Please, just die...!!
Please just die...!!
It had been a truly long time since I had a dream.
It was such a sweet dream that, if possible, I wished I would never wake up from it.
- When I grow up, I'm going to be a hero who saves everyone!
- Yes, yes. Our Rubel is brave, so you'll be a hero loved by everyone.
- To become a cool hero, you'll have to build up your stamina first, won't you?
My mother and father, who used to embrace me so tenderly.
- Why are you giving up already? Is my rival only this much?
- We're not done yet. Right?
- Someday, when everything is over... how about we all go back and live together? In one house, happily.
My comrades, who always moved forward with me.
And......
- I love you.
Even my lover, whose face I could barely remember anymore, perhaps because of the endless Regressions.
They all died.
All by Bersia's hand....
They died a miserable death.
Swoosh!
At the edge of my happy dream, Bersia was cutting down the people I loved.
Her eyes were indifferent.
"Bersia——!!!!"
Why, just why, are you so cruel?
Why do you kill the people I love every single time?
I think I asked her once, long ago.
But now, I can't remember.
Because the answer I heard then was the worst in my entire life.
I erased it from my memory myself.
A rage so intense that I couldn't sleep every night.
Inside me, emptied by the long journey of Regression, nothing remained but the thought of killing Bersia.
Even if it meant I would someday become a demon instead of a hero.
Even if it meant committing the sin of twisting the timeline countless times.
I wanted to kill Bersia.
I wanted to kill that Demon King who took away everything precious to me.
And somehow, I would protect that resolve.
I would cut off Bersia's head.
"Ugh......"
At the moment I reaffirmed the vow I had made hundreds of thousands of times in my heart.
I woke from my sleep, and the blurry scenery around me came into view.
The luxurious room looked no different from yesterday.
From that, I knew I was still alive.
And that I hadn't Regressed.
'......Why?'
A question arose in my mind.
It was Bersia, who killed me at the end of every cycle.
Either by plunging a sword into my chest.
Or by shattering my bones with magic, twisting my body.
That Bersia, who starved me to death for three days without a drop of water.
Why, then, had she still not killed me in this cycle?
I kept thinking, but no answer came.
It was only natural.
Because there was no way I could understand the thoughts of that utterly cruel murderer.
So, I gave up on finding an answer to my question and looked around for a sharp object.
It was to end my own life and Regress again.
If I couldn't reach her in this cycle.
Then I just had to kill her somehow in the next life.
"......?"
However, no matter how much I looked around, I couldn't find anything suitable for suicide.
There was no rope to hang myself with, nor any sharp objects to stab my neck.
Even heavy objects that could be dropped to strike my head were nowhere to be seen.
Because of this, I even thought about smashing my head against a corner....
But all the corners of the objects in the room were covered with protective barriers.
As if Bersia was trying to prevent me from committing suicide.
"Hah."
When did she ever kill me so cruelly?
And now she's going to let me live like this?
"No way in hell."
At the very least, I didn't want things to go Bersia's way, so I started smashing my head against the floor.
Wham!
"Kuh...!"
As I slammed my head against the bare floor with all my might, blood flowed from my forehead.
It hurt.
It really hurt.
The pain was so severe that I wanted to stop immediately.
But if only I could kill Bersia.
This much pain was nothing.
Thud! Bang!
As the number of times I slammed my head against the floor increased, more blood seeped out.
My vision was so blurry that I couldn't properly see the floor right in front of me.
At this rate, I'd probably die if I hit it a couple more times.
Thinking I would end it with just one more hit, the moment I was about to strike my head against the ground again.
Thump.
Someone's hand blocked my forehead, which was about to hit the floor.
It was Bersia.
"I never imagined you'd try to commit suicide in such a way."
"......Bersia!!"
Was she now going to block even my choice to end my own life?
Rage surged to my head, and I knocked Bersia down, then placed my hands around her neck.
