Still
“Ah—! Hah—! Nnh—! Hnnn—! Hrk—! Hah—!”
Beneath me, Ju Hayeong thrashed, and her face began to come apart under the pleasure. Only now did I understand it—why sleeping with Rahi had grown easier to endure each time, and why the changes in my body had dwindled until I could barely feel them anymore. I couldn’t follow the thought any further.
“Ah—! Hah—! Hrk—! Sh-Shinwoo! I—I—! Hah—! Hnnngh—!”
“You can come.”
“Th-thank—thank you—! Hah—! Hrk—! Nnh—! Nnnnh—! Khhnnn…….”
Hayeong locked rigid again, trembling all over, but this time I didn’t stop. No—I couldn’t.
“Ah—?! Sh-Shinwoo! Shinwoo! N-not now—not now! Ah—! Hrk—! Nnh—! Khh—hnnngh—!”
“I can’t hold it.”
“Ah—! Nn—! Ah—! C-come—hnnngh—come inside! Me—use me! Hah—! Like this! Nnh—! Like a—like a tool! Hah—! Hrk—!”
“I will. I’ll be careful how I use you.”
“Hah—! Ah—! Nn—! Hnnngh—! Nn—! Anytime! Hrk—! Nnh—! I—I’m coming again—! Khh—! Khhnn—!”
“It’s all right. Come.”
“Sorry—I’m sorry! Only me, again, only me—! Hah—! Khh—! Kuh—! Khhnn—ahhhhnn—!”
And then Hayeong went hard all over once more and clung to me. The Special Internal Energy that had climbed all the way to the crown of my head touched down, and in that instant a pleasure I could hardly believe burst open. My mind went pure white, as if a flashbang had gone off inside it, and the fullness flooding my body tore loose the orgasm I had barely been holding back.
“Hrk—?! Khh—! Kuh—! Haaah—! Nnh—! Sh-Shinwoo! Ahaaaahn—!”
“Khh…….”
“Again—again, again! Khhnn—khhuh—heh—hehh—hii—hiiikh—!”
A tremendous wave of pleasure, as if it had been waiting, swept through my wrecked mind. What poured out of me showed no intention of ending; it just kept coming. And with every pulse, Hayeong’s insides clung to me as if begging for more.
“Heh—?! Hehh—! Khh—! Khhh—! Huuuh—hehhhnnn…….”
As the energy was drawn into her, her body shuddered like a seizure and then went slack across the bed. Heat spread through the place where we were still joined. I caught my breath, looked down, and saw that Hayeong had wet herself.
“Hehh…… Shinwoo…….”
Her eyes had already rolled up beneath her lids. They kept fluttering down and trembling. Every fluid her face could spill had poured out and ruined it. The insides that had been milking me only twitched now and then. The problem was that it wasn’t only Hayeong.
……My head…….
After a pleasure that felt as if it would split my skull, an enormous fatigue crashed over me. I couldn’t think of anything.
……I ought to be savoring this…….
I didn’t even have the leisure to admire what I had done. I wanted to collapse on top of her that instant, but I didn’t want to burden Hayeong when she was already spent. I wrung out what strength I had left, crawled to her side, and dropped onto the bed as if throwing my body down.
Warmth and softness. Something plush squirmed in my arms, and a yielding heat filled my hand; before I knew it, I was smiling.
“Hnnn…….”
“……You were awake?”
“……Ah, j-just now……. Hnn…….”
The moment I toyed with the little bead tickling my palm, Hayeong, nestled against me, squirmed.
“Hnn…….”
“Still sensitive?”
“……Y-yeah…….”
“It doesn’t hurt?”
“……It doesn’t hurt. It’s just…… it still feels like you’re inside me…….”
“What’s this? You said it so boldly. Why are you this embarrassed now?”
“……O-of course I’m…… embarrassed……. Hnn…….”
“When you passed out so spectacularly yesterday, you didn’t look embarrassed at all.”
“……I’m sorry. I—I really didn’t know either…….”
“Then why don’t you tell me how it was?”
“Ah…….”
I drew her gently around from where she had been turned away in my arms until we faced each other. Tear tracks, a runny nose, drool—she was a mess, but she wasn’t dirty. If anything, the sight of her face filled me with pride. It was as good as proof that I had done that well. And under the warm eyes she turned on me, I stroked her hair.
“Did it feel good?”
The moment the question ended, her eyes brimmed. I reached out and wiped the tears away.
“Crying again.”
“……Sniff. Because it felt good…… and I’m sorry…….”
“For what?”
“I’m sorry I passed out……. I didn’t know it would feel this good either…….”
“Doesn’t that just mean you were that satisfied?”
“……Yeah……. It was more than I’d heard. Incredible…….”
“I’ll do it for you again.”
“……Sniff. Yeah.”
“Do you know you’re cuter than I expected, Hayeong?”
“……Sorry. I’m not very grown-up, am I……?”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
I reached out, drew her quietly against me, stroked along her body, and let my hand wander over her backside.
“……Hnn…….”
“You still have to breathe.”
“Y-yeah…….”
“Still feels awkward?”
“I-I’m sorry. This kind of thing…… it’s my first time…….”
“Don’t apologize. Even if it’s awkward, it’s enough if it feels good to us.”
“……Yeah.”
“Then you have to hold me too.”
“Ah…….”
Only then did Hayeong stretch out the hands that had been fidgeting against my chest and embrace me. A smile bloomed on the face looking up at me, and I quietly met her lips with mine.
