Chapter 31
Chapter 31
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 31
Chapter Title: Requies
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Evan was at a loss for words for a moment. The prince's bed already had its canopy draped down, so he didn't think a mere candle would disturb His Highness's sleep, but he didn't bother nagging about it either. After all, His Highness always came first for him.
He approached Nihil silently, without making a sound, and glanced down at the paper the boy was writing on.
The boy's handwriting was close to cursive, but the letters were uniform in size and neatly aligned in rows and columns. It was far too refined for a wandering orphan's work. Moreover, even the sons of educated noble families at this age usually wrote in block letters, their hands tense, so cursive was quite rare.
Curiousty piqued, Evan asked Nihil.
"Who taught you to write?"
"You pick it up naturally after reading a lot."
"Don't talk nonsense."
"Didn't I tell you before? I taught myself because I couldn't read herbology books."
"……."
A brief silence settled over the bedroom. Only the crackle of firewood popping and the scratch of the pen filled the air.
Evan found Nihil's unusual background suspicious, but feeling guilty for dredging up bad memories, he held his tongue. The candle flame flickered once, and the shadows on Nihil's face danced along with it.
Finally, Nihil paused his writing, carefully set down his pen, and spoke softly.
"The first thing I copied was a huge stone tablet of scriptures in front of a temple. I didn't even know what it said—I just traced it. Or rather, I drew it exactly. I kept drawing the same thing over and over on the ground, day after day, until I memorized the letters. The temple priests chanted the scriptures at the same time every day, which helped me learn. It wasn't that I couldn't speak; once I could read, I picked it up quickly enough."
"...You were alone for a long time before meeting that child?"
"Yeah. All alone for a very long time. Eat when hungry, sleep when tired. I didn't need anyone's help for basic survival. That's why that kid is so special to me."
"You……."
Evan started to ask something but closed his mouth. Those utterly beautiful yet impassive eyes gazed up at him blankly. Despite the not-so-bright story, the boy showed no emotion at all, making Evan wonder if he was actually some finely crafted doll.
Evan's lips twitched several times as he debated asking the question lingering in his mouth. It was something he'd wanted to ask since first seeing the boy.
"You, or rather... can I ask……?"
"Even if you get an answer, it won't matter."
"……."
Nihil replied indifferently, as if he already knew what Evan wanted to ask. As he did, he pressed his finger on one of the three candles in the candlestick, extinguishing it. A thin wisp of smoke wavered upward before dispersing into the air.
"You can ask if you want, but you'll forget it in the end."
His long white lashes, warmed by the candle's glow, blinked slowly a few times. Caught in the solemn atmosphere, Evan stared blankly for a moment before pondering the meaning of Nihil's words.
Forget? It couldn't be a jab at his poor memory. Did it mean he tampered with memories?
"I'm not the one erasing memories."
Nihil answered Evan's unspoken question first, fell silent for a bit, then continued.
"I don't do anything. You forget on your own."
"I erase my own memories?"
"Yes."
"...I don't have any such ability."
If he could erase memories he wanted to forget at will, Evan would have done so countless times already.
Nihil went on.
"I'm not certain, but I suspect it's because my very existence is a threat. So maybe your mind makes it seem like it never happened to protect itself. Like a survival instinct."
Nihil reached for the candlestick again. Another flame went out under his hand.
Evan watched the smoke dissipate, then stared deeply once more into those black eyes with their enigmatic sheen. He had no idea what Nihil was talking about, yet it felt strangely familiar.
Nihil didn't avoid Evan's gaze. He simply met it impassively before slowly parting his lips.
“You must have a lot of questions. I don't exactly seem ordinary.”
“At least you know that much about yourself.”
“Well, my looks stand out, don't they?”
Nihil said this with a grin, as if inviting Evan to admire his appearance. It was an arrogant remark, but true, so Evan couldn't argue.
“So I erase my own memories because of you?”
“Probably. That's how it's always been.”
"If it's just a guess, it's not certain. And if I'm going to forget, why bother explaining it all to me?"
Nihil's words had no basis whatsoever.
Moreover, thinking his mere existence could threaten others was the height of arrogance.
Yet Evan didn't think it was complete nonsense.
A twinge of fear stirred in Evan, but he snorted and crossed his arms, pretending nonchalance to lighten the heavy mood. Nihil seemed to catch on and chuckled softly, propping his chin on his hand and tapping the desk lightly twice with his fingertips.
“Well, even I sometimes want to talk about myself.”
