The Thief (3)

A tree sloth. Or rather, should I call it a Fast Tree Sloth now?

The creature looked at me with an expression dripping with leisurely disdain, as if I were utterly beneath its notice. I didn't feel indignant, though. Far from it—a cold rush of tension flooded through me instead.

Snap!

The arrow it had plucked out of midair snapped cleanly in two between its fingers. Yet what rattled me far more than the broken shaft were those claws—vicious, razor-sharp scythes curving outward from its paws. If I took a direct hit from those, my life would be over on the spot. I couldn't afford not to be on edge.

There's no telling when it might pounce.

I couldn't fathom why something possessing such terrifying agility insisted on creeping around so slowly. Or was this one of those classic anime tropes?

"I only fell to my knees to build momentum!"

In nature, sloths moved at a glacial pace specifically to conserve metabolic energy. Allfather had explained that much. But in an unforgiving death trap like the Forest of the Four Seasons, living like an ordinary sloth would get you killed in seconds. It must have adapted along an entirely different evolutionary branch—remaining agonizingly sluggish in daily life, only to unleash monstrous bursts of speed when danger struck.

It was a shockingly plausible hypothesis. What an utterly deranged world this was.

Creak... shuffle...

The Fast Tree Sloth resumed its agonizingly slow crawl forward. Now that I'd witnessed that lightning-quick burst firsthand, the sight hit completely differently. It wasn't dull or lumbering; it was just oozing effortless confidence.

There was a damn good reason Heavenly Demon and Allfather had warned me to be careful earlier.

Can true masters really gauge a beast's martial caliber just from a short video clip?

I didn't know the answer to that, but their instincts had been proven indisputably right. So how was I supposed to deal with this thing now? First, I lowered the crossbow. Firing another bolt would be completely pointless; it would just dodge or catch it out of the air again.

And in close-quarters combat... to be completely honest, I'd get slaughtered.

The speed disparity was insurmountable. The bastard had literally tracked an arrow with its naked eyes and snatched it from the air. Meanwhile, I could barely follow the flight path of my own bolts. Dropping my guard for a single split second could mean waking up with those claws puncturing my jugular.

Wait, no. If it wanted to rip my throat out, it would have done so already.

That left only two realistic possibilities: either this mutant sloth was a dedicated pacifist, or it ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠simply harbored no murderous intent toward me. The former would be a blessing, but the latter carried immense latent danger. A beast armed with that level of speed and lethal weaponry was an inherent hazard just by breathing near me.

...Or maybe it's just toying with me.

Perhaps it didn't even register me as a threat, which was why it could afford to take its sweet time. I watched the creature inch closer, then glanced sideways behind me. Inside the iron tub sat the fish I had hauled from the river this morning.

What if I just hand this over and let it leave peacefully?

It wasn't a bad plan. My odds of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠winning an outright brawl were practically zero. I had an Elixir gifted by Starlight Princess, but that was only useful if I survived long enough to drink it. If those claws caved in my skull or tore out my throat, an Elixir wouldn't do me a lick of good.

After agonizing over the choice, I slowly took hold of my shield. I didn't draw my sword—I had a different maneuver in mind. Keeping the shield angled firmly toward the beast, I backed toward the iron tub. All the while, the sloth continued its snail-paced creep.

Scraaaape! Skrrrrt!

Grabbing the lip of the iron tub with one hand, I dragged it backward across the stone floor. Was this bastard really here for the fish? Sure enough, the Fast Tree Sloth adjusted its leisurely crawl, veering directly toward me.

It definitely wanted the catch. But that only raised another question.

Why the hell does it want fish?

I had been told sloths subsisted entirely on leaves. Why would a herbivore crave raw river fish? Did wildlife that adapted to the Forest of the Four Seasons undergo complete dietary shifts? Or was there something special about the fish itself?

A passing comment from Heavenly Demon surfaced in my mind: the fish I'd caught possessed characteristics remarkably similar to spiritual beasts—creatures harboring an inner core. Whether that was true or not remained to be seen.

Dragging the heavy metal tub all the way inside the cave entrance, the screech of metal against rock echoed loudly off the cavern walls. Yet despite the racket, Wonmo was still sacked out in the corner, dead to the world. Here I was, staring down a mortal crisis, while that little furball snored away without a care. Talk about unfair.

