Chapter 88: Ambiguous (4)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 88: Ambiguous (4)
She had tried her best not to be conscious of it. To Yellow, the idea of romance was a distant story that had nothing to do with her, and she hadn't paid much mind when the other members bragged about their boyfriends.
But the moment she became the target of the conversation, her subconscious was no longer subconscious. The only man she could bring up in a conversation was A, and every time she mentioned anything related to him, the members focused all their attention on her.
As this situation repeated itself, Yellow couldn't help but become even more aware of A’s existence. Thoughts that had already moved beyond her control made her think of him even in her idle moments.
The day after their duel, following their return from the trip—Friday. She had headed to the arcade with a fluttering heart, but A didn't show up that day. She considered sending him a text, but fearing it would make her seem too conscious of him, she endured the weekend without reaching out.
Since it was a Monday with no scheduled meetings, Yellow finished her simple preparations and headed to the arcade. The Yellow who thought it didn't matter whether he showed up or not was gone.
Playing games with him was fun, and she couldn't forget the thrill of teaching him and watching him grow. She was well aware that her social skills weren't exactly smooth. That was why her meeting and connection with A were inevitably precious to her.
If her connection with A were to be severed now, there was no telling when, where, or how a new one might appear. She even began to think that A might be the first and last person to enjoy games with her without any ulterior motives.
One might think this was an extreme way of looking at things, but for Yellow, it was a vital issue. Having discovered games amidst a troubled family history, someone she could share that hobby with was invaluable.
But what about the people who had approached her to play games in the past? They were either people looking for something beyond the game or people who couldn't handle the way she spoke and left.
Of course, Yellow wasn't blameless in this process. She was clearly aware of her own faults. However, knowing one's flaws and completely fixing them are two very different things.
Moreover, just when she lacked the environment to even try to change, A had appeared before her. He responded to her rough way of speaking in kind, worked hard to learn the games, and became the first person Yellow could truly enjoy gaming with.
The feeling of having found a friend was gradually being transformed by her limited social circle and the teasing of her teammates. And it was changing in a very positive direction.
Yet, Yellow was confused. He was purely learning the game without harboring any romantic feelings for her. So, for her to be the first to harbor such feelings? She felt a sense of fear at experiencing these unfamiliar emotions, while simultaneously feeling as if she were doing something she shouldn't.
She tried to clear the stray thoughts sprouting in her mind, but on Monday morning, she ran into him.
A, who usually played with persistence and never lost confidence despite losing every time, had an expression full of unprecedented worry.
Was he simply not in the mood for the arcade? Or did he have something to say? Thinking this, Yellow granted A's request to play games at home today and went to his place with him.
He still wore that troubled expression. His gaze, which seemed unsure of how to even look at Yellow, remained fixed on the floor rather than her, and seeing him like that, Yellow couldn't help but be concerned.
"Is something wrong?"
The answer she got from that single, worried question was that he had witnessed the actions of certain Superhumans who committed violent acts and crimes.
Yellow felt her heart sink. Just as they had finally become friends, he was in a position to form a negative opinion of Superhumans, and she feared that view would affect the way he looked at her.
Even now, an insurmountable wall existed between Superhumans and ordinary people. The wall of discrimination and lack of communication was difficult to scale, and currently, very few in the world even tried. If that was the case—if it was a wall that couldn't be crossed anyway—wouldn't it be better to tell him clearly about Superhumans?
Yellow began to tell him the story of Superhumans. Why they appeared in the world, and why the radical elements within their ranks were being left alone.
"Maybe the day will come when I end up hating Superhumans."
It was a sentence that felt like a stab deep in her chest, but rather, those words revealed A's character and made her feel his unvarnished sincerity.
"But even if that day comes, I'll never hate you."
Yellow felt her heart race. They had become friends, and he told her he would never hate her. She knew that people could change. A day might come when A would be disappointed in her or grow to dislike her because of her actions. But that wasn't right now; for the present A, Yellow was someone he had no reason to hate.
"The game started, you crazy bastard!"
