Despair Memory Awakens
The moment the question and answer hung in the air, the world seemed to stop. Marie's mind went utterly blank, as if caught in that illusion. But it was just an illusion—the cruelty of Emil's voice pressed on relentlessly.
"…I've never once thought about having that kind of relationship with you."
"……."
She hadn't misheard.
"……I see."
So Marie nodded blankly, her face numb. What kind of expression was Emil wearing? She couldn't meet his eyes. If she did, the tears would come pouring out in an instant.
But even her desperate efforts were in vain. Her eyes, already red from tension, began spilling tears on their own accord.
"Hic, sob, s-sorry…! Th-this… isn't on p-purpose… sob, sorry…."
"……."
Embarrassing.
I want to hide somewhere.
Those thoughts kept surging up, but what tore at her heart the most was one brutal reality.
Emil doesn't like me.
"Sob… hic, sob…."
"……."
The tears wouldn't stop at that truth. And Emil simply watched her silently. He didn't comfort her with the warm touch he once had.
Was that why?
"Sob, Emil…."
"Yeah."
"C-can I… sob, ask one thing…?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
Clinging to a faint hope, Marie wiped at her streaming tears and slowly, cautiously lifted her gaze to Emil's face.
"……."
What entered her tear-blurred vision was Emil's sorrowful expression. Why was he making that face? Marie couldn't understand. She just carefully parted her lips, his features framed in her watery sight.
"……What kind of person do you like?"
"……."
It was a question she'd asked before. But now she knew—his answer back then had just been consideration, so she could focus on her exams.
That's why she was even more curious now. She wanted to know the conditions for becoming his woman.
"Tell me, sob, I… I'll work hard…! I'm really serious…! I know it might be a burden, but please understand that much…! So…!"
"……."
"……Tell me what kind of person you'd accept."
She pleaded with all her desperate heart. Of course, she knew—a clingy girl like this might disgust him. But still, Marie couldn't let go of that one thread of hope. Because by now, his presence had rooted itself too deeply in her heart to pull out.
And to Marie's desperate question…
"……."
Emil, eyes filled with sadness, answered slowly.
"Sorry…."
"……Huh?"
"Marie won't do."
"Wh-why…?"
"I can't… tell you the reason."
"……."
And Emil gave a small smile.
"You're a good person. …Someone great will come along for you soon, I'm sure."
"……."
"Sorry, gotta head out first. …See you tomorrow."
With that, he turned away, smiling sadly as he looked at her one last time. And just like that, he vanished from before her eyes.
Until his back disappeared from view, Marie stood frozen in place, staring blankly after him.
Why…
Why not me…
Emil had said it plainly.
Why not me…?
Two reasons floated up in her torn heart. He doesn't like me. Or… there's someone else he does like.
"……."
The second one brought a face to mind immediately.
Sierra.
Is it her…?
Drip, drip….
"Sob… h-hic, uu… sob…."
After Emil left, Marie walked on, weeping pitifully. The path to the dormitory felt endlessly long. Tomorrow seemed like it might never come.
But she eventually reached the dormitory.
Thud.
Without even changing clothes, she collapsed onto her bed.
"……."
Cruel. Resentful thoughts bubbled up. Just at dinner earlier, she'd felt like she owned the world, happier than when Damian had acknowledged her.
That happiness had vanished in an instant. Like being forcibly woken from a sweet dream she never wanted to end, Marie writhed in agony.
But all the more, she longed for Emil.
Am I not enough…?
If only she could be loved by him, she'd do anything—change her looks, personality, habits, even her gender.
Emil hadn't given her that answer.
That's why Marie suffered more, tormented by doubts.
"Goddess… please…."
Face buried in her bed, she gazed at the moon outside the window. And prayed fervently to it.
"Please… tell me the answer…."
The moon shone silently on her, offering no words.
But as if answering her plea—
Condition fulfilled!
Despair Memory activates!
Marie felt a ding echo in her head.
And Emil, elsewhere in the dormitory, saw the message appear before him as he lay back on his bed.
Strange drowsiness suddenly overwhelmed Marie. She'd just been sobbing; sleep was the last thing on her mind.
Yet some force pulled her into a deep slumber.
… … …
What…?
The sleeping Marie opened her eyes immediately. What she saw was a familiar sight.
The hallway…?
She stood in the corridor of Revel Academy's main building. But she knew right away this was a dream. She'd fallen asleep at night, yet the scene before her was early morning.
Why am I here…
It felt too vivid for a dream, like she'd just arrived at the academy. But her translucent body reminded her it was just that—a dream.
And then.
"Ma, Marie—!!"
…Huh?
A familiar voice called from behind. The man she'd desperately longed for before sleep.
Emil.
Turning, she saw him there, breathless as if rushing from somewhere, gripping the hand of a troubled-looking male student beside him.
And in front of that Emil stood… Marie.
"…What, you again?"
The other her spoke to Emil in an unbelievably cold tone. But undeterred, Emil grinned brightly and showed off the boy he held.
"Here! This guy's grades are killer! You know that, right?"
"……I know, but."
"He wants to join your group!"
"R-really?"