Well... he's just a baby, I guess.

Meanwhile, the Fast Tree Sloth crossed the threshold into the cave. There was nowhere left to run. I raised my sword and shield, shifting into a high-alert stance. Only one viable countermeasure remained: wait for the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠precise moment it bent down to grab the fish, then strike with everything I had. I couldn't live with the terror of wondering when those claws might sink into my neck; eliminating the threat was the safest path forward.

"......"

Suddenly, the sloth froze in place. Sluggish as it had been, it had never stopped moving entirely, so the sudden halt caught me off guard. Its gaze was fixed intently on something across the cave. Following its line of sight, my stomach plummeted.

It was staring straight at the burlap sack containing the Inedia Pills.

Creep... crawl...

"Whoa, hey!"

Not the pills! In a blind panic, I dashed across the cave and snatched the sack before the sloth could reach it. As I clutched the bag to my chest, the Fast Tree Sloth slowly tilted its head up to look at me.

Tap... tap...

Still frozen in place, it wiggled its wicked claws in a rhythmic, expectant beckoning motion. Anyone with working eyes could translate the gesture: Hand one over. Or perhaps more accurately: Hand it over right now, or I'll end you.

"...You want one?"

"......"

The beast merely blinked, staring back with an unblinking, deadpan gaze. Still, turning its attention away from the fish and onto the Inedia Pills was actually a stroke of luck. I still had plenty of pills left in reserve.

Cautiously, I reached into the bag and pulled out a single Inedia Pill.

"Th-this?"

"......"

Poke.

Without a sound—not that it made noise anyway—the sloth impaled the pill on the tip of one razor claw. Then, with agonizing slowness, it brought the morsel to its mouth. The motion was so painfully drawn out that my nerves were fraying just watching it.

"Mmh."

"......"

Its jaws worked slowly, grinding the pill as if savoring every microscopic molecule. The adult Owlbear and baby Wonmo had both gagged and spat the Inedia Pills out the moment they touched their tongues, swearing off the bitterness. Even I only choked them down because they kept me alive, never because they tasted remotely good. Yet here this sloth was, chewing contentedly, that trademark smug grin never wavering for a fraction of a second.

Tap... tap...

"...You want another one?"

"......"

"Look, that's kind of difficul—"

Fwip!

Before the words I barely have enough for myself could leave my lips, the sloth's claw blurred through the air, halting a hair's breadth from my throat. Had it advanced half an inch further, my windpipe would have been ripped wide open. The blood in my veins turned to ice. I hadn't even seen it move.

Tap... tap...

While I swallowed a lump of dry dread, its free hand resumed that gentle, rhythmic finger-curling gesture. Hand it over, or die. The message couldn't have been clearer if it had been spelled out in neon letters.

"...Haah. Son of a bitch."

What a miserable, godforsaken world. Sighing in total defeat, I pulled out a second Inedia Pill and offered it up. The beast smoothly withdrew its claws from my throat, accepted the pill, and chewed with unmistakable bliss. Thankfully, two seemed to be its limit; it didn't shake me down for a third. It didn't seem interested in the fish anymore, either. I finally let out a ragged breath of relief.

Shuffle... clamber...

"Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?!"

The creature's absurd antics weren't over. Out of nowhere, it began clambering up my torso, digging its limbs into my clothes. Surprisingly, it took deliberate care not to prick me with those lethal claws, so it didn't hurt at all.

Thump.

"......"

"......"

Finally, it settled its heavy furry chin right on top of my head.

Did this bastard think I was an actual tree? Was I sprouting branches with fresh leaves or something? The sheer absurdity of the situation struck me speechless. Every instinct screamed to rip the thing off me and fling it across the cave, but I was utterly powerless to do so.

If I try to peel it off by force, I'm the one who ends up gutted.

Those terrifying talons ensured I had to treat it like fragile porcelain. On the bright side, it was shockingly light. Stranger still, there wasn't a hint of foul odor. In fact, it actually smelled faintly sweet and fragrant.

Still, sloths are supposed to be crawling with mites and parasites...

