Questions and Answers (2)
Malcolm and Marie's first kiss happened less than a week after she started dating Emil. At first, it was just a simple report. In the dream, Marie told her childhood friend Malcolm that she had become lovers with Emil. They had shared every little thing since they were kids, after all. So the real Marie watching from the sidelines didn't question it either.
But.
"…I became lovers with Emil."
"Yeah, hehe…."
Malcolm's expression shifted subtly the moment he heard those words from her dream self. The dream Marie, who was right there in the conversation, didn't notice it. But Marie, watching from the side, caught that faint change.
After that, Malcolm started calling Marie out far more often, in a strangely persistent way.
"Come to think of it, Marie."
"Why?"
"We never celebrated your good exam scores just the two of us, did we?"
"Uh…?"
It began with simple greetings and small talk. Then they went out to eat to celebrate her exam success. Along the way, Emil found out and they argued.
But she didn't stop.
"That's weird…! Why do you meet him so often?"
"I told you! Malcolm and I are…!"
"Even if you're childhood friends, now that you're with me, shouldn't you keep some distance?"
"Just stop it!"
Even though she vaguely sensed Malcolm's feelings. Even though she knew Emil's worries weren't some excessive obsession.
Marie didn't stop.
And then.
"Marie, got a moment?"
"Yeah…?"
The kiss came out of nowhere. In the empty classroom after school, Malcolm suddenly pressed his lips to Marie's without so much as asking. No permission sought. Their eyes had simply met quietly for a brief moment.
But he was kissing Marie, who had Emil. It was practically a crime.
…But the dream Marie didn't pull away from the kiss.
"Huum…."
"……."
Chup, chu….
Why….
At first, she pushed against Malcolm's chest. But his lips clung persistently, and in the end, she stopped resisting.
"Haa…. Huum…."
In the orange-tinted classroom, the quiet sounds of their tongues intertwining echoed softly.
Why….
The translucent version of herself watching it all shed tears in a daze right in front of them.
You have Emil….
She couldn't understand it. Couldn't believe it. It was the exact same her, but she couldn't accept this dream version of herself. Because she was clearly betraying Emil.
You have something most precious, so why…!
Even knowing how dearly Emil cherished her. Marie had betrayed him anyway. For reasons she couldn't fathom. Was it because dream Malcolm was more handsome than Emil? Because he had better grades? Because they'd built up more history together?
Nothing made sense.
She couldn't make sense of any of it.
Don't…! Don't come in…!
The memory flooded into her mind despite her refusal.
No, I hate it…, this isn't my memory…!
But as if denying her pleas, the memory poured in. And bit by bit, it revealed to her the ugly reason why her dream self had chosen Malcolm over Emil.
No…. No way….
Marie hugged her knees in front of the kissing pair and buried her face. She didn't want to see anything more. Didn't want to taint her own heart any further. It was just a simple nightmare. A fabricated fictional tale—that's what she desperately told herself.
But.
…….
Once the memory seeped in, she couldn't help but realize the truth. That this betrayal was something she had chosen. Something she had actually done. Purely her own actions, with no malicious manipulation from anyone.
Learning the thoughts of the Marie from the memory made her confront it fully. And the scene didn't stop—it kept going.
"Marie…. Hey…."
"……."
What the dream showed her next was a few days after the kiss with Malcolm. A date with Emil. On a clear holiday, the two had come for a picnic in a spot bursting with flowers. But unlike the bright sky, Emil's face was dark.
Marie, out on the date with him, could guess why, but she pretended not to notice. In the end, unable to hold back any longer, Emil carefully spoke up.
"Yesterday… where'd you go with Malcolm?"
"……."
Her smile froze at the question.
"Asking again?"
"……."
Marie glared at Emil sitting beside her, radiating strong displeasure.
"I told you last time…!"
"No, but…."
"I said it already! Malcolm's just my childhood friend! My best friend!"
"……."
Emil's suspicions were perfectly justified. And in reality, Marie had the improper relationship with Malcolm that he suspected.
But that's exactly why she lashed out at Emil even more.
"We came out to have fun for once, and you have to bring that up here?"
"……."
"I'm really disappointed."
"……."
"You ruined everything. I dressed up pretty, made a lunch… all for nothing."
Marie spat sharp words without hesitation. They stabbed straight into Emil's heart. But he hid his hurt, offering only a soft, apologetic smile.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up…."
"……."
Emil seemed to believe her one more time, and he didn't mention Malcolm again after that. Marie felt guilt on one hand but shamelessly kept it hidden, continuing her relationship with Emil.
And about a month after the kiss with Malcolm.
"Sorry."
"……What?"
In the end, Marie betrayed Emil. She finally uttered the apology she should have given long ago.
…….
Emil, who had believed in her until the very last moment, wore an expression of shock beyond words. The translucent Marie watching him.
Sorry….
Tears streaming, she blankly reached out to stroke his untouchable face. She caressed his pale, wounded features endlessly, shedding tears without end.
Sorry…. Hic….
Unlike her dream self, she apologized sincerely to him, who was truly hurt.
Sorry….
But it didn't reach him. This was merely a replay of events that had already happened. Her hand passed right through his body, and no matter how she screamed, her voice didn't carry.
So all Marie could do was shed tears and apologize to Emil.
