Chapter 74: Hot and Warm Like the Sun (13)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 74: Hot and Warm Like the Sun (13)
To me, games were precious substitutes for friends. The first game I ever played was an open-world RPG where I could adventure through a vast land. I moved my character around, exploring every corner of that world, and every time I turned the game on, I was filled with excitement at the thought of seeing something new.
Starting with that first game in elementary school, I began to experience a wide variety of titles. I became fascinated by the fun they provided and the countless stories they held.
The reason I chose games was simple. I wanted friends.
The parents of a child who successfully underwent the Superhuman experiment received a massive amount of compensation. Our family had been poor before I became a Superhuman, but we began to find our footing thanks to that money. The business my parents started became a huge success, and our cramped house transformed into a mansion in the blink of an eye.
But that was where my parents' interest ended. I found out later that my Superhuman Manifestation—the point where the changes of being a Superhuman occur—happened much earlier than most. The first signs appeared when I was still in the early years of elementary school.
My parents were busy making money through their business, and left all alone, I failed to make friends even at school. As I spent more and more time by myself, I heard that other kids played games.
If I play games, maybe I can make friends? I started playing with that hope, but it didn't take long for me to face reality. It wasn't that a kid who played games could make friends; it was that kids who already had friends played games together.
In middle school, I played various online games. Boys took an interest in me, and I enjoyed talking about games with them. However, just because I hung out with boys, strange rumors started spreading among the girls, and those stories eventually reached the teachers' ears.
"Don't cause trouble. Just go to school quietly."
I couldn't remember how long it had been since my dad last spoke to me. As the strange rumors were distorted and grew larger, my parents were eventually summoned to the school. I thought I would be scolded, but I didn't feel bad about it. However, my parents didn't even bother to scold me.
After that, I distanced myself from the boys, and the girls who had spread the rumors naturally stayed away. Since I couldn't play online games with others anyway, I quit them and started playing games I could do alone.
I wanted to go to a high school a bit further away from my middle school. It was the first time I had ever brought up my future path to my parents, but they just told me to figure it out myself. That same day, they left for an overseas business trip.
They probably think I don't know that their business was only possible because of me. In my solitude, I thought to myself:
I'm the one who built all of this with my own body, so why is nothing being given to me?
To me, having spent over ten years alone, my parents weren't precious to me. I couldn't even remember the last time we had a proper conversation or shared a meal.
So, I decided to take back what was created because of me.
The moment I became an adult, I began my activities as a Superhuman and sued my parents through the Earth Defense Union Legal Department. The Legal Department seemed to find me a nuisance, but when I threatened to whistleblow about issues regarding Superhuman welfare to the public, they took my side.
After a long legal battle, I won. I received the house and a massive fortune from my parents and moved out. The legal fight should have dragged on longer, but my parents likely decided it was too much trouble to deal with me and chose to settle with money.
From then on, I was truly alone. I ate alone and played games alone. Since gaming was my only real hobby, I think I just kept playing. Eventually, I found my way to arcades and discovered that the fighting games I had practiced so hard at home were there too.
As I played, crowds would gather to watch, and slowly, people began to approach me. However, their goal wasn't friendship. There were bastards who openly asked me to go to a motel and others who tried to put their hands on me. Naturally, I twisted their wrists until they snapped.
Growing up alone, no one had ever corrected the way I spoke. But after people who approached me to play games told me my attitude was a problem, they never showed up in front of me again. Only later did I regret it, realizing I had lost potential friends, and I resolved to change.
Around that time, I joined Team Hunter Killer. Among the current members, Pink joined at the same time I did, and Blue was already there. Since Blue was rarely seen, I tried to get close to Pink, who was around my age, but I failed.
"I get everything else, but why do you have to talk like that, Unni?"
"What about the way I talk? You got a problem with it?"
"Yeah. You asking if I have a problem with it is exactly what the problem is."
Again, I regretted it too late. Having had no social experience between my first regret and this new opportunity, I ended up repeating the same mistake. I wanted to fix it, but I had no reference point or means to learn how.
