Yamen Life (1)

"Ahh, what a tough day."

Ever since that last pirate expedition, I'd been grinding through a brutal schedule for quite some time.

It was like being on some rotating standby shift—lounging in the barracks provided by the yamen, waiting to be called out at a moment's notice, then bolting into action. That monotonous loop had been my life just a few days ago.

"Pirates sighted!"

'Fuck, what the hell now?'

One night in particular, I was dead asleep when they suddenly dragged me out with news of pirates on the prowl.

"No way, I'm not going!"

I tried digging in my heels, refusing to budge, but wouldn't you know it—the total soldier herself showed up at my barracks in the dead of night. I knew the lights were still on in the main office, but I never imagined she'd still be there working.

"You'd better come quietly."

She whispered right in my ear, hitting me with that hoe ASMR straight to the skull.

"You mutt! Time to earn your keep!"

Crack! My eardrums exploded.

"Gahhh, fine, I'm going! My ear hurts too much—stop it!"

And just like that, I was shoved out the door clutching a single cannon, half-asleep and cursing my luck.

I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, and the cannon—which I could usually heft without breaking a sweat—felt like a lead weight that night. A chilly sea breeze swept in, sapping the warmth from my body. Shivering uncontrollably, snot dripping from my nose.

But since it wasn't just me getting dumped with the workload—the top dog herself was out there leading the charge—I had no choice but to suck it up without complaint.

I huddled deeper into my collar against the cold, but a wave of resentment hit me. I unleashed my fury on the pirate scum with a barrage of cannon fire.

"Let me get some sleep, you fucking pirate bastards!"

Boom! Kaboom!

...

Of course, all that rolling around like a dog paid off.

Word spread among the pirates, and their raids on Zhejiang Province visibly dropped in number and scale.

They hadn't died off or anything—they'd just shifted to Jiangsu above or Fujian below. But honestly? Not my problem.

'Ain't my turf.'

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

Was this the mindset of those trash civil servants? But now that it was my ass on the line, I got it—realistically, what could I do? A single province was the size of the whole Korean Peninsula in this massive Central Plains. No ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠way one guy covers all that.

Sure, seeing the pirates pull it off made me think they were hustling hard, but I wasn't about to go that far.

"Who's talking about me?"

Why were my ears itching like this?

Someone gossiping? Lately, this kept happening, and it was getting annoying.

"Isn't it 'cause you don't wash?"

"Hey, you two are getting chummy—don't get too casual with your mouth."

Any gym rat worth his salt couldn't let that slide.

A cold plunge after a workout? Perfect for muscle recovery and shaking off fatigue.

Skip that and just shower? Might as well toss half your life in the trash.

Working out every day meant bathing every day. Thinking a rough-looking dude like me skips showers? Total prejudice.

"Yeah, yeah, my bad. So, milord, what'll it be today?"

"Hmm, let's go with 'chiropractic' again."

Why the hell did this exist in this era? Straight out of the game settings, no doubt.

Temporary buffs, self-maintenance system. A scrub-down pulled out bodily impurities and boosted inner power purity for a bit, while chiropractic cranked up outer power output.

...No wonder I felt like cursing the storyline writers. They really shoehorned this crap in, huh? Snickering to themselves as they added it, probably. But moderation, people. I wasn't some ageless geezer, but it pissed me off anyway.

Still, if it ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠worked, I'd use it. The yamen's welfare perks included a doc skilled in chiropractic. Normally a pricey game feature, but free here? Score.

"Oh yeah, doc. Hit that lower shoulder a bit more."

"Right away, milord."

Not 'cause it felt good. Stats went up, that's why.

"Ahh, yeah, right there."

Thanks to him, I swung by whenever I had time, keeping my condition tip-top.

Crack, pop, crunch.

"Oof, feels good."

Tasty meals, comfy beds, free massages, and cannons you could blast to your heart's content with just permission.

Sure, the job got rough sometimes, but the perks and treatment were top-tier. Hands down, no better gig anywhere—this was the ultimate workplace.

"...Crap!"

Lost in this cushy bliss, I'd straight-up forgotten my burning revenge against Namgung Shin, Moyong Yeona, and those other bastards.

"Snap out of it. Can't let the mortal world corrupt me."

Not some noble pursuit like dodging worldly temptations to cultivate the Dao or Buddhist enlightenment. Nah, I had revenge—my massive goal.

"...Zhejiang's total soldier, that terrifying woman."

She'd tamed me this thoroughly without even trying. Thinking of her made my whole body tremble again.

Was she from the original story? Hard to say.

Zhejiang had no promising sects or major martial factions, so the game barely touched on it.

Come to think of it, Hyejin? Sounded like the princess whose name popped up briefly in the story. Same name, or coincidence?

She appeared near the end—an observer watching the Manchus rise as Ming crumbled. Backdrop of the burning Central Plains, Aisin Gioro banners over the Forbidden City, Ming remnants retreating under her lead. Then poof, gone.

Seeing that unfold, I'd thought, serves 'em right.

Clean streams start upstream, after all.

Couldn't blame the imperial family—or her—for the murder, adultery, pillage, and lawless shitshow of a martial world. No "just the devs' setting" cop-out.

A nation like that deserved to fall.

'But can some lowly official share a name with royalty?'

The thought crossed my mind, but I shrugged it off. Places like this were still human societies—same systems, minor diffs. No harsh punishments for name overlaps.

Anyway, a young woman as total soldier? High status, princess-level or close.

"Oh shit."

Tremble, tremble.

Thinking of her triggered a chain reaction, conditioned fear—my hands started shaking uncontrollably.

Two reasons she'd reined me in so well...

The recruitment was half-negotiation, half-threat, but there was more. First: the thrill.

Boom—each shell firing sent vibrations and recoil surging from my fingertips through my body. Watching those straight-flying projectiles shred targets? Pure hand-feel bliss.

This was AoE weaponry, heavy gun ecstasy. No going back to my old self.

Go too long without firing? Withdrawal shakes set in!

But gunpowder burned faster than small arms, hitting me ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with supply issues.

Maybe 'cause I'd grabbed it easy on the wreck and blown through it like candy? Ran dry with no resupply—then her tempting voice slithered in close.

'So, mutt, need some of this?'

Like a smuggler flashing contraband, sprinkling fine powder with a little devil grin. I wavered.

Damn, gunpowder was a drug. No wonder the cravings hit so hard.

Before I knew it, cannons were my alpha and omega—my identity. Life without 'em? Unthinkable. Never touched smokes or harder stuff, but I got the agony of quitting now.

And the total soldier milord used it to blackmail me. No clue why she started calling me "mutt," but...

'Then bark for me♡.'

Did she think I had no pride just 'cause I was broke on powder?

"Woof! Woof! Pant pant!"

...Supply met demand too perfectly. One pride swallow, and the gains were huge. That's when I realized: I was already in her palm.

One big reason I couldn't dream of bolting the yamen and stayed chained here.