If so, was there a chance they could become closer, just as the members said? If that happened, wouldn't they be able to spend more time together enjoying the same hobby?
Her face flushed as if her brain were overheating. Yellow let out a loud shout for no reason, kicked him in the side to knock him onto the sofa, and turned her gaze toward the TV. She felt like she couldn't look at his face right now.
*
After being kicked in the side by Su-ah, we played games together. Not everything was resolved, but playing with her with a much lighter heart and losing repeatedly caused the complex thoughts dominating my mind to gradually fade.
In the end, we spent the whole day playing until the sun went down and ate delivery food for dinner.
"I didn't manage to win a single round in the end."
"How was playing other games for a change?"
"It was fun."
We didn't just stick to fighting games; we had a great time playing multiplayer games she hadn't been able to try before. Whenever I made a frustrating play, Su-ah would invariably hurl insults, but not wanting to lose to her rough words, I barked back with my own.
"…Are you coming tomorrow too?"
I hesitated for a moment, wondering what she meant by the subjectless question. Was she talking about the arcade?
"The arcade? It's a bit up in the air, but if you want me to come, I will."
"No, you dumbass!"
I thought she meant the arcade and said I'd come if she asked, but then I was suddenly called a dumbass. Was it not about the arcade?
Asking if I was coming tomorrow… She must be asking if I was coming to her house, not the arcade.
I thought I'd grown used to visiting her place after several times, but Su-ah wouldn't meet my eyes after asking the question, as if something was awkward.
"Ah, I'll come. But is it okay to just play at home without going to the arcade?"
"It doesn't matter. I can play games at home too."
I thought Su-ah enjoyed playing at the arcade more than at home, but it seemed she didn't mind much. It was hot out anyway, and since traveling back and forth was exhausting, it was more comfortable for me to play at her place too.
Soon, she pulled out her smartphone and sent me a text. The message contained nothing but a four-digit number. Wondering what it was, I looked up at her.
"It's the passcode to the front door. I won't be here tomorrow morning, so just come in and play games or whatever."
"Is that okay? If you're not here in the morning, I could just come in the afternoon…"
I asked because I wasn't sure if it was okay to enter someone's house when they weren't there, but before I could even finish, she glared at me, and I blurted out, "Understood."
Just a thought, but did she think I would just go back if she wasn't home when I arrived early? If I reinterpreted the actions of this socially clumsy girl just a little, I felt like I knew her intention, but it was hard to be certain. Still, for now, it seemed she really wanted me to come over and play games together.
"Then, I'm heading out."
"Yeah."
I said goodbye to Su-ah, who saw me off at the door, and left her apartment. On my way home, I sent texts to Yura and Hayoung. They were surely still worried about me, so it was best to put their minds at ease.
I told them I'd give them the full story next time we met and sent a text saying I was fine for now, to which I received replies confirming they had indeed been worried. Being cared for by such kind people made me feel like I was enjoying a luxury far beyond my abilities.
*
The next morning. At the Hunter Killer headquarters, the meeting proceeded as usual. With all members attending and roles being distributed, the meeting went more smoothly, and afterward, they had their usual chat.
"……."
Yellow sat to one side, quietly listening to the conversation between Red, Pink, and Blue. Green was awkwardly sandwiched between the three, absorbing the storm of chatter.
Is it always like this?
Having only recently started attending meetings regularly, Yellow found it nothing short of fascinating to watch the members chat. They seemed to talk about similar things every time, yet the flow of conversation never broke.
To Yellow, who had no conversation topics because she only played games, it was simply amazing.
"Shall we wrap it up for today, then?"
"How about lunch?"
Following Red's declaration to finish, Pink suggested they eat lunch together, making Yellow hesitate. While she felt that having a meal together would be good now that she was communicating better with the members, she had also received a text from A an hour ago asking if it was okay to go inside since he had arrived at her place. She wanted to get home quickly and play games with him.
"Uh, I… have someone waiting for me…."
While debating which to choose, she opted to go to A first, since they had a prior engagement and he was waiting at her house. However, she trailed off, worried that her actions might look like she was distancing herself from the members.
