Chapter 87: Ambiguous (3)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 87: Ambiguous (3)
I wasn't in a good mood. I thought I’d feel better soon, but the stray thoughts cluttering my head refused to leave.
My wounds healed quickly. They weren't deep enough to leave permanent scars in the first place, and since they didn't take long to recover from, most of the traces on my body vanished just by washing up.
Even after I finished showering, Yubin didn't ask me about what happened that day. I tried my best to act like my usual self, but it seemed I wasn't fooling her. In fact, seeing me act out of character probably made her hesitate to ask right away.
Seeing as I had come straight home despite clearly not being okay, she seemed to have decided to wait until I was ready to bring it up first. If I kept my mouth shut like this, she would eventually ask me directly, but for now, it was clear she didn't want to push me.
My original plan was to go to the arcade the very next day to see Su-ah. However, even when the next day came, the intrusive thoughts wouldn't go away.
The more I looked at Yubin, who refrained from asking why I had been beaten to a pulp, the more complicated my mind became. The cycle of tangled thoughts didn't break the following day either, so I did nothing and just stayed home.
The weekend began, and on Saturday, I went to the cafe for my part-time job. Yura seemed happy to see me after a week and immediately flew into my arms, but she tilted her head after reading my less-than-bright expression.
"Did something happen?"
"Yeah. A little."
I gave her a light kiss along with an answer that left room for the fact that it was difficult to talk about right now.
"If you're having a hard time, just tell me. I'll help you."
I felt comforted by Yura’s words—she seemed genuinely happy just to be with me after our kiss—and a small smile finally spread across my lips. Yet, the stray thoughts persisted.
I worked as usual and talked with Yura as usual. However, it didn't lead to drinks after work. I didn't feel like drinking right then, and Yura must have sensed it wasn't the right day for it either. She said her goodbyes in front of the cafe, and we headed to our respective homes.
The next day, Yura’s behavior didn't change much.
After finishing my Sunday shift, I headed to Hayoung’s place. Seeing her open the front door with a bright smile to welcome me made me feel better. But even as my mood lifted, those complicated thoughts crept back in.
"Are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine."
I had momentarily spaced out while eating. Seeing me sitting still like that, Hayoung asked in a worried voice, wondering if something was wrong. But I couldn't bring it up to Yubin, Yura, or Hayoung.
It wasn't because Yubin hadn't told me she was a Superhuman, or because Yura and Hayoung knew that I knew they were Superhumans. That wasn't the reason I couldn't speak.
It was because I considered my relationship with them to be close. That was exactly why I couldn't bring it up so easily. Even if I tried to hide Indigo’s identity and speak as indirectly as possible, I couldn't bring myself to dump the mess in my head onto them.
Was it because we were close? I didn't want to burden them.
They might not have seen it as a burden. But that’s how I felt.
Given my position in Spacetro, it wasn't an easy topic to broach anyway, but even if an opening appeared, I didn't want to do it right now.
Monday arrived. I felt like I’d just keep overthinking if I stayed home, so I went out to clear my head. Moving habitually without a thought, I found myself standing in front of the arcade by the time I snapped out of it.
Is Su-ah inside? With that thought, I walked down the arcade stairs, but Su-ah was nowhere to be seen on a Monday morning. Did she go to a meeting?
Since I’d come here out of habit, it wasn't a problem if I didn't see her. Besides, I didn't feel like I could say much even if we did meet.
Just as I stepped out of the arcade and was about to move on to somewhere else...
"A?"
I turned my head at the familiar voice from behind. Su-ah was standing there, holding an ionic drink and dressed in lighter clothes than before.
"Oh, hey."
"?"
I greeted her the moment our eyes met, but Su-ah didn't say anything; she just stared at me intently as she slowly approached.
"Why didn't you come on Friday?"
It’s normal to miss a day, but was it because we’d been gaming together every day lately? Su-ah point-blank asked why I hadn't shown up on Friday. Should I tell her something close to the truth? I wasn't sure. Still, I felt like I could talk about Superhuman-related things a bit more easily with Su-ah.
The reason... I didn't really know. It wasn't a feeling I could easily explain.
However, it was true that I felt I could manage to talk about the difficult stuff with her, even if only a little.
"......Can't we just play games at your place today?"
What came out of my mouth wasn't an answer, but a request to play at her house. Su-ah’s eyes searched mine for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on. Su-ah, who was quite tall for a woman, met my eyes just by slightly lifting her gaze, and I saw the tension in her eyes soften.