I would definitely have to scrub this freeloader down at the river later, just in case. I sighed deeply. Not even a full week had passed in this hellhole, and I'd already weathered a lifetime's worth of bizarre disasters. And there was only one place on earth—or across dimensions—where I could vent this profound sorrow.

Ah, god dammit.

So I really did need to give it an intensive bath somehow.

Whether the beast would willingly climb off me, though, was an entirely different question. At least it didn't feel slimy or gross against my skin, and as I'd noted earlier, there wasn't an ounce of stench. In fact, it was surprisingly tolerable.

Well, my only option is to hunt that Golden Poison Frog with this freeloader strapped to me.

Capture the frog, trade it to Allfather, and then fry up the fish for lunch. The sudden appearance of the Fast Tree Sloth had thrown a wrench into my schedule, but I could adapt. With the sloth perched securely across my shoulders, I gathered my hunting gear.

Normally, I'd sling the crossbow over my back, but with the sloth in the way, it was going to be tricky—

Slide...

"Hm?"

The moment I reached to sling the weapon, the sloth smoothly shifted its body, clearing space across my back. Once the crossbow strap settled over my chest, it leisurely climbed right back into place.

What a ridiculously smart animal. I'd noticed it when it extorted the pills, but its intelligence was genuinely off the charts.

Does it understand human speech, like Wonmo?

Probably not. It was just an exceptionally sharp beast. I carefully adjusted the weapon's position to ensure its paws wouldn't accidentally nudge the trigger. Noticing my discomfort, the sloth shifted around to cling securely to my front, wrapping its limbs around my torso like a furry baby carrier. That brought our faces inches apart. Looking at it head-on, its face looked utterly dopey and slow.

And yet this exact goofy creature could pluck speeding crossbow bolts out of thin air. The Forest of the Four Seasons really was a bizarre madhouse.

Hssssss...

I was trekking upstream along the river toward the Golden Poison Frog's known habitat when a sinister rustle brushed against my ear. It sounded eerily like the flicking tongue of a serpent. Having already suffered a near-fatal brush with the Steel-scale Snake, my guard spiked instantly. I scanned every bush and boulder, but saw nothing. Was I just hearing things?

"Shhh-aaaah!"

Without warning, a brown tree branch hanging right beside my head snapped open into a gaping, fanged maw! The dull brown bark of its body instantly rippled into a vivid, venomous emerald green, revealing two curved, needle-sharp fangs dripping with lethal venom. It wasn't a branch at all—it was a deadly viper.

A ch-chameleon snake?!

A viper capable of flawless chameleon-like camouflage? What kind of unholy mutant hybrid was this?! The ambush caught me completely off guard. Having mistaken it for a harmless twig, my reflexes froze in utter shock.

Slash!

Yet before the fangs could strike, another beast moved first. The blur of motion was so instantaneous that I couldn't even register how it unfolded. But the gruesome aftermath unfolded right before my eyes in vivid clarity.

"Shhh-krrr! Shaah!"

"......"

Talons far more vicious than any viper's fangs had driven straight through the serpent's skull. Impaled cleanly through the cranium, the snake convulsed violently, its coils thrashing in agony. It desperately tried to wrap itself around the sloth's forelimb to break free, but the effort was entirely futile. It was nowhere near the colossal bulk of the Steel-scale Snake, and having its brain skewered sealed its fate in an instant.

Rrrrriiiip!

With its free paw, the Fast Tree Sloth seized the thrashing body and violently yanked in opposing directions. The viper's head split cleanly in two down the middle.

Plop.

The butchered serpent fell to the forest floor, its mangled coils twitching reflexively. The sight of its vertically bisected head was thoroughly revolting. Just to be safe, I drove my sword down through its neck to ensure those venomous fangs couldn't snap shut on my boots. Moments later, the body went completely limp. A few dying spasms rippled through the tail, but it was definitively dead.

"......"

"......"

I turned my head to stare at the Fast Tree Sloth clinging to my chest. As always, its face was the picture of pure, tranquil nonchalance. It wore an expression of serene peace, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.

"...Want another Inedia Pill?"

Nod...

The Fast Tree Sloth slowly, deliberately bobbed its head in agreement.

Painfully, agonizingly slow.