A Dream of Kongdol-i

Kongdol-i had always been a strong little dog. Even as a puppy, he preferred dragging around his own house—a sponge cushion wrapped in cloth—over playing with small toys.

He had all sorts of ways of hauling it. Sometimes he would clamp down with those sturdy teeth and pull; other times he would kick it along like a ball, shoving it across the floor with his paws.

When a round, tire-shaped cushion appeared, he rolled it like a hoop, racing around the living room.

That wasn't the only purpose Kongdol-i's house served.

Puppies love to chew when they're teething—gum toys, rope toys, anything they can sink their teeth into. Kongdol-i simply substituted his house for all of that. He would chomp and tear at it with pure delight.

The puppy house, with its springy sponge core wrapped in fabric, wasn't a home to Kongdol-i at all. It was one enormous toy.

He could always sleep pressed right up against Lee Jun, after all.

Our Kongdol-i really loved tearing up and rolling those houses around. I should have bought him more of them.

The truth was, Kongdol-i had been a puppy-house tycoon. He'd gotten a new one at least once a month.

The problem was that none of them lasted a week.

Sometimes he'd start "chomp-chomping" the moment a new house arrived, and by the end of the day it would be completely dismantled.

When the sponge cushions started getting wrecked practically every other day, Grandfather once gave Kongdol-i ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a sturdy house made of plastic.

Kongdol-i was thoroughly shocked when it wouldn't tear. But he kept trying. Watching Kongdol-i persistently gnaw at the hard house, Grandfather eventually gave in and handed him another sponge cushion.

Kongdol-i went back to "chomp-chomping" the sponge cushion as usual, and used the plastic house as his personal treasure vault. He'd stash chewed-up gum in there, tuck away little toys, and sometimes Grandfather's or Lee Jun's socks would turn up inside.

And that house still occupies a spot in one of the upstairs rooms at Golmokjib.

The point was, Kongdol-i had been given far more houses than any other dog.

The past tends to get papered over with regret and lingering attachment. Sometimes it even gets beautifully romanticized.

Of those three—regret, attachment, and romanticization—whenever Lee Jun thought of Kongdol-i, it was always regret, always that leftover ache.

It was happening even now.

I should have played with him more. If I'd just gotten up thirty minutes earlier, I could have let our Kongdol-i run around longer and still made it to school... Oh, that's right. Our Kongdol-i never even got to go to the ocean, did he? He would have had so much fun on the sand.

The moment Lee Jun started university, he'd planned to take Kongdol-i on a trip to Gangneung.

But that plan never came to pass. One thing after another kept pushing it back.

In the end, Kongdol-i never got to run on the sand.

Lee Jun had always assumed Kongdol-i would be by his side forever. Reality had other ideas.

Kongdol-i, I'm sorry. I... I thought you'd be with me so much longer.

Lee Jun let out a sigh, sifting through the regrets still lodged in his heart.

If I'd known he was going to waste away like that, I would have given him so much more. More kibble, more treats, everything. And come to think of it... our Kongdol-i never even got to try those square wet treats.

The ones they called the ham of the dog world, packed with intense flavor.

Lee Jun had never given Kongdol-i those treats even once. He'd heard too many times that once a dog got hooked on that taste, they wouldn't touch regular kibble.

For similar reasons, he hadn't given him many other treats either.

"Treats" had amounted to little more than dental chews or biscuits.

If I'd known he'd get so sick he couldn't eat, that he'd waste away like that, I would have given him those things while he was still healthy.

Why had he been so careful about everything back then?

Maybe it was because Lee Jun had been so selective about Kongdol-i's food that he'd grown up healthy in the first place.

But the regret lingered all the same.

In Lee Jun's memories, there was Kongdol-i running around in perfect health—and there was also Kongdol-i lying there, unable to eat a thing.

If I could go back... I'd play with him more, pile on the delicious food, and hug him so much tighter...

Kongdol-i... this hyung is sorry. Sorry I didn't notice you were sick. Sorry I didn't give you more food. Sorry I said "let's go next time" because I couldn't be bothered to take you for a walk. And sorry I came home late because I was hanging out with friends.

You must have been waiting for me the whole time.

I was the only family you had, and I... I...

Tears slid down both of Lee Jun's cheeks, and the world in front of him went blurry.

That was when it happened.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

Lick.

Something soft and warm touched his cheek.

Lee Jun's eyes flew wide ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠open.

He knew that feeling, that warmth, so intimately that a single word slipped from his lips of its own accord.

"Kongdol-i?"

A pair of black eyes sparkled up at Lee Jun, bright and shining. Calling him Hyung-ah.

"Hah—!"