At the arcade, there were still people who talked to me. To avoid making mistakes, I kept my words to a minimum, but occasionally, when I cursed while playing, everyone would burst out laughing as if they enjoyed it. Do they like this? I wondered, so I started cursing while I played. Once they found out I was a Superhuman, though, they vanished from the arcade.
When I went to Hunter Killer meetings during the day, I was often the only one there. Pink had started a part-time job and couldn't make it, and Blue was busy looking after her nephew, so I could count the number of times I saw her on one hand. I figured if even I didn't show up, the team wouldn't function.
Then Green joined, but that was during a period when I was skipping meetings to play games. By the time I finally showed up, Red had joined as a new member. He came in as the youngest of the team, and I tried to talk to him to get close, but Red avoided me. Even Green wouldn't give me a proper answer when I spoke to her. And this time, I had tried so hard to watch my mouth...
If this way didn't work and that way didn't work, I figured it was better not to try making friends at all.
And then, not long ago, I heard the news about Green.
We weren't exactly friends, but as a colleague I'd known for a long time, I felt pathetic for only just learning about her family situation. Green was busy with work for now, but I told myself I'd offer her some words of encouragement when she returned after a good rest. I didn't know if I was even capable of encouraging someone, but surely I could at least ask if she was okay.
Despite my poor attendance at meetings because of games, I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions and worrying over a member's tragic family history. I realized how contradictory I was, but it didn't matter. No one was going to care about me anyway.
When I went to the meeting, Green was sitting there. She probably hadn't even sorted through her feelings yet, so why did she push herself to come?
She was clearly still in a state of confusion. Participating like this could interfere with the duel, and Green might end up feeling responsible for that.
'Did you even consider how uncomfortable the other members would feel because you showed up before you were ready?'
Hearing Green insist on participating made me angry at the entire situation that forced a girl like her to go this far. Even though I knew it was wrong, my anger directed itself at Green, and by the time my reason returned, I was in the middle of an argument with Pink.
'Shall we talk for a bit after the meeting?'
I followed the smiling Red to a cafe in front of the headquarters. No one else was there; it was just the two of us sitting across from each other.
"It's been a while since we've talked like this, hasn't it?"
"It's not 'a while,' it's the first time."
The situation was unfamiliar, and Red didn't look entirely comfortable sitting across from me either. That was only natural. I was the bitch who had just caused that scene.
"How have you been lately?"
I thought he was going to lecture me about Green, but his sudden question about my well-being caught me off guard.
"Lately? Just playing games..."
I tried to continue, but when I actually thought about it, I did nothing but play games.
"Games, huh... I don't know much about them."
"It doesn't matter if you don't. So, what did you want to talk about?"
"......Are you worried about Green?"
I was speechless. If I said yes, my previous words didn't sound like someone who was worried. But if I said no, there were too many things about Green that actually did worry me.
"It's hard, isn't it? I felt a lot of emotions when I first heard about Green, too."
"......I was worried. We've been working together for three years, yet I had no idea."
"Right. But thinking about it, I don't think it could be helped. Knowing Green's personality, she wouldn't have told us no matter how much time passed. Let's just be glad things are being resolved now."
"Will Green be okay?"
"Let's believe she will be, and let's help her when she's in trouble and asks for it."
Red, who had been wary of everything around him at first, had somehow become a proper leader who looked after the team's atmosphere and thought about the future. I had thought Green was just a child who needed looking after, but she was much stronger than I realized.
Blue had moved out and become independent, and Pink had started contributing to Hunter Killer's work more than ever. I was the only one standing still.
"It would have been nice if you'd asked her if she was okay earlier."
I looked up at Red's words.
"Next time she comes to a meeting, ask her then."
"Got it."
I left the headquarters and headed straight for the arcade. I knew that regretting things late wouldn't change anything. Since I had lived my whole life regretting my actions, one more regret didn't feel like much.
And then, I met that guy.
I thought he was just another bastard trying to hit on me.
'Please teach me how to play.'
He was a crazy bastard who chased me down to ask for gaming lessons. I'd seen all sorts of types at the arcade, but this was a first.
I ignored him and went back the next day, and he actually showed up. We played together, and he was terrible. In all my years at the arcade, I'd seen many beginners, but he was the first one I'd call a total scrub.
