Chapter 80
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 80
"Oh, my goodness, my lady."
The maid’s warm, rough hand gripped Vanessa’s slender, pale wrist. It was as if she wanted to offer comfort, to embrace her and weep with her, but this simple gesture was all her reserved nature would allow. Vanessa offered a faint smile. It was just so like Mary.
"First, I need to be examined by someone discreet. We might be mistaken."
"..."
"And, if..."
Vanessa took a step closer to whisper. Her innocent eyes, filled with hope, looked up cautiously at her maid.
"If you want to help me, and if it isn't too dangerous for you… could you tell me when my uncle’s office will be empty?"
The silence that followed was long, but it wasn't one of hesitation. Instead, Vanessa felt as though Mary was engraving the moment into her memory: the lazy slant of the sun through the window, the heat lingering like a faint echo of summer, the feeling of their skin pressed together.
A tremor ran through Mary's eyelashes as her grip on Vanessa's wrist tightened, almost to the point of pain.
"..."
With her free hand, Mary gently caressed her lady’s soft jawline. Her fingertips traced a path upward, hesitating before lightly brushing against Vanessa’s full lips. Feeling the slow breath escape from them, Mary closed her eyes for a moment, as if in a quiet sigh.
It was a look one might give to something both pitiful and precious.
"..."
When Mary opened her eyes again, all traces of soft emotion were gone.
"Two days from now, I believe he has an appointment with Count Essex from morning until evening."
"Two days from now."
"The office is usually locked when he goes out. I know where the key is kept. I will help you just this once."
Her face returning to its usual impassive expression, the maid slowly released Vanessa's wrist.
"So, you must be careful. Because from now on… I’ll be looking out for myself."
* * *
River Ross, I hope you are well. You might wonder why I am suddenly writing to you, but when I began, I realized I don't even know how to contact you. By the time I finish this letter, perhaps a miraculous way to send it will come to mind. If all else fails, I suppose I could send it to the Admiralty. At times like this, it’s such a relief that your position is guaranteed by the state.
Anyway, I don't know when or where you will receive this letter, but I hope you are in good health and good spirits. Because I, well, it seems I—
Staring blankly as she twirled her pen, Vanessa stopped and reread what she had written. The introduction rambled on for too long, a stream of consciousness that failed to get to the point. She crumpled the paper.
River Ross. Read this without being startled. I think I might be pregnant—
This one sounded too fixated on the pregnancy. Of course, she was, but she couldn't just throw the news in his face the moment he opened the letter.
The garden you left behind is somewhat lonely—
...Too sentimental.
I must be losing my mind.
Blushing furiously, Vanessa crumpled another sheet of paper. She let out a groan and rested her forehead against the cool wood of the desk. She was clearly in no state to write. Even in the manuscript she had sent yesterday, she had repeatedly written bizarre, nonsensical sentences, only to startle herself and erase them.
Sighing, she sat up straight again. She dipped her old fountain pen into the inkwell and faced a fresh sheet of paper with a calmer mind. From the graveyard of miserably crumpled letters, Vanessa managed to salvage a few decent sentences.
Dear River Ross,
I am sending this letter to the address of the hotel you last called me from. I hope this news does not burden you too much. It seems I am with child. There is something I wish to discuss with you about this, so I hope you will return promptly on the day we agreed upon.
She hesitated over whether to add "Yours, Vanessa," and ended up messily overwriting the 'Y' she had started to pen with a 'V'. Though the ink smudge left a blemish on the otherwise elegant letter, she didn't have time to rewrite it. Mary was due to arrive soon.
From Vanessa.
She whispered the letter to herself from beginning to end. It seemed a bit dry, but it wasn't a bad start. It didn't sound overly dramatic, either.
She folded the letter, placed it in an envelope, and sealed it carefully with melted wax. On the front, she wrote the name of the hotel he had casually mentioned during their last phone call. She could find out the exact address tomorrow or the day after and ask Mary to send it via express mail. That way, the letter would arrive before River Ross finished his business in Linden.
Pregnant, of all things.
She gently placed a hand over her flat lower abdomen. Honestly, she couldn't feel any physical changes yet. Perhaps Mary was just overreacting.
I won't know for sure until I'm examined by a doctor.
Vanessa massaged her shoulders, which had grown tense while writing, and slowly leaned back in her chair. How would their relationship change after River Ross received this letter?
The thought made her heart feel fragile, yet a fierce desire to deliver the news as quickly as possible welled up inside her. That feeling was undoubtedly a foolish, desperate hope.
River Ross was not the kind of man to ignore his own child. Given their respective positions, it would be difficult to promise each other a future, but she would be happy if he could just spend time with the child once in a while.
Of course, she couldn't jump to conclusions before actually being in that situation.
Besides, I did tell him in the first place that if a child were born, I wouldn't make him worry about it for the rest of his life.
As she vaguely imagined such a future, an indescribable ache washed over her. It was too late for regrets, too late to wish she had been pickier in her choice of a man. She had already grown greedy, wanting more than she was due and completely forgetting her place.
She had been told that her weak constitution would make pregnancy difficult. To increase her chances, she had calculated that they needed to be intimate regularly and frequently. She had wanted a man who was at least suitable to share a bed with, and River Ross, who had caught her eye, was the best possible candidate in every respect.
Therefore, all these hypotheticals were useless. Even if she could go back to that day, she would still choose River Ross. It was impossible for her to look at anyone else, and falling in love with him had been simply inevitable.
In the end, it was a problem of her own making that had unbalanced their fair, contractual relationship. Love—if she could even dare to call it a problem.
"My lady."
The door opened silently. Vanessa reflexively slid the letter into a drawer. Mary, her face set grimly, walked quickly across the room toward her.
"The Count's car just left through the main gate."
Finally. A sharp tension gripped her shoulders, which had been relaxed only moments before. Mary rummaged through her apron pocket and pulled out a slender metal key. Even when Vanessa took hold of the end of the key, Mary did not loosen her grip. Holding on, she warned:
"If you touch anything inside, make sure you put it back exactly as you found it. When you are finished, hide the key under the porcelain vase opposite the office door. I will stop by later and put it back where it belongs."
"Thank you so much, Mary."
A faint flush rose on Mary’s cheeks, but she quickly composed herself, her expression turning cold. As if she had done nothing to deserve such thanks. Or perhaps, as if she were drawing a line.
"Keep this in mind. Whatever happens in there has nothing to do with me."
* * *
Last week, Wyatt had dismissed most of the servants at the mansion. Now, only eight people remained in the vast estate: two footmen, a housemaid, Mary, the chef, Butler Harold, Mr. Ross, and a driver.
As a result, the corridors were unusually quiet for the middle of the day. Nevertheless, Vanessa walked slowly, conscious of potential onlookers. She stopped occasionally, listening intently to make sure no one was around.
"..."
Glancing left and right, she quickly inserted the key into the office doorknob. With a soft click, the lock gave way, and the heavy wooden door swung inward as if drawing her in.