They Really Are Huge
Ding!
Ding!
I hurled my pillow across the room at the chime echoing from the status window floating in midair.
“Aaargh! Just let me sleep, damn it!”
Surrendering to harsh reality, I blew out a long sigh and dragged my eyes to the notification.
“Did she have some secret debt I didn't know about...? Is this a collection notice?”
A glowing red dot pulsed on the screen, marking an unread update from the auction exchange. Gulping down my anxiety, I tapped it open.
✦ Bear Lower-grade Health Potion (1) has been sold.
✦ Bear Lower-grade Health Potion (3) have been sold.
✦ Bear Lower-grade Health Potion (16) have been sold.
After the broker fees were deducted, a clean nineteen thousand Estel settled straight into my balance.
“W-Wait a second! I literally just listed them!”
I stared dumbfounded at the screen. To think potions marked up at daylight-robbery prices could vanish this quickly seemed flat-out impossible. It wasn't as if some loaded whale had swept the board on a whim either... Seriously, who in their right mind paid that much for low-grade health potions?
“Wait, the player community boards...”
I scrambled to pull up the public forums.
Blinking at the recent search terms left in the history tab, my eye twitched.
— Best Screenshot Spots
— Character Customization Tips
— Cute Decorative Accessories
“She really was a pure cosmetic junkie, through and through.”
Letting out a heavy sigh, I navigated to the general board. After scrolling past a few threads, an unusual title caught my eye.
I swiped the forum shut.
Those effects were real?
Holy shit... Doesn't that mean I could pay off the debt in no time?
“This is insane.”
I vaulted out of bed and darted straight toward the alchemy cauldron.
“Hey, weeds! Rise and shine... Time for round two—”
My voice trailed off. Cold realization hit the moment my gaze dropped to the completely bare wooden cutting board.
Oh, right... No matter how desperately you want to churn out goods without rest, when you have zero ingredients, you're dead in the water!
“Wait... there's still the field!”
I sprinted outside to the herb garden, only for the barren patch of overturned dirt to remind me that I had ripped up every single stalk earlier.
Regret washed over me like a tidal wave.
“I should've spared at least one so it could invite its friends over...”
Collapsing in despair, I slumped face-first onto the wooden floorboards. The sudden, suffocating weight pressing against my chest sent a sharp shock through my ribs, and I instinctively squirmed to adjust my posture.
“Now that I'm looking down at them like this... they really are huge...”
As I wallowed in misery, a random piece of internet trivia drifted into my head: When you're feeling down, fondling a chest cheers you up.
“Should I... try it...?”
Trembling, I reached out and rested my hands over the fabric of my tunic.
A soft, pillowy, yielding sensation filled my palms.
Cheer me up my ass...
The realization that I was a grown-ass man fondling his own tits just hit me with a double dose of existential dread!
Still, maybe thanks to how ridiculously plush they felt, my mood didn't sink any further. If nothing else, the sheer absurdity of the sensation shook me out of my downward spiral.
With my head somewhat cleared, I finally began noticing the chaotic clutter piled up inside the cottage.
Leaving things in a complete pigsty, whether in virtual reality or real life, was evidently my sister's signature trait.
Sighing, I started clearing away the junk until an out-of-place, dust-caked wooden box caught my attention.
“What's this...?”
Like a hero in an old comic book, I blew a sharp puff of air to clear the dust and flipped the latch.
Pouch of Mysterious Seeds (Contains 100)
A sealed pouch holding seeds of completely unknown origin.
Finding unidentified seeds made sense in an alchemy cottage. But why on earth had she left them neglected in a dusty crate instead of planting them in the ground?
Asking myself that question had only one logical answer: asking why Kim Hyuna did anything was simply proving I was an idiot for expecting reason from her.
In short, she was just a lazy gorilla.
Staring at the pouch, I remembered the spring water the magical teapot had absorbed earlier. Seeing the absurd power it carried before, maybe... just maybe, it could accelerate their growth?
“Worth a shot.”
Clutching the seed pouch, I kicked open the cottage door and headed back out to the garden. I began scattering the seeds across the freshly cleared soil where I had eradicated the insect pests earlier.
“Please grow up healthy and strong.”
As if waiting for that very moment, the status window delivered the good news. Getting bitten in the rear while tending the dirt had clearly paid off after all.
“Grow fast, now...”
Tilting the teapot to sprinkle a gentle mist across the soil, I found myself absentmindedly humming a jaunty little tune. I had never been much of a singer, but coming from the throat of a delicate anime girl, the humming sounded surprisingly sweet and melodious.
“Huh? When did all these birds get here...?”
Was it because of my humming? A flock of birds began swooping down around the garden, flapping their wings as they circled overhead. Did these creatures genuinely appreciate a pretty girl's song? Back in my old life, every stray dog in the neighborhood would bark their heads off the second I walked past...
