Chapter 96: Just Like Everyone Else (7)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 96: Just Like Everyone Else (7)
The firmly shut, weathered iron door began to creak open. I had followed her here because I felt that letting Green go like this would be a mistake, but I hadn't been certain she would even show her face again so soon.
The expression I’d made earlier was born of pure panic at the unexpected situation, but to Green—who had summoned every ounce of courage to speak her truth—it must have felt like a total rejection of her sincerity.
I followed her because of a powerful conviction that if I let things slide now, we would never be able to go back to the way we were. I didn't even have the presence of mind to worry about maintaining my cover as an office worker returning from lunch. I had seen Green, who seemed to be getting better little by little, waver in an instant. And once she faltered, there was no telling when she might completely collapse.
“…….”
The door opened to reveal Green standing there with her head bowed. As if she couldn't bear to meet my eyes, her gaze was fixed on the floor. I could see her shoulders trembling slightly, and behind her, several boxes were stacked in the living room.
“Can I come in for a moment?”
“…Yes.”
Even as she answered, Green didn't lift her head. She simply nodded and stepped out of her shoes to enter the house. I followed her inside and closed the door behind me.
“Are you okay?”
Since her head was down, I couldn't see her face, but I could feel that she wasn't doing well.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
It was unclear what I was asking was "fine," or what she was claiming was "fine." We were simply uttering the words that could be said in this moment, giving the only answers we could manage.
Exchanging such aimless words soon led to a silence where neither of us knew what to say next. However, I couldn't just stand here and wait for Green to be the one to speak.
Telling her that I hadn't considered the possibility of her liking me was useless now. She had bared her heart to me, and in return, I had shown her an expression that made her feel as though all hope had been severed.
Of course, a confession doesn't always lead to a relationship. But since I had already resolved to face the sincerity directed toward me head-on, I had to treat Green’s feelings with that same honesty.
“I’m sorry. I didn't make that face because I wanted to hurt you. I was just a bit flustered….”
Even as the words left my mouth, they sounded pathetic. Flustered? No intention to hurt?
In that moment, the thought struck me: I really am a selfish human being.
Why am I always so slow to realize things? The reason I made that face at Green’s confession wasn't because I was flustered. Without even realizing it, I had been hoping that Green, at least, wouldn't fall for me.
I was already seeing four members of Team Hunter Killer; I had decided that a fifth was out of the question. This thought undoubtedly stemmed from the anxiety of being in a situation where my true identity could be exposed at any moment. If I was going to think like that, I shouldn't have formed any relationships beyond Yubin in the first place. In fact, not even getting involved with Yubin would have been the best way to keep my secret safe.
In the end, Green had become the target of my attempt to lessen the burden of responsibility for the mess I’d created. I was just making convenient excuses.
That day, when I first slept with Eunha, I thought I had made up my mind. But I still wasn't ready to fully accept the consequences of my actions. I felt utterly pathetic, and self-loathing began to take root in my mind.
“No, it’s not that. It’s because I said something strange….”
Just as I was struggling to find more words, I heard Green’s voice. Still hanging her head, she was clutching the hem of her clothes with trembling hands. She looked like a cracked glass that could shatter at any moment.
“Something strange? You told me you liked me. There’s nothing strange about that.”
I reached out slowly, intending to take her hand, but Green flinched and stepped back.
“It’s because I liked you on my own, only thinking about myself.”
Despite her clear words, her voice was shaking.
“I’m sorry. Because of me…”
She apologized to me. There was absolutely no reason for her to apologize.
Her voice trembled, but there was no hesitation in her words. That made my heart ache even more, a sharp, cold pain.
The fact that her voice shook with fear while her words remained firm told me that she meant every word. Green truly felt that telling me she liked me was a mistake.
“You were so kind to me and always took care of me, so I thought it was okay to like you. But you only helped me because you felt sorry for me.”
I wanted to tell her she was wrong. It was true that our first meeting was a coincidence and that I had an ulterior motive for getting close to her. It was also true that I felt pity for her circumstances. But I had never helped or cared for Green solely out of pity.
I was simply drawn to her. I wanted to watch over her as she, who had been in a precarious state like someone hanging off a cliff, began to change in a better environment. Because right now, I was likely the only person who could stay by her side and witness that change.
But I couldn't say those words right away. It wasn't that I didn't want to, or that I was trying to hide something. I had to stay quiet and listen to what Green had to say.
I had thought she was getting better, but I needed to listen to her heart—which seemed to have remained in a fragile psychological state—without interruption. I had to face the sincerity she had given me properly.
“I’m sorry. The other members always looked so happy, so I thought I could say it too…. I thought it would be nice if I could be like the others, just like everyone else. I didn't realize I was only thinking of myself….”
Green’s voice wavered even more, and tears began to drop one by one onto the floor beneath her bowed head. While I was worrying about how to keep my identity secret from the four women I was seeing and how to avoid hurting them, Green was being hurt by me.
She probably wouldn't even call it being hurt. The moment she bared her soul and met my eyes, she must have felt that all of this was her fault. That was the Green I knew. She didn't know how to be resentful or how to acknowledge her own pain. She was someone who felt that everything that went wrong was her own doing.
Even knowing that, the moment I heard her confession, I was worrying about how to handle my relationships with the others.
I already knew that our story couldn't have a happy ending. And even though I knew that, and even though I had resolved to take responsibility regardless of the danger to myself, I was still worrying about that very danger.
“So, I… from now on….”
The trembling in Green’s hands as she gripped her clothes became even more pronounced. She spoke through her tears.
“I won’t like you anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry….”
Liking someone is a freedom. No one can infringe upon that freedom, and no one has the right to judge it.
