Going Home
The reason I didn't answer right away was that, given the state Rahi was in today, I couldn't immediately decide whether ending things in bed was the right call. Well, it wasn't a bad idea. And there was one more thing on top of that.
"……All right. Want to go grocery shopping, then?"
"……Really?"
"Yeah. Menu's pasta only, though. No objections."
"Yes, yes!"
The moment I started walking, Rahi hurried after me and leaned into my arm. But I was getting pretty serious.
……When did I last eat?
No matter how hard I thought, I couldn't remember. It wasn't early dementia or anything like that. What came back to me was that I hadn't felt hunger itself in a long while. I'd been working out at the gym, and every night I burned an absurd amount of stamina holding Rahi or Hyunji.
However I turned it over, the only proper meal I'd had was that one time—gukbap with Rahi, rice sunk in hot broth. After that, nothing. Water and the odd snack, sure, a little here and there. Don't tell me it was that shake.
……Obviously not.
The taste of that horrific hybrid rose in my mind, and a chill ran down my spine.
"……A-are you uncomfortable……?"
Rahi's voice, looking up at me, pulled me out of it. She was watching me with quiet worry, and I let out a small laugh and stroked her hair. I'd gone quiet while lost in thought, and she'd gotten anxious.
"Of course not."
"……I was wondering if I shouldn't have said anything……."
"Were you that curious about my place?"
"Th-that's……."
She trailed off like she'd been caught, but it wasn't as if that was a crime.
"……I wanted to know how you live, Shinwoo. And…… y-you cooking for me, too……."
"There's nothing special. It'll be bleaker than your place."
"Even so."
"Fine. We'll eat, play some games, hang out."
"Okay."
I knew Rahi's situation wasn't fully settled. I'd still have to check whether her severance from the gym had been paid out properly, but I didn't think there was much to worry about there. What I didn't know was what she wanted to do from here on. Her mood was finally starting to lift, though, and I had no desire to drag out a headache of a conversation for no reason. I'd watch for the right moment later and talk then.
"Mm, garlic, and……."
At the supermarket she stayed glued to my side while I pushed the cart, pushing it along with me. Just the fact that she was shopping with me seemed to delight her.
"You like it that much?"
"Yes. Of course. It's what everyone dreams of……."
Come to think of it, every gaze around the store was locked on us. The women at the sample counter especially were sparkling at us as if we were the most adorable thing they'd ever seen, staring like they were dying to say something. Meeting their eyes seemed like a bad idea.
We might get stuck there for ages. Women passing by smiled when our eyes met, and a few of them subtly shot a thumbs-up as they went—not at me, at Rahi. Was this really something that drew this much attention?
"If there's something you want, go grab it."
"……I just want to stay with you like this, Shinwoo."
I was about to nod when I caught a strange wariness in her tone. Then, the moment her gaze met another woman's, that woman hurriedly turned her head away. Unbelievable. So she was doing this because she was afraid someone might come up to me. Cute, though.
"Let's do that. We've got time."
I kind of wanted to tease her, but with this many eyes on us there was nothing I could do. A shame. The shopping itself didn't take long. All we needed was garlic, onion, and sauce anyway. There were cocktail shrimp at home, and plenty of noodles.
"This really is all of it."
"I still like it. Um, Shinwoo."
"Yeah?"
"……Do you want a drink, too?"
"Sure. What do you like?"
"Beer and soju."
"Let's go."
Rahi's face was pretty bright as we headed for the liquor aisle. So she liked drinking. Come to think of it, I was curious what alcohol even did in this world. I also wanted to see what she was like drunk.
Right then the cart grew steadily heavier, and I looked down. Six six-packs of canned beer, plus one bundle of six soju bottles. Way, way too much for two people.
"……Can you actually drink all this?"
"A-alcohol, once you start…… if you run out, it's a shame……."
"So you're planning a proper cheat day."
"Yes……."
She smiled, shy and a little awkward, and I let out a quiet laugh and stroked her hair. I didn't care much for drinking myself, but I let it go.
"Let's go."
After we paid, I nodded at the sight of Rahi casually hoisting the bags like it was nothing.
"Here. I'll carry this."
"No. Please let me."
"You really do insist on the strangest things."
"Th-then just carry this one."
What she held out was a small bag with nothing but the ingredients. Convenient, sure. I supposed I should still call it awkward.
"Fine. Easy is good."
"Whew."
"Don't you mind using your strength after a workout?"
"This is what I work out for."
"……You really leave me with nothing to say."
