Stop Looking at My Dick
It looked for all the world like a giant turtle flipped onto its back.
Flip over a massive land tortoise—something the size of a Galápagos giant—and the creature is helpless; it cannot right itself. Sailors in the Age of Exploration used to exploit exactly that trait: catch an elephant tortoise, tip it over, and it was going nowhere. The overturned train sprawled in front of us looked just like one of those turtles.
-CHOoooo….!!
Hurled clear of the tracks, it strained and groaned, thrashing in a futile attempt to heave its bulk upright. All it managed was to bellow at its own immovable carcass.
Seeing that, I pulled the greatsword off my back as I closed in alongside my senior, who was already growling with the same murderous hunger I felt—ready to tear the thing apart.
"But Senior, how did you even have the grappling gun ready? We would've been completely screwed without it. Your foresight really saved our asses."
"Huh? Oh… I never got around to telling you because I dragged you out here in such a rush, but the grappling gun is standard kit for this job. Work a vehicle depot that's showing dungeonization signs long enough and one of those bastards pops out about one time in ten."
"And every time you just shoot the grappling gun and derail them like that?"
"N…o? Only when things go completely sideways. Normally we spot them before they ever leave the yard and put them down right there."
"Ah."
Her words conjured a sudden image of prehistoric hunters bringing down a mammoth.
"We got lucky in a lot of ways. First time I ever hooked one of these was early C-class, I think? Same deal—a train that had already broken out of the depot. Me and a few other hunters put grapples on it and wrecked the thing, but back then it had plastered chunks of flesh all over its outer shell so blades barely bit. Same story every other time, too."
"Ah, so that's why you didn't notice until I pointed it out…"
"Yeah. It had meat caked thick around its ass, so I figured the rest of it would be the same mess and didn't look close enough. That was the real screw-up. Something kept feeling off, but who the hell expects a train to dump every last scrap of flesh into one single spot?"
On any normal day A-rang would have spotted immediately that this one's exterior looked no different from an ordinary train. But after fighting so many of them, the stereotype had apparently locked in hard: train monster equals body completely coated in corrupted flesh.
"More importantly—once we kill this thing, the credit's going to be massive, right?"
"You're damn right. We just saved Sindorim and Yeongdeungpo. Normally it takes at least six people to derail one of these. We did it with two."
"Including me? Honestly, you did all the heavy lifting."
"Huh? No way! Even if my condition's been crazy good today and I've got more power than usual, I couldn't have done it without you, Seung-yong."
"Really?"
"Obviously. How badly did you want to play with my tits to pull out that kind of grit?"
"Ehehe… Honestly, the idea of getting free rein with Senior's chest… wait?"
"Nngh?! Wh-what the hell?!"
Right after we shred this train bastard, I'm going straight for Senior's tits!
I was still snickering at the delightful mental image when something snagged my eye. I grabbed A-rang just as she was about to skip cheerfully toward the wreck.
"Senior—your shins?! Your shins are completely scraped raw!"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I told you earlier. Scraped them up pretty good. It's fine. They'll heal on their own in a bit."
"Like hell they will! Don't say crazy shit like that! Get over here!"
"Hey—hey?!"
Hero-and-champion time could wait. I seized her hand, dragged her over, and forced the wide-eyed, startled senior down onto the rails.
"Look at this—you can barely even stand!"
"I just need a short rest?!"
"What if it gets infected? Sit still. I'll give you medicine."
"I said I'm fine! I take after my mom—my immune system's ridiculous. Stop fussing…"
"Tsk. Hold still!"
"Ugh…"
This scrawny junior's getting awfully cocky…!!
I shot her a sharp look while she muttered that under her breath, then pretended to dig through my pouch while I actually opened the phone and pulled out a potion I'd won from a previous gacha draw.
◈ Apply to a wound and fresh flesh sprouts gently.
"Y-you're even pulling out a potion? Just slap on some red ointment…"
"What are you, a kid? Sit still."
"Hiiiik?!"
Glug-glug-glug—
I cracked the lid and poured the potion straight onto A-rang's shins.
"I-it stings like hell…!!"
"Stinging means you're lucky. And look—works perfectly. Already healed."
"Huh? Already? Holy shit… it was still bleeding a second ago. What brand is this?"
"Even if you knew the brand, would you actually buy it—or even bother carrying it?"
"Hehehe, no way. Too much of a pain to lug around. Why would I, when I've got a good junior who hands me potions for free?"
"'Hands you'? I'm collecting payment for this later. With your body."
"What?! Hey! That's not how this works! You just slapped it on yourself!"
"Hehehe, then who told you to get hurt? Now I'll do the other leg too."
"Hiiiik, I told you it stings?!"
This was the same woman who supposedly never once screamed even when she took a wound big enough to leave that massive scar across her stomach—yet a little potion on scraped shins had her howling like Guan Yu under the knife.
"Just hold still already! How bad can a little sting be?!"
"Hiiiik?!"
I carefully coated both her shins and feet, then pulled her back to her feet. Of course I didn't forget to give those now-pristine copper-toned calves and shins a thoroughly filthy once-over.
"You little shit. You've got zero shame left about eye-fucking your senior, huh?"
"Was it that obvious? Just thinking about the dirty stuff we're gonna do later and my eyes won't behave."
