The Second Date

We were in the middle of script practice when Jongwoo hyung appeared, both arms loaded down with pizza. I assumed he would make me sniff it and leave, as usual, so I tried to pretend I hadn't noticed — but for once, he actually opened the box right away.

That's not like him? Wondering at the strangeness of it, I stared, and he confessed quite readily.

"A fan of yours runs a pizza shop. They sent it over."

Good heavens! Why was I only now informed that such a person exists? When I protested, he shot back that he hadn't even known I had fans — how was he supposed to know what they did for a living?

That is a lie. It can only be a lie. After all, hasn't Jongwoo hyung already laid eyes on several of my fans? He even exchanged words with Guan Yu herself…

Hold on. A text just came in.

Scheming away, gnawing jealously over a single slice of pizza. His pettiness is as shabby as a fish bone.

I told him to send them anyway.

Shin Jo-woon sent 159 pizzas to the filming set. I was still mulling over how his pettiness was as shabby as a fish bone when a coffee truck rolled up ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠right behind them.

I retract the fish bone.

That man… from this day forward, he is a whale!

Two hours later

The whale texted, demanding I express my feelings at this moment. When I replied that I felt like a man who had caught a whale, he asked whether the pizza had been lacking in flavor. When I said it had been delicious, he asked why, then, did I feel like a man who had caught a whale.

"Because I've decided to make you my whale from now on, Shin Jo-woon."

I offered this praise in all honesty, and his voice came back flustered, demanding to know what on earth that was supposed to mean.

Eleven at night. I have arrived home.

He's in the bathroom right now… I'm sleepy. A little tired, honestly. Filming days are always exhausting.

Ah — earlier, Jungseo blended some tomato juice for me, and while I drank it, I probed a little. I asked whether 'the feeling of having caught a whale' might carry a bad meaning here. I am, in truth, a very clever man, but I am slightly unaccustomed to the expressions of this land — Korea, that is. So I was merely verifying, to be safe. One must never make an unintended slip of the tongue.

Jungseo pressed his lips together and studied me in silence for a while, then asked who exactly I had said that to.

When I explained the situation, he informed me that in this country, 'the feeling of having caught a whale' means a terrible, agonizing sense of loss.

Good heavens. Did I speak ill of my benefactor, the man who bought me pizza and coffee?!

I had absolutely no intention of saying anything unkind about Shin Jo-woon. In the end, I called him straight away to offer further explanation.

"I treasure whales very dearly."

Fifteen minutes later, continuing where I left off.

It seems Shin Jo-woon and Jang Tae-ri are frequently together. Last ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠time I texted, the two of them had apparently been in each other's company as well, and this time was no different — of that I am certain. The moment I hung up with Shin Jo-woon, a call arrived from Jang Tae-ri, which settled the matter.

So I asked whether the two of them had gone off to a restaurant without me, and Jang Tae-ri declared that was beside the point and shouted this instead:

"If Jo-woon is a whale, then what am I?"

The shrimp pizza she once bought me came to mind, so I answered, "A shrimp." She did not care for that. When I asked what she would prefer to be, she pondered briefly and declared herself a giant squid of the deep sea. Very well, then.

She is a rather peculiar woman.

"Did you write your video diary?"

Rembrary emerged from the bathroom with the camera in hand, and Jungseo asked as he headed into the kitchen.

"I did."

"You're diligent about it."

"It's rather fun, actually. Puts me in mind of the old days."

Rembrary answered with perfect composure, yawned, and set the camera down on the dining table. The truth was, he had done something quite similar in the past: keeping a diary aloud, spoken into empty air.

To be precise, it was less a diary than something halfway between a confession and a prayer — he would enter an empty room, all alone, and murmur through the day's events in a report to the goddess. It had been a duty since his days as an auxiliary priest, one he could not neglect even after becoming High Priest.

Perhaps that was why. Recording a video diary didn't trouble him in the least.

"That variety show — it's called Dating Process, right?"

"So I'm told."

"Main filming starts tomorrow, if I heard right?"

Rembrary fished a zero-calorie, lemon-flavored sparkling water out of the refrigerator, took a sip, and nodded. "And you? How is your mother these days?"

"She's thrilled. She barely got to leave the house for so long."

A faint, gentle smile surfaced on Jungseo's usually expressionless face.

"She goes around saying 'The world has changed so much!' every single day. Just looking at things and listening to everyday life seems to delight her."

"That is a relief."

"It is."

Rembrary tossed the empty can into the recycling bin and yawned again. But — did the man have something else to say?

Ordinarily, Jungseo would have slipped off in silence to see to his own business, yet today he lingered awkwardly nearby.

"What is it?"

At Rembrary's question, Jungseo pulled out a chair at the table with a troubled look and sat down.

"Jungseo. What ails you? Is something truly the matter?"

Rembrary asked in earnest and took the seat across from him.

Jungseo's lips parted and closed several times. But in the end, he could not bring anything out, and he finished the moment with a strained smile.

"I'll tell you once things are a bit more certain."

The next day.

As he'd been asked to in advance, Rembrary dressed in comfortable casual clothes and headed to the salon. His hair, ordinarily kept immaculately groomed for his roles as the dutiful priest and the cynical demon, was today curled with an iron into a frizzy, springy mass.

"What is this? A sheep?"

Finished, his head bore an uncanny resemblance to a sheep's, but the hairstylist insisted it was called a baby perm.