At Emil's words, Marie's eyes widened in surprise as she glanced at the boy. He nodded awkwardly, looking uncomfortable.
Seeing that, Emil straightened proudly and declared,
"So let me in your group too!"
"……What?"
"I told you before—I'd bring a top student, so let me join."
"……Pfft."
Marie burst into a bright laugh.
"You're such a weirdo… Fine. Let's do it together."
"For real? Yes—!"
With her permission, Emil beamed with joy, practically jumping.
This is…
The translucent Marie watched it all from the side, staring in confusion at the trio.
The scene was more vivid than any memory. But it wasn't one of hers.
No—it was different from her memories.
Why is Emil bringing another student…? And why did I reject him…?
Everything was baffling. So the confused Marie could only watch her dream self and Emil.
After all, in this dream, all she could do was observe.
And time began to flow.
"Marie…."
"Sob, hic, sob… What, sob, why…."
"I, …overheard. Sorry."
"Go away… ugh, just leave… let me be alone…."
"……."
Another familiar yet different scene played out.
I get it…
But as she watched, Marie realized.
These are my memories… from another time.
She knew because they synchronized. The dream scenes she observed as translucent Marie turned into memories, absorbing into her mind.
The earlier one with Emil bringing the top student now felt as real as her own experience.
And this one now—right after getting hurt by Damian, with Emil secretly watching and comforting her.
Another scene utterly different from her own memory.
It seeped into her head as a brand-new recollection.
I'm watching… me and Emil from another time.
How was this possible?
……
As Marie watched herself and Emil from another world, she sought the answer to that question.
"You hate me studying with Malcolm?"
"…Focus on studying, Marie."
"Can't answer that either? Idiot, moron, coward."
"……Of course I hate it. Stop asking and study."
"Why? Why do you hate it?"
The scenes unfolding before her flowed completely differently from her memories.
In that time, Emil was the hard worker…
Above all, Emil was different.
And… he likes me.
The way he treated her was nothing like her own timeline.
He struggled with studies too, but that wasn't what caught her eye.
It was the affection radiating from him.
That Emil… likes me.
Drip, drip….
Translucent tears fell from the translucent Marie's eyes.
But she couldn't look away. The dream showed her what she craved most.
Emil's so passionate with the one he loves…
In reality, she'd chased after Emil, striving to win his heart.
Studying harder to confess to him.
Yet.
"Marie…! I figured out the solution! Here…!"
"Huh? Really? Wow! How'd you do it?"
In the dream, Emil was the one chasing. Gazing at her lovingly, sparing nothing for her sake.
With average grades, he ran on foot, exerting himself endlessly—bowing to others, falling, getting hurt.
Yet Emil kept smiling.
Jealous…
Because it helped her.
So jealous…
Emil was genuinely happy helping Marie.
So… jealous…
His actions and expressions brimmed with love.
That's why Marie's tears wouldn't stop.
Because what she yearned for was right there.
Is this… the answer to my prayer…?
Marie spoke to the goddess watching from somewhere, gazing at the dream.
Remembering the prayer she'd murmured to the moon before sleep.
Just telling me to be content with happy memories…?
Another scene seeped in as a new memory.
Now two timelines coexisted in her: one where she chased Emil, begging for love; another where he chased her, showering it upon her.
Clutching both, Marie sobbed.
And.
"Marie…."
"……."
The scene she'd tearfully watched reached its end.
"I love you for real."
Midterms were over.
…Ah.
Yet another scene different from her experience unfolded.
"Will you… be my girlfriend?"
Dream Emil confessed to her.
And dream Marie nodded, shy but as if expecting it.
"Yeah…."
Thus, they became lovers.
The love between Emil and Marie that she'd craved so desperately today had begun.
……
Translucent Marie stared blankly at her dream self from the side.
A happy smile. Giggling cutely while talking with Emil.
No tears in those eyes. She looked truly content.
Why couldn't it be me…
Marie murmured, gazing at the scene, as if seeking an answer.
Not some "what if" memory upon waking.
She yearned desperately for it to become real.
What was I lacking…?
Her dream self would be happy now. Having gained the precious connection she'd longed for.
For someone born illegitimate, abandoned by her mother, ignored by her father.
Finally obtaining a wonderful man who gave unconditional love.
Dream Marie would be happy.
……
Yet another new memory seeped in.
Now rejection by Emil and becoming his lover coexisted in her.
Should I just accept this…?
But the dream didn't end.
Even though she'd gotten the memory she wanted.
As if demanding she see more, the scenes continued.
And.
…Huh?
Marie realized.
"Marie!"
"……Malcolm."
This wasn't some comforting fabrication.
What… why…
This wasn't consideration.
This was the answer.
Why Malcolm and me…
The reason Emil couldn't accept her—the plea she'd prayed for.
N-no…
Watching that answer, Marie's face paled as she screamed.
Even knowing these unchangeable "memories."
Don't…!
Tears streaming, she flailed her arms.
Toward her own body kissing Malcolm.
Her translucent hands passed through desperately.
But despite her struggles.
Don't do iiiit—!!
The new memory seeped into Marie's mind.