Out of frustration, my words came out harsh as usual. I had a feeling the teaching period would be long, and my gut told me he'd vanish from the arcade soon because of my attitude.
But he came to the arcade with almost obsessive persistence to learn, even firing back at my sharp tongue while playing with eyes that were focused every single moment. Did he look for a teacher who would stick with him because he was so bad at it? If it was just about being consistent, I could do that. My methods might be a bit rough, but I couldn't let go of someone with this much passion.
He was a beginner who had approached me for help. I would never be the one to give up first.
And so, I suddenly had someone to play fighting games with—games I had ended up playing only through matchmaking for years. Even though my victories were one-sided, I enjoyed just sitting across from someone and playing.
I was thinking about how to talk to Green at the next meeting when I noticed Pink and Blue glancing at me every now and then. It seemed they were still angry about what happened. I figured it was best to delay talking to Green for a bit.
The next thought that popped into my head was, I want to go to the arcade. I wanted to teach him more soon. I wanted to show him the joy of the game by making him use more diverse combos and play more characters.
When we returned from the duel, Red suggested we eat together, but my mind was so focused on finding things to teach the beginner that I headed straight home. It wasn't until dawn that I realized Red had even offered a meal.
Even on the weekend, he came back having watched many videos besides the ones I told him to. He puts in the effort, but his skill doesn't improve.
That's okay. I wasn't good at games from the start either. If he keeps trying, his skill will surely improve, even if just a little.
Believing that, I wanted to teach him even more, but I didn't want to go to the arcade in the evening. That was the time when too many guys came to hit on me, and I had developed an instinctive aversion to it. So, I took him to my house.
I figured an ordinary man couldn't do anything to me physically anyway. I wasn't worried about that. I wondered if he'd feel uncomfortable, but he didn't seem to.
For the first time, I had someone to play games with at my house. And while we were introducing ourselves—something I hadn't even thought of while teaching him—I learned his name was A. Apparently, he was an office worker who had lived abroad.
......Could I really believe that I finally had a friend to enjoy games with?
My happiness didn't last long.
While playing, I reflexively snapped at something A said.
'You should look after the people around you. Like your Superhuman colleagues.'
I knew that. I wanted to look after them too, but whenever I tried to put it into action, my mind and body always seemed to work separately. Recently, listening to the members talk, I had learned about their individual circumstances.
They were all enduring difficult environments and working hard, and I wanted to look after them more than anyone.
You don't even know. You don't know anything about me, so don't you dare speak so carelessly.
'Just keep staying like that. Being harsh to others, hurting them, and being misunderstood.'
I was just running in place anyway. Being harsh to others, hurting them, and being misunderstood.
I couldn't complain about being misunderstood. It was my fault.
Because I knew I was in the wrong, it was even harder to listen to. Even though I hadn't done anything yet, the thought that I might hurt someone made it impossible to organize my thoughts on what to say.
"Get out."
If he stayed, I was definitely going to say something hurtful again. Wouldn't it be better to send A away before that happened? If I just ended the situation now and talked to him properly later...
The moment A left, I knew. It was over.
"Ha... You stupid bitch."
I felt so incredibly pathetic.
The friend I had finally made, the opportunity that had come my way, the kindness he had shown me—I had destroyed it all with my own hands.
I didn't go to the arcade the next day. I couldn't think of what to say if I ran into A. It was the first day in a long time that I hadn't played a single game all day.
In a daze, the trip was decided, and I returned home. Should I consider it a good thing that I didn't miss the chance the members gave me? Regardless, I was happy to be able to go with them.
......If. If by some miracle I got one more chance, I wanted to apologize to A.
I wanted to apologize for getting annoyed and angry just because I didn't want to hear him talk about my flaws.
He said he worked on weekends. Since we were going on the trip next week, tomorrow might be my last chance.
"Huh?"
"Ah..."
I had finished getting ready early in the morning and arrived at the arcade, only to run into A at the entrance. A seemed quite surprised and couldn't find the words to speak. I thought I had organized my thoughts, but I didn't know what to say first either.
"......Aren't you going in?"
"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I should."
An awkward air hung around us, but at his suggestion to go in, I followed him inside for now.
I have to apologize.
With that thought, I headed down the stairs.