"I-instead…… please hold my hand."
I laughed and took her hand at once, and her face lit up. That bastard, toward a girl who got this happy over something so small. I barely forced down the anger rising all over again.
"……This is nice."
"You like it that much?"
"Yes. The breeze is cool…… and your hand is warm, Shinwoo."
"I like it too. Let's have fun at home."
"……Okay. And…… today was so much fun."
"It was only the arcade."
"We went shopping too. I might…… be a little grateful to the owner."
"……Don't even think that. I just got you feeling better, and you're thanking the wrong asshole?"
"Ah—ah! It's not like that! The words, they just came out……."
"I know."
"……Really. Is it already over?"
"You caught on? You look all right now."
"……It's because of you, Shinwoo……. Thank you."
"Thank me for what. What's mine, I take care of."
"……But where do you even learn to say things like that?"
"Why? Too cheesy?"
"N-no. I like hearing it……."
And I leaned in and whispered to her.
"It'll be even better once we're home."
"……Ah."
Her face flushed, and the hand fidgeting in mine was soft and warm. I hadn't meant to stir her up already, but the urge to tease rose, and I looked at her and opened my mouth.
"You know this is our first time with you dressed like that."
She tilted her head at me, and I whispered.
"Don't you remember?"
"……Which……?"
"At the gym. You just threw a puffer on over your training clothes."
"……Ah!"
Her face went red enough to burst, and at the same time the hand holding mine went rigid. I laced our fingers and caught it in one motion.
"And where were you planning to run?"
"Let go, let go! No, really. I worked out this morning."
"You didn't even shower?"
"……Ah!"
Her eyes went round, and she tried to pull away in a fluster. I quietly tugged her hand and drew her into my arms.
"Let's see. Come here."
"Ah, I'm—I'm dirty! Don't smell me!"
"Mm. It's sweet, though."
"Ah, seriously! I'll go change right away. Okay?"
"Here."
I quietly let go of her embarrassed hand. She looked dazed, and I watched her for a moment before I spoke.
"You asked me to let go."
"……Ah."
Listening to that little sound from her, I turned and walked on ahead. I was only giving her time to think for herself. Rahi would never turn back. After tasting this sweetness today, just go home? Maybe if she were Jesus or Buddha. And she'd know perfectly well what was waiting after this.
How many seconds will it take.
I had to make her wrestle with it, and make her decide for herself. Of course, unless she was an idiot, she'd know she didn't really have a choice. I had to make her recognize that. Then, little by little, she'd start thinking on her own about what I liked and what I didn't.
It was a little different from gaslighting. Gaslighting makes someone dependent even in ordinary life and renders their whole personality helpless, but this only worked when it was just the two of us, or when sexual tension was in the air. I didn't need a doll.
"……You're really mean."
The moment I took a single step, she came scurrying up, stood beside me, and immediately took my hand. Three seconds. On the fast side.
"How am I supposed to leave……."
"Are you really that embarrassed?"
"……O-of course……. Then, I'm sorry, but a shower first……."
"Mm. Then I'll spend one wish. No showering."
"What?!"
"I'm serious. It's sweet. Hmm."
"Ah……."
"And I like it. You in your training clothes."
"……Shinwoo……."
She looked at me and swallowed, her eyes a storm of embarrassment, anticipation, excitement, and worry. Getting this flustered over something so small—I couldn't help finding her cute. And the sweetness was real.
I couldn't believe sweat could smell like this. I'd always wondered whether women gave off a scent like this from their bodies. Well, if I liked it, that was enough.
"……Seriously."
She'd been glaring at me, and when she stamped her foot I burst out laughing.
"My place is going to smell pretty strong too."
"……There's no way."
"You'd better be ready. A guy living alone can't help it."
"……I like your scent too, Shinwoo."
"You know that and you're still like this?"
"B-being embarrassed is still being embarrassed……."
"You're going to be incredible later anyway. I smelled all of it then, you know."
"……Th-that…… is that really true?"
"Don't you remember? Yesterday I wiped you clean."
"Ah!"
"……Don't tell me you only just realized."
"……I—I thought it was strange……."
"I knew you were quietly a little slow."
"I-I'm sorry. I thought it was strange……. There wasn't much when I washed……."
"Don't start thinking about the shake recipe. You'll really get it."
"……How did you know……?"
It was less bickering than Rahi getting flustered by one-sided teasing, for the most part. Even so, today she was starting to answer a little more easily when the talk turned to bed.
Of course it was only the afterglow, not the main event. Today must have been that good for her.