The Swindler (1)

I stared down at the mushroom glittering with brilliant golden light.

Even after extinguishing my torch, it continued to glow with an incandescence all its own. This, evidently, was the prize the Muscle Mushroom had been guarding so fiercely.

Just looking at it screams poison.

When in doubt in the wild, it is always safest to assume that any mushroom is lethal. In nature, eight or nine times out of ten, brightly colored flora and fauna pack fatal toxins. By that logic, the odds of this golden mushroom harboring deadly venom were overwhelmingly high.

Still, it really is a sight to behold.

I crept closer, taking measured, cautious steps. Up close, it was far larger than I had anticipated—only slightly smaller than the giant fish I had caught before. For a fungus, its proportions were downright absurd.

It looks like something a mustachioed plumber would eat.

A certain video game character in blue overalls sprang to mind. If he devoured a mushroom like this, would he double in size and gain superhuman strength, effortlessly bowling over every monster in his path? Shaking off the idle daydream, I kept my guard fully raised. For all I knew, this thing might suddenly stand up and start flexing, just like the Muscle Mushroom had.

Fortunately, the golden mushroom showed no signs of life. It merely sat there, quietly shimmering in the gloom.

What on earth could this be?

Keeping one eye on my retreat route, I leaned in to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠inspect it. For safety's sake, it was best to harvest the specimen swiftly and head back to camp.

Better put on gloves, just in case.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled on the heavy work gloves. The cap was so enormous that I would need both hands to carry it, but that was no issue. I could simply sheath the Heavenly Demon's Sword at my waist and sling the shovel and shield across my back.

Come to think of it, I really need a proper scabbard.

Swords usually came with a matching sheath, but the Heavenly Demon's Sword had arrived bare. Either it never had one to begin with, or the Heavenly Demon had simply forgotten to pack it. I was scheduled to trade for more Inedia Pills soon anyway, so I made a mental note to ask her about it in private chat.

Taking a firm grip on the stalk, I heaved upward. It didn't budge an inch.

"Huh?"

My eyes widened. Had it set down roots or something? No, that couldn't be right—mushrooms didn't have true roots. It was simply lodged into the stone with unbelievable tenacity.

"Hrrraaaagh!"

Pop!

Only after straining with every ounce of my strength did the mushroom finally tear free from the rock bed. The sudden release of tension sent me stumbling backward, but I managed to regain my balance at the last second. Looking down at where it had been anchored, I noticed a clean, rounded depression hollowed directly out of the solid stone floor.

Just how long has this thing been growing here?

To leave an impression like that in bedrock, it must have sat rooted in this cave for decades, if not centuries. Cradling the massive golden mushroom in both hands, I carefully navigated my way back toward the cave entrance.

Stepping out into the open air, a mouthwatering, savory aroma hit my nostrils. It was wafting from the charred, blackened remains of the Muscle Mushroom.

Time to move, and fast.

Before predatory beasts caught the scent and swarmed the area, I picked up my pace. Part of me was tempted to poke around the burnt carcass with the Heavenly Demon's Sword to see if it dropped any loot, but indulging that curiosity could cost me my life. Better to practice restraint.

Throb!

A sudden, stabbing headache struck me right between the temples. I grimaced, instinctively wincing at the sharp pulse of pain, but I forced my legs to keep churning.

What was that?

Though the ache faded almost as quickly as it had arrived, an unsettling uneasiness lingered in my gut. Perhaps this golden mushroom was exuding invisible spores or an aura of its own. I needed to get back to the shelter immediately.

Fortunately, I made it home without encountering any wandering beasts. Once safely inside the barricades, I set the golden mushroom down and examined it once more.

It truly was massive. What purpose could something like this possibly serve? Intrigued, I snapped a photo and uploaded a thread to the Gallery.

Everyone marveling at the post agreed it was striking to look at, but beyond admiring its golden sheen, nobody seemed to know what it actually was.

In the end, that left only one person: Allfather.

Told to throw it away immediately? I blinked in confusion. What came next in Allfather's reply gave me a genuine jolt of terror.

As expected of the Forest of the Four Seasons, an untamed realm home to the most absurd flora and fauna imaginable. But the "King of Mushrooms"? I couldn't help wondering in what sense it held that royal title.

Just reading the words sent chills running down my spine.

Organs, bones, and muscles all dissolving into sludge? Gulping down a bucket of hydrochloric acid wouldn't produce a death that horrific. That level of toxicity wasn't just dangerous; it was apocalyptic. Naturally, I leaned back, putting a little more distance between myself and the glowing cap.

So that was why it was crowned the King of Mushrooms. A quintessential high-risk, high-return gamble.

Which meant I was definitely never eating it. There was zero reason to roll the dice on something that could liquefy my internal organs. Just picturing my insides melting into soup made me dizzy.

Money was the one thing I had in overabundance right now.

Selling the Owlbear carcass had already left my dimensional balance overflowing. Having mounds of gold meant nothing if I couldn't buy what I actually needed to survive. Praise the Sun seemed to realize that as well, quickly posting another comment.

Listing the Golden Mushroom on the auction house was out of the question. The last thing I wanted was to wake up tomorrow morning and read news that someone had eaten it and died a horrific death. At the same time, selling it for plain cash felt pointless, and the potential fallout was far too dangerous.

It was a total white elephant. After pondering for a moment, I typed a reply.