"Sure. Let's do that."
She readily agreed to my request. But why had Su-ah come to the arcade on a Monday morning instead of going to a meeting? Was there still something unresolved with her members? Or was everything settled, but she was just sticking to her usual routine for now?
"Want something to eat?"
"No. I'm not hungry right now."
I hadn't eaten properly all weekend because my mind was so cluttered. I’d had meals, but only enough to barely fill my stomach.
We headed to Su-ah’s place without buying anything. Her familiar home. We entered the vast penthouse, and I sat on the living room sofa.
Su-ah brought me a drink, and in the meantime, I turned on the console and placed the controller she usually used on the table. She reached for the controller without asking any questions, but soon her gaze shifted to me.
"Something's up, isn't it?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Obvious as hell."
It wasn't just "somewhat" obvious; apparently, it was glaringly apparent. Since I’d been acting like this, it made sense why Yubin, Yura, and Hayoung had asked me so worriedly.
I debated how to bring it up, but I didn't think more thinking would lead to clearer words, so I just said the first thing that came to mind.
"How is it, being a Superhuman?"
"Huh?"
I could see her flustered. It was understandable. She asked if something was wrong, and I suddenly started talking about her job.
"It's alright, I guess. Why?"
"The public perception of Superhumans is bad, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is."
"I think I've come to realize why."
The complicated thoughts that had plagued me all weekend were about why Superhumans who try their best have to be stigmatized because of those who don't.
I knew Superhumans were discriminated against. The members of Hunter Killer had also lived in a discriminatory environment, and I wanted to let them know they had no reason to be treated that way.
But after experiencing the actions of Indigo and his group firsthand, it really hit home that there are beings providing the very reasons why Superhumans are inevitably discriminated against.
I already knew from my research that there were Superhumans who committed violent acts. I thought it was just the influence of a small minority shown in the media, and subconsciously, I believed that influence wouldn't be that strong.
I was short-sighted. People believe what they see in the media and view the world through that lens. That is the role of the news. It informs people of what's happening in the world and shapes their thinking.
"Why? Did you get beaten up by a Superhuman somewhere?"
The fact that her casual remark hit the nail on the head made me feel uncomfortable. Was it right to tell Su-ah that I had actually been a victim of Superhuman violence?
"It's not that. I just... saw something like that."
There was no way I could tell her.
But just hearing that I'd seen it made Su-ah let out a deep sigh. She put down the controller and turned her gaze from the screen back to me. She wasn't looking at me with her usual fierce eyes, but with eyes full of concern.
"Are you hurt?"
Did she think I was at the scene?
"No. I'm not hurt."
"......You know there are Superhumans out there committing crimes, right?"
"Yeah. I know."
"Why do you think other Superhumans know about it but can't do anything?"
Thinking simply, I wondered if it was the fear of being branded a whistleblower. But considering Yura or Su-ah’s personalities, I didn't think that was it. Then why did they do nothing despite knowing?
"Because we've given up."
Su-ah spoke in a low voice as she watched me think in silence. Her voice seemed to carry the weight of the years she had lived as a Superhuman and the time she had spent active in Hunter Killer.
"Do you know how Superhumans were born?"
"No, I don't."
I had done various research on Superhumans, but I knew nothing about where or how they were born and came to appear before us. Even when I tried to gather information, I couldn't because the Earth Defense Union and Spacetro used information systems that were completely blocked off from each other.
"I don't think it's everyone, but at least ninety percent of Superhumans were born because of money."
What Su-ah said next was quite shocking. Shortly after the Spacetro invasion twenty years ago, DNA testing was conducted worldwide to find genes suitable for Superhumans. They paid couples who had those genes and conducted Superhuman experiments on their children.
I knew to some extent how humanity behaves when pushed to the brink of extinction while invading other planets. Crimes occur and immoral acts are committed by those who have lost their humanity.
However, Earth was the first planet I’d seen that conducted experiments on children who hadn't even reached puberty. Were there other cases like this? Usually, even in war, children are left alone. I couldn't understand experimenting on the children of one's own planet, not the enemy's, and then placing them in a discriminatory environment once they grew up.
"Me too, and the other members... we became Superhumans because of our parents' greed for money. And most Superhumans were born that way, only to be thrown into a world that discriminates against us."
Then where did the very first Superhumans go? They must have found the results that justified experimenting on pre-pubescent children from somewhere. And those subjects must have been the humans who became Superhumans in the early stages.