“……Shinwoo.”
“Yeah.”
“……I’m so happy…….”
“I’m glad. It was worth the effort.”
“……Yesterday was hard, wasn’t it……?”
“Hard? You’re the one who had it hard.”
“Yesterday was…… the best day of my life…….”
“That makes me happy, hearing you say it.”
“That’s my line…….”
We held each other’s eyes, then kissed as if we had both been waiting. I stroked her cheek and met her gaze again. She looked at me without wavering. The day I had answered her desires, I had told her I had no intention of throwing her away.
“……You know how to file the registration, right?”
“……Huh……?”
“I’ll give you my ID. Go register it in the morning. After yesterday, I think I can watch the cafe by myself for a little while.”
At that her eyes went round, and she shook her head hard, answering in a rush.
“N-no. You don’t have to…….”
“You don’t want me?”
“No! Th-that can’t be it…….”
“Then why won’t you register?”
“……I—I…….”
“Because you’re older? Because your breasts are big?”
“……Yeah…….”
But the way she ducked her head was different somehow. Now that I thought of it, she had worn a look a little like this before I led her to the bed. I lifted her chin and met her eyes. There was a shadow there. No—I could feel it.
“You’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?”
At the question her eyes danced. I looked into them and waited. At last she bit her lip, then opened her mouth and answered as if whispering.
“……I can’t have your child, Shinwoo…….”
“……What do you mean?”
“I-I’m already of advanced maternal age……. They say it’s dangerous…….”
“……Is that so?”
Did thirty-five already count as advanced maternal age? It seemed as if it might. Even so, plenty of people had children at forty. So long as there was a cesarean—the surgery that had done so much to raise the birth rate. It wasn’t a cure-all, and the risks were higher than a natural birth, but there was still a way. She wouldn’t say something like this unless there was more. I studied her face, and she avoided my eyes again.
“That isn’t all of it, is it?”
When I brought her face back and met her eyes, she started to tear up. I wiped the tears with the hand that had lifted her chin and waited for her to speak.
“……They said my body has aged a lot for my years…….”
She forced the words out, and then her face filled with grief and collapsed all at once. So that was it. It could happen like this. It could come even this young.
“……Menopause?”
“……Yeah…….”
“How did you find out?”
“……My cycle got too long and strange, so I went to the hospital, and…….”
“You’re not sick, are you? If it’s early menopause, hormone therapy ought to be possible.”
“When I was young…… a genetic test said my ovaries were underdeveloped…….”
“A congenital problem?”
“……Yeah. They said I don’t have many eggs left…….”
It was absurd. Menopause in her mid-thirties. I watched her sniffle, wiped her tears, and whispered. Her sorrow cut straight through my chest. But there was no need only to grieve.
“……So it isn’t that there are none left?”
“……Huh?”
“Saying there aren’t many left means there are still some left.”
“……Ah…….”
“Isn’t this actually good timing? We met while there’s still some left. You and me.”
At my words her face filled with surprise, then shifted in an instant to the brink of tears.
“Shinwoo…….”
“Don’t worry. And if it’s a late pregnancy, don’t do it naturally—have a cesarean. And eggs can be stored, can’t they?”
“……Sniff…….”
“Don’t cry. First go to the hospital and find out your ovulation day. Let’s give it a real try.”
“……Shinwoo…….”
“You want a child, don’t you?”
“……Yeah……. Of course I do……. I want to have your child…….”
“Let’s try together. And.”
I looked into her eyes and answered in the clearest, most certain voice I could manage.
“Even if you can’t get pregnant, nothing about you changes, Hayeong. Don’t think I’d let you go over something like menopause.”
The moment I finished, she buried her face against my chest and began to sob. I quietly stroked her back. She cried for a long while before it started to ebb.
“……All cried out?”
“……Yeah. I’m sorry……. And…… thank you……. For forgiving me…….”
“Forgive you for what. You know that since yesterday all you’ve said is sorry and thank you?”
“But I am grateful……. My heart…… it’s too full…….”
“So you’re all right now?”
“……Yeah.”
“Then don’t be sad anymore.”
“……B-but how did you…… know……?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”
I whispered at her ear.
“A master knows everything about his slave.”
“……Ah…….”
As if she couldn’t bear it, Hayeong wrapped her arms around my neck and clung to me.
“We won’t talk about this again.”
“……Yes, Master…….”
Of course the whisper hadn’t been only for play. I wanted her to hold on to even a little will to live. I wasn’t a woman, so I couldn’t feel it completely, but the mere thought of being told tomorrow that I was infertile made my skin crawl—and for Hayeong it had to have been more frightening than that. All the more, considering what womanhood meant in this world.
“So you’ll register, then?”
“……Are you really sure? I’m…….”
“I told you. You’re mine now.”
“……Yeah. I understand…….”
“Not that answer.”
“……I’m yours, Shinwoo…….”
And in that moment my voice shook before I knew it. I hid it with a light cough and answered.
“……Ahem. So you’ll register?”
“……Thank you. I’ll do well…….”
“Ah—the women I’m seeing now are really good people. I’ll introduce you later.”
“Those girls from back then? The ones who came while you were working…….”
“You saw them?”
“They used to come by the shop now and then.”
“You’ll get along, won’t you?”
I stroked her cheek as I whispered, and Hayeong answered with a soft smile. There wasn’t a trace of shadow in it. I didn’t feel anything particular in her toward Hyunji or Rahi, either. In Hayeong’s eyes, only my face was reflected.