“I guess this body... does have its perks.”
There was one crucial detail I had completely forgotten.
This was Estera Online. Here, every single cute creature came with a lethal catch.
“Stop chasing me, damn it!”
I was currently fleeing for my life from dozens of screeching birds. The reason? How the hell was I supposed to know they had built their massive communal nest directly on top of my cottage roof?!
Every stride sent agonizing jolts through my upper body. Part of it was raw physical exhaustion, but the real culprit was the massive, unaccustomed rack bouncing wildly on my chest.
“Ow, ugh... I seriously thought having huge boobs was nothing but a blessing...!”
The violent momentum of two heavy masses of flesh slamming against my ribs with every sprint was sheer, unadulterated torture.
Chirp! SKREEE!
Behind me, razor-sharp talons flashed and beaks snapped inches from my back as the flock swarmed relentlessly. Who the hell gets chased out of their own damn front yard?!
My breath caught in my throat. My lungs burned like fire. As my legs turned to lead and my speed cratered, my knees buckled, and I went crashing headfirst into the dirt.
“Oof... ah...”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes.
Getting laid off from my part-time job was bad enough, dying in a traffic accident was pure tragedy, and waking up saddled with a astronomical debt was a nightmare. But dying after getting pecked to pieces by a flock of common birds because I tripped over my own feet? Was my life seriously ending like this?
If I gave up here, I'd be branded a pathetic loser in both reality and this fantasy world.
I refused to spend another second taking life's beatings lying down.
Digging both hands deep into the soil, I whipped my head around to face the swarm.
“I'm not going down without a fight!”
I flung two massive handfuls of dirt straight into the sky—and something completely absurd happened.
The loose soil crystallized midair into sharp, jagged stones, pelting forward like shotgun pellets and nailing the flock square in their heads. Smacked by the barrage, the largest bird—evidently their alpha—plummeted out of the air and smacked into the ground.
It was a skill straight out of a battle manga.
Caught off guard by the sudden stone barrage, several more birds tumbled from the sky. This could actually work. No, this was working brilliantly!
“Get off my property!”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I furiously scooped up every clump of dirt within arm's reach and hurled it with all my might. Only when the frantic flapping and screeching died away completely did I dare peel one eye open.
You have eliminated the monsters trespassing on your housing territory.
★ LEVEL UP! Your stats have increased! ★
Seeing the sacred words capable of making any gamer's heart race, an involuntary cheer ripped from my throat.
“Whoa... I actually did it!”
Scattered across the grass lay the limp carcasses of the avian attackers.
“Wait, what about the loot...?”
As I examined their glossy feathers, new windows popped up before me.
✦ Mana-Infused Bird Feather x50
✦ Delicious Bird Meat x50
Snatching up the spoils was great and all, but as an avid gamer, there was something far more important that demanded immediate inspection: my status profile. I had just leveled up, after all!
Bursting with anticipation, I pulled up my stat sheet—only for my expression to freeze in horror.
“St-Strength 4... Agility 4... and Intelligence is barely 12...?!”
I couldn't believe my eyes. This was after a level-up? Where the hell did the initial creation stat points go? All of them, gone? And this character wasn't even level one to begin with!
Then my gaze drifted downward, spotting the grotesque numerical anomalies that instantly answered all my burning questions.
Strength: 4
Agility: 4
Intelligence: 12
Charm: 95
Teddy Bear's Favorability: ???
“Kim Hyuna, you absolute crazy bitch!”
Dragging heavy, leaden steps, I trudged back toward the cottage. How far had I sprinted during that bird chase? The path back felt endlessly long.
“My stamina... is utter garbage...”
Beads of sweat collected on my forehead, trickling down my jawline and dripping onto the dirt.
“I just want to blast the AC and eat ice cream...”
My entire body felt as heavy as a waterlogged sponge.
“I should've kept at least one potion for myself...”
Unable to force my legs forward another inch, I collapsed in a heap on the ground.
“Water... Just a sip of water...”
Fumbling into my inventory, I summoned the magic teapot and pressed its spout directly against my lips.
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
As cool moisture washed down my parched throat, the hazy fog in my vision gradually cleared.
“Haaah... Now I feel alive.”
Sprawling my legs wide open, I lay flat on my back against the dirt trail. Thank god I was wearing pants instead of a skirt.
— La-la-la~
A faint singing voice drifted from somewhere nearby, making me prop myself up on my elbows. My ears weren't playing tricks on me, were they?
The melody was coming from the direction of my cottage.
D-Don't tell me... a ghost...?
My entire body locked up like a statue.
A ghost...? In a game like this...? Seriously?
“G-Ghosts don't exist.”
Since I had to return to the cottage either way, I dragged my sluggish body forward, creeping toward the garden with utmost caution.
A moment later, my eyes widened to the size of saucers at the spectacle unfolding before me.
“Wh-What in the world is that?!”