Here we go again. Why were these two constantly at each other's throats?

The crucial difference now was that the Heavenly Demon was currently a deputy moderator. And deputy mods had the power to swing the ban hammer.

Advanced culture aside, it seemed the bloodlust of the demon realm still permeated its modern pastimes.

Curious, I dug out one of the spare uniforms Princess Chaeng-gu had ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠gifted me. Using the Heavenly Demon's Sword would be overkill, so I drew a standard hunting dagger instead.

Skrrrt! Slash!

"Oh?"

Despite dragging the sharp blade firmly across the fabric, the cloth remained completely unblemished. To be certain, I stretched the fabric taut over a log and drove the dagger downward in a hard thrust.

Thud!

The tip bounced off without leaving so much as a puncture mark. It was practically tailored for wilderness survival.

In the forest, wild beasts are terrifying, but minor scrapes and infections are just as fatal.

A tiny scratch could easily introduce deadly toxins or flesh-eating bacteria. However, regardless of its miraculous weave, the jersey was still remarkably thin. Wearing a set of leather armor over it would provide an extra layer of shock absorption.

In the end, my quest for additional armor was solved simply by piling on more athletic gear.

I offered to send Princess Chaeng-gu the golden mushroom as thanks, but she waved it off instantly. She had no desire to keep something that dangerous as a decoration, insisting she would just send over a few extra jerseys free of charge.

I keep taking things from her without giving anything back.

She claimed that cheering for her team was payment enough, but a sense ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of guilt still tugged at my conscience. If I ever unearthed something truly valuable that wasn't life-threatening, I resolved to send it her way.

For now, what to do with the Golden Mushroom was shelved for later. Given its absurd risks, deciding its fate was too tricky to rush.

If Wonmo gets his beak on this, it's game over...

I had to stash it somewhere completely out of sight. Its brilliant golden glow made it impossible to hide in the open, but I had an idea. I retrieved the sturdy wooden crate that the Passing Dwarf had packed my barricade gear in and sealed the mushroom inside.

To ensure Wonmo's keen sense of smell wouldn't pick up the scent, I lugged the crate outside the cave entrance and set it firmly on the dirt. My precious Elixirs were already secured in a different lockbox inside, so there was no confusion there. If worse came to worst, I could always acquire more through the dimensional auction house.

All right. That settles that.

Having dealt with the mushroom, I looked up at the sky. Though faint, the sun was gradually dipping below the canopy of trees. It was time to prepare for nightfall.

Spores might have clung to my clothes. I'd better wash up thoroughly right away.

Another day in the wilderness drew to a close.

In the deep, dead stillness of the night, the only sound permeating the woods was the faint hum of nocturnal insects.

Inside the cavern shelter, the soft crackle of glowing embers in the hearth was accompanied by rhythmic, peaceful breathing—the quiet murmurs of a man asleep, alongside the low snores of slumbering beasts. It was a tranquil scene, untroubled by the hostile world beyond the barricades.

Clatter! Clunk!

Abruptly, an awkward, clumsy noise shattered the silence.

It came from outside the cavern entrance, where the wooden crate sat beneath the starlight. The heavy box rocked violently once, twice, and then tipped completely onto its side.

Rumble, roll...

Spilling out onto the damp earth was none other than the Golden Mushroom, its smooth cap glowing softly in the dark.

Rustle...

Then, astonishingly, the toppled mushroom pushed itself upright.

Sprouting from the thick base of its stalk were two tiny, stubby arms and a pair of miniature legs that had never been there before. Compared to the massive, bulging limbs of the Muscle Mushroom, they were absurdly small and cute. But limbs were limbs, and having legs meant one unmistakable thing: it could move.

Patter, patter, patter.

Waddling swiftly on its two stubby little feet, the Golden Mushroom scurried into the dense, shadowy undergrowth of the forest.

Silently and stealthily, it vanished into the wilderness where no one could ever find it. Until its glowing figure melted into the dark, the cave behind remained wrapped in the peaceful sounds of deep sleep.

Hours later, dawn broke across the forest.

"Wait, what? Where did the mushroom go?!"

Walking outside to greet the morning, Grylls realized with a shock that the crate had been overturned. Hurrying over to inspect it, his jaw dropped—the Golden Mushroom he had sealed inside was gone without a trace.

"D-Don't tell me...!"

Grylls's eyes widened in sheer horror as the worst possible scenario flashed through his mind. Abandoning the empty crate, he sprinted headlong back into the cavern.

"Wonmo! Open your mouth right now!"

"Kkyuu...?"

"What did you eat last night?! You didn't swallow that mushroom, did you?!"

Prying open the owlbear cub's beak, Grylls frantically shone a light down its throat. Fortunately, Wonmo hadn't eaten anything out of the ordinary; the little guy had simply slept like a log through the entire night.

After checking every inch of the cub, Grylls finally exhaled a massive sigh of relief. He didn't even bother checking the Fast Tree Sloth—that creature possessed instincts sharper than a honed razor and wouldn't touch something that dangerous even if it were drizzled in honey.

Relief washed over him, quickly followed by utter bewilderment.

"Seriously, it's not like the damn thing sprouted legs and walked away. Where could it have gone?"

Of course, it had literally sprouted legs and walked away. Grylls was simply blissfully ignorant of the fact.

Such were the daily mysteries of the Forest of the Four Seasons.