The Troublemakers (2): The Uninvited Guests
We climbed the hill and arrived at the main gate of the old lord’s castle. As expected, two hulking brutes were standing guard, clutching machetes stained with dried blood. I approached them with the utmost politeness and grace.
"Excuse me. Do you happen to have any vacancies for the night?"
"What the hell is this crazy bastard saying? You want to die?!"
The goons went berserk, raising their machetes high. I shook my head, looking genuinely disappointed.
"No, let’s talk this out. Otherwise..."
Bang! Bang!
With two short gunshots, both of their knees shattered in unison, and they collapsed to the ground.
"I didn't want to do this, you know. Your customer service attitude is just abysmal."
"Haa... I don't even know anymore."
Sion, standing behind me, pressed his palms against his eyes and let out a deep, weary sigh.
I hummed a light, cheerful tune and approached the tightly shut gate of the castle. Bang! Ka-boom! The massive entrance swung open, looking quite pathetic and satisfying after two shots from my double-barrel shotgun.
"Ambush!!"
"The gate's been breached!!"
Hearing the deafening roar, the organization members poured out of the lobby like a swarm of ants. As they raised their weapons, dripping with bloodlust, I flicked my smoking gun barrel with one hand and offered a relaxed greeting.
"Hello. Do you happen to have any vacancies?"
"What are these bastards?! Kill them right now!"
I scanned their eyes. They were far from the eyes of good citizens—they were dead, fishy eyes, the kind that serve as a stamp of approval for being worthy of death.
They all charged at us simultaneously, blades drawn.
"The service really is terrible."
Thump—! Click. Thump—!
Merciless buckshot began to rain from my hands and Sion's. In the middle of the lobby, where blood and flesh were splattering, Sion’s desperate scream echoed.
"Is this right?! Is this really how it's supposed to be?!"
Even as he shrieked, Sion was firing his shotgun like a madman, using the skills he’d practiced for hours in the carriage. Look at those corners of his mouth—he looked refreshed. It was clear that guns suited his constitution far better than his psychic abilities.
"How about that? Aren't you glad we didn't pay for a room?"
"What kind of bullshit is that!"
With Sion’s sharp shout, his shotgun roared once more. Thump—! In the wake of the destructive buckshot, most of the organization members were mowed down like wheat in harvest season, unable to even get close to us.
"You incompetent idiots! What are you doing against just two guys...!"
Just then, a rather large man burst out from the depths of the hallway, radiating killing intent. The moment he roared, raising a massive blunt weapon—
Thump—!
The man who looked like an executive had his dialogue cut short. As the shotgun howled, the giant collapsed without even a chance to use his strength. A clean, one-shot kill.
"H-hik! M-monsters!"
One shot for the guy running away with his tail between his legs in fear. Thump—!
"I just need to take that guy's weapon!!!"
One shot for the guy who dared to have the blasphemous thought of stealing my gun. Thump—!
Executive or grunt, brave or cowardly—everyone received one shot, perfectly equally. In the heart of the lawless city of Salem, the 'Flint One-Shot Clinic' had officially opened.
I flicked my smoking barrel and said, "Alright, next patient, please. I’ll make sure to fix that rotten mentality of yours."
The moment my words echoed through the castle interior, a chilling cold that pierced to the bone—fundamentally different from the brawny thugs—poured down onto the crown of my head.
"Don't just stand there like an idiot!"
Sion shouted like a thunderclap and grabbed the collar of my coat violently.
"Kehek!"
As I was dragged away like a piece of luggage, my vision shifted. I thought he only knew how to line up potions, but it seemed he knew how to teleport people in an emergency too.
Immediately after the sensation of space tearing—
Ka-boom—!
The moment my vision returned to normal, a massive ice spike slammed into the exact spot where I had been standing a moment ago. I stared at the pillar of ice, which was emitting a sinister chill, and muttered in bewilderment.
"What the. Do nobles live in a dump like this?"
"Teleportation... My, what an unusual guest has arrived."
A refined voice drifted down from the stairs. Soon, a middle-aged man, decked out in expensive luxury goods from head to toe, walked down with a relaxed gait. His energy was in a different league from the guys usually seen in Salem. He was undoubtedly the high-ranking mage who had just planted that ice spike.
"Are you the owner of this place? Could you possibly let us stay for the night?"
"Flint, is now really the time for jokes?"
Sion blocked my front, tense enough to use spatial leaping at any moment. The man on the stairs, watching the scene with interest, opened his mouth.
"Lodging. You’ve made an excessively noisy entrance for a guest looking to stay for a night."
Cold, frigid air began to swirl once again at the fingertips of the noble-looking man.
"But unfortunately, there are no rooms left in this castle. Instead... I shall craft you an ice coffin where you can sleep for eternity."
"I already put all the previous guests who were being loud to sleep, so why are you lying about there being no vacancies?"
I looked around. The thugs, turned into honeycombs by my shotgun, were sprawled on the floor, letting out death rattles like "Guh..." There were easily over a hundred outlaws lying there, very quietly and peacefully. At this rate, there should be at least twenty rooms left over, you class-discriminating noble.
"Sion, do you know who that guy is?"
