If You Got Ripped Apart by a Spinning Slash, Hit Like!
Together with Senior Seo-rin, I charged straight into the Sahagin horde — and we were, quite literally, poking a furious beehive. The first thing I did was plant my greatsword into the back of a Sahagin male's skull as he stood in line a good distance from the hive, waiting his turn to be deployed.
THWAAACK—!!
"You son of a bitch!"
With a thunderous crash, the Sahagin was reduced to pure ground meat.
—Kyaaaaak?!
—Keeeek?!
—Kieeeee!!
"They're thrown into chaos by our ambush! Press them hard!"
"Killing Bees up front, me and Seo-rin from behind! Simultaneous oral-and-anal accordion rape!"
"Even Master's metaphors have to be filthy like that…! Regardless — just as he says, we shall play a requiem of their screams throughout this gorge!"
The Sahagin who had been trembling in line moments earlier, staring at their buddies fighting at the cave mouth and thinking If that guy dies, I'm next?!, clearly hadn't expected me and Senior Seo-rin to drop in out of nowhere. They had no idea what to do with themselves.
"I shall take the lead and open a path — follow closely, Master! Haaaaaaaaah—!!"
"Oh damn…"
CRUUUNCH-CRACK—!!
—Kiyaaaaaa?!
—Kieeeeeeek?!
Senior Seo-rin, shield foremost, barreled through the Sahagin blocking the way like a human tank, crushing them flat — and I mean literally flattened. I immediately followed the path she'd carved, spinning my body in full circles as I whirled my blade at the fish-heads trying to hit her from behind.
CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK—!!
—Urghk?!
—Gyaak?!
Clad head to toe in thick armor, swinging a greatsword that alone measured 160 cm in blade length and weighed 200 kg, I became a human blender in full furious rotation. A bunch of glorified sea goblins like Sahagin never stood a chance of stopping that.
In moments I'd painted the air with a vortex of severed limbs, chunks of flesh, and a spray of blood, all set to a soundtrack of pure screaming. I bellowed in a voice thick with exhilaration:
"If you got ripped apart by a spinning slash just like your parents, hit like!"
"Truly, as befits Cheon A-rang's right hand — every single word out of your mouth makes one wish to scrub one's ears clean!"
"I don't want to hear that from a flesh-toilet Female Knight who can't open her mouth without saying something filthy!"
CRACK-CRUNCH—!!
I smashed the skull of one that clumsily thrust a trident at me into mashed potatoes with my greatsword. The Sahagin horde was now scattering in total panic, and I shouted over to Senior Seo-rin.
"They're all starting to run! Should we chase— whoa! Bee Guardian Lee Seo-rin!"
"What nonsense are you spouting now? If you have time for that, come help me!"
"Heh heh heh."
I snickered and quickly started peeling the puppy-sized Killing Bees off Senior Seo-rin's body.
While I'd been busy with my spinning slashes, Human Tank Seo-rin hadn't just carved a direct path to the cave — she'd finished off every last Sahagin still locked in a death struggle with the Killing Bees around the cave mouth.
"These things are so worked up over the intruders they don't even care who they're attacking — they just charge."
"That sounds rather like Master himself! Once aroused, you charge in without even checking who it is, shouting 'Pussy!' the moment you see it!"
"Look at this — and you're the one who wants to scrub her ears? You filthy flesh toilet!"
"Do you think I was always like this?! It's all because of Master and Cheon A-rang… More importantly — will you not hurry and remove the bees from my back?!"
"You're wearing armor. Stop being dramatic."
"I simply cannot stand having insects on my body! The way they frantically thrash their hips trying to drive their stingers into me is somehow…"
"Getting you off 'cause it feels like you're getting fucked?"
"Honestly… a little…♡"
"Ugh, I can't with you. Disgusting~"
I ripped the bees off Senior Seo-rin's body in a frenzy as they clung to her, eyes rolled back, trying to drive their stingers home.
"Get off her, you bastards! The only one who gets to fuck this hole is me! The only cock that goes in this pussy is mine!"
"Ah… could it be that you are jealous of insects? That is… ahem… rather adorable, perhaps…♡"
"Fine, I'm leaving you here. Seo-rin lives here now! Master's out!"
"Aaaah?! I was wrong?!"
THWACK-THWACK—!!
While thoroughly double-tapping any Sahagin that might still be breathing, I stripped every last bee off Senior Seo-rin. Looking at the swarms still pouring out from deeper in the cave, I asked:
"So, what now? Since we're already here, want to harvest all the wild honey too?"
"You didn't even bring a honey pot. Better to withdraw. If we provoke bees this frenzied any further, they may well attack the camp."
"So we track the Sahagin, then?"
"Indeed — but that is not our task. What we must do right now is…"
"What we must do is…?"
