Chapter 95: Just Like Everyone Else (6)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 95: Just Like Everyone Else (6)
After receiving a text from Green, I left headquarters and arrived at the park. I sat quietly, waiting for her to arrive. I had decided to have a proper conversation about a gift for her, since yesterday had been her birthday. Usually, one finds out about a birthday in advance and prepares a gift, but since I had only found out yesterday and lacked the intuition to pick something out perfectly, I figured it was better to ask her directly rather than overthinking it.
Sitting on the bench, I watched the trees she had been looking at before and waited. Soon, I sensed a familiar presence in the distance and turned my head. My eyes met Green’s as she walked slowly toward me. She flinched and seemed to avert her gaze for a moment, but then she approached with a stride that was strangely bold.
“Ah, hello.”
“Yes. Hello.”
We exchanged greetings with a smile, but for some reason, Green seemed incredibly stiff today.
“It’s quite hot today, isn’t it?”
“No! I mean, yes!”
“Pardon?”
“No, I mean... yes. It is hot.”
Should I say she was wound tight? She was clearly nervous, and I could feel a palpable tension radiating from her for reasons I couldn't fathom.
After a moment of gauging the atmosphere, Green sat on the bench. She was so visibly anxious that I missed the timing to bring up the birthday present, leaving us in a lingering silence.
“Have you been waiting long?”
“No. I just got here myself.”
“I see...”
The awkwardness between us was so thick that the version of Green who usually conversed without issue was nowhere to be found. Even though I wanted to ask if something was wrong, she looked like a balloon sitting in front of a needle; I didn't dare poke her.
More than anything, the atmosphere felt like I should wait until she spoke first.
“How was your day today?”
“What?!”
I asked about the atmosphere of their meeting like I usually did, but in her nervous state, Green hadn't anticipated the question. She jumped at the mere sound of my voice, turned her head toward me, and then immediately looked away the moment our eyes met.
“I just wondered how things went with your teammates today...”
“Oh, it was good.”
There was no way around this. I didn't know why she was so nervous, but if this atmosphere continued, I felt like I was going to suffocate.
“Is there anything you want?”
I felt like if I kept waiting for the perfect moment, I’d never get to the subject of the gift today. So, I just threw it out there without worrying about the timing. Green, who had been avoiding my gaze, stole a glance at me.
“Something I want?”
She looked at me with eyes that didn't understand my intent at all, as if she hadn't even considered that I was bringing this up because of her birthday.
“It was your birthday yesterday. I didn't really do anything for you, so if there’s something you want...”
“No! It’s fine!”
Green waved her hands dismissively, startled as if she’d been shocked. Even yesterday, she had refused persistently until I offered to hold her hand. It seemed like getting her to name a gift herself was going to be difficult.
Even if I kept asking, it would just be a cycle of me questioning and her refusing. From here on, I had to figure it out using my own intuition, but even with my sharp senses, it was hard to pinpoint exactly what she needed in one go.
“Alright. You don't have to be so surprised.”
Green’s expression had stiffened even more at the mention of a gift. When I gave her a relaxed smile and spoke gently, the tension finally began to drain from her face.
Now it was a matter of choice. Should I ask her what was wrong? Or should I wait until she spoke? My gut told me that if we stayed like this, lunch would end and the situation would conclude without me hearing a word—and that felt like a bad outcome.
First, let’s think about why she’s so nervous. Seeing as she looks like she’s struggling to say something to me, it probably isn't an issue with her teammates. If it were, she’d look worried rather than nervous.
That meant she was trying to tell me something important. I hadn't done much for her, but given the big event of her birthday yesterday, I couldn't think of anything significant enough to justify this level of anxiety.
What could it be? What on earth was going on?
As I pondered, our eyes met again, and Green quickly looked away.
“Um...”
“Excuse me!”
Just as I called out to her, thinking I should say something to break this endless stalemate, she called out to me with a voice full of strain. Our voices overlapped, and Green turned her head to look at me.
“You go first.”
I yielded the floor to her, but having been interrupted while trying to summon her courage, Green found herself speechless again.
“Could I... tell you in just a little bit?”
“Yes. That’s fine.”
It seemed better to wait patiently rather than rush her. I didn't know what she wanted to say, but it clearly required a great deal of resolve.
Thinking that made me start to feel nervous too. Just what was she going to say that required this much tension? Had a major problem arisen in her family life, and was she trying to tell me about it?
If that were the case, I wanted her to tell me without feeling sorry, but that was just my speculation.
“After I went back in yesterday at lunch...”
I began telling her stories about what happened at headquarters, framing them like ordinary office talk. Naturally, I left out all Spacetro-related information and only shared anecdotes about my colleagues. Green, who lacked general social experience, always found my stories interesting.
I started talking in hopes that she might relax a bit if we conversed like usual. I checked her reaction periodically, but Green, who usually listened with such excitement, couldn't focus on my words today.
Still, with the mindset of waiting, I shared a story about Kruger, framing it like I was venting about a coworker.
“I like you!”
“...Pardon?”
The sudden, blunt confession left me speechless. She likes me? What? Does she mean she likes the story I’m telling?
For a moment, I failed to grasp her intent. But it didn't take long for the meaning of her words to sink in.
Unable to hide my bewilderment, I turned my gaze toward her. My expression was reflected in Green’s trembling eyes. Without realizing it, I looked at her with a face that screamed, 'Why?'—failing to maintain any sort of composure.
It hadn't been my intention from the start, but I was currently maintaining close relationships with four out of the five members of Hunter Killer. To put it bluntly, I was seeing four of them at the same time.
Because of this situation, I couldn't help but think about Green, and I had already reached the conclusion that 'Green is a no-go.' It wasn't because I disliked her.