"Never seen his face. Judging by the way he handles ice magic at that level, wouldn't he be a branch member of the Frostguards?"
"Tsk. Those lazy bastards at the Information Guild. They only know how to install carriage options, but when you actually need them, they don't know a thing."
"What? Hey, do you have any idea how hard information gathering—!"
"Shh. Don't go around telling people you work for the Information Guild."
"To be so relaxed even with a mage in front of you."
The man elegantly waved his hand toward the air as if conducting an orchestra.
Krag-ag-ag!
With that single light gesture, the entire wall froze over, and several sharp ice pillars extended, covering us.
"Gaaah!!"
The guys on the floor were swept up without even a chance to dodge.
Zing—.
As I entered Bullet Time, the world stretched out stickily. With the shotgun slung over my shoulder, I pulled out my revolver and fired at the massive ice pillars closing in on us.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
The giant ice spikes shattered under the bullets, turning into hail the size of fists. But the fragments were still rushing toward me with a sinister momentum.
'I guess I should be prepared for a few bruises?'
Thwack, thwack!
Contrary to my expectations, the ones who took the broken ice fragments with their entire bodies were none other than the thugs sprawled on the floor. Sion had thrown them in front of me to use as human shields.
'Nice assist.'
I nodded at Sion to express my gratitude. Seeing how he used people so usefully and frugally, it seemed he had adapted quite well to this lawless city.
Thud! Ka-ga-gang!!
The ice that missed us pounded against the castle's inner walls. And into that destructive noise, my gunfire mixed in as a surprise attack.
Ta-da-dang—!
A casual suppression fire toward the mage. Whether it hit or not didn't really matter. In that brief moment when dust billowed up from all sides, obscuring our figures, I quickly opened the revolver cylinder and shoved in special ammunition.
"No, the service here is really terrible. You just blast magic at a guest out of nowhere? Where's the manager? Come out right now! I'm as angry as a lord's castle, aren't I, Sion?"
"That's true. This is actually pretty annoying."
Sion calmly chimed in with my shameless behavior.
"There is no end to the madness."
Blood was dripping from the man's cheek as the dust cleared. It seemed a bullet had grazed him earlier.
"What? Madness? You haven't seen a real lunatic. I'm actually quite normal. Try visiting a religious facility in the Imperial Capital once. It'll clear your head right up."
I shuddered, remembering the sight of Lucius secretly kissing his double-barrel shotgun. Sion stared at me coldly without a word. What is that look for?
"...What exactly do you want? Is money your goal? Or do you have some personal grudge against this trash?"
"Huh? Weren't these friends your organization members?"
At my question, the man twisted his brow in displeasure.
"Did you think I was playing leader to such vulgar bastards?"
The man pointed to a corner of the castle with his hand and said, "If it's revenge, take it out on that man. If money is your goal, I'll toss you a few coins."
The man declared, brushing dust off his coat hem as if disgusted. "I only mingled with this trash for a while in exchange for staying here briefly; I have no intention of wasting mana on a pointless fight."
He had quite a long tongue for someone who would have shoved us into an ice coffin before we could even open our mouths if his surprise attack had succeeded. He was the average noble of this world.
'He's scared.'
'Yeah, this guy is definitely scared.'
We didn't need to say it out loud to know. The impression that popped into both of our heads was exactly the same. In fact, a war of attrition with a mage was a burden for us too, so it wasn't a bad proposal.
I lowered my gun barrel and nodded.
"So, how much are you going to give us?"
The man clicked his tongue as if it were pathetic and rummaged through the inside of his coat, dropping two gold coins onto the floor. Clink. It was a highly offensive attitude, like giving alms to a beggar. Staring intently at the two gold coins rolling on the blood-stained floor, I pulled the hammer of my revolver.
Click.
"Tsk. That's a bit low for a settlement fee for someone who almost got hit by magic. Give us more."
"You vermin dare...!"
"Oh-oh? The gun barrel is rising? Pulling the trigger?"
At my shameless bluff, the man gritted his teeth and rummaged through his coat pocket. Two more gold coins fell to the floor. Clink. Hmm. I'm not a robber to the bone, so it's probably right to stop the settlement fee around here.
I quickly picked up the gold coins and smiled affably.
"Oh my. Why are you giving us all this? Thank you, guest. Sleep well in the room next door, and let's pretend we don't know each other tomorrow morning, okay?"
"...I've completely messed with the wrong people."
At my rapid change in attitude, which was enough to make it seem like I was about to blow someone's head off just a moment ago, the man shook his head as if he were genuinely fed up.
With the minor misunderstanding resolved in a heartwarming way, it was time to take down the real boss of this organization. I had to squeeze a settlement fee out of him too. It wasn't exactly normal service to draw a sword and chase someone the moment they asked about lodging, was it?
I walked leisurely toward the corner the man had pointed to, keeping my revolver aimed. Every step I took, it felt like I heard sounds like "Guh, ugh" from the soft floor, but that must have been my imagination.
The moment I reached the dark corner and pointed my gun—
I couldn't help but pause.
"Sion. Prepare to fire."
Because what was huddled there wasn't a human.
It was a demon.