But the members, who had gotten to know Yellow somewhat during the trip, told her it was fine. Then Pink, wearing a meaningful smile, stared intently at Yellow.
"W-What?"
Yellow felt instinctively intimidated by that gaze, which seemed to see right through her thoughts.
"Who is it?"
"Huh?"
She couldn't answer the question immediately. A was already on her mind because of what he’d said yesterday, and she felt like she wouldn't be able to handle the wave of thoughts if the members started teasing her about him being her boyfriend again.
And Yellow didn't realize that her brief moment of hesitation was actually fueling the members' "romance radars."
"That person you mentioned before?"
"A date?!"
"It's not a date. We're just going to play games at my place…."
Only after the words left her mouth did she realize she had said something she shouldn't have.
"Are you having an indoor date?"
"No, I told you we've played games at my house before."
She wanted to respond as if it were no big deal, but Yellow's words didn't reach the ears of Red and Pink, whose romance circuits were already switched on.
And after a barrage of persistent questions, it was Yellow who finally gave in.
"So you played games together all day yesterday, and you're doing it again today?"
"That's how it turned out."
"Where is he waiting? Nearby?"
"No, at my house."
They made a huge fuss at the mention of him waiting at her house. Green, who had thought Yellow wasn't the type to talk about such things, sat quietly in the back, listening intently.
"What? Is today the day, then?"
"As if that would happen!"
At Pink's comment, Yellow's face, which rarely changed color despite her shifting expressions, turned bright red. But Pink spoke to Yellow with a quite serious expression.
"For people like us, you never know when an opportunity will come. Think carefully. Do you like him? Or is he just okay?"
"…I don't dislike him."
"Don't be vague. Do you like him?"
The relationship between Yellow and Pink, who usually acted as if they wanted to tear each other apart, instantly shifted into one where Yellow was submissive to Pink's words. While Red thought about how much influence talk of romance could have, she also became curious about who the man was that had tamed the fierce Yellow.
Of course, she wasn't curious enough to actually want to see him. She didn't have time to meet someone else's man when she didn't even have enough time to laugh and chat with A while lying in bed watching TV.
Meanwhile, Yellow, dazed by the continuous questions, finally nodded at Pink's "Do you like him?" The emotions that had been complicated in her mind seemed to become clearer under the repeated questioning, eventually leading to the act of nodding.
However, Yellow, who still hadn't fully accepted her own thoughts, remained silent after nodding.
"I asked a bit forcefully, but the choice is yours, Yellow. And I'm serious about not knowing when an opportunity will come."
Pink, who had become happy every single day since starting her relationship, wanted to actively encourage Yellow to date if she had found someone she clicked with. But since the final choice regarding one's feelings belongs to the individual, she didn't say anything more and picked up her smartphone from the desk to leave.
"How… did you and your boyfriend start dating?"
At Yellow's unprecedentedly direct question, a smile played on Pink's lips. She cleared her throat once, then looked Yellow straight in the eye and spoke.
"We drank and then we slept together."
At the completely unfiltered answer, Yellow stared at her blankly.
"There are many ways. I can't give much advice since I've never had male friends either, but I don't think maintaining a friendship indefinitely is a very good idea."
She said it casually, but it was a significant piece of advice for Yellow, and she took the words to heart.
The members went off to eat together, ultimately making Yellow head home even though she said she’d go with them. Their sincerity, even more than her own, made her keep thinking of A waiting for her at home. On the subway back, she searched her smartphone for things related to friendships between men and women.
Being friends with A was good. But there were limits to a friendship. She realized that if A were to get a girlfriend in the near future—not some distant day—it would be difficult for him to remain her gaming friend.
Friendships between men and women are ambiguous by nature, and the end of an ambiguous relationship tends to be hollow.
Yellow wanted to preserve their fun and happy times for much longer.
If so, wouldn't it be better to just end this ambiguous relationship?
With that thought, Yellow arrived in front of her door. Even though she was entering her own home, she swallowed hard, feeling a surge of nerves.