Of course, the result of that affection doesn't always lead to a happy conclusion. There are countless stars in the universe, more living beings than stars, and as many hearts as there are beings. And the outcomes of those many hearts are all different. While positive results exist somewhere and negative ones elsewhere, everyone who holds someone in their heart hopes for a positive outcome.
Green was no different. Because I knew that, and because I knew Green, I couldn't turn away from her heart. I had already reached a conclusion in my mind. But I had been searching for a different answer because I was afraid of the eventual end. Every action has a corresponding consequence.
She fell silent, wiping away her flowing tears with a sniffle.
Slowly, very slowly, I reached out and stroked her cheek, gently lifting her head. Eunha didn't pull away; she looked up at me, her face drenched in tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“Ugh… h-hic!”
Eunha, clutching the hand that touched her cheek, continued to sob. She probably thought my apology was also because she had done something wrong. Eunha had done nothing wrong. She had simply tried her best to live brightly and avoid being a burden to others.
Wasn't it too cruel to take away even the heart that was capable of loving someone from a person like her?
“I don't dislike you, Eunha. So… could you please keep liking me?”
“…What?”
Her damp eyes widened, and I could see my own reflection in her pupils.
Eunha looked as though she couldn't find the words to respond.
She had thought liking me was wrong and that the only solution was to stop. But the conclusion she was facing was different from what she had imagined.
I knew. I knew how hard a person named Kang Eunha lived, how much she endured, and how much effort she put in. I could confidently say I knew Kang Eunha better than anyone else in the world.
Even though I knew her well enough to guess what she was thinking with just a moment's reflection, I shouldn't exist if I was going to avoid the sincere heart she offered.
Everyone in Hunter Killer was living their lives to the fullest. This wasn't a perspective based on the relationship between Earth and Spacetro, but my own view of them as human beings, and this belief was unwavering. When these women were offering their precious hearts to me, what did it matter if I had to sacrifice myself?
I didn't know what kind of end awaited us, but it was certain to be a grim one. However, until that end arrived because of me, these five women could be happy. Wasn't that what I had made up my mind for?
“Do you hate me?”
“A-Ah, no! I don't hate you….”
“Then?”
Eunha hesitated for a moment before answering. She probably couldn't forget the look in my eyes the moment she confessed her true feelings. But now, I was looking deep into her eyes with a gaze that said I wanted her sincerity. Green, her face flushed—whether from crying or from the embarrassment of the situation—slowly opened her mouth.
“…I like you.”
As soon as I heard her answer, a smile naturally spread across my lips. I pulled her into my arms as she stood there staring at me.
“!!”
I felt Eunha flinch the moment I embraced her. After being stiff for a moment in my arms, she eventually relaxed. Her hands hovered uncertainly for a second before she finally hugged me back.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’d rather hear that you like me than hear you’re sorry.”
I said, holding her a little tighter—this woman for whom apologies were second nature. As soon as she heard me from within my embrace, Eunha nodded.
“Yes.”
I hadn't said it expecting her to say she liked me right then and there. It was just a brief response to what I’d said, but that one word told me my feelings had reached her.
“Why are you crying so much? You haven't done anything wrong.”
I broke the hug and wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Ugh, h-hic!”
She tried her best to hold them back, but she couldn't stop the flow. She buried her face in my chest and began to cry uncontrollably. The suppressed emotions she had been holding back finally burst forth. While Eunha, who had fought so hard to avoid being a burden or leaning on anyone, wailed in my arms, I simply held her in silence.
After a long while, Eunha seemed to have calmed down. She sat quietly on the sofa, and I sat beside her, looking at the boxes placed in the living room.
“Do you feel better now?”
“Yes. I’m okay now.”
Answering in a small voice, Eunha sat with her hands placed neatly on her gathered knees. I took her hand. She flinched and looked at me, and when our eyes met, I gave her a smile.
Seeing my smile seemed to reassure her, and Eunha managed a smile of her own.
“By the way, what are all these boxes?”
“Ah! I have to move, so I’ve been packing.”
Eunha moving? This was news to me. It wasn't that I hadn't expected it at all. Her father was awaiting trial in detention, and since he would likely return home upon his release, it made sense for Eunha to move. However, I hadn't known specifically when she would move, and I’d assumed she would tell me once the plans were set.
To be honest, our relationship wasn't one where I could demand to be informed, but I couldn't help feeling a bit hurt.
Yet, when I thought about Eunha, that hurt quickly vanished. Eunha, who already felt she had received so much help from me, likely didn't say anything because she was afraid it would look like she was asking for more help with the move.
But as the moving date approached, she must have felt that if she didn't say anything now, it would become difficult to see me in the future. That fear had led to her confession.
The puzzle pieces were finally starting to fit together.
“So, when are you moving?”
“……Tomorrow.”
I was stunned. I was stunned in a very different way than when I’d heard her confession. No, it actually made more sense that she had rushed her confession because the move was tomorrow.
As I stared at the stacked boxes in silence for a moment, Eunha grew anxious and continued.
“I was going to move in the afternoon after the meeting and then tell you….”
She probably wouldn't have had the courage to tell me she was moving even then. She likely said this now because she felt she shouldn't admit she had intended to keep it from me.
I could feel how anxious she was through the trembling of her hand in mine. Now that I was facing her heart, even those actions felt adorable.
“I see. I’ll help you tomorrow.”
“What?! No. I can do it by myself. If you have to go through that because of me again…!”
I didn't want to hear any more of her protests, so I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers.
Eunha’s eyes flew wide open, and she froze like a robot that had been switched off.
“I can help, right?”
When I asked after pulling away, Eunha looked at me with a flushed face and a slightly dazed expression, then nodded.
“Yes.”
Now that I had her confirmation, I decided I would help Eunha move tomorrow.