"Are you quite certain it isn't a sheep perm?"

Rembrary asked, deeply unconvinced, but Jongwoo was busy apologizing on the stylist's behalf, and the matter of the hairstyle's name was dropped then and there. After that came a light application of makeup, and they set off for the filming location.

Jang Tae-ri and the VJ had already arrived and were going over their scripts.

"Ah, I'm so sorry, every single time. You're always here first."

"Oh, it's fine. I had an errand nearby, so I came early."

"Still—"

"Really, it's no trouble at all."

While Jang Tae-ri and Jongwoo bobbed their heads at each other in mutual bows, the VJ handed a script to Rembrary.

"Here you go. You just memorize this."

"Yes."

"Today, the two of you are on a date when a call comes in from Shin Jo-woon. That's the setup."

Rembrary unfolded the script the VJ had handed over. Perhaps because the lines had been far too numerous at the first shoot, tangling his tongue into knots — this time ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠there were only two, mercifully brief.

While Rembrary studied his script, Jang Tae-ri reviewed her own. Hers was just as spare — a single stage direction and a single line.

Neither Rembrary nor Jang Tae-ri knew it, but what had changed in this script was not merely the shortened lines. The dialogue that had previously flowed back and forth between them had been split into separate, independent parts.

It was damage control — an attempt to make up for the accidental insult-comedy special they had produced by splicing their lines together in an absurd order last time. It had been entertaining, certainly, but the basic concept of this show was a love process, and the two of them were playing the two-timing team, after all.

The VJ looked back and forth between Rembrary and Jang Tae-ri, then spoke with feeling.

"Jang Tae-ri, Woo Yeon-woo — the teaser reactions were fantastic. Especially for the two-timing team. The PD has very high expectations. Fighting!"

Hands clasped tightly together, the VJ made an eung? eung? pleading gesture, then scooped up the camera.

At long last, the second date shoot began.

This date's destination was an ordinary park. Rembrary was disappointed it wasn't a restaurant, but he'd had no say in planning the date course. If Rembrary were to sing his little restaurant-restaurant song into his selfie cam, a change of venue might yet prove possible — alas, Rembrary knew no such thing.

In any case, as scheduled, Rembrary stood behind the building, counted off ten seconds, then dashed over to the bench where Jang Tae-ri sat, calling out, "Tae-ri!"

Jang Tae-ri snapped her poetry book shut and rose from the bench. From here on, it was free play — all they had to do was deliver their required lines at the right moments.

Perhaps the second attempt really did make a difference. Instead of standing there stiff and awkward as before, Rembrary struck up a conversation quite naturally.

"On my way here today, I saw someone with the exact same hair as mine."

"Oh? A poodle?"

"I don't know dog names very well."

"It was a poodle, then. Your hair looks adorable. May I touch it?"

"You may."

Jang Tae-ri reached out, gave his freshly curlered hair a light pat, and beamed. Thanks to her fan-heart-equipped eyes, Rembrary looked even cuter to her than a poodle.

After that, the two of them made a few laps of the park, trading a few exchanges of perfectly meaningless small talk.

"Thank you for the pizza you sent the other day."

"We're lovers, aren't we? Of course I'd send some."

"Send it to the dorm next time. I had to split it with everyone, and it made me sad."

"Do you prefer eating alone?"

"Up to two members is fine."

"Why two?"

"I'm not close with two of them."

"!"

"Tae-ri, don't you have any coworkers you're not close with?"

"Please. Anyone who isn't close with me can't survive at my company."

There was, needless to say, not a trace of the dangerous, secret, exquisite ache of forbidden love that a love triangle ought to carry — nor so much as the cotton-candy warmth of an ordinary couple's sweet nothings. Sighing inwardly, the VJ took out his phone.

Now he would text Shin Jo-woon and instruct him to call Jang Tae-ri. Shin Jo-woon had no shoot today, but recording his voice for this segment had already been approved. The VJ fired off the text in a flash.

About thirty seconds later, Jang Tae-ri's phone rang.

"One moment, please."

Following the stage direction, and having expected the call, Jang Tae-ri quickly pressed answer and raised the phone to her ear.

— Yeah. It's me.

Shin Jo-woon's voice came through at once.

"Goodness, Jo-woon."

— Yeah. Tae-ri. It's me.

"What brings you calling at this hour?"

— Just missed you, that's all. Where are you?

"Near the office."

— I'm nearby too. Should we meet right now?

"Ah, right now's a little…"

— Why?

"I came out for work."

— And that work isn't meeting a pizza addict, is it?

"Of course not. I came to see a poodle."

While Jang Tae-ri cringed her way through the scripted exchange with Shin Jo-woon, Rembrary waited for the call to end, sweeping the park with his eyes. Once that call cut off, he would simply deliver the required line. Since his remaining line wasn't due until the moment of parting, he felt no pressure at all.

And watching that utterly unburdened expression, Jongwoo groaned inwardly.

Your lover is on the phone, cooing sweetly with another man — why are you lounging about like some idle idler, sightseeing? Would it kill you to at least put on a jealous face, or a worried one!

Worse, the man was now whistling away at the birds flying overhead. Jongwoo was seized by the impulse to seize and yank that puckered, protruding pair of lips.

But the impulse evaporated the instant the unfolding situation registered.

The pigeons that had been pecking at scattered feed across the park had, all at once, launched themselves at Rembrary.

— End of The Second Date —