to me. If anything, it's all my fault."
"......"
"I used you as a guinea pig to test something. I should be the one apologizing..."
"Sorry I can't remember."
"......"
Nihil's eyes widened slightly.
"And don't call me by name—it's creepy."
Evan grumbled.
Being called knight, bastard, or mutt was one thing, but hearing his actual name hit differently—shocking enough to snap him out of it.
"......You said the same thing back then."
"I told you not to use my name before?"
Evan couldn't recall saying that. And this was the first time the guy had used his name anyway.
Nihil chuckled at him, promised not to use the name, released his hand, and extinguished the last flickering candle.
Darkness fell, white smoke rose, then scattered into the void.
"Time to wake from the dream, mutt."
Evan closed his eyes.