Since I couldn't reach a conclusion right now, I decided to focus on Su-ah’s words.
"Because of that, a lot of people went astray. Of course, I don't understand the actions of those who commit crimes. I know there are things you just shouldn't do, no matter what. And we're not doing great either, failing to come up with countermeasures. But..."
The confidence abruptly drained from Su-ah’s voice as she spoke to me, and her gaze dropped. Seeing her in an atmosphere so different from her usual high-spirited self, I swallowed hard and stared at her.
"After dealing with it for so long, we just gave up. On persuading the people who discriminate against Superhumans, and on correcting the Superhumans who commit crimes."
Su-ah is a good person. I didn't know it when I first met her, but as I got to know her and tried to understand her, I realized. Her words and actions are rough, but deep down, she cares for others and sometimes regrets her own clumsy behavior.
But if you keep facing people whose interests don't align, and no matter how hard you try, they never do, you're bound to give up. Understanding each other is essential to persuading and changing someone. However, there are those whose very nature makes it impossible to understand one another.
For Su-ah, those were the people who discriminated against Superhumans and the Superhumans who committed crimes.
"The story went a bit off-track. You said you saw a Superhuman hitting someone?"
"Yeah."
"To be honest, the first thought I had when I heard that wasn't worry for those people."
It was an expected response. If I took what Su-ah had just said and applied the information and experiences I’d gathered, there was no reason for a Superhuman to worry about people who had been discriminating against them.
"......Do you hate Superhumans now?"
My body froze at Su-ah’s question, which she had momentarily hesitated to ask.
Before I knew it, I had unconsciously started thinking of Su-ah as a strong person. Even though I had just thought about how she was someone who regretted her clumsy actions, I had stubbornly fixed the image of her being "strong" in my mind.
Su-ah also hated being hated for being a Superhuman. Isn't that obvious? Is there anyone in the world who likes being hated? Absolutely not. Even a criminal who has committed heinous acts doesn't enjoy being hated.
Even if she had given up on the crimes of other Superhumans, there was no way Su-ah—who fought Spacetro every week to protect the Earth—felt nothing about being hated.
And on the other hand, I felt I’d done the right thing by not bringing this up to Yubin, Yura, and Hayoung. Especially to Yubin, who had seen me in such a wreck; if I had told her it was because of a Superhuman, she would have been deeply shocked.
"No."
I told her in a firm voice. I felt glad I had brought this up to Su-ah. It might not have been easy for her to hear, but it was easier to talk to her than the other three, and just by speaking, my thoughts felt a bit more organized.
Clearly, nothing had been resolved yet.
Still, I had discovered the most fundamental reason why Superhumans who fight for the Earth are stigmatized. There are violent Superhumans, and there is no one to correct them. As that gradually built up, it turned into a hatred for all Superhumans.
However, I still didn't know which came first. Was it the discrimination against Superhumans, or the criminal acts of Superhumans?
The fact that I couldn't solve this right now remained unchanged. I didn't have the power to solve it either.
But a partial answer had emerged to the question of how I could make sure the Hunter Killer members weren't hated or discriminated against.
I can't stop people from hating or discriminating against them right now anyway. If that's the case, then for now, I just have to not hate or discriminate against them. And then, I can slowly find the answers one by one. It was a simple, trivial answer, and it felt like I’d taken a long detour to realize it, but just talking with Su-ah had relieved the anxiety that had been eating at me all weekend.
Even after hearing my firm "no," Su-ah still seemed somewhat uneasy. It probably didn't feel real to her. To Su-ah, I was just an ordinary person, and she must have seen many people leave after claiming they knew about Superhumans and wouldn't hate them.
"Maybe the day will come when I end up hating Superhumans."
This was the truth. Having just been subjected to one-sided violence by Indigo and his group, I couldn't say that the day would never come when I’d hate Superhumans. However, what I was saying to Su-ah was also sincere.
"But even if that day comes, I'll never hate you."
To me, Superhumans are residents of Earth, just like any other human. That’s why the day will never come when I look at her with discriminatory eyes. Even if the day comes when I hate Earthlings, the day will never come when I hate the current members of Hunter Killer.
"......"
Su-ah, who had been sitting still with a stunned expression after hearing my words, suddenly kicked me in the side, knocking me over on the sofa. She then grabbed the controller and turned her gaze to the TV.
"The game already started, you nutcase!"
"You could've left out the 'nutcase' part."
Was it because my heart felt lighter, or because I was seeing the usual Su-ah? A smile spread across my face.