Lee Jun's eyes, already wide with shock, stretched even wider. So did his mouth.

With his eyes and mouth open as far as they could go, Lee Jun's heart hammered as if it might burst.

Because someone he missed so desperately.

Someone he wanted to see so, so badly.

Someone he wanted to hold tight—was right there in front of him, smiling.

Lee Jun immediately wrapped Kongdol-i in a tight embrace.

His heart was pounding hard enough to leap out of his chest, but he didn't want to waste even a single second of this moment with Kongdol-i right in front of him.

It was warm. The heat of Kongdol-i's body in his arms came through completely, wholly.

Tears hotter than before spilled from Lee Jun's eyes.

"Kongdol-i, our Kongdol-i, Kongdol-i..."

There was so much he'd wanted to say. So, so many things he'd planned to tell Kongdol-i if they ever met again. Why was this the only thing that would come out?

But nothing else came to mind.

Lee Jun held Kongdol-i tight and called his name again and again.

Kongdol-i answered, too.

"Yeah, yeah, Hyung-ah, Hyung-ah. Hyung-ah..."

Kongdol-i answered faithfully, nuzzling his head against Lee Jun's chest over and over.

Kongdol-i's long, soft fur brushed against Lee Jun's neck, his arms. The warmth went without saying.

Little by little, Lee Jun's heart settled. It always did when he held Kongdol-i.

Holding Kongdol-i, an excited heart, an angry heart, a tense heart, a sad heart—all of them grew calm.

And so the tears flowing from Lee Jun's eyes gradually came to a stop.

Only then could Lee Jun truly see Kongdol-i, bright and clear.

"Let me get a look at our Kongdol-i."

Lee Jun loosened his arms and held Kongdol-i out a little so he could see him properly.

Kongdol-i sat on Lee Jun's lap, grinning at him with his tongue peeking out.

"Heehee, Hyung-ah!"

Those round black eyes, with long black lashes swept upward above them, and a ring of jet-black fur circling the eye rims that made those already-big eyes look even bigger.

Handsome snow-white eyebrows. In the center of his neatly groomed head, the fur stood up in a fluffy tuft, and the ear furnishings had been left long. His face was a slight variation on the classic Schnauzer cut, rounded and soft.

His body had the Schnauzer groom, but with his face trimmed cute like a Maltese, he radiated cuteness and charisma at the same time.

Kongdol-i's signature look—the kind that burned itself into your brain after a single glance.

Looking at that face, that body, Lee Jun's mouth curved into a smile.

"Our Kongdol-i, you look so handsome. Really handsome."

He hadn't lost any weight. He was magnificent, splendid.

Lee Jun poured that feeling into the praise.

"Heehee, Hyung-ah~~!"

Kongdol-i grinned, then hopped down from Lee Jun's arms.

"Hey, hey, Kongdol-i, you'll hurt yourself jumping like that."

Just as he always had, Kongdol-i ignored Lee Jun's scolding this time too and trotted off somewhere.

Lee Jun watched him go and let out a small laugh.

"That rascal. He must've gone to find his leash."

That was right. Whenever Kongdol-i wanted to go outside, he would show up with his own leash in his mouth. From that behavior, Lee Jun would know: Ah, he wants to go out.

So Lee Jun had always left the leash in a basket by the front door, where Kongdol-i could grab it whenever he wanted.

Kongdol-i would shred his own house to ribbons, but he never, ever chewed on his leash.

That was why Lee Jun had been able to leave it out without worry.

Just as expected, Kongdol-i came thumping back with the leash in his mouth and dropped it in front of Lee Jun with a little tap.

Then:

"Let's go, Hyung-ah!"

The Kongdol-i of the past had expressed his desire to go out with his eyes alone. The Kongdol-i in front of him now conveyed his heart with both his eyes and his words.

The smile on Lee Jun's face deepened.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Lee Jun stepped out of the house with Kongdol-i, and before he knew it, they were in a green park. The leash that had been around Kongdol-i's body had vanished.

Ordinarily, a startled Lee Jun would have snatched up the loose leash and run after him.

But this time, he didn't.

Grass grown to just the right height for Kongdol-i to run through. Trees dense with green leaves ringing the park. A single white cloud drifting in a vast, high sky.

This place felt comfortable. Safe.

Kongdol-i bounced along. Lee Jun followed at a leisurely pace.

"That kid. He really can run."

Watching Kongdol-i race joyfully ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠through this clear, fresh, unhurried park lifted Lee Jun's spirits. A smile just came.

He was walking along with a warm expression when Kongdol-i, who'd already run far ahead, looked back at him and spun in circles.

