The Walking Dead (1)
Hours trickled past, yet not a single post appeared from Passing Dwarf.
I never worried he had taken the goods and bolted. Pulling a stunt like that was a one-way ticket to a permanent ban from the Gallery.
More than likely, having just scored a hearty side dish on top of his prized brew, he was knocked out cold after guzzling liquor until his vision blurred. That felt like the only reasonable conclusion.
Keep that up and you’re going to die of liver cirrhosis, old man.
Then again, seeing as it was steeped liquor infused with a fully matured adult mandrake root, perhaps it would actually supercharge his vitality instead.
Letting out a dry sigh, I refreshed the Gallery board once more. No matter how thoroughly I scrubbed through the catalog, not a single thread bore Passing Dwarf’s handle.
Instead, a torrent of bizarre, chaotic titles stormed across the front page.
The post turnover was moving so blisteringly fast that I actually wondered if the dwarf's post had been buried under the avalanche, prompting me to type his handle directly into the search bar. Nothing came up.
Wondering what kind of madness had gripped the forum, I clicked on one of the threads at random.
Disband already, you brain-dead clowns.
Ah. Now I see what’s going on.
Nearly every single trending post had to do with sports, specifically baseball. A high-stakes match was clearly underway somewhere across the dimensional network. Usually, multiple fixtures unfolded simultaneously during league schedules, so it made perfect sense that the feed was being violently swarmed with real-time reactions.
What did I fucking tell you?
My grandmother could hit that out of the park with her walking cane!!!
We all know you love them deep down.
These scumbags aren't cultivating children's dreams, they're violently pulverizing them into dust.
Took my boy to the ballpark today, and he bawled his eyes out the second we blew the late-inning lead ffs.
"Pffft, haha."
A laugh spilled past my lips. The endless stream of banter and creative vitriol was impossible not to enjoy. Sharp, stinging sarcasm permeated every thread, carrying the addictive thrill of snacking on cheap, spicy junk food. Crucially, the anger was targeted almost entirely at the players and coaching staff rather than fellow commenters, which explained why the head mod hadn't stepped in.
And that was that. Armed with the supreme administrator’s tacit approval, the user base unleashed their bottled-up despair without reservation. When someone occasionally lost control and flooded the board with spam, the orange tag descended instantly to sweep them into temporary bans.
Come to think of it, doesn't the Heavenly Demon hold a blue tag as a deputy mod?
A sudden curiosity struck me. How did the supreme leader of the Demonic Cult view modern competitive sports? Unable to resist, I opened a private communication channel and pinged her.
The response arrived almost instantaneously. Was she not attending to cult affairs?
Shaking off my brief surprise, I raised the chaotic carnival currently unfolding across the boards.
Harsh as it was, her single sentence summed up the exact psyche of a broken-hearted sports fan.
Though I was never a hardcore fanatic myself, I knew the symptoms all too well. Several of my friends back on Earth had been walking corpses in the truest sense, losing their sanity and drifting through days in a vegetative daze whenever their teams suffered a catastrophic collapse.
Watching their wretched misery brings an involuntary smirk to my lips. You ought to observe them as well.
By the way, do you not have sports in the Central Plains?
A contest will likely be held on the morrow.
A fusion of wuxia and athletic tournaments. What a strange picture that painted.
I had always imagined the Central Plains as a rigid, ultra-conservative martial realm, but human beings were universally incapable of resisting the pull of entertainment. Wholesome competitions like sporting events had likely gained widespread acceptance even under the watchful eyes of orthodox and unorthodox sects alike.
I had always been what people called a casual viewer — someone who enjoyed the atmosphere without staking personal happiness on any single franchise. Still, being a casual fan never stopped me from having fun. If a particular team possessed an inspiring underdog narrative, I found myself drawn in deeper than anyone else.
Princess Chaeng-gu has helped me out quite a bit, after all.
Rather than kicking leather across the dirt, would it not be far more fruitful to hone martial arts through sparring?
An utterly boomer remark. Yet I couldn't entirely fault her logic.
Back in my early years, I too had scoffed at the idea of kicking a ball around, wondering what point there was in obsessing over twenty-two grown adults sprinting across grass or pouring heart and soul into a hopelessly losing team. But watching my buddies slowly develop clinical depression — transforming into walking husks whenever game day went south — made me realize something fundamental.
It was a narcotic. An intoxicating drug that compelled you to stick with your colors until the bitter end, even when the affliction was tearing your nerves to pieces.
…Alright, half of that was hyperbole. People watched because it exerted an inexplicable, magnetic pull that defied rational explanation.
Running a club bleeds an astronomical amount of cash.
Assuming, of course, she actually possessed the resources and influence to establish an entire professional franchise. I knew she was a monumental figure in her realm, but whether that translated into fielding a sports organization was an entirely different question. I simply hoped she wouldn't casually brush off competitive sports as mere juvenile child's play.
I will root for your team without hesitation.
Given everything she had bestowed upon me, screaming my lungs out for her squad was the very least I could do.
Perhaps sensing the sincerity behind my words, the Heavenly Demon returned a reply laced with uncharacteristic warmth.
I shall etch your counsel deep within my heart.
Our conversation drew to a close with what was practically a fond blessing. Glancing up at the sky, I checked the hour. It was an awkward stretch of the afternoon, too late to start heavy chores and too early to settle down for the night.
I should deliver the stones to Princess Chaeng-gu and Starlight Princess first.
Since the dwarf was completely silent, getting the trades out of the way felt like the smart move. Even if the minerals turned out to be ordinary roadside gravel, giving them away free of charge carried no risk.