Everyone in Hunter Killer was a good person, and that naturally included Green.
However, because I had learned about her family history before the other members, I didn't want to place her in an environment that would trigger her emotional instability.
It wasn't that I didn't cherish the others. But I felt that Green, specifically, should not be entangled in a romantic relationship with me. The moment my identity was revealed, it would harm everyone, but I didn't think anyone could handle the damage that would be dealt to Green. Above all, the moment my identity was exposed would mean I could no longer help her.
Maybe it was just an excuse. Maybe I felt that after seeing four members, I simply couldn't let the last one get involved in such a relationship. No, that’s exactly how I felt.
The number wasn't the point. The point was that Hunter Killer and Spacetro were enemies; I was Spacetro, and they were Hunter Killer. I knew it was already too late, but I had arbitrarily decided that at least the last person shouldn't be dragged into this.
I was lost in thought, and just as I realized I didn't know what to say, I noticed she had been standing there in silence for a while after speaking.
I belatedly looked up at Green, but her trembling eyes were already fixed on the ground.
“...I’m sorry.”
The nervousness was gone from her voice. In its place was a heavy weight that far surpassed mere anxiety.
“No, there’s nothing to be sorry about...”
“I’m sorry for saying something so pointless. I...”
A brief silence. The fact that I hadn't answered and had just stared at her with a bewildered expression after hearing her words had deeply shaken her heart.
I had to say something. But what? That I liked her too?
Even though my first thought upon hearing her was 'Why?', saying that now, without having sorted out my own thoughts, wouldn't be an act of the heart—it would just be pity.
One should never treat another’s sincerity with pity. There was no pity in the process of me meeting the four women, including Su-ah. I might have felt a momentary flash of it, but there was no pity in my resolve to take responsibility for my actions.
“I’ll be going now...”
“Eunha!”
I hurriedly called out to her as she turned and ran, but Green didn't look back as she rushed toward her home. If it had been anyone else, I would have chased after them. But because it was Green—someone I had never considered in this way—I didn't know how to move.
*
I had received the support of my teammates and gained the confidence that it was okay to convey my feelings after making up my mind. Because of that, I hadn't realized my confidence was excessive.
Oppa is an amazing person. He met with me every time we ran into each other at the park, talked with me, and reached out to save me when I was in a desperate situation.
I fell for him. It felt like a ray of light appearing to me when I had no hope, like morning sunlight entering a dark room. It made me feel like I had become a slightly special person.
I had forgotten. And seeing Oppa’s bewildered expression after hearing my words brought me back to reality. The special person isn't me; it’s Oppa. The reason he helped me wasn't because I was special, but because he is a kind and good person. I just happened to be there by chance.
I had forgotten that obvious truth.
The moment our eyes met, I realized. It can't be me.
Oppa was flustered because I shared my feelings, and his thoughts must be complicated now. I confused the man who helped me with a warm heart.
I only cause trouble for others. I had forgotten that because of the members' support and Oppa’s kindness. And the thought that my move was not far off hurried me.
Since I won't be able to see him anymore once I move, and since there’s no reason for him to come all the way to a place far from his company just for me... I wanted to make things clear while I had the chance. I was so focused on my own feelings that I didn't think about Oppa, who had helped and cared for me, at all.
“Ugh, hic, sob!”
I came home and collapsed against the closed door. I felt so pathetic.
I hated myself for thinking I had become someone special just because of Oppa’s kindness.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry...”
It’s my fault. I ruined everything because I rushed myself.
Surely, things can never go back to the way they were. If only I could turn back time, I’d go back to before I gained that confidence. No, maybe it would be better to go back to before I ever met him.
Then Oppa wouldn't have to worry about me, and I wouldn't be a burden to him. Wouldn't it have been better if I had never been born? Then maybe my mom and dad would have lived happy lives too.
Everything is ruined because of me. I ruined everyone. I can't do anything without someone’s help. I am a worthless human being.
“Sob, ugh! Hic!”
I have to apologize. I leaned on Oppa’s kindness, liked him as I pleased, and made him uncomfortable.
Even if I move away and everything ends, I must apologize. But... will he even look at me?
It’ll be awkward to meet now; will I really be able to see him again to apologize?
If I can't turn back time, I just wish I could have one last chance to apologize.
Because now I know again. That I’m not special, that I’m just a nuisance, that it can't be me...
Being with Oppa made me feel good, made me smile, made me happy. And the moment I realized once again how powerless I am, it hurt so much, and I felt so sorry that someone as powerless as me was leaning on him.
“I’m sorry...”
Only the sound of sobbing and apologies to no one were leaving my mouth.
It’s over now.
It’s okay. A light that was briefly bright is just turning off again.
Things are just going back to the way they were.
“Eunha.”
At the sound of the voice outside the door, I lifted my head from my knees.
I stood up and took a step back at the familiar voice, staring blankly at the firmly closed door, wondering if I was hearing things.
“It’s me. A. Are you inside?”
Why? Why did he come?
I made him so uncomfortable.
Even though I felt I had realized the truth about myself again, just hearing Oppa’s voice beyond the door made me feel happy, while at the same time, anxiety took root.
What if he’s angry? What if he curses at me? What if he hits me?
I know Oppa isn't that kind of person. But if that situation were to happen, I would just stand there, listen to the insults, and take the beating without resisting. Then maybe his anger would subside a little.
I’ll accept it all. Because it’s my fault.
“Yes...”
“Can I see you for a moment?”
When I answered with a trembling voice, I heard Oppa’s voice again.
This might be the last time. No matter what happens, I must apologize properly.
With that resolve, I reached for the doorknob with a shaking hand.