"Jesus, look at you. You know I'm only letting this slide because it's me, right? Anyone else and you'd already be dead. Especially if that bitch had caught you."
"Lee Seo-rin, you mean?"
Anyone but her—and especially Seo-rin?
I waved a hand and snorted.
"I'd never pull that with Lee Seo-rin. I'm only this dedicated because it's you, Senior."
"'Dedicated' my ass—ugh… every day you get filthier. Your skills improve and somehow the perversion levels up right alongside them."
"Because I have such a good senior?"
"Shut up before I make you. Come on, let's go."
Treatment done; time for the real work. I scrambled up and stuck close to A-rang as she strode toward the train.
"Your legs still look a little shaky. Want me to support you?"
"You can feel up my chest later when you cash in that free-pass."
"Tch."
She swatted my hand away like a fly the instant I tried to slip an arm around her shoulders, then grinned at my disappointed face and pointed her greatsword at the fallen train.
"All right—again! Time for the heroes and champions!"
"Heroes! Champions! Dinner's ready!"
We charged the train with our greatswords spinning, faces lit up exactly like little kids racing to greet Dad coming home with fried chicken.
Hero-and-champion time. How long had I been waiting for this exact moment?
"You fucking piece-of-shit bastard! You cock-sucking son of a bitch!"
"You dog-shit! You cunt-faced whore!"
-CHOOCHOO?!
CRUNCH, CRACK-!!
We vaulted onto its hull and immediately started raining furious kicks as the opening signal—venting every ounce of rage the bastard had put us through. Hero-and-champion time, known in civilian terms as a good old-fashioned gang-beating, had officially begun.
"Block this, you cock-sucking piece of shit! Block this too! Throw another one of those fucking tantrums like earlier!"
"You should've just opened your asshole nice and quiet instead of clamping it shut and making people work so hard, you shit-stained bitch!"
"Our Seung-yong's talking sense—die, you shit-stained bitch! Die! Die!"
-CHOOOOOO?!
CRASH-!!
While we stomped the helpless train that lay on its side, unable even to twitch properly, we also swung our massive greatswords like baseball bats working a sandbag, hammering every surface we could reach and savoring every second of hero-and-champion time.
About ten minutes later:
"Hah, that was fun. Nothing beats a proper gang-beating!"
"Ahem, Senior. It's hero-and-champion time."
"Oh, right. Yeah yeah. Hero-and-champion time. Hah… but we should probably finish it off now, huh?"
"Want to carve it together in one long stroke? Like cutting a wedding cake!"
"W-wedding cake? Hell yes! Holding our greatswords nice and tight together like this…!"
SCREEEEECH-!!
-GGiYAAAAAAA!!!
As a final flourish we clasped hands neatly and left a single deep, river-like gash across its body—a wound that would never heal.
Black smoke immediately began gushing up along the channel we had carved. I watched the thing start its slow death for a moment, then casually turned my back on A-rang.
"What are you doing?"
"Just a second… I've got something I need to do."
A-rang, puzzled, grabbed me.
"What? Why are you suddenly turning your back on me? What are you try—hey, hey! Why the hell are you pulling your dick out… eughik, holy shit it's huge?!"
"No matter how I look at it, I'm still not fully satisfied. Figured if I just piss all over this bastard it'll finally feel settled… wait, Senior, why are you dropping your pants?"
"Because it sounded like a great idea. Feels like it'd be extra humiliating for this fucker… and, uh… if I flash my pussy and piss with you, you won't feel as embarrassed either, right?!"
"Damn… that's my A-rang Senior!"
"Right? Ehehe, go out covered in our piss, you piece of shit!"
Sssssssss-♡
With that she planted her feet shoulder-width apart and immediately started spraying a yellow stream of piss straight into the wound where black smoke was still belching out.
Even if I've eaten her out before, this is still ridiculously bold.
She was even pissing standing up like a guy.
"Hey, what are you waiting for?! You gonna make me do it alone?! Stop staring at my pussy and piss already! I've shown you mine, so I get to look at your cock too!"
"Got it!"
"Hiiik… it really is insanely big…?!"
Sssssssss—
I watched her shameless display for a beat, then took position opposite her, gripped my cock, and fired a stream of my own straight into the piss she was already pouring—like we were having a pissing contest.
Our jets collided hard and splattered down into the cracks. Competitive fire flared in her eyes again; she grinned savagely at me.
"Oh? Trying to one-up me now? I compliment your big dick and you immediately start climbing on top?"
"This isn't even a contest! And stop staring at my cock already!"
"Then you stop staring at my pussy! I'm the senior—I'm allowed to look at my junior's dick!"
Maybe it was the life-or-death physical strain of hauling that train earlier, but both of us were now locking sticky, filthy gazes on each other's cock and pussy while we shared a combined stream of piss. That was when a sharp voice suddenly cut through the air.
"You there! Are you unharmed?! C-class Hunter Lee Seo-rin! I have arrived to render support—Cheon A-rang?! Goo Seung-yong?! What in the world are the two of you doing?!"
"Speak of the devil—that bitch Seo-rin actually showed up?"
"Ugh… the timing is incredibly awkward, isn't it?"
Sssss-♡
When the hell had she gotten here?
A Female Knight with light-green bangs appeared, riding what looked like a mining cart straight out of a quarry. A-rang and I both let out tiny groans of despair at the exact same moment.