The Ten Eunuchs' Rebellion (3)
The laughter boomed through the room like a war drum. “Haha! General Dong, is this the first time you’ve summoned me?”
“This Dong Zhongying thought long and hard about it. I realized I had never given a proper gift to the Grand General who has shown me such convenience. This is kumiss wine from Xiliang. They say it takes the milk of twenty mares just to make a single bottle of the real stuff. I don’t bring it out unless the guest is truly precious.”
“Uahaha! Such a rare drink! I’m looking forward to this.”
“Ah, but you must be careful. It can cause terrible stomach trouble the next day. I suffered quite a bit the first time I drank it. And… it’s incredibly strong. Weak men can’t even swallow it. Only a true warrior like the Grand General could handle it.”
Properly distilled kumiss reached nearly 47 percent alcohol. Of course, the current era lacked the refinement to reach that exact potency, but it was still far stronger than the cloudy liquor sold in the markets.
Dong Zhuo brought out two large bowls, filled them to the brim with the kumiss, and began explaining how to drink it.
“These bowls are special too. You must coat the rim with a little salt and keep turning the bowl as you drink.”
“How interesting. Can salt really stick to porcelain like that?”
“I coated it with trifoliate orange juice. Kumiss is naturally a bit sour, so the citrus aroma and the salt’s savoriness bring out its true flavor.”
“Oh-ho, the world truly has every kind of drink imaginable. I heard the barbarians value salt highly. Do they use it even when entertaining guests?”
“Kahaha! It seems so.”
Poison bird toxin… It’s useful for now, but it needs to disappear.
Had it not been for the Ten Eunuchs’ Zhang Gong, even Dong Zhuo would never have known such a thing existed. It had no taste, no scent, no color. The poison only took effect the following morning, and it didn’t react to silver, so no one could detect it. The trifoliate orange juice smeared on the Grand General’s bowl contained a trace of that very toxin.
It was the perfect tool for silent assassination. The only known antidote was this rare kumiss itself. That was why every political enemy who had fallen from the Ten Eunuchs’ favor had failed to greet the next dawn.
This is a harmful thing.
Dong Zhuo was the greatest warlord of this age. He had no need for such petty schemes; he could crush everything with raw power, and that was exactly what he intended to do.
“Huu… It really is strong. I’ve only had two bowls, yet I feel like I’ve already emptied an entire jar.”
“Oh dear… If I had known, I would have arranged this meeting for the evening.”
“It’s fine. A cup of tea should clear my head. Besides, I have a drinking appointment with Zhang Yang tonight, so I wouldn’t have been able to come even if you had arranged it then.”
“…Zhang Yang, you say?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m not a man of Luoyang, so I shouldn’t speak out of turn… but I do understand human nature. When someone takes what is yours, you naturally get angry. Please be careful.”
“General Dong, it is true that I have done many things the Ten Eunuchs dislike lately. But they cannot abandon me. In the end, eunuchs are still eunuchs. The connections and wealth they accumulated while serving two emperors are terrifying, but once the Emperor’s shadow is gone, their power becomes meaningless. The Ten Eunuchs themselves have already accepted this truth. They are simply struggling to retire with as much money as possible before they become useless old men in the back rooms.”
The Emperor could abandon the Ten Eunuchs, but the Ten Eunuchs could never abandon the Emperor. That was common sense. That was why they were pulling every trick they could to prevent their own heads from rolling and to preserve at least some of their wealth before retiring.
“Don’t worry. I am the person who knows the Ten Eunuchs best in this country. None of the things you fear will come to pass, General Dong.”
“…I will trust you.”
“Thank you for your concern.”
He Jin left. Having drunk the kumiss laced with poison bird toxin, he wore a pleasant, slightly drunken smile as he departed to dine with the Ten Eunuchs.
“Poison bird toxin is too sharp a blade for a rough man from Xiliang to wield. This is something the scholarly gentlemen of Luoyang handle better. Son-in-law, kill every last poison bird left in Han.”
“Understood. As soon as the Grand General’s death is confirmed tomorrow, I will burn them all along with the Ten Eunuchs.”