“……."
"And... who knows."
"Knows what?"
"Maybe this time you won't forget……."
At those words, Evan's body twitched. A pang of guilt hit him. The lone remaining candle flickered wildly, and Evan's eyes flickered with it.
Nihil still gazed up at him sideways, chin in hand.
Evan was certain then. The boy's talk of forgetting wasn't a lie.
And if he heard the truth, he'd forget it without fail. He couldn't live up to that tiny, tiny hope of his.
Evan knew he wasn't special enough for his memories to remain intact. He knew his place all too well.
An indescribable emotion welled up from within. That gaze he'd thought merely indifferent.
That gaze he'd thought revealed nothing—maybe it held far too much.
He didn't want to go through the unpleasantness of lost memories.
But in the end, he had to ask. The boy wanted him to.
"Who are you……?"
As Evan asked, a thought struck him. This might not be the first time he'd asked.
"…I can exist anywhere, yet I shouldn't exist anywhere. I can be anything, yet I am nothing."
"……?"
Evan furrowed his brow. He'd asked even after hearing he might lose the memory, but all he got was an incomprehensible riddle.
"…If you're going to explain, do it properly."
Nihil chuckled, swept back his hair, and slumped back in his chair. The motion stirred a breeze, making the candle flicker again. The heavy atmosphere lightened a touch.
“Actually, most people don't forget after hearing just that much.”
“So I won't forget?”
“No. Rian might not, but you will. You're too perceptive and persistent for your own good.”
“……."
Was that a compliment or an insult?
As Evan's face twisted subtly, Nihil let out a small laugh and asked.
"Do you remember my name?"
"…Ni, hil?"
"Oh, your head's not completely empty after all, pup."
"Don't call me that."
Evan bristled at "pup" and nearly raised his voice.
Even bastard or son of a bitch would have been better. At least those sounded human. Being called pup really made him feel like a dog.
"Nihil."
"……?"
"Nothing and void. Worthless nothingness."
Evan's face filled with confusion at the sudden string of words.
"What are you on about?"
"That's what my name means."
"Who names themselves something like……."
"I did."
“Who names themselves?!”
“...No one gave me one, so what choice did I have?”
“……."
Evan was speechless again. Nihil continued bitterly.
“It's the name that defines me best."
"……."
Crackle. The firewood popped loudly in the fireplace. Evan wanted to point out that when he'd said the prince's name suited Nihil well, why had the boy looked so down if he'd named himself something like that?
"Your gaze is rude."
"Shut up. You're in no position to complain about rudeness."
"Don't raise your voice. You'll wake the kid."
"...Damn it."
The constant kid talk shattered the heavy mood. Evan scowled, then peeked out the study door toward the bed, just in case. Thankfully, there was no sign of stirring.
Brought home to befriend the kitten, and right away he's nursing him, eating tasteless cookies—or rather, coal disguised as cookies—in his place, reading fairy tales to lull him to sleep, insisting good sleep means good growth and turning off all the lights, yet studying herbology and medical texts by faint candlelight for His Highness's sake, even nagging about waking the kid…….
This guy... is he a nanny?
Evan's pupils shook slightly as confusion flooded his mind. Come to think of it, why was he going to such lengths?
"Why are you so good to His Highness?"
"I'm not doing anything special……."
"No, you're paying plenty of attention. Just poring over those herb books proves it."
"Well, he lost his mom, lost his strength, gets lonely. And he's pretty cute."
"...Don't see His Highness as a substitute for that kid."
Evan's face hardened. If the boy was projecting that child onto His Highness, it would be a problem. If that kid ever showed up and the boy abandoned His Highness, the hurt would be the prince's alone.
“A substitute? The prince and that kid don't resemble each other at all. That one was... a bit more cunning.”
“……."
“The prince is too innocent. It's kinda cute how his eyelashes flutter.”
This brat……! His Highness is cute, sure, but fluttering eyelashes?!
“Ah, but there is one similarity.”
“What?”
“How desperately they cling to life.”
Their eyes met, and silence fell again. The last candle trembled faintly. Evan's eyes trembled with it before he pressed his lips tight and changed the subject.
"Rename yourself. Don't make His Highness worry for no reason. And names aren't for defining yourself—they're wishes for the life ahead."
"I see."
At that, Nihil paused, lowered his gaze to the fountain pen in his hand, and gently stroked it with his thumb. He hesitated a long while before murmuring, barely audible.
"…Requies."