Even if it isn't, feel free to keep it.
I would like to send you a small gift in return.
Oho!
After the magical ice cream she sent earlier, cookies were next on the menu? My mouth was already watering. Not to mention, Ppareumbo had unceremoniously scarfed down the lion's share of that ice cream last time.
I promptly completed the transaction, transferring a chunk of the glowing purple stone over to Starlight Princess.
Ah, by the way, have you been keeping up with your workouts lately?
Seeing the Gallery flooded with athletic banter had naturally stoked my curiosity. Only a few days ago, Starlight Princess had been teetering on the precipice of death. After recovering from the Nine Yin Blocked Meridians, she had reportedly thrown herself into physical exercise with obsessive fervor.
That made total sense. Pouring every waking hour into rebuilding her body left little time to lounge around watching matches. Furthermore, barely a week had passed since her complete remission; she was right in the middle of crucial physical rehabilitation.
Were you always interested in athletics before your recovery?
The sweat pouring down my brow after intense exertion is truly… exhilirating.
She's evolving into an absolute gym fanatic. Good for her.
After listening to her impassioned lecture on the virtues of resistance training, our chat wound down. She offered to brew an alchemical protein shake for me down the line, but I politely and firmly declined. Surrounded by potent natural elixirs in this primeval jungle, I hardly needed laboratory supplements.
Though I suppose the reverse would make more sense.
Had I known she would take to bodybuilding with such zeal, I would have sent her that fish's Neidan instead. If I fished up another inner core later, I made a mental note to send it her way.
With the mineral safely delivered to Starlight Princess, I broke open the fresh cookies and split them with Bbarmbo while keeping an eye out for the next person on my list. Princess Chaeng-gu had yet to show any signs of life. I had agreed to trade with Starlight Princess because she had commented on my earlier post, but the princess had yet to reply.
My daily chores were already wrapped up, and starting an in-depth swordsmanship drill would take too many uninterrupted hours.
I'll wrap up the transaction with Chaeng-gu first, then either start weapon practice or get dinner going.
The daily trade cooldown was hovering close to reset anyway, perfectly timing the window. While waiting for her trade invite, I killed time browsing the forum. Just as the Heavenly Demon had noted, legions of spiritually gutted, decomposing corpses were screaming their lungs out across every thread.
Wondering if this was an inevitable weekly tragedy, I decided to ask the locals.
Psychos are multiplying like crazy right now. Does the forum turn into an asylum every time games are played?
It seemed human beings were remarkably identical no matter which dimension they inhabited. Knowing that unhinged, high-tier memes exploded during exam seasons, I made a mental note to lurk during the next testing cycle.
As I skimmed through the boards, a prompt flashed across my vision. She had probably been occupied with other matters until now. Without hesitation, I accepted.
I'm so sorry I'm late, I was busy getting ready!
One must undergo rigorous mental and spiritual cleansing to stabilize mind and body beforehand!
This is about loyalty! Unwavering loyalty!
While I couldn't truly resonate with her devotion, I could at least understand it. Lacking the luxury to immerse myself in sports in my current circumstances, chiming in with polite encouragement was the best I could offer.
If it really turns out to be Orichalcum, I'll send more your way later.
Is there anything in particular you require right now?
She had showered me with gear and athletic uniforms across previous trades, so accepting any more felt excessive until the material was verified. Understanding my intent, Princess Chaeng-gu didn't press the matter.
Besides, if this isn't Orichalcum, uploading even a five-minute highlight reel will be nearly impossible.
That made sense. Even if copyright enforcers existed in her world, reaching across universal planes to punish a forum poster was absurd. More importantly, relay magic suffered from heavy thermal throttling and frequent stuttering without proper conductors, making steady recording difficult.
Come to think of it, what's the maximum video length you can attach to a post?
I had only ever seen short clips uploaded to the boards, but judging by her statement, long-form content was entirely feasible. A standard football fixture ran for roughly ninety minutes. Could the Gallery truly accommodate that much data?
With this metal integrated, thermal buildup drops to zero, allowing the magical circuits to operate at peak efficiency!
I didn't fully comprehend the arcane engineering involved, but the gist was clear enough. If that purple rock really proved to be Orichalcum, it held incredible utility for modern magical appliances.
Could you cheer for us just once?
You're guaranteed to crush them today!
How wonderful would it be if the entire Chae-yu squad knew Mr. Grylls was rooting for them?
It had a certain romantic ring to it — a solitary fan trapped in an uncharted wasteland sending prayers across the cosmos. Not that it would ever happen. Besides, surviving day to day took priority over sentimental dreams.
After exchanging a few more cheerful pleasantries, I closed the trade interface. With the fixture set to begin shortly, I stepped outside the cave entrance to check on our perimeter.
The smoker is puffing steadily, and it's time to reapply the repellent.
I diligently misted snake and insect repellent across the perimeter rocks. Without this defensive perimeter, I might have succumbed to venomous stings or parasitic bites in my sleep weeks ago.
Finishing the routine inspection, I ducked back into the shelter. To honor Princess Chaeng-gu’s kindness, I intended to keep the boards refreshed and celebrate alongside her when she claimed victory.
Yet the very instant I logged into the Gallery, the newly posted thread pinned to the top of the feed caught my eye.
DOGSHIT EXCUSE FOR A CLUB GO FUCKING HANG YOURSELVES
In that terrifyingly brief span of minutes, Princess Chaeng-gu had fully transformed into a screeching, soul-crushed corpse.