Poison birds were creatures that could not exist naturally. While it was not impossible for birds to carry poison, they usually did so by consuming poisonous beetles or vipers. The poison birds were simply specially bred specimens fed artificial toxins over generations. If they were burned and their trainers buried, they would become nothing more than another legend like so many other strange artifacts throughout history.
“Let’s keep the fact that we burned every poison bird a secret for a while longer. Ignorance breeds fear. The mere rumor that this Dong Zhongying possesses that terrifying poison bird toxin will make every man with a guilty conscience tread carefully.”
“As you command.”
“Tomorrow should be entertaining. Is it true that kumiss can neutralize the toxin’s lethality?”
“Yes. The victim will need several months of recuperation and will never fully recover, but they will not die.”
“Hmm… wouldn’t killing him be better?”
“That would make the stubborn Clean Stream faction suspect even you, father-in-law. But if the Grand General survives… heh heh. He Jin must live. If He Jin dies, both Dong Zhuo and the Ten Eunuchs will fall under suspicion. However, if Dong Zhuo gave him the kumiss as a gift, you become the far-sighted benefactor who saved his life.”
“That makes sense.”
“You must become a hero, General. Leave the dirty work to the Ten Eunuchs and walk only upon a flower-strewn path.”
In this era, the death of a high official was not particularly strange. Assassinations between the Clean Stream and Dirty Stream factions had been happening for years, and poisons like ice silkworm or heavenly south star were used frequently.
However, poison bird toxin—the formless poison that caused a man to simply never wake from his bed—was not something just anyone could use at will.
“The Grand General has collapsed! Zhang Yang! This is clearly the work of you Ten Eunuchs!”
“This is a misunderstanding! A false accusation!”
“Zhang Yang! How many people in Luoyang even know how to handle poison bird toxin? Stop denying it!”
“Zhang Gong made contact with Dong Zhuo! The one who killed the Grand General is that traitor Dong Zhuo!”
“You bastard! General Dong had no reason to harm the Grand General, and even if he did, he is not the kind of man who would resort to such trickery! Moreover, General Dong drank kumiss with the Grand General yesterday. Does it make any sense that the man who gave him the poison would then recommend the antidote?”
“Th-that’s exactly why it’s even stranger! Why would he offer such a precious kumiss specifically yesterday? Colonel of the Northern Army! Think rationally! If the Grand General falls, we eunuchs suffer the greatest loss. Why in the world would we harm him!”
It was complete chaos.
Dong Zhuo, brought in wearing coarse hemp instead of silk because of his status as a criminal, with both arms tightly bound, gave a meaningful look toward Colonel Yuan Shao.
It was a look that said, You know what to do, right?
The Emperor was not present. The young prince had fallen into deep shock upon hearing that his uncle had collapsed and had granted Yuan Shao full authority over the matter. Therefore, nothing said in this room would leak outside.
“Zhang Yang, you did it. Confess.”
“…”
And from the very beginning, the culprit had already been decided.
Empress Dowager He, whom they had believed to be their ally, had been co-opted by Yuan Shao and willingly cut off her own limbs—the Ten Eunuchs. He Jin had suddenly been poisoned by poison bird toxin. All evidence pointed toward Dong Zhuo, yet Dong Zhuo had proven his innocence with the “fact” that he had gifted the victim the very kumiss that served as the antidote.
In this world, only the Ten Eunuchs could handle poison bird toxin. It was a perfect checkmate.
“Ha… haha… I thought the golden age of Tanggu would unfold, but it seems we were the ones locked in chains.”
“Do you admit your guilt, Zhang Yang of the Ten Eunuchs?”
“It’s nothing but a formality. There’s nothing to admit or deny. Just allow me to see my son one last time.”
“…In exchange, General Dong will be present.”
“I don’t care. There’s no dignity left to lose anyway.”
As if he had given up on everything, Zhang Yang let out a long sigh.
“Colonel Yuan, I am a powerless eunuch who took in a son. Since I am heading into the pit anyway, I ask you to promise that you will not touch the children.”