That was what Kongdol-i did when he wanted to show Lee Jun something. Lee Jun asked with a smile:

"Kongdol-i, did you find something fun?"

"Heehee, Hyung-ah~~, there are friends here."

"Friends? Did you find another bird? Hyung told you. No biting birds!"

Lee Jun picked up his pace a little.

That was when greetings reached Lee Jun's ears.

Not one. Many.

Greetings poured in. And that wasn't all. For every greeting, there was one adorable face.

Dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, hedgehogs, turtles, iguanas. Ferrets...

Animals appeared one after another around Kongdol-i.

Every one of them was a face Lee Jun knew. Animals who had received treatment from him, then gone on to the Animal Star...

Lee Jun had treated them with everything he had, and the animals had fought their illnesses with all their strength. Those brave, admirable animals had come to greet him.

"You... you guys?"

A mix of joy and apology twisted Lee Jun's face.

But unlike him, the animals were beaming, looking utterly, completely happy.

They expressed that joy with their whole bodies as they spoke to him.

"Heehee, Teacher, I missed you. I missed you so, so much."

"M-me too, I missed you way, way more than that."

"M-me too, I missed our Teacher so much. Teacher!"

Hearing all of them insist they'd missed him even more, Lee Jun's twisted expression eased a little.

As the animals squabbled over who had missed Lee Jun more, a small but dignified voice rang out.

"Ahem! Even kibble has a proper order of seniority!"

A cat sauntered slowly toward Lee Jun. Lee Jun's eyes widened, and the corners of his mouth curled up.

"You... Geumdal-i? Is that you, Geumdal-i?"

"Yes, I'm Geumdal-i! Hyung-ah, ahem, I missed you."

Geumdal-i, Kwak Suho's companion cat and Kongdol-i's closest friend, ambled toward Lee Jun.

"Hmph. And you're younger than me, too."

The voice came from above Geumdal-i's head.

Lee Jun looked up and saw a yellow-and-green ball. It was Cha-cha, Choi Woo-jin's companion bird.

"Cha-cha?"

Before Lee Jun had even finished speaking, Cha-cha flew over with a bright little trill and landed on his shoulder.

Just like always.

"Heh heh, Hyung. I missed you."

"Me too, Cha-cha. Our Cha-cha, I missed you so, so much."

"I, I missed you more!"

Geumdal-i had somehow already approached and bonked his head against Lee Jun's leg. Same as always.

Lee Jun plopped right down on the spot. And then they all came crowding in.

Lee Jun called each animal by name, one by one, and stroked them.

Pouring apology and gratitude into every touch.

Sorry he hadn't been able to let them live longer.

Grateful that they'd still come to see him, saying they were happy.

Watching Lee Jun like that, Kongdol-i bounced in place like a little foal, leaping up and down.

That was what he did when he was overflowing with joy.

Looking at Kongdol-i, Lee Jun was happier than he could possibly say.

In that moment, Lee Jun understood.

Ah. This is a dream.

He was having an impossibly happy dream. And because of that, he didn't want to wake up.

He wanted to stay here, and stay, and stay.

In this place where there were no animals who looked like they were in pain, where all he could see were faces smiling in happiness.

Kongdol-i, who'd been bouncing away, was suddenly standing right beside Lee Jun. Then he said:

"Hyung-ah, they say they have something they want to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Puhut, they'll know that. But first we want to play. Right, guys?"

"Yeah, yeah! We're gonna play with Hyung-ah."

"I, I will play as well. I wanted to run with Teacher."

"M-me too."

At everyone saying they wanted to run and play with him, Lee Jun smiled and said:

"Alright. The weather's nice—let's all walk together. And run."

Let's run as much as we want through this wide park. At Lee Jun's words, they all chorused:

"Yes! Heeheehee."

Dogs racing around in a frenzy. Dogs walking with dignity. A cat who'd climbed a tree to look down from above. Birds flitting between the branches and Lee Jun's shoulder.

A turtle ambling along, slow and steady.

The animals strolled through the park, each at their own pace.

Lee Jun walked slowly too, and Kongdol-i stuck right to his side.

Lee Jun said to Kongdol-i:

"Kongdol-i, if you want to run, run. Hyung will run with you."

"Heehee, it's okay if I don't run, and it's okay if I do. I just like being next to Hyung-ah."

"You little..."

Kongdol-i, consistent as ever. Lee Jun was walking along with that bouncing little presence at his side when he suddenly looked toward a large tree in the distance.

It felt like someone was watching him from up in that tree.

And he was right.

The moment Lee Jun's gaze settled on that far-off tree:

Someone he'd missed, someone he'd felt sorry toward. Haennim-i was up in the tree, waving a brown front paw. Beaming.