"Marie, how could you…."
"Sorry, but…. but I really mean it…!"
Sorry…. Hic, sorry….
To the Emil who had devoted himself to her from start to finish, who had filled her lonely heart. She apologized for betraying that trust.
But as if mocking her feelings, her dream self bid Emil farewell in the end.
"……."
Emil stood alone in the spot where Marie had vanished, gazing up at the sky. Thin tears traced down his cheek. His hands and jaw began to tremble with frustrated anger.
This is it….
Slumping down before him, Marie realized. This was the answer to the question she'd wondered about so desperately.
The reason Emil can't accept me…. it was this….
She had already betrayed Emil once. She had received love beyond repayment and still betrayed him, choosing another man.
And most likely, Emil remembered this. That's why she was having these dreams.
And it was more than enough reason for her not to be accepted.
But.
Still…. I don't want this….
Marie rose to her feet and gazed at Emil, who stood there blankly.
I like you so much….
She spoke to him even though he couldn't hear. Hoping he'd somehow know her true feelings.
My heart's already full of you…. and now I even have these memories of how much you loved me….
Feeling guilt, knowing it was selfish, Marie still pleaded.
I can't even imagine tomorrow without you….
Unable to touch him, she placed both hands on his cheeks and stared straight into his eyes. His empty pupils met hers with desolate sadness.
Sorry…. sorry for hurting you…. but still, hic, I want to be your woman….
Even after witnessing that shocking memory, Marie steeled her resolve. She thought it was still okay.
I want you….
Even though she had betrayed him, that was her from another time. It was still okay. She could turn it around now. So when she woke from this dream, she'd run straight to Emil. Apologize, and no matter how long it took, work to win his heart.
I really like you….
That's what she vowed. Right in front of the wounded Emil.
But as if denying her vow, the dream showed her what came next—what she hadn't seen yet.
…….
As if asking whether she'd still make such vows after seeing this.
Thwack!!
"Kyaaah━! S-stop━! Malcolm, enough…!!"
"You crazy bastard?!"
"Cough, cough…."
Emil witnessed Marie and Malcolm kissing. The very next day after she declared their breakup. On the rooftop filled with their memories.
Thwack━!Thwack!
"Kuaak…!!"
"You really lost your mind? You, of all people!!"
"Stop it! Malcolm━!!"
"From the start, you eyeing Marie pisses me off!!"
Thwack!!
Emil, who loved Marie, naturally swung at Malcolm. But the gap in skill was too vast. Emil, who had charged in, ended up getting brutally beaten by him.
"……."
…….
After Malcolm and Marie left. Emil remained alone on the rooftop, sitting there with a dazed, soul-crushed expression, covered in dust and blood.
The translucent Marie slumped down before him and gazed at him.
E, mil….
No words of apology would come anymore. His wounds were far too deep to be soothed by mere words.
Ugh, sob, Emil….
He had lost the woman he loved. Despite devoting himself to her, giving her everything without reserve. Stolen so easily, just because the other guy was handsome and talented.
And that woman, mere one day after their breakup—the kiss she'd refused him, she gave so freely to that man. He attacked that man and got beaten to a bloody pulp right in front of the woman he loved.
Betrayal. Such a simple word couldn't define his pain.
Hic, Emil….
Marie shed tears as she watched over him from the side. All she could do was hope. That he'd stand up. Shake it off and overcome it.
But.
E, mil…?
Emil couldn't overcome it in the end. He sat there blankly on the rooftop until night fell. After sunset, he headed to the academy's gym storage, then climbed back up to the rooftop.
In his hand.
Was a rope.
No, no━!! Don't━! Don't do it━!!
More desperately than at any other moment watching the dream, Marie flailed her arms. Knowing they'd pass right through, she still tried to stop him. Her face soaked in tears, she thrashed to prevent what came next.
Whoosh━!!
But she couldn't stop it. This was merely a replay of what had happened.
Ah…. Aah….
Thud…!
Swing…, swing….
Aaah….
As if forcing her to see it clearly, the dream shifted her to the front of the academy's main building. There hung Emil, high above. He struggled. His face twisted in agony. His hands instinctively grabbed the rope, but it was too late to turn back.
And in the end.
…….
Emil met his death.
"……."
She woke from the dream at dawn. But Marie neither tried to sleep again nor prepared to head to the academy. Even though just moments ago, she'd vowed to go straight to Emil first thing upon waking.
"……."
Marie buried her face in her knees and stayed perfectly still. No more tears came. She had no right to cry.
Seeing Emil like that…. and I still did that with Malcolm….
The dream memories replayed vividly in her stifled mind. Especially the last one. Witnessing Emil's suicide, then that same night mixing bodies with Malcolm—it was enough to make her want to vomit.
Her dream self had lain beneath Malcolm, getting excited to drown out Emil's death. Turning her back on the guilt, forgetting him. The most cowardly thing imaginable.
From those memories and emotions, self-loathing welled up within Marie.
"Die…."
With her face buried in her knees, Marie muttered.
Who was she speaking to? Malcolm…? Her dream self…? Or maybe her current self.
"Just die…."
No matter who, she cursed them.
"Right now…, hic, just die…."
The man she loved. Everyone who had turned him into that.
She cursed them from the depths of her heart.