“The law states that the families of traitors shall be exterminated to the ninth degree. How dare you ask me to break the law?”
“Colonel, even an earthworm will writhe when stepped on. Do you not want the poison birds?”
“What?!”
“At the very least, I believe that is more than enough compensation for the life of one ignorant child.”
“I never intended to kill them anyway. I am married to Her Majesty the Empress Dowager’s younger sister, after all.”
I wondered why he rushed into a marriage with such a large age gap. So he was preparing for this possibility. I’ve been had.
One might think it was merely sparing a single child, but to the Clean Stream faction, who valued justification above all, sparing Zhang Yang’s child would be seen as a declaration that they would not pursue guilt by association.
The Ten Eunuchs would cut off their own tails as they always had, and this particular attack had been severed in a rather unsatisfying place. Even though the kumiss had neutralized the toxin, the Grand General who had been struck by poison bird toxin could no longer perform his duties. His political life was effectively over.
I’ve been had… I’ve been thoroughly had.
“So be it.”
However, poison bird toxin was simply too large a stake to refuse.
In the end, the execution of Zhang Yang, leader of the Ten Eunuchs, was decided. Taking into account that he had not directly assassinated the Emperor and that there had been long-standing grudges, the principle of guilt by association was not applied. The matter was concluded with the execution of Zhang Yang and the remaining Ten Eunuchs.
It was a decision that drew fierce criticism from the Clean Stream faction, but Colonel Yuan Shao’s will remained unchanged.
The path to meet Zhang Yang’s adopted son was accompanied by Yuan Shao’s agents and Dong Zhuo. It also gave Dong Zhuo, who must have accumulated considerable resentment from the Grand General’s attempted poisoning, an opportunity for revenge.
Dong Zhuo wore armor instead of silk robes and carried the great blade he always took with him when fighting the northern barbarians at his waist.
“Is this the place?”
“Yes.”
“No, not that.”
“Yes?!”
Thwack!
Thud! Thud!
Arrows suddenly rained down. It was a scene that was hard to believe was happening in broad daylight in Luoyang, the capital of Han.
Yuan Shao’s subordinates fell one by one, yet the arrows flying from beyond Zhang Yang’s courtyard wall miraculously avoided both Zhang Yang and Dong Zhuo.
“See? This is the end.”
“Dong… Zhuo. It was you. It was you all along!”
“Zhang Yang, I have bled and toiled in the rough lands of Xiliang for the sake of Han for twenty years now. My friends, the Qiang, were swept away and destroyed by those horse-riding Xianbei. That old bastard Liu Yu sent me, who had bled and toiled in Xiliang, back to Bing Province. When chaos suddenly erupted in the east and they begged me to come help, I did… Kahaha, Zhang Yang. Did this Dong Zhongying look that easy to use?”
“Aaaargh!”
“Aaaargh!”
“Shouldn’t we run?”
“You bastard!”
Dong Zhuo laughed heartily and placed a hand on Zhang Yang’s shoulder. His hand was so large that it covered not only the shoulder but half the neck. When it clenched, Zhang Yang collapsed to his knees in excruciating pain.
“Guh… guuuuh!”
“Zhang Yang, run away with the Emperor. Ah, no… that’s right. You were the one who ran away with the Emperor.”
“Guuuuh! Ge… General Dong!”
“There are quite a few secret passages in Luoyang. If it weren’t for Zhang Gong, it would have been troublesome.”
At Dong Zhuo’s gesture, the main gate of Zhang Yang’s residence opened. So much blood had been spilled in the courtyard that not a single grain of sand remained unstained.
“Every exit of the secret passages led to the mansions of the Ten Eunuchs. Thanks to that, things became very easy. KHAHAHAHAHA!”
With a great belly laugh—no, a mad roar—Dong Zhuo twisted his thumb and index finger.
Crack!
With a grotesque sound, Zhang Yang’s neck snapped.
“Oh, right. I need to collapse too.”
Schlick!
Dong Zhuo stabbed the blade deep into his own abdomen. It was not a fatal spot, but he was certainly wounded.