"Hit the dirt! Flatten yourselves, Master! Play dead!"
"Huh?"
We're not running?
The thought crossed my mind for a second, but I figured Senior Seo-rin wouldn't talk nonsense about something like this. I dropped flat on the spot.
BZZZZZZZZ—!!
BZZZZZZZZ—!!
Almost immediately, a torrent of bees came surging out of the cave and roared right over our heads. Lying still and watching them pass, I asked Senior Seo-rin:
"This actually works?"
"The Sahagin horde that attacked their nest is fleeing in a mass over that way, so their attention is drawn there. Once the bees give chase…"
"We cheerfully trail after them and wipe the Sahagin out in one go?"
"Hmm… as expected, Master and I are well-matched in every way. Our navels fit, our hands fit — truly a match made in heaven♡"
"There she goes again, slipping in dirty talk — you flesh-toilet Female Knight."
For about ten minutes we bantered while watching the Killing Bees streak viciously overhead. Once the cave mouth had thinned out somewhat, we carefully rose to our feet.
"All right — shall we head for the shore?"
"If we follow the Sahagin, we should get a rough idea of where their base is."
We made our way slowly down the gorge, careful not to re-agitate the bees that had finally settled.
"Bodies already."
"Judging by the state of this one… it looks as though he was simply trampled to death by his own kin. They fled so blindly from the pursuing bees that this is the result."
"Ahh."
And the Killing Bee corpses floating around — those must have been the ones that got stomped while still trying to plant their stingers, never realizing what hit them.
"Ah — that one over there is playing dead."
"This guy?"
"Yes, that one. He is currently staring at me — Master's flesh toilet — with lecherous eyes."
"No kidding. Doesn't he know you're not supposed to covet someone else's toilet?"
"That remark borders somewhat on blasphemy."
"What, does Seo-rin go to church?"
"No. The only ones I worship are Master and Cock-sama♡"
"Ah, shit — I almost apologized for a second there."
—Keh… heeeeek…!!
CRUNCH—!!
Instant skull-crush.
From there we worked our way down to the shore, driving our greatswords into the heads of anything that was half-dead, not-dead, or already dead but still looked suspicious — like a game of whack-a-mole. And sure enough, just as Senior Seo-rin and I had expected, a battlefield every bit as chaotic as the cave mouth spread out before us.
"Ugh, looks like a seafood market opened up here."
"Though the only product on offer is Sahagin."
"They really do look like flopping mudfish — even dead they manage to be disgusting."
Still, work was work.
CRUNCH, CRACK—!!
Just like in the gorge, Senior Seo-rin and I set about smashing the skulls of every Sahagin sprawled across the beach, finishing them off for good.
"Is this also part of the volunteer work? Honestly, at this point we should be getting paid separately."
"Do not look at me like that! How was I to know things would turn out this way? Besides — if it is payment you want, ahem, I shall… reimburse you with my b-body…♡"
"Pass. I'd rather take cash."
"Has Master contracted some disease whereby he goes impotent if he does not act spiteful at least once?!"
"Heh heh heh. Look at you getting all worked up."
Watching the perverted Female Knight senior practically vibrating with eagerness to pay me in her body, I snickered and kept on with the double-taps.
After a mindless stretch of cracking Sahagin skulls, I noticed the sun starting to sink past the horizon. I walked over to Senior Seo-rin.
"Let's call it. We've got a rough idea of where those bastards came from — no point hanging around here any longer."
"Indeed. There is still business remaining. Very important business…"
"Important business? What is it?"
"Do not play the fool!"
"Whoa, easy!"
Important business? What could be so important she'd yell about it?
Don't tell me she wants to charge straight into the Sahagin base and go exploring the Dragon Palace?
I was still tilting my head over this "important business" I couldn't pin down when Senior Seo-rin slowly, stickily licked her lips and spoke.
"Yes… Master is that sort of man. A demon who takes pleasure in heaping shame and humiliation upon a woman…♡ So you mean to force those words from my lips once more…♡"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
It felt like something was on the tip of my tongue, but after half an hour of nothing but smashing Sahagin heads, it just wouldn't click.
And right then—
"Khh…♡"
With a sudden click of Senior Seo-rin's tongue, something dropped onto the sand with a soft, buried thud.
I'd been staring at the sky, turning over what this important business could be. I dropped my gaze toward the sound — and froze.
Not only had Senior Seo-rin stripped bare the second I looked away—
"Combined pee♡ Did you not promise to do combined pee with me♡ The situation is resolved, so keep your word at once♡"
"Ah. So the 'important business' was literally business?"
"Khh… to force such vulgar words from a woman's mouth…♡"
And as if that weren't enough, she'd already assumed a posture of vulgar submission and was demanding combined pee from me right then and there.