And then, without hesitation, I strangled her.
"Die.... Please, just die...!!"
"......"
But no matter how much force I applied, Bersia's expression remained utterly serene.
As if daring me to try harder.
"Are you trying to choke me to death with just that much strength?"
"Kuh-heuk...!"
I was so furious that tears welled up and spilled out.
To ensure my resolve to kill her wouldn't waver, I slept on a hard stone bed instead of a comfortable one every night.
I trained so hard that I swung my sword even when my hands bled, not caring.
And I forced myself to recall the horrible moments I hated to remember, every single day.
I did all that. And yet.
Can I still not kill this bitch?
How many more Regressions do I need to reach her?
Just how beloved by the gods is this goddamn bitch, that she has such a long life?
How can her life be so long?
"Just... die, already!!"
Finally, as I choked her with enough force to break my hand, tears streaming down my face.
Bersia lightly pushed away my hands from her neck and spoke.
"Let me tell you a cruel truth, Rubel. Even if you kill me, those I killed won't come back anyway."
"Shut up!!"
"Even if you achieve your revenge, you'll be trapped in hell forever."
"I told you to shut your mouth!!"
Smack!!
Unable to bear listening any longer, I slapped Bersia across the face with my other hand.
However, Bersia showed no sign of pain and simply continued to stare at me.
Her cheek was so hard that my hand throbbed with pain.
"You can't change anything."
Words that felt like nails being hammered into my heart.
Honestly, Bersia was right.
The current me couldn't change anything.
I couldn't bring the dead back to life.
Nor could I kill Bersia.
At least, not the current me.
"No. There is something I can change."
If I Regress again, I'll be able to change it someday.
Because there were things that had changed little by little through my Regressions so far.
With the belief that it would work if I just kept going, I tried to smash my head again.
But this time too, Bersia stopped me from ending my own life.
"You yourself know better that there's nothing you can change."
"Let go!! I'll prove that I can kill you someday!!"
"......No. You cannot kill me."
Bersia threw a dagger to me.
"Hmm... Still, I suppose I should give you a chance."
Bersia stood there, completely unarmed, looking at me.
At her tone, which seemed to challenge me to try if I could, I gritted my teeth.
And then I stabbed the dagger towards Bersia, who was unarmed.
"Hwaaaaaa!!!"
I continued to stab Bersia with the dagger, putting all my strength into it.
Even so... the dagger's blade couldn't pierce Bersia's skin.
It remained so even though I continuously attacked the same spot.
"Why.... Why, why, why...!!! Whyyy!!!"
Clang!
In the end, the dagger's blade broke without even piercing her skin.
The broken blade flew through the air and then fell to the floor.
"...Didn't I tell you? It's impossible."
I simply couldn't accept it.
The fact that I was so powerless.
The fact that despite all my efforts, I couldn't kill Bersia.
Unable to accept it, I lunged at Bersia.
"Bersia!!"
"Hoo......"
The moment I was about to throw a punch at Bersia.
Bersia struck my lower abdomen with a speed my eyes couldn't follow.
"Kuh-heuk......!!"
The pain was so intense that I couldn't stand no matter how hard I tried, and I collapsed onto the spot.
"......It seems I already made you understand your place once. It didn't stick, did it?"
"Ber, sia......!"
Bersia gazed at me, who had collapsed for a moment.
Then, she knelt on one knee, met my gaze, and opened her mouth.
"Rubel. In that case, I'll make you an offer."
"As if I'd accept an offer from a bitch like you......"
"Once a day. I will give you a chance to kill me."
My eyes widened at her completely unexpected words.
A chance to kill Bersia directly, without Regressing and living that long life.
It was an offer too good to refuse for me, so I was tempted.
"......There won't be no price, will there?"
"Indeed. Because every action naturally comes with a price."
Bersia gave a small smile.
"The price is, if you fail to kill me... you will have to 'intercourse' with me."