I Don't Have One Anymore

I rubbed my eyes, completely unable to believe the scene unfolding before me. What in the world is this?

—La-la-la~

From the garden plot where barely a few sprouts had poked through the dirt moments ago, bizarre little plants were now swaying in unison, singing at the top of their lungs.

Ah. Right. I'm just sleep-deprived. That's got to be it.

"I've finally lost my mind... I need to sleep."

Ignoring the garden entirely, I trudged straight into the cottage, collapsed face-first onto the bed, and let the crushing wave of exhaustion pull me under—

—La-la-la~

I grabbed my harvesting sickle and stormed right back outside.

"Just let me sleep, dammit!"

For the first time in my life, I genuinely understood why people on the news ended up in murderous feuds over apartment noise complaints. With my drowsiness thoroughly shattered, I resigned myself to harvesting the fully grown medicinal herbs in grumbling silence.

Yet even as I sliced through the red stalks, a breathy voice rose from beneath my blade, making me freeze.

"H-hey, be gentle there... My stem is sensitive..."

This blue herb had been spouting questionable innuendos for ten straight minutes.

"Having matured into a proud, wholesome medicinal herb, I now dedicate my life to—"

And this green herb was busy swearing some grand, heroic oath of martyrdom.

"Summon a spirit! Call a spirit right now! It's not my time to die yet!"

Finally, I harvested the white herb, which wouldn't stop shrieking pure, hysterical nonsense. Every single organism in this place was completely out of its mind. From the developer who coded this mess to the players who actually enjoyed it, wasn't everyone in this game a little unhinged? Well... except for the vertical-progression tryhards who only cared about raid DPS.

"Wait, I planted a hundred seeds. Why did only half of them grow?"

The plot was split cleanly down the middle. Across the back half, barely a few sad green specks poked above the soil. I knelt down and poked at the dirt with my small, delicate hands.

"Thanks for the timely warning, you useless system."

So how the hell was I supposed to level up a field? Right on cue, another window popped into view.

Money. In the end, the entire universe revolved around cold, hard cash. Whether in reality or inside a game, money was king.

Seriously, that's way too expensive! Couldn't you give me a discount or something...?

Giving up for now, I hauled the fifty harvested herbs into the cottage and picked one up straight away.

"Unhand me, human! I'm not some low-grade weed destined to perish in a hovel like this! Wait... that knife... Are you—are you going to cut my stem?!"

The noisy white herb flapped its leaves in hysterics.

"N-no! Stop! If you cut my stem raw, my medicinal potency will plummet! First, wash my roots thoroughly in cold water...!"

Following the surprisingly courteous instructions of Mr. White Herb, I gave it a meticulous bath in cold water.

"Mmm... so sleepy now... Now you just have to beat my stem with a pestle, mash me into paste, and boil it..."

Perhaps washing off the grime had brought on sudden fatigue, because the herb's voice grew faint and groggy. Still, having a coherent conversation with an ingredient that actively coached me on how to properly murder it was distinctly unsettling. How was this any different from a livestock animal giving butchering tips?

In the end, following the herb's testamentary advice, I brought the cauldron to a boil and channeled my mana into the mixture.

"Please, let there be a ton of them this time!"

Pumping all my shoulder strength into stirring the brew, a plume of purple smoke suddenly billowed from the cauldron. That same cartoonish bear silhouette from earlier appeared once more, shot me a cheeky wink, and vanished into thin air.

"Seriously, who the hell designed that thing...?"

As the smoke dispersed, a radiant glow spilled from the rim of the pot. Scooping the pure white liquid into glass vials, I noticed the crisp, unmistakable teddy bear logo stamped onto the surface of every single bottle. Am I cursed or something? Should I chug some holy water...?

"A critical success!"

I had multiplied my production yield several times over. Unable to contain my excitement at this historic breakthrough, I let out an involuntary cheer. The remaining herbs huddled inside the basket shrieked in terror.

"Th-the human has finally lost her mind!"

Hey, show some respect to a lady! ...Wait, I'm only a girl on the outside. What am I even saying?

Shaking off the identity crisis, I picked up one of the vials bearing that ridiculous prefix and inspected its properties.

"Wait... why do I keep producing stuff that's never been seen before?"

In this game, the only known counter to Fear mechanics was timing your dodge rolls down to the millisecond to iframe through the roar. Standard healing potions were one thing, but wasn't an effect like this entirely absent from the game's official item database?

My eyes gleamed, and the corners of my lips curled into a wide grin. If it didn't exist on the market, I could name my price. Still, if I listed them all at an exorbitant rate right away, people might think it was a scam.

"One for 5,000 Estel... and the rest for 50,000 Estel each!"

Anyone who played MMOs knew the legendary blunder of missing a zero—accidentally listing a high-tier item for ten percent of its true market value. It was a mistake almost every gamer had made at least once, and greedy players jumped on them like vultures. Some modern games had safety pop-ups to warn you, but Estera Online certainly wasn't one of them.

"All right. Listing complete."

There were still plenty of herbs left to process, but my body had reached its absolute physical limit.

"I... I need to pass out..."

Dragging myself over to the bed, I dove straight onto the mattress. As my heavy eyelids slid shut, unconsciousness swallowed me whole.

Completely oblivious to the massive boulder I had just chucked into the tranquil waters of the community boards, I slept like a corpse before slowly blinking my eyes open.

"Nnngh... bathroom..."

Stumbling out of bed with messy blonde hair, I shuffled groggily into the washroom, lowered my bottoms, and froze in front of the toilet bowl as harsh reality caught up with me.

"Ah... right. I don't have one anymore..."

I had to sit down to do my business. After taking care of nature's call and stepping back into the living area, I glanced at my interface, only to find my status window choked with an overwhelming swarm of blinking red notification dots.

"What on earth...?"

I tapped the red alert with my index finger, and my jaw dropped at the mountain of private messages flooding the inbox.

Letting out an exhausted sigh, I hit the 'Delete All' button and wiped every single message from existence. Join a guild? Who the hell did they think I was? And stop confessing your love to a stranger in a video game!

"Ugh... that last one literally felt like a creepy middle-aged uncle hitting on me."

I wrapped my arms around my chest with a full-body shudder, taking a ragged breath to steady my nerves. So this is what it feels like when girls receive unwanted confessions from creeps... It might be a heartfelt confession to you, buddy, but to me, it's straight-up emotional damage!

"Right, let's check the auction exchange."

My eyes nearly popped out of my skull at the number glowing on the screen. Even after the system deducted its exorbitant cut for transaction taxes, the net payout wired directly into my inventory was a staggering 2,332,350 Estel.

I let out an uncontainable shriek of pure bliss and clapped my hands like a madwoman.

"If I grind like this for just a few months, I can finally live completely debt-free!"

After basking in the euphoria for several minutes, I marched proudly out of the cottage. With capital like this, I could easily afford it.

"Time to upgrade the garden!"

Sprinting straight over to the plot, I mashed the upgrade button without a shred of hesitation.

The instant the fee was deducted, a violent CRACK tore through the earth. Fissures spiderwebbed across the soil, and the entire garden plot began to glow with a blinding, iridescent light.

"Wait, isn't this getting a little out of hand...?"

A second later, a deafening barrage of popping sounds—like hundreds of firecrackers going off at once—shattered the quiet air as plumes of thick soil and dust erupted skyward. Deep beneath the rumbling dirt, the sound of something massive forcing its way to the surface echoed out.

When the dust settled and the scene fully registered in my vision, an involuntary shriek ripped from my throat.

"Th-this wasn't supposed to happen!"